Posted by
montana1
16 yrs ago
I'm currently at the end of my wits. My husband and I have been together for over 10 years, have two kids and normally don't have any huge problems in life. Recently we started falling out more and more and mostly over financial issues. I got my own company which is making good money. I can draw a decent salary and most cost like our rent, all insurances, school fees, utilities, holidays etc. is covered by the company. My husband pays the cost for our cars, some entertaining, the helper and part of the food bills. Nothing in relation to what is covered by the company. We haven't been on talkign terms for the past two days and he just called to blame me for all our 'problems' that we are currently having and that my company should cover all our bills. He frustrates the hell out of me because everytime we fight he comes up with the same stuff. He himself offered to cover those cost and now he blames me for not paying them. This can't be normal. Am I'm living on the wrong planet or is he having a midlife crisis? I'm so frustrated that I could pack my bags incl. the kids and just leave so he would finanlly realize what covering living expenses means and wake to real life. FYI, he makes good money and could easily afford to pay more.
Please support our advertisers:
From what you have written it sounds like you guys are having a communication problem. Sit down and really listen to his complaints (without interrupting) and try and figure out who should be paying for what and how. If you are both able to, put in the same amount of money and go half and half. I pay for all of our expenses and we invest my husband's income but both of us consider it our money. I honestly believe the vast majority of problems can be worked out by sitting down and really listening. Good Luck.
Please support our advertisers:
thanks guys for the comments. Had a long discussion last night. His opinion is that if the company is making good money why not let it cover all expenses. I believe that both of us should care for the family in an equal way depending on the income as we did until now. I covered some more through the company because profit is good. Round 2 coming up tonight. What really gets me going is that he proposed to cover certain expenses like cars, club memberships etc. even so I said I will do it and now he turns the situation around.
Please support our advertisers:
Hi montana,
What is surprising me is, why don't your husband and yourself approach living costs as a team?
I am in a very similar position - I own a business, my husband works for an external source on a good salary.
At the end of the day, my husband and I view all income as 'Ours', not "His" and "Mine". We draw down what we need to live, and save the rest. It is actually quite irrelevent when it comes to drawing the line of who pays for what. We're a team.
Please support our advertisers:
i agree with kim. ^^^^ my wife and i approach everything with pooled resources. it doesn't matter who the money comes from. we pool it at the end of the day and take out a monthly allowance that may or may not be equal depending on each's daily expenses. that way, no-one can take sole credit for "putting the kids through college" or "paying for the internet so I have priority in using the computer", or nobody gets the notion that he or she has more stake in the car because "my salary paid for it". My wife and I, we're a team too.
2 bodies become one flesh. pretty much sums it up for us.
Please support our advertisers:
I think this all boils down to how both of you view 'income'. Some keep it very clear cut - yours is yours and mine is mine - but others like to make equal contributions to a joint account. Whatever the case may be, it is a matter of sitting down and talking it over. If you don't think it's fair, then compromise and come to an agreement of what both of you view as 'fair'. My husband and I have seperate accounts, but he has given me a supplementary credit card to pay for all our child's expenses. This may sound weird to some but it works out for us. It's whatever works out for you that counts.
Please support our advertisers:
my gut feeling.... start checking his pockets.... internet use.... hire a private detective.... he has a woman on the side.. and is on his way out of your life.... sorry.... but seen it all before...... sucks eh ?
Please support our advertisers:
I'm with a lot of people above and wondering why you separate your contributions. I do think that when things get tough, people start counting how much they contributed and as Monsi says claim credit for the kids' schooling or assume "priority" over things because they paid for it. This is childish and hurtful to all involved. Some even want their money back!
While I understand that your case is slightly different, ie it's not "you" paying things out of your personal account but the company, I don't understand why this has even become an issue. Your company used to pay for everything until your busband started to want to contribute, right? Well, maybe he changed his mind and realised that you (both) could save more if the company paid for everything - which, frankly, makes sense to me if it's legal and no strain on the company. Unless it's complicated to go back to the way it was for accounting reasons or personal tax reasons?
