Help me understand men please?

I'd appreciate if someone can help me analyze this man behavior...


One day last year, I ran into this guy in my office building when he's searching coffee place and I was rushing off for home. He stopped me and wanted to chat, actually it's really non-sense chat but he seemed very into speaking Chinese (I’m Chinese). I knew this typical man trick for getting sex out of a girl, but I kind of thought he's entertaining, so we started dating. Things went well for one week before he made a mistake at work which led to his serious consideration of leaving china and changing career.


He seemed in much pain from work, expatriation, separation from old parents, etc... His parents came over visit him, then he stopped contacting me (note: we dated only for 2 weeks so far). And after one month, he's made decision to search a new job and leave china. Knowing he's leaving, I still saw him. He came to me a lot to talk out about job changes, we went to beijing games, and once celebrated my b-day. I didn’t really think about long term relationship with him, but his constant complaints about life in China pissed me off sometimes, accordingly, I showed some mood out. He said he's in mishap and anxiety, so he can't think about our future and he will understand if I don’t want to see him any more. In the course I actually tried to help him learn about different industries & hunt opportunities.


Well, such relationship lasted for one month. I confess I liked him and enjoyed his company, and I'm sure he liked me too but we both know we haven’t come to the stage of love. Gradually he stopped contacting me. I don’t know if he lost interest in me or he’s totally messed up in his job life. But It’s my rule to never contact a man again when he showed a sign of phase-out in my life.


Three months later he showed up again sms me that he's quitted his six-year job and about to leave china, he wanted to meet me before departure. I didn’t see his coz I was on business trip.


After he returned his country, he sent me greeting over Christmas, and kept sending emails once every two months, especially after knowing that I will study for MBA in his country.


Now I’m quite confused, in each of his email, he just made 2 or 3 lines, such as “how are you”, “I’m doing well”, “I’m enjoying meals”, blah blah … I replied with similar no-quality answers. I’m just curious why he still sent emails to me. I mean, there is no way we get back together, and he didn’t choose to get close to me when he could. I just think answering his emails is a waste of time and emotions – It hurts my feeling that he jumped out once in a while when I already forgot him.


Could anyone tell me why he’s doing this? Is it a typical men behavior? Is it just because he hasn’t found anyone else, or why?


Thanks a lot!

sounds weird but he might be missing China ;-)

the piorities for men and women are different


women: food -> sleep -> Love -> family/career/money

men:food -> sleep -> career -> love


i heard many male frds, they said no career no confidence and no love. whe he has problem with his job, in the country, his is off the ground with no solid foundation. relationhip sounds luxury. when he settle down with that and he is hunger for love, maybe he loves you after separation. men found that he loves someone after separation. for women, out of sight out of mind. but maybe he is lonely, hasnt meet any good one so he kind of missing you. thinking you maybe in his country studying MBA aybe good to see you again?


its easy to know when you see him during your study in the country. however, even he loves you and you two dating again, then will you stay in the country for him?? obviously he chose his career first and then is you...so at the end whats next??


hope this general comments by some of my male frds could help.

Men cannot really multi-task. If he has a problem with his career that is dominating his life, he would probably spend more time on this to sort it out. They like to complete a task before starting a new one and hence, his 3 month's disappearance.


Now, his career life is settled, he has time for other things.


But an email once every 2 months is not what I would call seriously interested in you.


Men likes the attention of women. It strokes their egos.


And once it is gone, it does affect them.


So he is probably tagging you along to keep his ego going or basically, he is very bored, not in a relationship, and just sending out these emails to you and probably a number of past relationships, friends.


Finally, though, he might be just trying to keep in touch with old friends. Just like you would if you would to an old girl friend. Especially if he knows you are staying in his country.


Therefore, if he was really, really interested in getting back with you. You would know.

He's just dropping you a lure to keep you interested. Forget him, if he really wanted to go further along the love path with you it wouldn't be via 2 line "shooting the breeze" e-mails. He's a playa.

My two cents.


He could not adapt to China in the time he was here.

He probably does not see a future for him in China.


He likes you and could actually be very fond of you, but not love you.

That is a little thing called friendship. Something that often gets forgotten about. Especially on this forum.


Why do I think it is friendship?

I am a man but most of my friends are women, something to do with my brain wiring, I have few men friends.


I have had girlfriends in the past, and we are good friends today.

Some I only dated a few times, before they or I broke it off, but we are still good friends.


Two who I was mad about, and I still carry a bit of a torch for, who I didn't keep in contact with. As I felt I really did need to move on.


So when it comes to understanding men, we are not all the same.

understand, thanks everybody.


Actually I thought the same thing that we will not be together any more. And I also think his email is just a move to keep friendship. But it's really not my style to keep friendship in such a dry way like writing 1 or 2 lines. Writing such non-sense message is a waste of time, and lack of sincerity...

If he cared for you, he would have found another job and stayed here. His profile is that of a confused and adolescent player - dump him unless you want to be his mommy.

From tpol: "Men cannot really multi-task." Hmm...and women like to generalize.

Give the guy the benefit of the doubt - he made a huge mistake at work that lost him his job and meant that he had to leave China... no wonder he wasn't in the space to fall head over heels in love or be particularly attentive... you had a nice time, you know it wasn't love - maybe he does just want to keep in touch?


and now you say you're not really interested in friendship... so what's the problem? let the next email go unanswered and you can both move on...