Posted by
beeMe
15 yrs ago
I have been really good friends with a guy, but I don't want us to remain as only "friends with benefits." Whenever I see him flirting with other women, I get terribly upset because he acts as if there is nothing between us – and there is. But I can't voice out my true feelings and tell him, "I don't want you to flirt with other women" because we're not having a relationship and I'm not his girlfriend. What should I do?
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tell him how you feel. if he tells you that he doesn't see you as a gf, then forget him and move on. if he tells you that he wants you as a gf then you need to trust him that his flirting doesn't go beyond flirting. There's flirting, then there's flirting with the intent to have sex. talk to him, ask him, tell him how you feel.
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beeMe
15 yrs ago
actually i had confessed to him.. and he's actually expat. He said it would be better to remain as how it is at the moment as he would be going back to his country soon. If he had to commit now, it would be difficult for me later. i wanted to be with him while he is here, but shall i proceed with this kinda relationship?i dont want him to think i am an easy person that would able to give in just like tht...
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He does not want to commit. He is enjoying what he has been enjoying.
It is clear that he does not see a future together. In other words it is unlikely you will hear from him after he returns home, except for freindly/sexy emails.
You must decide if you want to enjoy him while he is still here, or move on.
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lol tigerbay you are right; this is so obvious....i can't believe someone is even writing a message into a public forum...
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I agree with tigerbay opinion, this guy not into serious relationship. He got what he want, which is sex. Your story remind me of someone in my past, same character, always flirting and sleeping with the female who are willing to serve him. He just don't care about the look nor the background, as long as he get what he need. You will get hurt if you keep expecting serious relationship with this kind of person. Just move on, lots of good guys out there who are looking for serious relationship than sex relationship. Be happy and move on.. Good luck!
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beeMe
15 yrs ago
indianprincess, tigerbay, cookie09, ms goodwill...
thank you so much for all of your advice.. i should have know all this..and i had expected this would be the real answer.. i really hope that i can forget him soon.. cos i think i had been trying to convince myself that what i had faced now is not true... i had tried to make myself busy each day.. but i know i am in standby mode and expected so much that he would have call me and meet up with me.. it is really tough for me..hope i can get thru all this soon
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Dear beeMe,
I understand that it will be tough for your for trying to forget him and move on with your life. I read one wonderful book, one of the chapter teaching me that what we should do it's just quit fighting it. " Rather battling what you don't want, cultivate what you don't want. Meditate, pray, read uplifting books, keep supportive company, do all the things that make you happy, not make you busy. Fighting against something only gives it more power over our life... "
Take care.. and enjoy your weekend!
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beeMe
15 yrs ago
ms goodwill,
:)
being love is so great and than to love someone who doesnt actually have the same way back to us.. i think i really did a mistake in this relationship, i should have know that he is not ready for any commitment and i should not even put a single hope on it.. i had decided to stop communicating with him, but he insisted me to be the 'good fren' of him while waiting for him to go back, since he does not have anymore fren here..
i will try my very best to avoid this form of 'unhealthy relationship' to proceed further, at the same time, i would take ur advice to take my time, to do something for myself and make myself happy.. really great to have a the support/advice from people here, even tough we are a stranger to each other..
great weekends ahead to all .. especially to ms goodwill.. !
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hi beeme!
i know how u feel...been there! but the only thing u can do at the moment is try to step backwards. he's not into u as simple as that. he only wanted ur body and i think u deserve more than that. cheer up! this guy is not even worth thinkin about.
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To beeme,
I think you are a lovely girl while the man may not think in that way.
Even if he will stay in the conutry, settle down, do you think he will be with you?
Just some of my advice of being a woman, we should learn to love ourself. If you are in the standby mode, will a man be interested? if he said you are frd of him, and you still hope for, give in too much, waiting for him? its actually a turn off??
I love myself but i am not selfish to others. Just I dun give too much and i aprreciate interactive relationship. I dont scare to speak my mind. I love my life and have my hobbies, with or without HIM should be fine with me. right?
move onto the next one and establishing your own life, do not give all your life in one man. life is not like that.
cheers
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beeMe
15 yrs ago
qbbabe... i think i should know how it feels as u been there. rationally i know what to do, but just that i cant control my emotion. initially he did told me that he dont like it here in my country, but soon after that he told me that he wanted to stay here and to have his own business here.. i always play cool in the relationship, and i do not asked further on his planning here.. in my mind, i hope that he will be going off soon, it would be easier for me.
littlekitten... what u said is so true, i dont really like to make myself a standby mode for him.. and JUST HIM. but whenever he calls or msg me, i cant just reject him, i just dont want to miss the opportunity to be with him.i am now spending most of the time with my own programs, and there is some cases where he had requested me to forgo my own activites and to be with him. i am happy actually cos tht time, i had just ignored his request.. at least i had keep some dignity for myself. :)
as mentioned, life is just full with surprises.. and more for me to venture. i know it is easy when i tell it in rational way, i hope i can really do as what i said.. and wont think more than tht..
