Posted by
danreed
16 yrs ago
I'm a mid-twenties male from the UK& have been living in HK for 3 years, Ive been dating a local girl 2 years (she's in her early 30's), things are fine & we are in love however i'm starting to get itchy feet and am thinking about leaving HK for a year or so.
She's made it clear she doesn't want to come with me and wants to stay here. Not sure how things will turn out and she's really wanting to settle down and I'm worried I can't give her want she wants and will end up breaking her heart!
Am I wasting her time???
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You say she's said she doesn't want to go with you, but you also say she's really wanting to settle down. Does she mean she won't go with you unless you're married or does she mean she won't leave HK period? I'm thinking it's probably the former, that she wants you to be married or at least engaged before she'll consider moving with you. And I can't blame her, it's a huge risk for her to leave her home country, not to mention family and friends.
I think you need to ascertain which it is, and if you're not willing to marry her (move or no move) then you are wasting her time and should let her move on.
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If you told her outright what you want with her and what you can and cannot offer, then you haven't wasted her time. Not all relationships have to lead to marriage. Sometimes, it is the time that you get to spend with the one you love that matters and is truly precious. I don't call that sort of time a waste of time.
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If you are thinking of leaving HK for a year or so, this sounds like you may not come back. Or it is unlikley you will permananetly settle even if you do return.
Have you thought about that?
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niña
16 yrs ago
Well.
as above people said.
i geuss you should to know what she wants.love you or dont love you.
two people fall in love is not waste anyone time,
i hope you can have a nice finaly with her...
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niña
16 yrs ago
huh........
i guess so,she wanna have a family with you...
it;s very reasonable ...
then go to married...............
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Hmm, let me put it this way.
My current girlfriend of 5 years moved half way around the world to live with me. I could not at the time for various reasons but given the opportunity back then I would have. If you two can't decide on where you both want to be, (one has to compromise), then it's best you end it and move on.
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I heard HK is a great place to live, so why go back to UK? I'm German and and it's a pain to read the news there, everything is going down, I think HK is a great place to settle down.
It's like before WW2, where people went to America, but now we cannot go there, since America is the plague, so China is the place to escape to, until things get better in Europe. Btw, for June 2009, elections at the european parliament, it's possible to vote for the pirate party :-) so they might make things better a little bit ...
Moreover, I heard there's extremely good party and easy to find a girl in HK, so dating for 2 years is a good sign that you want to stay together with her.
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yeah its a great place to settle down..if u want to die in 10 years. The air pollution is so bad..Its worse than NY/Paris/L.A...I would NOT want to settle here. Dude, my advice is if you dont want to marry her, then dont. Enjoy what you two have and when the time comes, end it on mutual terms. If you care for her, dont think so much about the future. Enjoy her and queen her now until the time comes...
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x&y
16 yrs ago
D, friends of mine he had the same problem as yours. He chose to leave his gf because he cant see the future, too much responsibilities and dont want to settle down. But he was so empty after the break up. The critical moment was he realized she is the best. He brought her back. They are very sweet couple now, just engaged. The key question is: Do you want her in your life?
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thanks a lot for the words of advice, I guess that's the million dollar question I need to figure out the answer to, do I truely want to be here in this relationship? Guess I'm scared to loose her and scared to walk away in fear of thinking I could throw everything away, selfish I know but that's me being honest! Wish me luck
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x&y
16 yrs ago
D, your gf knows the situation. does she think you are wasting her time?
talk to her and find a solution together. that's both of your decision not only your decision.
good luck
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agree with x&y, i will appreciate my partner to face an issue with me together and try to work it out together. It is sincere and respectful. If after discussion there is really not a solution (not the right time, right place etc), at least both parties have tried and you may still be friends. Who knows, the roads may cross each other again in future.
It really hurts when you have a relationship and your partner do the thinking alone, take a unilateral decision to depart and announces it as final.
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You're wasting your time, not hers.
She is not getting any younger and so are you. she wants to settle down but that doesn't necessary mean to you. yes, you two have been together for 2 years.
'..we are in love..." could be. But not with each other, instead with the time spent together.
You want to leave HK for a year (..or so), she wouldn't come with you and wants to stay ... mate, i think you can could have solve your issue with this line.
You're young and she respect that fact, also the fact you want to go and travel.
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To Danreed, being a lady in 3x, my answer to your question is 100% sure u are wasting the time of a lady who love you and should deserve something better. Yr concern is not whether she will be hurted (as u knew the answer already), u only concern whether the telling should be made now or later or at last minute before u leaving her. Let you and her have a good life
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To Danreed, she wants to settle. But if you don't have the determination to make it happen and commit to it, don't marry her. Otherwise you will waste and ruin her LIFE.
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Sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place, if you sucumb to her wishes you might spend the rest of you rlife regretting it and that she held you back.
However i belive the best way to test your relationship is go and see what happens (When i was living in London I had a girfriend from Australia who went back after we had been seeing each other for six months, cut a long stroy short she is now my wife and we live in Singapore) if you miss her so much you can always go back, if not then it wasn't meant to be.
Unless you end up married your are always going to break her heart, thing is when do you do it, now or 3 years down the line?
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