I think you are confusing Love with Lust. Physical attraction and lust lead you to get involved with another person. It's getting to know that person that eventually leads to love. It needs to come both ways for it to last otherwise it withers and dies.
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There is also a confusion with love and infatuation.
There are many factors involved, for example:
- the psychological needs of the individuals concerned. Including sense of self worth, insecurities, strength of charachter, intorvert/extrovert, feeler/thinker, etc. This also relates to 'mid-life crises' (hate that term).
- level of emotional maturity. The more relationships we have, the more times we get our illusions shattered. This will lead to a more pragmatic (thinking) approach, which does not rule out strong feelings BTW.
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Quote of the day " Love is emotional feeling, Never decide anything when you are in emotional mode"
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Given today's environment a decision to marry is part emotion and part practicality/business as it is essentially a contract to perform certain undertakings.
Your decision also will affect others and their interactions with you.
Romance was diminished with marriage certificates that often anticipate failure.
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selda
15 yrs ago
Linking marriage to romantic love is a fairly new, Western concept.
For centuries people married for reasons that had nothing to do with our modern idea of love.
For reference, you can read Niklas Luhman, Love as Passion.
I think that marriage is a contract, and as such should be treated. If both parties benefit from this contract, then go ahead with it. But don't base this contract on love, because love doesn't last for ever. For centuries men needed a woman to have their children and pass on their property to them, and women needed a man to support them financially. Sex within marriage was mainly for reproductive purposes. Lovers and concubines were there to provide sexual pleasure.
Now both sexes have more options, though i think women are in a slightly stronger position than men, because not only they can support themselves, they can also have children outside marriage through a one-night stand or self-insemination thanks to sperm banks.
If a man wants children, and somebody to bring them up, he still needs a woman.
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BANG
15 yrs ago
I had married once out of love and naively thought the love and passion would last in the marriage, but it did not, and i don't believe any kind of love or passion would or could. However, that doesn't mean that it is not needed between two person, these are sparks to a fire, and what makes us different than animals. Even lust is some kind of sparks, just different kind. So depending on what each person wants, for me, I will be looking for a soul mate, two that are aligned mentally, doesn't have to be exactly the same, two that enjoy very good sex together though there are bound to be times that the love life needs to be zested up a bit. Hope I will be able to find someone soon. (Female, love travelling with loved ones to sun & beach and enjoy a good laugh over the balcony overlooking the sea and sunset)
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lust is a chemical reaction, scientifically thought to be based on hormones that are primarily driven by immunity, if you and the other have vastly different immune systems this creates a "matching" hormone - thus lustful thoughts. (darwinian theory in short. offspring with a wider immune capability will live longer).
love is an emotion based on a decision. you decide to love someone based on everyday run of the mill experiences you have with the person. do you laugh at the same things, do you enjoy the same sights and sounds, do they challenge you to think, etc. or perhaps by cultural influences. are you controlling and they controllable for example.
my thoughts on friday evening.
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Personally - I think Love is both - an emotion and a decision...
You fall in love (or lust) with someone - emotion (and hormones) but ultimately if you want the relationship to work, you have to decide to ride it through - with all it's ups and downs... and with that decision, the work and the experience, the love (emotion) deepens...
just my take on it
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Love is a decision, even if an emotional one.
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