Does marriage matter?

We have been together for 5 years, going through many ups and downs. I've been feeling that I had hit the stage where I want to have some stability, setting down somewhere, raise a family along the way. But I can tell that he's not ready yet. I'm not asking him to give up whatever he's doing, I just need something more/else.


A lot of the times I also wonder, if two ppl dont love each other any more, you can get divorce if you are married; if you love each other, even you dont get married, you still stay together. So what's the point of getting married?


I'd like to separate my life into different stages. I guess I just entered the stage where I want a family, and he's a person that I could trust, and I believe that he will be able to take good care of me and the kids. I know I can't make him promise to spend the rest of his life with me, things change. I just think that we can try to have a family together.


What could I do to make this work?


Thanks in advance.

The term of being legal/being protected by law had never been in my consideration, I think through emotions more.


I heard that men are afraid of commitment because they think that they miss out something compare with their single friends. From the biological stand, monogamy is not in human's nature.


Whatever it is, I know that I cant wait much longer. If he doesn't want to do it, should I just give him up?

Mary J I think this is a question you can only answer yourself.


I think everyone has a different answer. The way I see it is that if he truely loves you and know how important marriage is to you. Then he'll definitely pop the question. But at the same time, you should really ask yourself, whether it's him you want or the "dream" and "comfort" of settling down with someone (or anyone).


After 5 years of relationship, I am pretty sure you must have discussed whether marriage is what you BOTH want.


Let face it, many of us grew up dreaming of our own wedding. The beautiful white gown w/ its long train....haha...


Anyway, best of luck w/ everything~~~ hope we'll hear some good news next year.

Yes, marriage does matter. It is an outward celebration and witness, before your friends and family, and maybe your priest/rabbi/minister, that you are committed to each other in perpetuity.


Most, maybe all, societies and cultures in the world maintain the institution of marriage.


Ask a kid from a single parent family whether or not he/she would like to have two parents, see what they say.


Ask kids in general to name the things that they worry about - usually the possibility of their parents separating is one of the most important fears they have.


If marriage is not important to your partner, find a new one. Unless, that is, marriage (i.e. faithfull commitment to one loved one) is not important to you.

Marriage means different things to different people due to many factors such as religeon, gender, upbringing, and plenty of others but let me give you my perspective.


My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years. After 3 years we were engaged and procrastinated so much with planning the actual wedding that we ended up deciding to give getting pregnant a shot 1st. We were married 11 months ago when our son was 10 months old and in all honesty it was just a small 'do' to get the paperwork in order for moving to Hong Kong. To us, we had planned to get married anyway but being married has changed nothing for us in regards to how we interact or how we feel for each other. I'll admit it is nice to refer to him as my husband rather than as my fiancé or my partner but other than that it's nothing more than a legal doccument we got so I could have residency.


We plan to have out propper 'wedding' as a party/reception for our 5 year anniversary of our wedding day as the 1st do was just a courthouse nuptual with luch for 8 friends afterwards and we'd like to have the big day with the party for our friends all the same!

-if anything it has added an issue...I haven't changed my name in my passport yet so my visa in HKand HKID are still in my maiden name...that's about the only sore spot that has been created by this!!

Mary J,


To answer your question based on experience. YES, marriage does matter. because there is a sense of ownership. Many times in the past i complain to my husband why i cant wear this when your sister can and the reasons go on and on. his reply would alway be 'they are not my wife, my sister is her husband's, its his discretion. you are mine and i dont want other people to see you like that or to see that.' it pisses me off but at the same time it feels good.


I guess its the feeling of security. no matter in the world i am, i know i belong to somebody not just by heart but legally. A person who willing bound himself with me through this complicated life. stuck through its beauty and ugliness...well given that he doesnt divorce you when the ugliness comes. But the important matter is NOW...is he willing to take that step now. Does he see you as his wife, somebody to grow old with...Then as yourself...'what are you waiting for?'


And about love, ive thought about that too before getting married. what happens if your not in love anymore. I dont think love is defined by the number of butterflies in your stomach. you should know better.

Is it just me, or is it kinda weird to think about divorce before marriage?

If just answer the title... i would say: No, i don't think marriage is very important, at least not as important as i thought it 10 years ago. HOWEVER, i want to tell you, if this man really loves/cares about you, he will ask you to marry him. no matter marriage is important to you or not. And if the man doesn't care, he will even pretend that he thought marriage is not important to you. Got it ? For this case, you can tell him directly that you want to get married and have family, no need to hide anything or worry about face. Then you will have a better idea where to go with this relationship. btw, you can not make a relationship work, it will work itself at the right time with the right person.

totally agree with kittyctc

why are u thinking about divorce before marriage?

i feel like the idea of marriage has been portrayed in such a negative light that it does not have the magic that it used to. People are always looking at the divorce rates when a person mentions marriage, or the notion of being tied down and losing the opportunity to be with more people, have gotten people to become hesitant to get married.

where is that spark that marriage once carried? to be able to be with the person that reciprocate the love and caring that you feel for them or to share the different experiences in life with the person that you love and care for. Is it really that bad?

Does marriage matter? Legally to have that certification, it really depends on your mentality. If that certification won't change the way you feel for that person and vice versa, then having a child without the legal formality shouldn't matter either. But if you feel that the certification would bring you security, talk to your partner about it. when you find that you're not on the same page, maybe it is time to move on or if that person is important enough to you, wait until the time is right.

what do you mean you can't wait? what's the rush? maybe that just means that you're not ready to head into the next stage yet cause your partner isnt ready.

sit down and plan it out together. it's not just your child. you're planning on SHARING the rest of your life with your partner and a child. don't be selfish and rush into something with you're not on the same page. It isn't fair to your partner and definitely wouldn't be fair to the child that you want to bring into this world.

I'm sorry but I wanna call bs on : if this man really loves/cares about you, he will ask you to marry him. no matter marriage is important to you or not. And if the man doesn't care, he will even pretend that he thought marriage is not important to you.


I know plenty of couples who are very happy, totally loving, have kids together and simply do not believe in the institution of marriage. They are non-religious, totally moral and upstanding and simply do not see the point of getting married. Does this mean that the man doesn't love his partner? Does this mean he has so little regard for the mother of his beautiful child that he would go on to have another kid? *SMH* I beg to differ.


Marriage, as someone else said, means different things to different people. Someone feels secure, another may like it when her husband tells her what to wear (this might mortify others), one might feel like in the future 50% will be hers, one may be fistpumping about the tax break, who cares! If you want marriage and YOU think its important in order to be a mother or a father or a part of society and that the acceptance is so important, then do it! But don't do it because you need to put your life into neat little categories and thats all.


Having a partner for life is just as good as any good marriage. Having a parent who picks up after the kids with you, thats important. Having someone who loves you just as much as you love them, if not more...thats important. Marriage? Its whatever you want it to be...some folks have open marriages (whatever the hell for! Why bother getting married) and some folks have monogamous life partners, which do you think is the better one? *shrug* Its a word, with a lot of different connotations and implications...but it appears you are getting clucky and I see no reason why you shouldn't first be discussing the "I want babies" issue before anything else. That one is more important coz its got a clock on it.

The plenty you know who are very happy totally loving, have kids together and simply do not believe in the institution of marriage, are those women been taken advantages and still appreciate their "luckiness"