Posted by
Kate71
16 yrs ago
Just laugh it off - but nicely... you have to work with this guy... you really don't want to go down the complaint route unless you really need to - and if he hasn't said/ done anything sexual then you don't need to
Please support our advertisers:
You said that he's interested with you but he hasn't said/done anything sexual..
Just wonder how do you know that he interested with you then.. asked you to go out for lunch or dinner?
Please support our advertisers:
ZU_RU, in that case I strongly agree with LGMV..
Please support our advertisers:
As Sad Sack says, change the subject.
If he persists tell him you don't like it. Be direct, but polite.Leave not room for doubt.
Reasons you could state include, you have no interest in dating a married man.
Or, you think that relationships between staff and bosses are a bad idea that can only end in disaster.
or both.
I know you don't like it, but it is not a sexual advance. He will probably loose interest after a few weeks.
If it continues to escalate, then consider further action.
Try to keep a sense of proportion. If he wasn't your boss, wasn't married, and you like him would you feel any different about this?
Please support our advertisers:
ZR_RU
I know you would not be to blame.
BUT
You could seriously damage both your careers. HK is a small town and word can get round.
You would be seen as a trouble maker, unfair but a hard fact. You would find little support from your co-workers if you actually did something. Your career would limited or be finished with that company.
If you caused him trouble at home, do you think his wife would see you as some kind of hero? I think not. You would be viewed in the same way as if something had happened.
I know you feel disgruntled, but if you constantly re-buff him and make it clear he will give up quickly. If he doesn't then leave. This is a status oriented culture, your boss would be protected by the establishment for small inappropriate behavious.
And lets face it, most of us have said or done something innapropriate, or broken protocol, in our careers.
Please support our advertisers:
ZU_RU,
You sound really immature. I mean, people can say how it's not fair that a women has to put up with this stuff in the office.. blah blah blah. Well, this is reality.
You are in Asia. You are a woman. You sound like you aren't hideous. Men *WILL* take a swing at you and make comments no matter what circumstances you are in. The reason I say that you sound immature is because at your age, you should be able to handle something like this. Have you ever had a boyfriend before? Never been to a club? There's gross guys all over the world and if I didn't know any better this sounds like your first encounter at the tender young age of 20something?
Taking it to HR would be suicide.. Do you really think HR will fire your boss, because he said you were attractive and touched your elbow, or asked you out one time? If I was HR, this situation would probably be the catalyst to find a reason to get rid of you. Heaven forbid if any real sexual harassment were to occur, you would probably have a nuclear meltdown.
I just think you need to grow up and deal with this like an adult. Reporting things to HR is a last resort and I deem it akin to being a tattletale in school. Speak with him, and just tell him the truth. The longer you let it go, the more and more he will think you are playing hard to get and giving him the green light. He sounds pretty oblivious.
Please support our advertisers:
I had a boss like that or should I say, worse? Used to work for a business magazine and our editor talks like a maniac. LOL
He would say things like.. Wow, you're sexy with that top! or You've a very pretty face... exotic beauty especially and we're brainstorming (which is normally is just the two of us).
And I would just casually say, Thanks :) I said to him, not all bosses have perfect vision like you do and laugh it off.
You should play it cool and show him that you don't encourage him nor you tolerate him to treat you like that.
Good luck
Please support our advertisers:
I know how it feels to have men I don't like shower attention on me, it's really unpleasant, disgusting even.
But I agree with elsdon that the op is being immature in her response to the issue. The boss never did do anything illegal so there's no case at all; going to HR will at the very least alarm other male senior executives who will view her as a trouble maker, which won't exactly help her career in the company.
And let's face it, all things considered, he isn't that horrid. If I were her, I would just tell him, calmly, should he ever propose a date of some sort again, that his behavior was making me very uncomfortable and I would like him to stop.
Please support our advertisers:
I think you should not report it for now, but document the incidents in a journal or diary of some sort. Just write down dates, times, place and what was said or any gestures made. Don't be emotional about it, just write the facts. Keep any emails or anything on hard copy if there is any. As others have said, it might be nothing more than flirty banter, but if it isn't, you'll have a record of what has been happening.
Meanwhile, keep your cool, next time he makes a comment or asks you out, just say no politely and change the subject back to work. Don't let it show that he's rattled you. Keep it up and eventually, he'll get tired of the game.
I don't think you should have to put up with his behaviour, but you don't need to commit career suicide either. Be smart about this and pick your battles.
As for what elsdon said, that because you're a woman, you're in Asia or just because you're not hideous, you should "expect" a guy to "have a swing". What BS! That's like blaming the victim or saying, "well, you should expect to get raped/harassed/molested because you're an attractive woman and wearing such and such an outfit."
I do agree however that it sounds like you need to toughen up a bit. But worse case scenario is, you may have to look at the option of getting another job.
Please support our advertisers:
Please support our advertisers:
I worked with Italians for a few years and at that time, ALL my bosses and his customers were delighted to see me around. Pretty, slim, helpful, smiling, capable........, I heard compliments almost everyday. I went out with some of them ALONE as well. Mind you, the italians kisses on the cheek and hugs. Body language is part of their culture.
I am a happy open minded person. They behaviour dont bother me. Surely they hope to get lucky with a pretty girl but if I am not interested it doesnt matter to them as well. Overall I get along with them well ( I also helped their wives too), I just work as usual, I dont take advantage of it and my colleaques in the office (expat or locals) respected me - I think people like you more when they see you capable of handling situation smoothly. The office is cheerful (oh, HR is under me too) and we managed a low staff turnover rate at that time.
For me this is no big deal. We joked on everything (including sex topics) and when I see anyone try to cross the limit, I just stop it with a laugh, such as "Hey wake up, dont dream at work!"
I am not giving advice to you, we are very different type of persons. I just wanted to share with you as a person taking things from a very diferent perspective and approach.
Good luck
Please support our advertisers:
Lol, Lloyd, you kill me, man, kill me!
Now, to OP - I think, as someone else said about her boss hitting on her, I would say, Chopper would tell ya to "Harden the *bleep* up" and just ignore it. With the current economic downturn...well, with any economic environment, anyone who thinks they are "indispensable" is seriously kidding themselves about their self worth.
Chin up, harden up, and just either open your mouth and tell your boss "I am sorry but this really makes me uncomfortable so could you please not make any comments about my appearance" what have you got to lose, right? As you are so "secure" with your job. Complaining on here doesnt solve your problems, its only informing a bunch of strangers about how you are "reactive" and avoiding being "proactive". Your boss is hitting on you coz he is "proactive"...how's about you tell him what you think by telling him off in the most polite manner out there.
Good luck!
Please support our advertisers:
Excellent then, I guess your problems are solved then. Good on ya!
Please support our advertisers:
You must be logged in to be able to reply.
Login now
Copy Link
Facebook
Gmail
Mail