how to cure a heavy baggage

I think i got heavy emotional baggage its starting to make me not able to move on. I know its easy to say we all have to move on bec etc etc.. i have told myself that a million times and still, i just cent seem to move on this time!


I have dated, had relationships with men and through it all, i got heavy baggages. Didnt quite hit me but a year ago, and although i know i have to move on and make new friends/bf, still, i just hate it - hate to have a bf, hate to establish close relationships, just dont want to do any of it, when my mind sometimes tells me, yes, i have to move on, start making new friends and connection.


tell me.. how can i logically and effectively, take these baggages off? I wanted to see a shrink bec the baggage is of late causing me a lot opf pain... relationships that never had closure - i have a tendency to leave man out of anger, jealousy, etc. sometimes not even having proof, sometimes, just wanting to get away from couple problems.. i dont know.. but i do give up on them so easily.. seems like i never put a fight for them.


anyone have a suggestion? a shrink is one of my option.. just not available in shanghai.. so anyone can give light to my dim dim world? I want to take these baggage off me!

i think i got baggage bec i suddenly think that all relationships will just end up nowhere; i dont want to start another relationsip, although i think i should if i want to. but the pain i have caused is tellin me its gonna end up no where anyway.


i used to like to go out on a date, but after that last person i was with, and it didnt end well, bec i know i didnt put closure on the relationship (one day i just disappear not tellimg him why)...


i am so confused....

Veebabe,


At least you have acknowledged that "it may be" or "is you" that could be the problem within your relationships. As was pointed out in an earlier posting, you could be applying too much pressure on relationships through insecurity, jealousy or through being self centered ! (in my opinion, based on what you have written so far !)


Dont put too much pressure on yourself, if the relationship is over and there is no going back, shrug it off and move forward. Do something that will allow you to press the reset button, escape the past and do something that you will enjoy !


Suggestion: plan a holiday by yourself, something that YOU have always wanted to do - go to a secluded beach and swim naked, climb (or trek ! - its easier !) a mountain in Nepal / Europe - minimum two weeks, just doing what you want to do and do it by yourself ! (Bungee, Parachute, Paraglide, - whatever you want !) Go to a vineyard or wine region, sample the foods / wines, take a good book, chill out and be YOU ! - reset button will kick in automatically !


You just have to get out and do it first !

I think I sort of understand your problem. You have this sense of insecurity and paranoia all out of the blue and you like to contain this kind of emotion within yourself. It got so overwhelming that you started mixing it up with reality.


You have no faith in relationships due to past experience, and every little thing that doesn't go your way, you see it as a red flag, an overwhelming problem. Instead of solving it, you chose to run away. You do that so often that small problems snowballed into big ones till it gets to the PoNR. So you just walk off all the time, causing pain to yourself and also others.


You thought that when you run away from problems, you can leave the mess behind and others will clean it up for you, and you can enjoy your lil' clean slate with a fresh start. But no, you didn't realise that in fact you dragged the bubble of mess along with you, as you have acknowledged it now, YOU are the cause of the problem. Not blaming you here, but you have to identify the root of the problem to be able solve it. The attitude you carry - you see a tiny bit of flaw as a fatal one one - would get you nowhere. Cause it takes two to work together towards a solution, no matter what the problem is. The fact that you run away from them, nothing gets solved. It could well be some kind of miscommunication, that could be resolved with a bit of talking, but you chose to run away.


You chose to run away from your problems like a little kid, but in fact you are dragging all the problems along with you. As people say, "life always finds a way to catch up and bite you in the arse". There is no such thing as a "perfect" situation, it always takes the effort of two people to work around the imperfections, but the thing is you blame other people for such imperfections and fail to see that it is in fact your flaw. So I guess what goes around comes around, and there is karma after all, you feel guilty and jaded


You really need to grow up and start confronting your problems instead of running away. You can start by telling us what exactly went wrong last time.

I could be wrong but it sounds like you are depressed. You should consult somebody. Depression can also wrecik relationships.


With regards to relationships, one thing you could do is to stop trying. Let friendhsips develop or not develop when you meet people. Keeping friendships at a social level, not personal level, is very normal. And don't go looking for a bf or close relationships.