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beeMe:
hun, you've got your whole life ahead of you. do what's right for you and only you. good luck
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beeme,
that's exactly the point..it's so hard to resist the guy because u feel something but unless u step back and be firm with ur decision it will be easier and it's for ur own good. it happened to me and it hurt to the bits but would have been devastating if i didnt make the decision to let go. anyway, it's ur life sweetheart. we are just giving advice and the final sy is yours still. good luck!
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beeMe
15 yrs ago
with the pools of advice which direct to the same direction, i dont think it is a doubt for me anymore, and with the acts from him, i am sure he is not serious and ready for any kind of commitment. initially i was trying to convince myself tht it wasnt real and true,i think i would remain as a fren of him .. but there wont be any priviledge for him anymore.. i would not give any priority to his request and remain to improve myself rather to think of all this nonsense. i am just tired! thanks all for ur sharing and advice.. have a great day ahead u all..
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beeMe
i know it's tough to move on especially if you really like him;...just kno that the good times were good but they are over now...you can think of this person as dead and there's no way he's coming back. it helps coz then there's no more hope.
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beeMe
15 yrs ago
princessdd.. yes this the one of the way for me to forget someone.the last relationship that i had lasted for 7 yrs and just ended 2 yrs back cos the 3rd party and i wanted to commit suicide tht time, but when i think about it again, i thought the one tht i love so much oledi died and not in this world anymore.. and it does help me to aggressively move forward in my life, as we do not have any contact everysince.
for this, abit of different case, cos actually we would have time to still meet each other since we are in the same company.. and he would be back to his country soon as mentioned but later i found that he wanted to have some personal development here,which means he wanted to stay here. it is abit hard for me, cos i wanted him to go back soon,so my heart will die ASAP. pray he will be leaving soon... :)
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Beeme ...you are a friend with benefits, that is the way it started... if he wanted more he would have gone there already...move on and find someone to play with who can be there for you too!
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How can u like someone who treats you like that - dont be a fool - have more respect for yourself and tell him to bugger off ! Freinds with benefits is a rediculous notion
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SAMMS
15 yrs ago
dont be insane/ teenager who cant stand tos ee any one flirting/
common grow up / flirting is healthy to build a relationship
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If U tell him ur true feeling ,u will got two results.one is so happy that he does feeling to ur,the other is .....maybe u no longer be so close friend
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beeMe,
My heart is truly with you. I hope you are succeeding in staying away from him. I know it is very hard. Keep trying and it will happen if you persist. I truly feel our pain.
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YLR
15 yrs ago
A lot of women lower down themselves (in different ways) to hook up with a guy who is an expat. These expats are not fool, they smell it and take advantage of such women. They access where is your bottom line, and these women have no bottom line at all.
Seriously, I would rather spend time elevating myself and a lot now are not really a catch for me by my standard.
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i feel for you girl, been in that situation a few months ago. me and my guypal have the right chemistry but im gonna leave HK soon at that time, and him returning back to the U.S. i went to macau and he even visited me there. i was hoping that after we parted ways, he would communicate, but nahh, not a single email from him. It's been 4 mos now and all i got are replies of 2-3 sentences from my long emails. i blame myself for letting me fall for him. i should have drawn the line. but i am doin good now, i had a hard time moving on :)
its hard to move on esp if u two still see each other. u still have ur life ahead of u, and think of the good guys to come. i believe there are still out there, coz im also hoping to find one for myself too :) lol.
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beeMe
15 yrs ago
i think this mail, might disappointed to some of the people who advice me earlier on.. i had actually stop communicating with him 1 mth after i posted this.
BUT, a mth later when he called me, we just met up and ended up in bed. this relationship had last even till today, but there is something that bothered me recently, as i realised that the good fren of mine had the same feeling towards him. she admitted that she loves him and whenever we met up i cant stand on the touchy touchy stuff that being offered by my fren and it just in front of my eyes...
i tried to remain as a friend with benefits, but i just cant stand all the touchy stuff which happened in front of my eyes..
HELP ME!
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seriously agree with Hussar
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Beemee, i just ended a 4month FWB thingy. It was not easy & i was hoping that he would see me as more than that! I get disappointed everytime. This is very common in HKG and if you are looking for a meaningful relationship then you always hope that this guy maybe different. If you have a calloused heart and plenty of time then go for it. Otherwise, move on, run and start loving yourself!!!
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Good for you. This is only the first step to start loving yourself. Chin up.
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There is nothing wrong with FWB, provided that's what both of you want. It's really no different to a 'platonic' relationship - a half relationship for people who want that.
The problem is when one partner wants more - either a platonic relationship partner seeking sex, or a FWB relationship partner seeking emotional attachment.
People are rarely are up front with each other when they start relationships (not very romantic laying down ground rules and expectations) so things proceed naturally without a common understanding of expectations. Better communication early is the answer.
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Thanks Kevamicki. Yup, its only the first step but its a good start.
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