Posted by
veebabe
15 yrs ago
A friend of mine (early 40's), never had a bf and never married went to a christian online site to meet a man from scandinavia. He said he had been divorced twice and have 3 children out of those relationships. He said he fell so in love with my friend online so he is coming to asia to be with my friend for as long as. He said that his ex lover and a daughter even is encouraging him to be with my friend.
He said he used to be an elder of a church but have recently resigned. But he looks so good to be bad and he never raised any kinky comments in the internet. My friend is so blinded in love, maybe 80%, she is.
Now pls tell me. Do you also smell something fishy, or is it just me being paranoid? I am not telling my friend anything bec i dont want her to sense my paranoia. But is something just not connecting here or am I the paranoid one?
Another question is, at late to early 40's if u want to meet a partner, is the internet the way to go? Are there no other options? I mean, i used to hear that online dating is only for the dateless and the desperate? how many percent true is that?
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" mean, i used to hear that online dating is only for the dateless and the desperate?"
I don't know in which century you live, but it's pretty common these days. my friend met her fiancee online and now they are getting married (both in their 30's).
I would say go for it, see how he is, keep expectations in check and if he turns out well, then go for it. the only thing i would watch out for, is to not make too many promises upfront until they have met, know each other, etc. - like any 'normal' relationship
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Yep hoyo, said it all right! I just felt sometimes maybe my friend is already going crazy in love with a person she havent even met. She have told her family she is gonna be married off soon and told me she and the guy have already talked about getting old together - but all in the name of the internet. Then even getting excited she is gonna be married and when I asked her when she said the guy havent proposed. Its so confusing.... ????
If love could make one like this, I do not want to be in love ever again.
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Falling in love with somebody you have never met lacks emotionally maturity/experience. Especially from a man who has been married twice. Red Flag One.
Church Elder who resigns? Why? Red Flag Two.
Church administrators, often (not always) weak men in positions of power. A bad recipe. Red Flag Three
A religious man who has divorced twice, this does not fit the pattern of religious types. Why? . Red Flag Four
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Dating on line - 100% smart thinking. Nothing wrong in this day and age.
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MJ1
15 yrs ago
Obviously your friend is very very desperate and not thinking clearly, if I was a chick, I wouldn't go anywhere near someone with that background.
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He said he resignd bec he wanted to do ministry work for street children in the philippines. and it keeps me thinking: (1) what has that got to do with resigning as an elder? (2) why didnt my friend see the red flag here?
actually, he was divorced once, had a live-in partner that didnt work out, had a few relationships that also didnt work out. And he had the nerve to tell my friend that on individual occassions, his wife and a gf went berserk over him in church. I think its going to be my friend's turn if she dont use her brains instead of her heart.
and then she told my friend that his live in partner, who is still in good relationship with him is encouraging him to "go get ur girl" and his daughter from that partnership is even encouraging him to fall in love. Its like everybody is encouraging things to happen even the live in partner and the daughter? I dont know if this is paranoia on my part thats why i am here.
But my friend said he is a true love bec he is nice and even showed her through videos his life in scandinavia, in real time. Fell in love with her over the internet and even plan how they will grow old together.
BUT, anyone can say and do that... now my paranoia again.. pls tell me.. am i paranoid or am i just plain right?
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Not paraniod, not necessarily right.
But rightly very skeptical.
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to add to the "RED FLAGS"
"He said he resigned bec he wanted to do ministry work for street children in the philippines." + church elder. ....ahem....He's not Garry Glitter, by any chance ? RED FLAG #5
"his live in partner, who is still in good relationship with him is encouraging him to "go get ur girl" Is the Partner Male or Female ? RED FLAG # 6
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Red flag #6: the guy told her that in seperate occassions, his ex wife and one of his gf went berserk over him. Hmmm.. what could this guy do to make women go berserk over him? or is he just saying he is a hot man? :)
Red flag #7: his own daughter teases him about falling in love (daughter from ex-live-in partner). Hmm.. i cannot encourage my biological dad to have another woman. maybe the culture in scandinavian countries? I also dont think so?
But well, the guy is with her now and it seems like these past 2-3 weeks, all went very well. Maybe we are just very paranoid.
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Definitely a NO for this man... married twice and what did he learn from his past marriage? He would date a woman who has no love experience before? what a pervert. I guess he just want to play a virgin. This kind of man should go to hell, yes he should resign. Maybe he was caught playing kids in church! That was definitely the biggest fat lie i have ever heard!
His ex-es encourage him to persue after his wife? No kidding! Then he must married some stupid no-brain women, who are not asking for child support! lol
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Alarm bells are ringing loudly for your friend. Tell her to be careful and she should visit him on his home ground before she lets him steal her heart. Things about cultural difference are not so obvious when you are in your own space. Remember unless you intend to live on a desert island culture plays a part in every relationship.
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I wonder why women need to get hit by a car to understand the dangers of sitting in the middle of a highway. It happens to men too, but in women is just overwhelming!
I will mark everything that is wrong with this guy from the first post:
1. "He said he had been divorced twice"
Many of you will get to my throat here, but someone who is in his 40s and divorced twice shows is not an "unlucky man" but someone with poor judgement of character.
2. "and have 3 children out of those relationships"
Unless he is very rich, he must be financially beyond damage
3. "He said he fell so in love with my friend online"
...if that happened after several months, I have no problem with that. If that happened after weeks, we have a problem.
4. "He said he used to be an elder of a church but have recently resigned"
You may want to check this out. Sounds very fishy.
5. "My friend is so blinded in love, maybe 80%, she is"
I guess she must know better, after all she has had so many relat....oh wait!
This is a tragedy waiting to happen.
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Online dating can work. I met my girl there when we lived in LA. Sexy, successful Stanford grad. Check my blog. Might prove useful to some.
http://hongkonghitch.wordpress.com/
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Yes internet dating can, and does, work.
But this, described by the OP, sets off too many alarm bells for most of those who have responded.
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