Hi!
I'm currently a 21 female studying at the United States. I'm a US Citizen.
I have a MAJOR problem! So last year I went to Hong Kong and I met this guy. Long story short we fell in love and have been dating ever since. Also I'm going to be studying in Hong Kong for one semester this year.
Here are some issues. Should I move to Hong Kong in future? The guy didn't go to college and I feel like in the future this will be a major concern. I know I shouldn't factor in money into the relationship but it is important for a guy to be able to support the family. (I'm not after his money) My parents already disapproved of us so I lied that we broke up.
I do see a long term thing with him but that will either result to one of us moving. What should I do? I am in love with this guy but this barrier between US and HK is taking a toll on me.
I'm so confused! HELP! Is there a future?
Please support our advertisers:
Perhaps you are mistaking infatuation for love. Give yourself some time to reflect. 21 has still many more life's experiences to take in.
Please support our advertisers:
I think there is way too much emphasis on institutionalized education in our world. My partner doesn't have his degree (I do) but is a successful businessman. It has made no difference on our relationship and it hasn't made a difference on how much money he makes.
There is plenty of time to make decisions. I would just try and relax and get deal with having a long distance relationship. Also, I think you should deal with your parents, instead of hiding things from them.
Please support our advertisers:
So funny, now a degree required for a relationship. Crazy. Common sense or logic or even intelligent discussion does not come with a degree. Some of the most idiotic people without an ounce of common sense, unable to hold an intelligent conversation and with the most outrageous logic are holders of masters! You can have every degree there is but without the upbringing and life experience you will always come across as an uneducated buffoon.
A relationship is about 2 people at a level they are both happy with. Education makes no difference to that. Personal ability, characteristics, shared interests and enjoying time with each other are the building blocks. Those who believe a degree makes a difference really have no real experience in life. I feel for them as their world is so small. The only problem as the OP mentioned is the career of this guy, can he kick it off, do something with his life?
And I agree with prone_to_wonder, most of the successful businessmen I know here actually do not have degrees, but they have displayed an intelligence and motivation that cannot be learned at school. So you need to think outside the box, not within a small world as described by other posters.
Please support our advertisers:
Ah, but this is Asia where the rules are different. It's all about face (see what I did there). Personally I would hammer home the point that a happy relationship can only be achieved with someone you actually like as a person irrespective of qualifications, bank balance, looks etc. The love and respect comes on the back of all of this.
Please support our advertisers:
iwilltry - your problem is you confuse "education" with "educated". The person you were with before would have been the same whether he had a degree or not! He would have failed at business regardless of whether he had a degree or not. This is how people are.
Unfortunately Asia itself relies too heavily on degrees, and to see the state of graduates nowadays it's frightening. No common sense, no logic, no social skills, no thinking for themselves, no creation - at least 3 years to train them to be able to do basic jobs and get them to add any benefit to a company. Crazy.
You had one bad experience and it seems it's shaped your world. However as you go through various experiences in life you will find yourself intellectually inferior to others who have no degrees and will not want to waste their time talking with you. It's how the world works! Look around, there are many high level people with no degree education.
Please support our advertisers:
Hoyo, my parents are of no help. They already disapprove of him without actually knowing him based on the fact that he has no educational background, no dining etiquette/manners, and his job (he teaches fitness). Despite all this he's willing to learn and I am teaching him. The bottom line is unless my boyfriend is rich my parents wouldn't approve of him. Yeah, I've gotten the "age and experience" thing numerous times.
prone, I am glad you found a successful person. But right now we're both in a state of oblivion since we're still young. I am assuming you met your husband when he was already successful.
iwilltry, when do you decide to leave? Wow 11 years! Why did you stay with him so long?
I am not criticizing his educational background. It's more or so my parents. He's an intelligent guy and picks up things quickly but he's lazy at times. One other thing is his english isn't that great and my chinese isn't that good either. But we manage to communicate somehow lol. I love him because he cares so much about me. Everyone from friends to family are telling me how I deserve a better person. Not to sound cocky but I am attractive and smart.
It's just I am not sure if I should go with Practical Love or True Love. Also if I continue this relationship I will have to move to Hong Kong someday, which means I am giving up my whole life here in the states. I am not sure if I am ready for that. I'm SCARED of compromising if in the end its going to bite me back.
Maybe I am just over processing my brain about what the future might hold. I am no crystal ball, but I can't help myself from analyzing future situations because I don't want to waste my time with a person if in the end we'll just split apart. Guess in the mean time I will go with the flow...
Thanks for all your responses! I appreciate all the insights!
Please support our advertisers:
MJ1
15 yrs ago
Move on now and don't waste any more time. There are too many challenges in this relationship for it to work.
Please support our advertisers:
From experience, personal and watching others.
I agree with Iwilltry.
