i am in a dilemma,please advise

I love a chinese girl.I am also an asian.Her education,job and standard of living is far below than me.still,since i am a humble man i love her.she also reciprocates almost in the same manner normally.But for silly reasons she keeps away in many occasions.behave like enemy.thats for few days only.then she herself come to me again saying sorry. but since such a situation is recurring i doubt whether i should proceed with or not. i dont want to take a curse from a poor girl also. so i am unable to take a decision.thats my dilemma. Please advise.

Thanks flashback

i also had the same feeling.thats why i am still with her.but how long? i always respected her irrespecive of she is coming from another background.

maybe she is getting not used to a cross cultural affair or maybe she is not mature enough for a relationship


sit down with her and tell her how you feel in the relationship, and ask her where your relationship stands.


hopefully you will know why she is acting the way she is.

thanks wiz bng

i am 35 and she is 23. i think there is a difference in wavelength.i several times asked her long before to look for a boy of her age.but she said she never see a nice man like me. i had intense discussions with her.after the discussion she said everything is ok. but subsequently she again behave indefferent. i also believe its the matter of maturity. but how long i adjust this? should i leave her in her own way and i go mine?

well, you are 35 and ready to settle down, but she is 23 and she might feel pressured to settle down so young.


is she a shanghainese girl? if yes - better read the thread about shanghai girls.


http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/marriage-relationships/threads/121473/girlfriend-inviting-men-home/


i think you should let her go and just stay friends because she is still exploring her life and her options while you are looking to get serious.



good luck. and read that thread!

well age doesnt matter.especially when you really love each other try to discuss to her what really you feel.in some reason communication still the way best way in relationship..good luck,,give her a big hug and tell to her you dont care who she is all you care is you love her


have a blessed relationship


bhelle

Thanks to all.

Wiz Bang

she is from a countryside.I read the thread you referred.i have no objection to leave her in her own way.i am a person who always take sacrefices.

but whenever there is a light rift,she comes to me first saying sorry.she is not well educated.so i think there is no point in thinking she is exploring.if she think so i believe it will be a wild imagination.


marimar

i also hope so. many occasions it is indeed the same. but i dont understand why in certain moments she behave indiffrently. human mind may not act as per any scientific laws.i think thats the only answer


flashback

its true that since i am a humourous man i used to tell her jokes and some of these jokes may be hurting her as those were about her weaknesses.but soon i tell her that these are only jokes and i expect just a tit for tat.what a life it will be if there is no jokes and laughs!

she has enough interest to further her education. and i told her i will help the finance or any other help required. but she could not take a firm decision and proceed.she is not optimisic in anything.what to do?


grill

i dont want to leave her bcos i love her. and i have an intention to help a poor girl too.but if she is not reciprocating in equal terms what can i do? thats my dilemma.later she should not think i left her simply bcos she is poor.

Can you share what she attract you ? This may help to give further advise.

I think your jokes may make her feel that if she is out with you in a group of people you know you will joke about her and she will feel unsafe or upset. Also money matters more than people think.


She may try to get away from going out with you as she is worried you will think you have to pay for every think and she does not want you for you money. I have done this before by mistake, I just not see what I was doing. Give her a hug tell her you want her there and she does not have to worry about money. You want her there because you love her. And STOP with the jokes about her past. She has to come to terms with that before she can laugh about it.

I was in a business trip for 3 days.So i could not see your comments.

Thanks to all.


eshare

i think my decision to like her was not an option of the brain but heart.she is pretty.That is the only positive point i see in her.We had occasion to mingle together.And she moved to me first.Idid not decline.Thats all.But i never thought its a mistake but just normal in life.


flashback

We used to tell jokes about each other.Initially,i felt, she also enjoyed those jokes.She could make out that those were only jokes.But since i do not see any other reason for her to bahave differerntly now i will examine this possibility while talking to her.Thanks for pointing out this eventhough i did not mention this in my introduction.


ian444

you also endorsed the views of flashback. AsI said above I will take an analytical approach based on your advice to find out whether she is sceptical about my love because of such jokes from me.


gill2008

I appreciate your observations,that too from your personal experience.But I always felt that if people are ready for give and takes and also for a little sacrefices such differences can be overcome.Moreover i also rose from a humble beginning.


I am not sure practically how much it is possible.But I am not a pessimist here.I think it is high time to take a final decision.


She has gone home and will be back during first week of december only.I will defenitely discuss with her on the strength of the valuable advices put forward by each and everyone.


I will surely update you.In the meantime further comments are welcome.