Posted by
tired
15 yrs ago
My new boyfriend complains I'm gaining weight. I am 5 feet 4 inches, 100 pounds and have a 25 inch waistline. I do have a bit of a belly jelly tough from working at the computer all day. I will try to do some sit-ups but not easy since I hurt my back last year. It hurts my self-esteem. He will make me feel guilty when I've had a stressful day and want to order some ice cream. I also lack self-confidence and don't want to take off my clothes and sleep with him anymore. Should I dump him? Other than the weight issue, he is a good bf, attentive, funny and spends time with me.
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be beautiful, lose weight... and do it only because you want to do it for yourself and not for anyone else.
so yes, definitely dump your bf right away.
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Wait a minute. 5 foot 4 inches, 100 pounds and a 25 inch waist is hardly fat! This is insane. If that is what he considers as fat, don't listen to him!
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agree with wiz bang and tutorjoanna,
if you want to keep fit, just for yourself, not for others
5 ft 4 inches 100 lbs, not fat.
a woman is attractive, it mainly depends on her charater.
tell him take it or leave it. once my bf frd complain about my fashion senses. ask me to wear particular clothes. I never follow his advice and I proud of myself. later on he told me that my attitude seduce him. he loves more more.
if a man said he loves RED lipstick then a woman put on heavy RED lipticks. If a man like blonde and the woman immediately dyed her hair to the color. What do you think? a man will think you have no challenge to his mind. He finally dump you cos you are demeaning yourself.
be yourself.
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You need to become happy with your own body, and sod what some guy says.
A word of warning.
Even though it is possible for a person to be very underweight, they could still be carrying a lot of fat.
When this happens it is often a result of crash diets, where the body consumes lean muscle. If weight is lost very quickly 25% of the weight loss can be lean muscle.
I see lots of really skinny, weak girls, with very poor body shape and posture. Mostly in the big cities. Possbily the result of watching the scales and living on a banana a day. I also see many strong looking girls, carrying maybe 20 pounds more, who are much more attractive. And I would also guess a lot healthier and happier.
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5ft 4 inches and 100lbs = UNDERWEIGHT!! The 'normal' weight range for a woman of your height should be between 119lbs - 148lbs depending on frame size. So, whatever your frame size, you are undeweight. Tell him he can either accept you the way you are, or he can sod off!!
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I dunno how you came up with the ideal weight being 119 - 148... if I woman is 148 lbs and 5'4" she wud be a bit fat bxxch. Seriously. The BMI measure you used of 20-25 is for caucasian men!
100 lbs = 45.35 kg
5'4" = 64 inches = 162.5cm
Height Squared in metres = 2.64 m sqr
BMI = 17.2
That's a bit underweight
Body Mass Index (BMI) can be used to indicate if you are overweight, obese, underweight or normal. It will, however, overestimate fatness in people who are muscular or atheletic. Because of these problems, this body mass index calculator shows extra statistics to help you be informed and judge your own body compared to others of the same height and age. Also offered are average weight and height charts and Body Mass Index charts, which show data you just can't find anywhere else.
Women tend to believe they look their best at values between 20 to 22 and men are usually satisfied with a BMI of 23 to 25. If your BMI is between 17 to 22, your life expectancy is longer than average. You don't need to lose weight.
If your BMI is between 23 and 25, you are not considered overweight by most people. But if your BMI is 26 or more, that's not good. But you knew that already.
"The range for acceptable, normal, or optimum body-mass index (BMI) for Asian populations should be narrowed to 18.5-23 kg/m2, according to a WHO expert consultation on appropriate BMI for these populations that took place on July 8-11 in Singapore".
148lbs gives 25.4 so unless ur build is like really muscular, I would say that would be VERY fat for a woman. I think rather than weight per se, is more important to look at measures and proportions and also body fat percentage. Like say 2 different men cud weigh 200 lbs, while both fat, the shorter one is more muscular, and the taller one has his weight coming from pure fat, I wud say the shorter one is healthier altho the shorter one wud definitely give a worse BMI. Therefore studying BMI itself is not a very meaningful measure. Given your waist only measures 25" I guess u r fine?
Description Women Men
Essential fat 10–12% 2–4%
Athletes 14–20% 6–13%
Fitness 21–24% 14–17%
Acceptable 25–31% 18–26%
Overweight 32-41% 27-37%
Obese 42%+ 38%+
Hope it helps :)
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First off: You are not overweight. Your BMI is 17.2 which is at the low end of just still acceptable for the small framed Asian population. That means there also should be hardly any reason to lose weight.
I sense you do not have a weight but rather a muscle problem. Some sit ups might indeed do the trick.
