Posted by
v_lanlan
16 yrs ago
Are there any quick way to seek a right partner? I'm a bit disappointed with the marriage services I went recently. The agency I went is too commerical and not professional at all. I'm 34 and going to turn 35 next year, desperate to find the right partner. Please HELP!
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Stini
16 yrs ago
Hey V
Same here, I'm 20sth and hv been single for a while, I'm out going and join a lot of activities, but I still cant find the right one. i think it's impossible to find the right one and better just letting it be, I am really tired to look for someone, i have tried a lot of time to look for my right man, someone I'm interested but they dont interested in me, I always attract someone i'm not interested in.
A married guy jumped to me b4, but of cos i wont take it. Recently i'm interested in someone at my office. But it's the office, so it would be hard to move forward. Now I stop to look for someone, I'm enjoying being single,. well, nth wrong with single. You can go wherever you want and do whatever you want. Just enjoy what you have now.
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Stini, I totally agreed with you.... we can go wherever we want, with heaps of freedom and especially, there is many gals like us.
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FKKC
16 yrs ago
If you are the serious type and always live up to your commitment...don't ever get marry unless you can keep your calm when your world come tumbling down but if you are so much in love and willing to take the risk and endure the hurt of him cheating on you after marriage, go right ahead!
I can tell you 99 percent of men cheat on their spouse no matter how. If you get the ones within the 1 percent - luck is on your side. Yes luck, it is not what you do or can do that makes the difference.
Very grey picture but that's the fact...one consulation...some men when unfaithful did not do it intentionally but were drawn into it without realizing and do not know how to pull away.
So if you are financially secure....don't rush to get into any serious relationships... meet more friends and enjoy yourselves until Mother Nature tells you it's time to settle...at least you have your field days to look back to!!!
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maxis
16 yrs ago
Too cynical FKKC,
99%! too high. Maybe 5 to 25%.
You want to avoid cheater? Can't for sure, but a few dangers are:
1. Western guy not much success back at home, low confidence. You build it up, then he gets more attention than he deserves....ai yah!
2. Guy who likes partying a fair bit (without you)
3. Guy whose male friends are all single, and they go out frequwntly together (without you)
4. Guy whose ego is so big and is condescending
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FKKC
16 yrs ago
Oh, 5-25 percent are those that got caught. You will be surprised how many men who seemingly are wonderful & devoted husbands had gone astray and even if somebody tell the wives that their better-halves have cheated on them, they will not believe. Appearance are deceiving - some men like to flirt opening, even in front of their wives and maybe nothing will come out of it but beware of those that seemed to be a gentleman & always talked of moral & act noble & proper. These hunt alone and even their close buddies are in the dark regarding these types' of behaviours so understandable more difficult to catch them in actions and these are the ones that make your world comes tumbling down when their deeds are revealed.
To be fair, some men do look nice & decent are in fact nice & decent men and some men who doesn't seemed to look nice & decent can also be nice & decent.
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maxis
16 yrs ago
FKKC,
"These hunt alone and even their close buddies are in the dark" sounds really quite scary for women (which I am not).
So what do you do? Put a tracking device on the guys?
Also, may be a single guy will play the field until the "goods" comes up, then they lose interest in the others? But ones who are systemic and devious - well yes I agree they are difficult to catch.
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Wow!! What a cynical view of men, women and marriage!! I have always been a firm believer of, "you get what you give". People sometimes rush into marriage and that is why they end up splitting, or maybe when the going gets tough, it is just easier to give up than to work and figure out the problem. We live in a society where if it is not the fairy tale marriage, then we must have married the wrong person. A marriage/relationship is hard work and there are going to be huge differences, because you and your significant other are two different people. You are dealing with different ways of handling and reacting to situations, different views in life, different family backgrounds and different ways of communicating. Cheating is a symptom of a break up, it is usually not the cause. If a man or woman looks elsewhere, it is because they are lacking something in their relationship, and because of our differences, some people communicate and some people just act. Both people in a relationship, if the relationship is based on a solid foundation should be able to talk to each other about their needs that are not being met. What I mean by a solid foundation is:
1. Both respect each other and your relationship.
2. Both have the same goals on what they want from their marriage/relationship.
3. Both enjoy each other's company.
4. You are each other's "best friend" and closest confidant.
5. Both want to change and grow together.
6. EMPATHY
7. TRUST
In response to FKKC, if there is cheating going on, there must be something lacking in the relationship. Instead of saying so many men cheat...people should dissect their relationship and see where the problem lies rather than quickly blaming men. I happen to know many expats that are happily married and have very fulfilling relationships, it's just a shame the one's we hear about are the ones that have gone wrong. Most of my friends have husbands that are devoted to their families and would never risk what they have for a shallow shag here and there. I guess we do not talk about these men because we never see them...they are too busy coming home to their wives and kids and enjoying their lives with the people that really count.
