Posted by
joliejolie
16 yrs ago
*sigh*
I'm bored and frustrated by guys who talks and talks.. saying I care for you, I love you, I'll marry you.. blahblahblah.. Not that I have any doubts in what they say, their actions just don't go with their words !! Why say it when it's not going to be put into actions? It'd only hurt credibility and relationships !! ... talks and talks and talks.. It's so boring !!
Need to meet someone different !!
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hi joliejolie,
i guess that's the typical 'guy'human nature....i recommend u to forget about it n dont take it too seriously...they can't help. they just like to work it this way....
usually when a guy is really getting serious they don't say thing but to show u the action that's all.
Good Luck.
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Thanks Carrot852,
You're right. Luck is what I need.
cheers,
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alk
16 yrs ago
hi joliejolie,
where do you meet these guys?
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Hi Alk,
I am not sure where to begin and how to avoid them!
(i.e. through friends, school/social events & gatherings, company functions, even churches... they are everywhere !!! ) I guess it's normal when you met someone they try to show they care for you as your friend ( However, whenever they ran into their acquaintances they try to put their arms around your shoulders like you're their trophy girl... Care about what I think? Of course not !! ).. telling me and telling me how much they love me but all they care is what they want, how they feel, how good they look in front of others... talking and talking about what great guys they are.. BORING and actually SICK !! ... Few dinners, few dates later, " I'd like to marry you someday.." Sure... ( I've been proposed 6 times ... and what does that mean?! ... so BS! )
What's up with that?!
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Wow... you seem to hv a lot of rage there.
So what exactly is it that you want?
Love is a very selfish thing... even if someone claims to be "selfless", it is in fact selfish. I.E., even though someone truly puts you in front of his needs, the roots are of selfish intents as by so doing the person feels better about himself, justifying his existence by doing all these "good things" for the person he loves. Kind of like philanthropists doing all these acts of kindness to feel better about themselves... or a depressive wanting to feel emotionally depressed. Maybe a lil' too cynical here, but you get the idea.
Your rant here just proves it, you are always just thinking about yourself and what good they do you, but not what you do for them. Just that your way of selfishness is a bit different from theirs, not pointing fingers here, it's perfectly normal. But if you are always picking on this and that and just thinking what they do for you and stuff then you probably don't have any feelings for these folks whatsoever.
But yeah I guess actions speak louder than words if you want to see if the person is a man of his words, after all talk is cheap. It's just lame to big talk all the time without putting words into action. We all know that guys talksh*t all the time just to get into girls' pants.
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Ah... got the quote I want here...
"I kind of see this all love as this, escape for two people who don't know how to be alone. People always talk about how love is this totally unselfish, giving thing, but if you think about it, there's nothing more selfish. " - Before Sunrise
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And about your "trophy girl" thing... yeh, guys actually do do that, it's just human nature, it has nothing to do with the guy genuinely caring about you or not... probably even more so if the guy genuinely does. Just look at the dogs pee-ing on lamp-posts. It's just male nature declaring his "turf", can't really help it. It is just in the male system, I guess us guys are just feeling insecure about ourselves and need some peace of mind, as after all, we are human too, we often hide behind our masks of arrogance and put-up confidence as we do feel weak and vulnerable sometimes.
Not trying to speak for men here, just trying to justify the male behaviour in general as you seem not to understand. Probably sounds a bit sexist to say this, but you don't see a dog caring about the feelings of his perceived "turf" when pee-ing on it, or asking the "turf" would it mind before doing so, certainly not something you see everyday. And yeh, by saying so, I do imply that in certain aspects us males aren't quite evolved and this is certainly one of them. The majority of males wanting to couple with as many females as possible is another classic example.
But then without this kind of "turf" perception, I am 100% certain that a male wouldn't put a woman's interest before himself, thus I said there is nothing more selfish than love. Only then would a male stick up for his woman (or you can say a dog protecting its turf), being all chivalrous and stuff and even prepared to die fighting for it. It's the male ego to defend its honour in such a way. A man would not do things or stick up for a woman if he doesn't perceive the woman to be his, nor is a reasonable to expect a man to do so.
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Thanks Fatkid,
I actually felt better having all these explained to me. I guess I felt betrayed having believed these men can be trusted.. (selected out of so many and being proposed to 6 time with 6 times the disappointment, imagine that?). I want someone dependable and compatible. Just that. "Spxxx is cheap, motherhood is expensive" to mirror what you've written; I imagine there is a bottom-line to female selfishness. I can believe with all of my heart that more than 80% of these men I've encountered are most likely to push me towards gun point and run the other way during a robbery (more than 50% of them are gonna pee their pants before they could run). Just where and how can I find a real man and avoid those cowards who even can't face their own shortcomings?
