Proposing Marriage to my HK Girlfriend



ORIGINAL POST
Posted by darkbob 16 yrs ago
Hi - I'm after some advice. I looking at proposing to my HK girlfriend some time Sept/Oct 2009. Here's where I stand at the minute:


1. Ring - Agressively hunting :)

2. Asking Permission from her father - No idea how, help!!!

3. Choosing a date to propose - No idea, from my research some dates are better than others. My GF won't care, but her family will (avoid 4's ???) - Help!!


If anyone could point me in the right direction for points 2 and 3, I'd be a very happy man. I've tried researching as much as I can, but I'm drawing a blank.


Thanks in advance!


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COMMENTS
tigerbay 16 yrs ago
Question 1.


Does your gf know you are thinking about engagement?

You do not make this clear. Sorry if it seems like a stupid question.


You need your gfs consent before you ask her father.

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ayuchan 16 yrs ago
Does your girlfriend want to get married ? and my next question is do you think she would like to get married soon? ( Becus in Hong Kong ppl. usually get married a little later in life than in the states or UK.


Anyways, you seem to be a great guy cus you are going through the very "old" and formal way for marriage. I think ask you propose to you GF first and then ask her father. This way she can help you. She should know her father better than anyone as all fathers are different even if they come from the same country.


As for a date to propose look at the CHINESE calandar, or a day that has meaning for her and you!


Good luck! and Best wishes!

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MS123 16 yrs ago
Congratulations!

For Q2/, just show your sincerity in real, her father would have no objection to your marriage.

For Q3/, if her family care about the date, why not just let her father choose it? It is also one way to show how you respect her & her family as well.

Good luck!

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dizzydog 16 yrs ago
for 2) agree with the others, propose to your g/f first and then tackle that one. for 3) no need to pick an "auspicious" date in the calendar to propose. i'm chinese and i've never heard of a need for that. the actual wedding date may be a different matter though. you can consult with your g/f and her family for that later.


fingers crossed!

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darkbob 16 yrs ago
Thanks everyone for your advice,


A little more detail :) We've talked a lot about marriage and family and we're both keen to get married fairly soon (hopefully in the next year). Enough hints have been dropped on my GF's side that if I don't propose soon, she'll be the one getting down on one knee and giving me the ring :) . My GF's family aren't heavy on the tradition, but I believe they (and their extended family) do have a great deal of respect for it - hence all these questions.


I'll get a chance to see her father around June time (He travels a lot), and thinking of asking him formally around then. I'm planning a nice holiday for my GF and I around September, so that will be when I plan on proposing. She's way smarter than me, so I think she'll have some idea what's going on, but I'd still like it to come as a nice little supprise, hence me sneaking on the internet asking all your advice.


On point 2) I'm not sure about actually asking her father - what should I say? Beyond the standard stuff, I wasn't sure if there is any particular things I should say, or reference (from a traditional perspective).


Sorry for the essay, and thanks!

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tigerbay 16 yrs ago
Remember that you do not need her fathers permission. But his approval would be good.

So perhaps you could say to her father something like 'I want to marry your Daughter, and it would be nice to have your blessing' This is a statement of intent, it is not requesting permission.


If also lets her father off the hook if he is not 100% happy, as he is not beeing asked to give his consent about something he may not want.


If you do ask permission and he says 'no', then what.


I think in the modern world, it is probably enough of a recognition of formality to inform her parents out your (you and her) intentions first, before telling the world you are engaged.

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evildeeds 16 yrs ago
When we did this years back it was a case of we wanted to get married so did! We kind of joked about the proposal and she just told her Dad she was getting engaged and married!


No auspicious dates for engagement, only the wedding. Very simple all in all, but depends on how modern and happy the parents are for their offspring.

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Susie_Q 16 yrs ago
Maybe you should get to know her father better, i.e. his hobbies, and who knows, maybe a box of fine green tea, or treat him to his favorite Dim sum restaurant will just make him laugh and approve you.

For the third, yes the above is right, auspicious date for proposing is not necessary; only engagement and wedding date will be the concerns.


& Good luck :)

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s1339 16 yrs ago
"She's way smarter than me, so I think she'll have some idea what's going on, but I'd still like it to come as a nice little supprise, hence me sneaking on the internet asking all your advice." -- Girls are very sensitive and can easily guess a surprise. If you want to surprise her big time, plan a special event after the holiday. She would certainly be surprised as she would be expecting during the trip and isn't prepared for something afterward. Yes, more effort needed for dating a smart girl. :D


As for her dad, do ask him for approval, like that he feels the respect and the "face". Face matters a lot in Chinese culture.


Good luck & congrat!

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sugarshane76 16 yrs ago
A friend of mine can help you with your ring - he does bespoke design and is very reasonable and has been in HK for a long time. his website is http://www.haywards.com.hk/ .

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rasbro 16 yrs ago
congratulations!

looking at the responses, so many people on this site are pessimistic...

i second the bespoke ring idea, i used Ellis Jewelers in Stanley. excellent service and excellent product.

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MsJones 16 yrs ago
Hey- I can help you. First of all, you need to get her ring size asap. Try to steal one of her rings for a day. They can be changed easily, though. Then I will take you to some of the jewellery manufacturers in Kowloon....these guys actually supply HK Island.

Eleanor. 6990-0880.


And as for a date, going to the Chinese Farmers Almanac is a very good idea....or ask a fortune teller....you need an auspicious date to ask her.

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Alumni 16 yrs ago
oh btw i'm sure you are aware of this but traditional chinese parents often expect a " gift " in terms of money handed from the groom.

This is just a heads up for you as it's usually a shock to the system especially when you're not expecting it.

The amount can range from as little as $10,000 all the way up to half the banquet bill.

It's a load of *#%@ but it's usually expected.

It is however negotiable. you'll have to discuss this with your GF.


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ladda 16 yrs ago
Snowboarding



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cwalsh 14 yrs ago
Hi - Def. do it the traditional way - even if the parents are not so traditional, it will always add romance to it all!


we've also used Haywards of Hong Kong. They did our engagement ring, wedding ring, my tennis bracelet, and have also reset quite a lot of my old jewellery (stuff that I was very lucky to inherit, but had no interest in wearing!) www.haywards.com.hk. The guy who designs and sources all of my stuff is David. Really helpful and seriously great service.

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cowleyp 14 yrs ago
Take 2 asprin, some hot dring and go to be and sleep it off. Hopefully you will wake up feeling better

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