On to your bf where there are two angles: One the one hand, i do think he needs to support you as you are. Especially when your change is hardly any significant change. So in your case, dump the guy because he seems to be very unsupportive. Your low self-esteem will also hardly only stem from the weight issue but have more to do with his general behavior. So agree to dump him.
On the other hand - and to many of the above posters - sometimes a gf/wife also needs to cut a bf some slack. The weight argument is a lose-lose situation for a guy. If he talks about, he is labeled a insensitive, shallow, external beauty focused idiot that supports the unrealistic weight ideals of the model world. If he doesn't talk about it and let's her grow until she becomes too fat and he feels so repelled by her that he must dump her, people blame him for not telling her the truth earlier.
My view is that if you go into a relationship, you do also make a implicit contract about your looks. If I am 75kg today and get married like that, i have a duty not to add 50% more weight tomorrow except with the permission of my wife. The same applies on her side, if she is 45kg today, some weight gain over time is of course acceptable but not without limit. (of course the measure shifts during pregnancy but should not stay there after pregnancy).
a very frank discussion before marriage to clarify expectations is of course helpful.
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DUMP HIM...a man who complains that you are 'fat' when you clearly aren't isn't worth your time at all...there will be other men other there who will appreciate you for who/what you are. What about him, how tall and heavy is he....maybe he's 'fat 'too....
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My view is that if you go into a relationship, you do also make a implicit contract about your looks. If I am 75kg today and get married like that, i have a duty not to add 50% more weight tomorrow
DUTY? DUTY TO WHOM?
the only duty and obligation a person has regarding his or her looks is to him or herself
if one thinks that looking good and being an eye candy for the purpose of pleasing the partner then something is definitely wrong
we look good because it makes us feel good and we want to do it for ourselves.
me thinks that people who think that their partners has a duty and obligation to look good is in fact insecure about their looks and themselves. don't use your partners as an excuse to be pretty, lean and sexy on your behalf nor use it as a a cover up for your own flaws and imperfection
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cara,
fully understand where you are coming from and it doesn't necessarily contradict what i was saying. I think any reasonable man will cut you some slack for at least putting in the effort. at least i would.
the issue of my post is really more aimed at people who let themselves go. i have seen couples in my social circle where either the guy or the girl suddenly completely let themselves go, added 50% body weight in no time and then expect that nothing changes in their partner's view of them. and worse, they then come up with statements like 'it's my body' which essentially are just feeble excuses for not putting in the effort (and again that of course excludes any medical causes).
but weight is just one aspect in a relationship. for example i have a duty to my partner to continue to be caring towards her, work on my career (in whatever form), not take drugs, etc.
i cannot suddenly stop working, become a couch potato, use the money the partner earns, get drunk every night, etc. that would be just selfish and similar to letting myself go. if i were to become like this, i could fully understand if my partner loses respect and interest in me and files for divorce.
so yes, wiz bang, when you do get married and 'become one', you have a duty to maintain your part of the 'one and put in some reasonable effort - which of course doesn't mean you need to look like a model for all your life
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sorry cookie, but i find that a very sexist comment.
when one gets married, it is not to complete oneself rather a person is already a complete person and marrying will just complement each other.
the only duty is to look good for oneself and not for the benefit of the partner nor for the benefit for making the married couple or the marriage look good.
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mayo
15 yrs ago
I am 5'4" and fluctuate between 115 and 120. Many years and 3 pregnancys ago I was could maintain 100 pounds without trying and not so long during a traumatic period in life I found myself at 100 pounds again. My husbands says he thinks I look better at my my heavier weight. I think that it has something to do with him being a T&A man. I like my body better at 100 but my face looks better when I am carrying a bit more. However I can't maintain 100 pounds without a lot of sacrifice anymore. I like going out to eat with my family and friends, I like drinking wine with my husband. Point being I like my body better at 100 pounds but I like ME better at about 117. Choose the YOU you like not the weight you like.
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well wiz bang, i really agree to disagree with you there ;)
by the way, my comment is really not meant to be sexist in the meaning of a male chauvinism. i apply the above mentioned principles equally across both sexes
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If he 's a "new" boyfriend, presumably you can't be that much different from when you first met him, so what's his problem all of a sudden? Since you're not fat, DTMFA!
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When I got married, I was 6ft 6", 200 lbs, blond haired, blue eyed, witty personality and financially secure and independent.
After I got married, I dropped several inches, gained 150 lbs, went bald and bleary eyed, started drinking and doing drugs, cursed my wife and her family, quit my work, spent all my cash and started sponging of the missus.
Shame I didn't have wizbang as my divorce lawyer...I might have avoided getting lumped with the kids...
To the OP - "Should I dump him?" Why are you asking us?
If you love him, work on it.
If you don't love him, why are you still there?
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Dump him, if he actually used the words "you are fat" he is at best ignorant and at worst just bloody rude and prepared to hurt others feelings without regard.
