Forced marriage?

I asked my bf to marry me recently. He was afraid to lose me so he said yes. We were friends for 5 yrs and dated 2 yrs. I'm 33 and he is 43. Our relationship has always been smooth, not much fighting but not much passion. Just calm and stable. I want to get married because I love him and I want to have kids soon. He has agreed to kids but just keeps saying its not the right time. Lately, I have had my doubts about the marriage. Why hasn't he ever proposed to me? Maybe I forced him into it? Maybe he will change his mind? Maybe he will meet someone else one day who he is crazy about? I don't want to end up in a divorce. Should I go ahead with this wedding? Thanks for the advice.

everything is possible. maybe he will meet someone else, maybe you guys will live happily ever after. if you think he is worth to try, why not?


however, speaking from guy's point of view, we wont propose if we dont want to get married. even if we did propose, doesnt mean we know what we are doing.....hahaha....but seriously.....


i think you need to find out if he loves you or not. whether he wants to start a family with you. if he doesnt or not sure, maybe you should postpone getting marriage until both of you are sure. marriage is not dating, it's a whole new ball game and believe me it is so much more difficult and confusing.


good luck finding the answer. only you and him have the answer to your question.

"He was afraid to lose me so he said yes." "I want to get married because I ...I want to have kids soon. He has agreed to kids but just keeps saying its not the right time."

Think deeply about these lines that you wrote. When you understand why you wrote these lines, you will have your answer.

marriage is not the issue. if you want a family and he doesn't, don't get married. check this and make sure you have truly made the decision together. maybe he has agreed to marriage but thinks he can get away without the family. leads to heartbreak and failed marriage for both you.

You are a brave woman! Just tell him in his face your concerns and give him the chance to respond. You would not regret because you have asked and be confirmed before you proceed. Any trouble after the marriage is a different issue.

Hi Cgirl,


1stly congrats on asking ur man to marry you. This is brave, and should be lauded and applauded. Congrats to u for gng out there and getting what you want.


I agree with Sensei. Think hard abt your situation, and your deepest fears..and listen to the inner voice in your head. 9 times out of 10 it is correct. It is trying to tell you things you are afraid of admitting out aloud.


I dont know your situation 100%, only u do. But my little bit of advice wld be:-


- if the timing is not right, has he said when it may be right, ? any indications? like timing, or when in the future. ? if there is an indication, then that is fair enough. If there is no indication, then you shld seriously reconsider...not bc you dont love him or he doesnt love you..but consider your ages..and his age for kids (thats impt cos if he waits any longer, he may find it hard to help with the kids (assuming u want more than 1), and will be too old to be running arnd w them.....

- also if he is 43 now, and doesnt have concrete plans abt settling down, perhaps he doesnt want kids..and is too afraid to tell u? and doesnt want to lose u for now..

- you have every right to ask him..and be honest with him.


good luck, and my other advice is..be honest with him, and speak to him...sit him down and talk..and ask him to be honest with you too.