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Why should "sperm" be censored? LOL.
I guess it is just human nature.... Men to fertilise... and female to choose the most capable and dependent male to breed... nothing wrong with that I guess.
If a guy loves you enough, the man inside him would stand by you no matter what, no matter how cowardly he is. As I said, although it's "selfish" in it's very nature, when the time calls, a man sees a "higher purpose" in defending his spouse and family. Now don't be cynical here, there are people who actually does that even now.
You sure that of all people you've ever met, there is not a single one that stood by you when you are in need? If so... maybe there are really just not that into you.
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OUCH !
Well, if they have their diamond rings all ready and still not that into me then I really don't get it.
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O_O So you turned them all down? or what
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I just find it bizarre... few dinners, few dates, and u get proposed???
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if they have their diamond rings all ready, then they're not talks and talks and talks... those are actions!! and you said you have been proposed for 6 times, what are you talking about? what do you mean bored and frustrated? was it something wrong with you? i guess you just didn't meet the right guy yet. Relax ! few dates means nothing, don't get serious on the sweet talk. just enjoy.
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No just curious... LOL
There must be something about you that so many guys wanna marry! hahaha
I wonder why. Isn't marriage about commitment? It isn't just about the ring, u know. A man should be ready to put his wife before himself if he is to marry... Maybe it was right for you to turn them down if not so?
Besides, how can you decide you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone after a few dates? It's ridiculous.
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Don't get jealous Saralina. A ring on the finger for a lifetime mothering the irresponsible half: what's wrong indeed? It's easy enough just to buy a ring. One's behaviors and efforts put in a relationship is far more than a superficial display or an materialistic item can compensate. If you've found the right one, congrats and good luck !
Fatkid,
I completely agree !
My Hong Kong,
I admit. It was a bit exaggerated to say just a few dates as couple of the relationships did last a year. A couple of the bachelors actually possess characters that led me to believe they could be pleasant life partners. Eventually, I became disappointed with their lack of planning, broken promises, denial, pride, arrogance, and so forth, I had to send back two of the rings. The rest of the 6 just couldn't convince me.
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Come on, you sound jaded. Cheer up :)
I guess every other woman has the right to be jealous of someone being proposed by 6 different men (more yet, turning down all 6 of them! LOL)
Hmm... it really intrigued me for a moment why so many men want to marry you, haha, but I now I start to understand, that someone who can see beyond the surface (or that $$$ ring) is not easy to find nowadays... A curse to someone who actually got a brain, I guess?
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if you think anyone would got jealous because of that, sorry, there's no one because you are complaining you are bored and fraustrated, obviously you're not happy with the life like this.
It's you became disappointed after you learn about their lack of planning, broken promises and blah blah... who is perfect? are you? maybe you're, but perfect is just crazy, AND BORED ! OK, i shouldn't say that but isn't it if you really love someone you would accept some of the bad qualities and appreciate the good one. It's ok for you to find the right one, but if you want someone for real, try to be understanding, be patient. and relax. remember life is short.
You are giving a difficult life to yourself and the people around you. There must be a right one for you. like it or not. I'm done. Goodluck to you.
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Nobody is perfect, but there are grounds that ppl do not compromise on. There is nth wrong with being bored if that's what a person opts to be.
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Thanks Fatkid,
That's sweet. I know I'm not all that and it's why I started this thread; to comprehend so that I won't repeat the same mistakes. I'm thankful for your messages. I realized, there weren't mistakes at all. Each relationship has its beautiful moments. However short, perhaps not a lifetime, in those moments we shared happiness together. I just hope, there will be someone that could extend these moments and would build a sustainable future with me, so that I don't feel like I'm doing it all alone. You've made me realize that as though what I wanted hasn't happen today and that I'm still bored and frustrated, there are happiness that I could focus on, right in front of me. I'm sorry I sounded childish. I thank you for your understanding.
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um... that I don't understand. Why are you bored and frustrated?
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Repetition: same story, same (sad) ending..
It's always terribly sad and painful to have to admit a relationship doesn't work out and then, it comes the time to have to say goodbye.. I'm never good at goodbye(s). I'm terrified to never be able to see someone I care about ever again. Therefore, I'm frustrated, more than that I'm bored.
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Hmm... you sound terribly confused. It seems that you were the one getting disappointed and wanted out but you still claim that you care for and want to see that person, if so, why not try to work things out?
Are you worried that you are wasting your time and chance of being happily married seems to be becoming grim from your past experience and age? May I ask your age if you don't mind?