Finding somebody who is our intellectual equal is reasonable important. As others have said, a degree isn't always an indicator of intellectual equal. There are many 'graduate calibre' people who did not go to college. But they are smart.
But as a basic metric, graduate Vs non-grad is a valid indicator. But not fool-proof.
Most of the people I get along with are grads. I have a few non-grad friends, but very few.
I myself am a different person having studied. I can now 'think more effectively' and am much less likely to spout dogma. I am no more intelligent than I was before, but I am much less ignorant (or better educated) than I used to be.
I need the same in a relationship of equals.
Please support our advertisers:
Have to agree with iwilltry.. we're socially acclimatized to having a husband smarter than the wife.. I think in my generation, it's slowly shifting the correlation to a more equal footing.. but relationships where the female is considerably smarter than the male.. I haven't seen work out well.. ever in my life.
Inevitably, said masochistic girl will subject herself to unnecessary amounts of abuse to try and save said young man from himself.. whether it be, poverty, substance abuse, etc.. A few years of this will go by and she will hit her threshold, and begin to have regrets.. I mean I'm sure you all know the end of this story.
Getting to the point. Have to agree with the general consensus here.. Assuming you both know what love is, and that you have much love for one another.. contrary to popular belief, love is NOT enough. You need to break this off and move on with your life before you invest more wasted time/emotion into this. There will always be somebody else.
Please support our advertisers:
"But as a basic metric, graduate Vs non-grad is a valid indicator. But not fool-proof."
Not necessarily, many years ago people could not afford high level education. Therefore only the elite could get in. Nowadays people who are barely able to write their own name are able to get degrees and it shows - a few of the posts above prove that.
"That's my view coz at the end of the day, most woman are housewives."
Now I understand your personality more! So what you need is not a degree holder but a master. I'm afraid I'm of the ilk of preferring independent women. My wife is not a housewife!
"I myself am a different person having studied. I can now 'think more effectively' and am much less likely to spout dogma. I am no more intelligent than I was before, but I am much less ignorant (or better educated) than I used to be."
Graduate is not a calibre, in fact it means so little nowadays. Education taught me nothing about life, in fact made no difference at all. I took my degree when they actually meant something! Experience taught me so much more and took me all over the world. When employing now I take experience over a degree anytime of the day - I get better, smarter and more intelligent people.
Do not confuse lazy bums for people without degrees. Crazy!
Please support our advertisers:
I wrote
"But as a basic metric, graduate Vs non-grad is a valid indicator. But not fool-proof."
Evildeeds wrote
"Not necessarily, ...."
What do you think "not fool-proof" means?
Please support our advertisers:
MJ1
15 yrs ago
Sunny, you say you are attractive and smart, then if this is in fact the case, the choice is easy. Move on, don't worry, you are bound to find some one better in the future.
No offense to the HK guy, but are you really willing to sacrifice your US life, family for a fitness trainer in HK? Come on now, you cannot be serious...
Please support our advertisers:
Hee Hee, totally agree MJ1. Serious case of infatuation with some biceps and triceps here.
Please support our advertisers:
iwilltry, your reading and comprehension of my English validates what I have written previously.
I am not supporting the relationship, far from it. I am however commenting on tiny minds that cannot see through their own prejudices. There is a difference between relationships for status and relationships for love.
As for my wife, she is more highly educated than me. However as a capable person I earn many times her salary.
Have I been in relationships where the person has not been to college? Of course and no issues at all, the right person with the intelligence and common sense can be found very easily. This is the reality that people here are failing to realise. Materialistic expectations will never make people happy in the long run. HK is the perfect example of that.
Please support our advertisers:
I can see why he's attracted to you. I had a similar experience years ago around your age. But I guess I had moved on, as I got older I found my expectations changed. You are still too young, sunnysunny11, to make a life decision based on one guy, whether he's rich or poor, young or old. Your life has just started, and opportunities are wide open. You should factor yourself in first.
Please support our advertisers:
Hello,
Thanks for everyone's responses.
I just wanted to say I never criticized him for not going to college... just to make it clear it was my parents.
I finally decided to break up with him a few days ago. I just hope at this point I don't cave in like the other times hoping he'll change. Right now time and location is not on my side.
It's extremely hard to give up a relationship. I know I'm going to miss him.... I hope I don't bump into him in Hong Kong. It's such a small place! Nevertheless, I am excited to spend 6 months there. I can't wait!
Queston, iwilltry why didn't you get out earlier instead of elongating the relationship for 11 years.
Please support our advertisers:
One of the great myths about men.
"I can change him"
We might modify our behaviour for a while, but not long term.
Please support our advertisers:
Does compromise really equal change?
I can give you a funny example, of a behavioral change.
My wife said she didn't like to see me drink too much.
Now she only sees half of what I drink.
Please support our advertisers:
You must be logged in to be able to reply.
Login now
Copy Link
Facebook
Gmail
Mail