Posted by
tpol
15 yrs ago
He's moved on. You should too.
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agree with above: either you agree to be FWB if that's fine with you, or else move on.
he treated you nicely overall (to give him some credit), but he lied to you at least once when he said he never looks at porn. every man does at least occasionally in his life, so it's bs to say otherwise
maybe one more question: how old are you? age difference might play a role too why he didnt approach you more aggresively.
last but not least: next time you encounter such a situation, i would not cut off contact the way you did as it shows immaturity. rather you should confront him with what you saw and tell him your rationale why you prefer to cut off contact
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i could imagine that he was really serious with you (hence no approaching on sex, etc.) but at the same time still felt lonely and lacking physical intimacy (hence the philippina/FWB)
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sicn
15 yrs ago
Guys like that need different women AT THE SAME TIME to take care of different departments of his. Maybe one day he will narrow down to few or even one woman to take care of all his departments if his women found out there are other departments exist. And I bet that would be a lousy job for the woman to do. So quit while you can. A decent guy is the one who have only one department to handle everything of his life and he only look for ONE woman at a time.
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Katy, it is clear your definition of a decent man is someone completely asexual. Very probably he really likes you, but he still needs to fulfill his physical needs elsewhere. He let's you see a side of him you like, but hides his libido because you've made it plain you can't accept it. This is very common in HK, not because all the men are indecent and randy, but because the women are overly prudish. Unless you offer a complete relationship (physical, emotional, spiritual), this is going to keep happening to you.
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I strongly agree with KennyL’s description “a player of the highest order at the top of his game”. This guy will keep having different women at the same time to fulfill his different needs. He will show a side of himself to match to these women, but – surprise, surprise – he somehow fails to mention that he is seeing several women at the same time.
Thank god you did not get physical with him; you would have felt double the wrath at finding our about his true colors.
Now a guy can play the field and date several ladies at the same time, but he should be honest and openly tell each and every one that he is only dating, not making any promises, and should the women feel okay having fun with him that way, then fine. But no lying about being a decent honest guy when you are everything but!
- Actually this post got me really upset; as it is yet another reminder and proof that decent honest guys probably don’t even exist. I am familiar with the Adult Friend Finder site, and know of guys whom nobody in thousand years would believe to be “active” members, so to say. Friendly, nice, helpful family men with small children and loving wife, and yet they have this other life where the only thing that matters is their own sexual gratification! And sadly, this other life seems to be more important than their family life...
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Folks,
statistics show 30% of paternity tests fail, so one could also make the argument there are no decent women too. (A meta-study shows this number to be quite consistent across countries and cultures).
The reality is that cheating is a common human failing. Obviously, for the parties who are the victims, this kind of behavior (by either men or women) is terrible even if it is quite common.
A recent study showed that instances of infidelity and separation are invariably preceded by dissatisfaction by the cheater. Both men and women need to work to fulfill their partners or risk this kind of behavior. I am not saying that's how life should be, I am telling you, that's the way life is.
In the case of Katy, she wanted to fulfill her need for romance, and not fulfill this man's need for a physical relationship. She can't be surprised he went looking elsewhere.
If decent = asexual, then yes, there are no decent men.
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Christelia, I honestly find it astounding that you can say, with no sense of irony, that there are no decent honest guys (presumably this sentiment stems on some level from your own experience) after you knowingly had an affair with a married man. It is truly amazing that you seem to have absolved yourself of any moral culpability.
Katy, you made the right decision to cut this guy off completely. None of us can tell you whether he did have real feelings for you, but having seen this happen time and time again, he is bad news.
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Ask first your self a question! Are you falling to this men????? if not; means he's nothing to you right?... then you shouldnt react this way.
You are asking if he is lying or not?
1. Everytime I trid to ask him out, he told me he was away from HK. However, we did always chat through msn or facebook to keep up the connections.???? how can he chat you in a pilot cabin sweetheart.
2. He said to he is faihful and is looking for someone that same too. But as I said earlier that he has another account looking for fwb for short time.???? but he never see porn movies.