If it is a problem, though, then you guys should rethink your contribution to the family's expenses. Perhaps your company can carry on paying rent etc, and you and hubby can put both your salaries into a joint account and stop bickering about who gets this lollipop and who got it last time.
Then you can make joint decisions about how to use your pocket money (it is pocket money if everything else is paid for by the company, innit?), perhaps invest/save some, but whatever you do, do it TOGETHER and for both your benefits and for your kids' future??
This who pays for what situation is clearly making you both unhappy and bitter.
I don't see how his change of mind means that he's getting ready to run off with someone, though, i really don't.
Please support our advertisers:
the whole issue is not about him getting ready to run or thinking about it. I guess the reason why we don;t have a joined account is that both of us have liabilities/payments to make that occured before we got to know each other. He has a daughter from a previous marriage he supports and both of us have mortgages for real estates to pay of and rents coming in. Of course some of you will say put it all in a big pot but actually it was me who said years ago that I prefer to keep it separate. Call it a crazy sense of independence but this is my first marriage/long term relationship and I have always cared for myself and never depended on anybody. It's hard to let this feeling go. We have talked about it a lot lately and he revised his earlier statement and now wants to keep on paying for 'his' part of the cost. Maybe he just wants to avoid any lenghty discussions. There are still lots of things to discuss but we are enroute to a solution I hope. Also, my husband hardly spends any money and saves quite a lot (we have joined investments). Whereas I, even so I save, I also like to spend money so I always would feel more comfortable keeping a part of my money separate.
Please support our advertisers:
I see, it makes more sense I suppose, still things could be dealt with in a simpler way in my view, but I'm not you :)
Glad to hear you've come to some agreement and hope you can communicate more positively next time. Let this be a test!
Take care!
Please support our advertisers:
Leave him! You are in charge of your own life now, and it sounds like he doesn't appreciate you any more; you two are stuck in a rut--the romance, the love, it's all out the window; you two are living together like a brother and sister.
The kids will survive the seperation and they LOVE you! Go get a new man, there are plenty around!
Please support our advertisers:
why dont you have a joint account (in addition to your own separate ones) and put certain amount in every month - the account will be used to cover ALL living expenses - just agree on amount each of you puts in every month. We did this before we moved to HK - I put in 40% my husband 60% as his salary is higher - worked very well...
Please support our advertisers:
MARRIED LIFE IS A VERY COMPLICATED MATTER. BUT I GUESS YOUR HUBBY SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN HE SETTLED DOWN WITH YOU, HE SHOULD TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THE FULL RESPONSIBILITY HE GOT INTO. HE SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST THE PRIDE OF BRINGING UP HIS FAMILY ON HIS OWN EFFORT WITH AN INITIATIVE HELP FROM YOU AND NOT OBLIGED YOU OF HOW FAR YOU CAN EXTEND SUPPORT ON HIM.REGARDLESS OF HOW HUGE YOUR COMPANY EARNS.ON THAT WAY HE CAN ONLY PROVES HE'S MAN ENOUGH AND THE RIGHT MAN ENOUGH THAT YOU CHOSED TO BE WITH.
Please support our advertisers:
P.S.
HAVING THE SAME PREDICAMENT! WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO NOW IS CUTTING SOME UNNECESSARY EXPENSES. ANYWAYS! JUST ALWAYS PRAY! IT HELPS EASE THE BURDEN!
Please support our advertisers:
Your husband seems to be upset because something seems unfair to his eyes... maybe he does not like the idea you are paying more than him, and does not feel like the man taking care of the whole family, sort of ego problem... so instead of appreciating and realising you are the one taking care of the biggest part (then he depends on you as you are paying for the rent), he prefers to blame you...
Please support our advertisers:
You must be logged in to be able to reply.
Login now
Copy Link
Facebook
Gmail
Mail