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there isn't a perfect match...
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When I say there isn't a perfect match, that doesn't mean you need to settle, it just means that you work on a relationship to get the best out of both persons involved...if there is a perfect match, then why are there disagreements?
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what's love? a lot of men would say "i love you', and have said to me before, i used to believe it, but now i don't. cos by the end of the day, relationships come and go~ that sounds so crude, but it's the truth.
and yes, i know there are a lot of married men who cheat - even the ones that look goody goody type and the wives would never ever suspect them cheating. so what does that say about men and relationships? sorry! guys~
once a friend told me, men tend to get into the relationships quicker than women, then when the woman is hooked, there would be a period of 'pinky clouds', then the men would look for a way out after the sex and all. so V, take it easy, don't look for one just for the sake of marriage.
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"you get what you give" I really disagree with this sentiment.
For example some people are innocents and are cheated on, how can this statement apply??????
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Stini
16 yrs ago
Hey v_lanlan
you see, many of them advise that there dont really have a perfect match and it will take a long time to find, someone will take their whole life but cant still find the perfect one. I'm afraid i will be like this.
For myself, I grown up in a single family,I'm not sure if it is the reason why i cant find a bf or might be just becos it is effecting me to choose a right man. and I do agree that as the clock ticking, I'm worrying it will hardly to find my right man.
But I live happy even without a bf, I do a lot of things, travel a lot with friends or family or travel alone. I'm mastering my degree as a part time study after work and I also learning Japanese. I do have some date, or even just look for fun once in a while. You should keep yourself busy then you wont spend a lot of time to think where is ur right man. You cant find any even you keep on thinking why, it will just upset urself. Why not just enjoying single, keep a smile on your face everyday, work hard. And, just remember, it's not only you are single in the world, there has many girl like us.
Cheer up!!
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To the OP....get over your desperation, the grass isn't always greener. Enjoy your single life and you will attract the "right" man. I had a gf who oozed desperation every time she met a man (even if she didn't fancy him) and she could never understand why they ran for the hills. You need to ask yourself, besides turning 35 next year, why do you want to get married so bad? If you think you just "should" then your "reason" is weak.
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Ha :) very funny~ how true :)
so just enjoy life, date without thinking too much about relationships, marriage and all. :)
we gals have to take care of ourselves. ;)
most important of all, have fun :)
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You appear to be going through a common phase in Western countries, where many women over 30 cant find a life partner.
The 2 common refrains
1) Eligible men are married
2) Eligible men are guy.
You cant do much about Reason number two, but in relation to reason number one, I have the following question?
Why did the eligible man marry another woman ?
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Maybe instead of focusing so much energy on "finding the right one"--how about focus a lot of energy on "becoming the right one." Live your life...pursue a hobby (and not frequenting the clubs every weekend "hunting" for that person or signing up for every dating service out there)...volunteer...serve people--if you put yourself in the right environment to meet the right type of guy, and that same guy is putting himself in the right environment--it's a lot healthier that way.
Having said that, HK is a hard place to find a good guy. Depending on what type of guy you're looking for. The Chinese men in the city (as well as many expats) are focused solely on career--until they hit about 40ish and then are in a panic to find a mate--they also have responsibilities to their parents--are under the cultural notion that they have to "have arrived" before they can pursue a serious marriage-type relationship (have the nice flat, nice car, good income...all the ducks in a row, so to speak). Also, I've heard from more than one local guy that Hong Kong women are demanding--they do expect a lot--they want to be "taken care of" after marriage--and so many men feel worthless in their eyes--as in "What could I possibly offer her?" That is why there is a huge trend for local men to marry Mainland women--a lot of those women (many who I know personally) are quite pleased that their husband is a butcher and they can live with his inlaws because at least she is living in HK.
A lot of Western men are in HK "livin' it up"--enjoying their single years and high-paying jobs with no responsibilities in style--the only relationships they are interested in are short-term, self-serving ones. Not exactly "husband material." So...have you thought of looking outside of HK?
Personally, I am married to a local HK guy--we met while volunteering with an international charity--neither of us was seeking a mate but two years after our first introduction we started dating, 1 1/2 years later we were married and 9 months later we were pregnant--now we have a 10-month-old son. And...we were in our earlyish, mid-20s when we got married! My husband works hard and things are not "easy" but honestly, we are much happier than if we had "figured it all out" before we decided to commit to one another.
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