3. You were shocked when you saw him on the bus way home with a Fillipinna holding his waist.????
4. You haven't seen him for 2 months and thought he was always flying out but the fact he just around the corner poking around with other gals.
come on its crystal clear he is a Liar!!!!
katy883; Pilots are not much different in the Ship Captain! they always drop their anchor in every port.
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My husband is a pilot and I trust him implicitly but I know for a fact how many of his colleagues act. One who lives near us and has 2 small kids and a devoted wife is an absolute pig and even comes onto his friends' wives. Another, when his pregnant wife went for 2 weeks back to her home country to see family was bringing home random women he was picking up. Another one who has his long term girlfriend living in another country is always cruising at Wan Chai and feels no remorse.
Pigs-men come from all proffesions but unfortunately if I may generalise, pilots aren't a group to be trusted in that way. There are a good number of trustworthy ones but that are what they are and are often surrounded by temptation and opportunity. It's little wonder pilots have one of the highest divorce rate of all proffesions!
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Adele, yes, the pilot/sailor stereotype is justified in many cases. I'm interested in a woman's point of view - which kind of females professions cheat - Nurses ? Teachers ?
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Oh lord, who "chats" for SIX MONTHS???
*SMH*
This guy is not the one for you, you seem sweet and all, but naive as all hell. If you can't simply say "Hey, I saw you hop on the bus with some lass all huggy kissy like" to his face and deal with that, then really, how do you expect more from this guy?
I see no reason why there is something wrong with someone looking for a lifetime partner (a miracle find in this uncertain world we live in) while still getting some "while he waits" from no strings attached folks. The reality is, months and months and months of chatting online or on MSN, is not a relationship. A few "dates" with nothing intimate or sexual, is not exactly what a 45 year old guy is going to see as being serious yet, right? Did you two talk about your relationship status? Were you two really considered a "couple"?
Just asking.
Many women think they have a bf and that same guy thinks he has great dinner company...and thats all.
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dont trust men ,they are all not worth to trust .thats our life .same like us women ,also not trusty any way .lol
just love a bit ,but love yourself more ,much more .thats the only way you wont get so hurt and feel full.
by the way ,Phillipino women are hookers in shanghai ,china .they want to marry to western guys and they tell sad life stories and fakely be nice gental to man ,they are sex salves ,they mess around ..they are so cheap .
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sexy30093
What a racist comment. That filipina seen with the bloke could be his wife.
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sexy30093
actually i dont think Phillipino girls are hookers any more or less than other nationalities.
no shortage of chinese women or other nationalities out on the game or looking for sugar daddies.
i suppose thats why it is so easy to change 'girlfriends' here, easier than changing your sox:-)
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these guys are all the same. especially if they're expats in some foreign country. they're not looking for long term relationship and all, they just want to have their way with as many women as possible. there are too many loose girls looking for easy money providers like the chinese, filipinos, indonesian girls, and so these men have no shortage of women. just move on. It's a good thing you caught him like this, at least now u know he's a not a decent guy. cmon you can't believe people ok. If not you're very naive and gullible. men and women lie and they put on shows and all. dont fall for it. just move on. and try to get a local guy, i think expat guys are the worst kinds around. they're just here to try out as many women as they can.
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He's a maximiser. He's at the age in his life where he thinks if he's not always looking and available to the best deal out there he might miss an opportunity, he will always be like this. He liked you, but he could never be happy with JUST YOU. Move on, he has.
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sexy30093
Indeed a racist comment! Nobody even knows if she really was a Filipina. Can you tell from the upper bus deck???
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you'd move on~he lied to you,not only abt not in shanghai, but also abt the porns,u r kinda naivee
just forget abt him n move on, i know its hard at beginning, but u have 2 ~
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"...it is yet another reminder and proof that decent honest guys probably don’t even exist."
I suppose all these 'top of their game players' were having sex with each other whilst the God fearing, moralist ladies were at home with their spouses they met when they were 12 years old.
I should read these forums more often. Save me buying tripe from the butchers...
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