Can I trust again?

Sounds like he is taking the mickey. drunk schmunk.

I would insist that he goes for the test to clean up his dirty act.

yes...seek counselling and ask him to make some promises to you..and that he shld keep them. If he breaks any of them, then you're out and ur taking the kids. Oh, and of course publically telling his work mates that he is a cheat.


that should keep him on the straight and narrow.

In my opinion once a cheat always a cheat ! I think do what you feel best for yourself and your children! Think if your going to be happy! and obviously you don't have any more trust in him ...so i think your relationship isn't gonna last too much longer! My heart goes out to you and I hope you can figure out what to do !

My advice is to take time off away from him somewhere and leave him to his own devices (14 days should be enough) but before you go tell him that divorce seems innevitable if he cannot mend his ways and start the process so he knows where he stands with you and where you stand regarding him and the kids. You can always stop the process if you feel itis right. If he wants you and really wants you he will make sure you know it if he is indifferent he will not make any moves at all.


During that break he will have time to reflect on what matters to him.


Then after your break see how YOU feel and how YOU want to proceed and just do it ................ if you dont seem to matter to him then dont worry you matter to your kids, if he wont acknowledge you dont worry your family will support you ........ it is really up to you and up to what you want.


You are in control of your life and of your kids ...... stay in that position - yes by all means listen to others - but first listen to your head your heart and your kids - then decide.


I was in your husbands position with my wife once, then twice, then once again and instead of my wife getting angry she asked me to fight to save our marriage and to change the hurt she was feeling into trust - when I realised what I could loose by my behaviour it showed me what I had to loose to save my marriage - I had to loose my so called drinking and stay out all night friends .... you are in pole position because if he wont change you will or you can all change together.


I hope he sees what it took a long time for me to see - beer and hookers are a temporary fix for the sad and lonely - a good wife and family are forever treasures made from love and trust .........


If you divorce then please dont use the kids as a tool to hurt him - they have a right to have an ongoing relationship with their father if they wish - it is not yours to take away ........... its theirs.


I am a lucky one - I am luickier than my wife because she let me stay - nothing can be worth more than being forgiven for your wrongs.

I can't believe some people already suggesting separation and divorce.

The fact is Mrs Hampton can not trust her husband 100%. So what!

A marriage is for family, happiness and life, not a leverage for punishment.

I understand the hurt and anger when encountering possibility of being cheated. But can't we learn to be a bigger person? Just because your spouse does things wrong, it doesn't mean you will punish him by destoying the family.

Who said life is easy? You don't like the way he acts, Change it! Make the rule of no late business night out. Not meeting clients at club won't kill his career. If it does, it is not a good job for keeping the family together anyway.

A chinese daying: do not pull oil on a fire.

Hi Hampton


I'm in exactly the same position. First time 2 yrs ago and we both worked very hard on our marriage, counselling etc. He's been at it again, someone else this time. Just found out. If you would like to PM me please do.


Boo1

Bastille, you give those of us cheated on some hope. Well, me anyway. Thank you.

Boo1


I still go out to see my friends but I go home at a reasonable hour, I never turn off my phone and yes I can see all around me the things that at one time were "just too tempting" but that old feeling just isn't there anymore ...... I am a married man not just with a ring on my finger but with a wife and daughter in my heart .... when i was faced with loosing them that was the shock that rocked my world, not the financially whammie that goes with divorce but the fact that I could loose something I really loved .... yes I joked with my old friends that if she divorced me then blah blah blah .... but when I saw how much she was hurt and yet she had been a perfect wife then I had to take a long hard soul search to find myself again .... later when I too felt the hurt that she was feeling it was then that I knew I had the best thing this world offers anyone - a family. It took her a long time to trust again "the subject of this thread" but now I know I can trust myself and that is a long way down the path for her in feeling that she can trust me again...... my advice to all of those who have been cheated upon is to let your husband know that you know what he is doing and that it is hurting you and crippling your trust and breaking down the relationship .......... once a cheat always a cheat ..... yes I agree but instead of cheating my family I cheat myself ........ I cheat temptation.

Bastille, I have pm'd you.


Boo1

Shouldn't Hampton also be tested for HIV and other things as well?

I don't think going for HIV test is required.


You have to ask yourself do you really want to wake up every morning for the rest of your life with unhealthy feelings towards him?


booking yourselves to see a doc would not do any different. first the section will end and he'll promise not to it again ... rah rah marriage save - NOT! - remember he made a promise to you before building a family with you. he broke it twice!


No, you can't trust him again. it was fair that you forgave him on the ex-girlfriend-email issue. 2 years down the road after that, you caught him with girl's text but excuse me, being drunk shouldn't be an excuse. Turn the table around if this was all you, he'll leave you right at the email issue.


Do the math, girl and be brave and wise.


*** all these massages are here to help you makeup your mind, we're not going to tell you what to do.

I have a similar problem and we are currently going marriage conseling. So many problems came up that I did not know about. It is good when you can talk it out.

I also learned that this cheating behavior can stem from some past emotions or experiences that need to be found and taken care of.


In the mean time, try to develop a more condusive atmosphere at home so your husband is more comfortable to open up to you. Try to stray away from the put downs and nagging which I am guilty of


If your husband has to go on a late business dinner, you go with him. Meet his business people and see what he does. Want to bet you come home before 12?


If your husband wants to change, let him tell you what he is willing to do to make the difference in your marriage.


Also, please take STD testing. I got hpv from my husband and cerivcal and viginal cancer also are caused by HPV but show up many years later. Please protect yourself if your husnand is not willing to do so


Most important of all, if you are a believer, ask God to take care of this for you. With my prayers, everything came out in the open.


I hope all works out for you.

You really are an unforgving lot on here.


He got drunk with a client and probably went to a KTV bar or some other bar.


Some girl gets her hooks into him when he is drunk and like a fool he exchanges numbers. The girl the agressively pursues him (typical bar girl behavior), and he hasn't even seen the cold (sober) light of day yet.


At this point there is no evidence of anything more than drunken stupidity.


So before opening fire with all weapons, or marching into Iraq with faulty intelligence, wait and ponder.