Back to black

Hi,thanks for reading my thread.It's quite long and complicated.I am very much in pain and hope to get some advice to release myself a bit.Thanks.


I met this boy,he was really gorgeous and sweet.We were totally connected therefore we spent three days together.Everything was so fantastic,we both thought it's like a dream or movie that we have never met someone like this before.Then he needed to leave for Europe.


Everything would be ended then if I didn't have any chance to go to his country.But the fact is that I need to go there almost every week.So we decided to meet again.


He told me that he has a relationship in his hometown for 5 years.She is a great person but the recent two years they seem develop to the different ways and the love to her has gone for a while,she is like the best friend or sister for him though.


He said he really wanted to be with me and he would go back to break with her.


After a week not seeing each other,we finally met again.Everything was so romantic and unforgettable.He told me how badly he missed me and obsessed with me and couldn't do anything else,and the next day he said the "L"word,I was so glad to hear that because he was like the prince I have ever dreamt about in my life.At that moment I so much wanted to cherish him and always be with him...


But the second time we met again he told me that he asked her to break up(but he didn't tell I was one of the reasons),and she cried a lot and wanted to try again,for her he was everything,so he didn't really insist because he was sad of her being sad. I also felt very sad for her so I didn't force him to do anything except refusing to make love to him.But then he said he didn't see her and tried not to contact with her,they just didn't have a real ending.He said she knew he was completely different but she just didn't want to break.


So I was trying to be patient.We had these happily three months together,were crazily in love.


Then his mother had her birthday party.He couldn't bring me home cuz she was like part of his family and his parents really love her,they were not happy about him being with me and thought we were moving too fast.He is still working on his master degree,his parents support him in everything...But he didn't want to go home,he just wanted to be with me.Then his mother was really upset.At the end I convinced him to go home,I didn't want him to fight with his family because of me.


So this time he really meant to break up with her and told her about me.She was really in pain.Since her parents were divorcing at that moment,I felt quite guilty so I told him to be there for her and help he whenever she is in need.


Then after a week,when we met again,he seemed really sad and when I kept asking him the reason he couldn't say a word except tear.I realized probably he will leave me.


Then he said that he still had feelings for her.She is really a nice person,doesn't do anything wrong,she does deserve a last try.Then no one could blame him anymore,he,she,and his parents.


He is really crazy about me,but this long distance kills him.Many times he was experiencing beautiful moments which he wished to share with me but I wasn't there.


Now he needs to focus on his study which is quite hard and needs lot of time and energy,but when I was there he couldn't focus at all even though I asked him to.


......


Then I let him go.I accepted his excuses.I had the most miserable days in my life though.


If we could be strong enough,everything would have been gone by now.


But sometimes when he was drunk he still messaged me he needs to see me and so on.Then several days ago,after we were apart for more than two months,I thought I was kinda of over him and wanted to give him back the ring,so we met again.But as soon as I saw his sad face and then slowly the tears,I was totally devastated again.


I figured I am still in love with him,so I asked him not to contact with me for a long while and I know he will cuz he always listens to what I say.But I got this sleepless night again and cried for all night and day.


I hate him in some way,and I know I should give him up completely because he gave me up.If he loves me that much like he said,he wouldn't have left me.But somewhat that sad face with tears couldn't get out of my mind and that always breaks my heart...

Dear gill2008,thank you so much for your advice and sharing your story,it's really encouraging.


You are so right that I need to stay away from him.



But what always kills me is that:I know very well that he is my dream,and I know I am still his,too.But I can do nothing about it except letting him go.This made me miserable and feel hopeless and heart breaking...


Guess I need time...

Dear flashback,


Thanks for your valuable advice.During those months not seeing each other,I always convinced myself that he doesn't love me enough,therefore I felt much better and thought I was over him,that's why I went to meet him for the last time.But then I was so shocked that he seemed lose lot of weight and looked detroyed.In the recent days I always woke up with that miserable face with tears...


Still,you are very right,I need to work on my own life instead of caring about his.