Disrespectful and abusive bf

Hi


It took ages to make my self write write this down! which is embarrassing ofcourse but as i have no close friends here in hk n cant shar4e this wiv any one.im here to get everyone suggestions and advice.please help me as im stuck in da ugly situation .so here is the story.


we r engaged since 3 years after 1 year relatiohship

.we r family friends. this guy is really possesive (which i never know before) n i though it coz of his temper that y he gets use abusive language. he use lot of bad words for me like , b****,Wh.***

he had problems wiv me if i talk to nay other guy or even talk abt them. he always suspects that im lying to him! he ll b negative n aggrsv most of da time durin our conversation! he does hav sweet talks whch is once in a while! he dun like me going out for a drink with ma girl friends or even for shopping. he got problems with my short skirts :( .

lately whch make me realized that i cnat be wiv him anymore is he gets angry during our chat , n start using such bad words for ma parents .i cudnt take it n hang da phone! he txt me saying that dun ever talk to me .and im just soo upset, i hav lost lots of my weight coz on teh unhappy relationship and always regret abt my decision choosin him.i wont take a second to leave him but juz my parents ,tas i said they r family friends, and i dun wnat them to suffer coz of me.i dun know wot to do im confused, i dun wnat to be with him, but im scared of his reaction wot if i brokeup!


my self confidence and self esteem is getting low and low after being with him, and sometimes i think im not perfect for him.

i earn more than him and im more educated than him ,but he makes me so down that im loosing confidence in my self.

sad852,


the issue at hand is a classic abusive relationship and you must get out ASAP.


usually people who are abusive are also insecure. his insecurity will result in a very controlling behavior.

for women such abusing behavior usually involved emotional blackmail (just read the story of rrtum in shanghai in the other thread called "no respect to b/f" and you will get it). for men abusing behavior usually goes along with violent behavior.


in your case, he is already using verbal violence against you (completely inacceptable by the way) and i think you are just one small step before he will use physical violence against you to subdue you.

YOU HAVE TO GET OUT ASAP!


Here's what happens if you don't get out (apart from the physical violence 10 years later): Your self-esteem will go lower and lower, you will retreat from life and friends, he will be controlling you forever as this is a vicious cycle where it will become more and more difficult to escape. Even worse if you ever have kids with him, your insecurity and his verbal and possible physical violence will transfer to your kids and they will grow up completely disfunctional. If you read crime statistics you can see that many offenders have histories of family violence, insecurity and therefore grow up to believe that their insecurity and weaknesses can be resolved through violence -> the reason they will commit a crime.


Of course this is all worst case scenario, but do yourself a favor, be selfish and get out of this relationship.


Last but not least, when you do try to get out, watch out as he might become very sweet for a while to woo you back. Don't fall for this trick and leave fod good!

You really need to get out of this relationship. It is not going to get better, and when you start thinking of the REST of your life with this guy, I can't see how you could ever be happy with him.

Dear all thanks a bundle for boosting up my confidence,i think i could save my self from this physco and insecure person.all of u you are right i need to b selfish for sake of my happines !

cookie09 yes i agree with you hes juz a step far from it!

hope i could step out soon .

You will have a new better guy in no time.

"abusive" already sounds bad enough.. you deserve better... dump him .. if you know you have value!