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Hi Fatkid,
I can see how it sounds confusing. If a person is not the right fit for a life partner, doesn't mean that he's not a good person worth caring about. Sometimes, even when friends betray each other, they remain best of friends for the rest of their lives. Somehow, when a relationship comes to an end, it is often too painful to keep the link; maybe even damaging to the next relationship. Sometimes, it just doesn't work out and goodbye is the only option. That's sad, isn't it?
I'm turning 26 this year so I'm not desperate, not for another 5-10 years at least. I just hate being apart of a repeating sad story and that I have to be the one to make the right decision. It's exhausting, frustrating, but that's life.
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Wow... You are only 25 and you've been proposed 6 times??? Gee...
Were those guys your age as well? I really find it hard to imagine that so many guys want to settle at your age... LOL... what have you got really that makes so many guys want to marry you?
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No offense, but you sound terribly jaded like a bitter old maid for someone your age... Perhaps you should try to focus on things that could make you feel happier and better about yourself :)
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I hope not. I was just trying to answer your question why I would feel frustrated, and I feel that being forced into the decision to end a relationship is frustrating (over and over again, it's frustrating). I don't know if age has anything to do with the outcomes (I've dated older guys, younger guys, guys of similar age.. and I'm not facing the desperation to settle down because of aging). I believed once that my high school sweet heart is going to deliver a fairytale ending until he cheated on me repeatedly. I was willing to build a loving family with an honest, hardworking person with a stable job and who loves children until I found out he couldn't handle any set-backs in life and lives in denial. I'm not sure what is it that I could do to avoid this or make a difference and that's why I started this conversation. I did thank you for making me realize I should focus on the happiness shared in a relationship, but I can't help to feel sad when it's time to say goodbye. I'm not heartless when I turn them down and I don't want to have to do it again.
I'm finished with this conversation as I've gotten my answer. Thanks all.
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My advice: life feels better when you don't put in too much hope in any things, especially on men.
Men are all the same, they feel good wining not just your body but your heart and in the meantime handling you an aritificial of theirs claiming they are real. I have given up since last year. Proposal, ring, meeting your parent/s and friend/s, declaring how in love he's ...etc. I was taken aback of how much efforts the beast would be taking on a plain jane just to get the egos high up. The Love, the promises, the care, the understanding, and all others seems so real that would be absolutely impossible for a lonely heart to see through.
If you ask me, I'll say that's enough for me to trust men ever again.
Hence, there's only a way that I find effective that save me from getting hurt. Perhaps you should try it.
Let these pigs keep playing their games just remember to keep your heart protect well with shield this time, don't let your weaken heart get any chance of being tampered again. Don't be too bother by whatever they say again. Love, Marry me...blah blah blah.... time will show you the true colour. You need to be extremely patience. Good Luck!
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oh yes, forgot this most important....be alert!
don't play along in his game. Just watch.
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Best advices ever!!
Thank you.
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I thot the thread was closed, how r u lately? :)
Um I wonder how being bitter and talking bad about men as a whole would help, it gets just far as men saying that all women r gold-digging bxtches.
Nothing comes from nothing... I can't understand why all women, especially in HK demand this and that and yet they never ask themselves what hv they ever done for their men? Talk about being fair... when all they want is just everything handed to them on a silver platter and taking them for granted. Pardon me, I am making generalizations as well. I hope no one finds it offensive :P
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ODS
16 yrs ago
because its easier to says those word then do anything in real life. same goes with people talk about how to expend their career , study etc ... all just talk.
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joliejolie,
i read with interest and bewilderment at this thread of yours.
"I became disappointed with their lack of planning, broken promises, denial, pride, arrogance, and so forth"...um, can i ask u wot age the guys who proposed to u are? in any case, if you can get a guy to be a planner, not break a promise, not deny, not hve pride..and so forth...then you might as well start dating girls. No offence. But seriously, these are traits of men. and thats why women love men so much. Cos as much as women try, they try to change men, and make him more responsible, make him a planner..etc. But in the end, it doesnt work. Take people for who they are. the good sides...and the bad sides...take it all. And SMILE.
Life is too short to be worried abt these little things that make you bored and frustrated. Think of the countless women..who dont even get ONE proposal. And you've had 6 !! thats something to celebrate and rejoice. Rejoice imperfections and life and people being NOT perfect. And breathe. And Smile.
And all will be better.
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it sounds like the one with the problem is you, not the 6 guys who proposed and others you may have been involved in. probably not something you are even aware of, or if you are, you can easily blame it on others in denial. good luck finding the right man, but you might want to take a look closer to home before you begin the search again.
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