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if anything, Chinese women here need to GAIN weight..2x4's all day..
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Agree with beancurd, tat's wat i wanted to say. It cld be a joke but ur taking it too seriously. Anyways, u know him best.
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If I were your bf, I would dump you right away. Not because you are fat (and you probably are), but because you would be so stupid to go on an internet forum and whine about it.
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ODS
15 yrs ago
Don't bother to read all the replies, but let me tell you - 5 ft 4 100 lbs is SKINNY. I know a girl who is 5 feet 1 weight 105 and she looks slim with a body shape like how a woman should have. Local girls make themselves like chopstick and still think they are fat because of local guy prefer body of 9 years old. Just a paedophile IMO
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I'm 28-years-old, 5ft 3, and weighs 53 kilos (about 116 pounds). My Mom (she's Chinese) constantly tells me I'm fat, and believes she's doing me a huge favour by bluntly saying that to my face. My solution? I just limit the time I spend with her. No point wasting time on toxic and insensitive people.
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what is with the negative comments about '2x4's and 'lollipops' (cara that seems to be a favorite putdown of yours)? They are just as hurtful to a thin person as 'tub o' lard' is to an overweight person...but I guess since they're directed at an anonymous general population rather than someone who posted here, it's all right...you may not realize it but many thin people WISH to be full figured, but can't keep the wieght on...they're not all bulemic and vain "thin is beautiful' types....(btw, OP, your weight seems fine to me)
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fatkid - Just to clarify, the ideal weight ranges that I came up with were not plucked from the air, but were taken from a variety of sources ... healthchecksystems.com, weightlossresources.com, fuelthemind.com, netfit.co.uk, eatwell.gov.uk, etc.
They all provide similar ideal weight ranges for women depending on frame size i.e. small frame 114-127, medium frame 124-138, large frame 134-151, varying by only a few pounds.
According to the standard guidelines for BMI ... over 30 is considered obese, under 18, extremely underweight, and between 18.5 - 25 normal.
Granted, these ideal weight ranges are no doubt for caucasion women. And just because a one woman may weigh 20 or 30lbs heavier than another woman does not necessarily mean she is fat ... we all know that muscle weighs heavier than fat. So, we must not assume that a 5ft 4in woman weighing 148lbs is what you like to refer to them as.
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If he doesn't want you, contact me then ! :)
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D888
15 yrs ago
...Oh I just love all your comments... However, if you look like a model before you get married than make sure you still look like a model in the years to follow...
Girls, there is NO EXCUSE whatsoever to gain weight (unless you have a medical condition) and jump from size 6 to size 12 and YES I do consider a size 12 woman fat.
Tired: You are certainly not fat, but if you truly want to get rid of the belly jelly, 100 sit-ups a day will help...
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What's new? Men will always say that their other half is fat. It's their way of making you feel insecure and making him feel big. Forget what he says and have confidence in yourself.
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No , you are not fat and from your letter you seem to realize that. Are you unhealthy? perhaps.. sitting a lot.. not moving. How do you feel about your body? Start doing something positive. There are many ways but many more excuses not to. You decide... keep your boyfriend? how about you talk to him about how you feel and what you think...
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I am 5'4" and 100lbs, and i don't think i am FAT!!! Don't listen to your boyfriend... seriously, he is crazy!!! just workout and gain muscle instead of losing weight... also, boyfriend should to be encouraging and not putting you down!
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Hey Girlfriend,
LOSE HIM! How dare he to say you're fat and you're not. Oh please.... How about him? From my experience with HK men, most of them are short, skinny, have bad breath, and have crooked stained teeth. I sometimes wonder why a lot of pretty Hong Kong women hang around these losers. They are lucky to have any girls.
Girlfriend, there are a lot of fishes in the pond. You don't need him. BTW, some men find women with a little belly quite sexy. Just look at some belly dancers. Most of them don't have flat tummies and many men find their bodies sensual.
Good Luck.
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dump him ... lots of guys willing to date you.
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You said you have a jelly belly so you should try to lose it. A jelly belly will continue to grow without effort to prevent it. I know, I have one!
You said you hurt your back, so you obviously are not doing exercise.
From what you wrote in your post he didn't actually say you were fat (why can't people read what the OP writes?). He is using the "you are putting on weight" line to help you to help yourself.
Otherwise, no effort, more jelly, no b/f.
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i am 5ft 5inches tall about 115lbs and i have had no complaints. and yes i have a jelly belly too. and my waist line is all of 28 inches.
being with someone isnt about looks.
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PS
being sexy and beautiful is waaay more that being a size zero.
its about having a great personality and character. beauty is more on the inside than outside.
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Dump him if he won't accept you! That s ridiculous!!!Your ain't fat at all!!
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