Posted by
simplest
15 yrs ago
i know this guy over 4 years. I kinda dated him for a very short time back then, but it didnt work. He likes woman to be independent, and he said he doesnt like to call his g/f everyday and etc. That's one of the reason the relationship didnt last.
when we met again 2 months ago, and we know we are both single. we both kinda clicked. However he went on a long trip for 2 months after our catchup. We did MSN during this trip and talked all well, and sometimes we were flirting a bit.
He told me he's back from MSN instead of a phone call or even MSN, which made me upset, and suggested meeting, we didnt confirm the exactly date but will meet on weekend for sure.
He didnt call till Saturday, so i cant wait and called him. I was thinking to meeting for dinner since it was noon when i called. But he asked me to join him for lunch at his house and TALK, and i agreed.
We did talk but end up in some other thing( we did it before, so i wouldnt be suprised). But he didnt even take me for dinner after that, he had some important appointment at dinner time. Why he invited me over if he had appointment later then? this made me upset again.
As said he never called, but SMS or MSN with me every day.
I am very confused where we are going. Shall i just wait till he says something or i simply ask him in person.
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two pieces of advice:
- men don't like the phone as much as women do and they can't guess what a woman is expecting. if you need a call, tell him. if you don't tell him, stop complaining about what he does or doesn't do
- if you care, speak to him in whatever form you like. if he cares, he will respond. if he doesn't care, you will notice and you should walk. again don't expect anything without having told him first
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The old cowboy comes to the rescue!
Firstly, a clarification. Men use the cell phone as much as women. Men who are interested in someone will call such person 6 times a day. Men who are using someone as a booty call will keep such person close (MSN/SMS) but not so close as to be bothered to call.
Now to the topic. Let's see. I do not care much about what happened 4 years ago, but is interesting how you threw yourself at him after you met him again. Let's review:
- He upsets you by using SMS and don't even bother to call, yet you still met him.
- He took you in such a low importance that he doesn't even keep the promise to call you, and then you called him.
- He couldn't be bothered to take you out on Saturday night (we all know Saturday night is the best time of the week). Nope, instead, you delivered yourself at his doorstep for lunch and sex...sorry, I mean, to talk, of course.
- Saturday afternoon, after you serviced him, he probably told you some excuse to kick you out of the place, am I right? He couldn't even be bothered to take you for dinner. This part I understand because, after all, he already got what he wanted, so why spend time and money afterwards?
So, after you threw yourself at him, and after he [it seems] didn't promise you a thing, you start thinking about "where is this going". I would say is crystal clear, but then again most women are too emotional to see past their romantic delusions.
This is where this is going: Nowhere.
When you are interested at someone, or have a feeling for someone, you can't get enough of that person. Makes sense, right? Then again, when all you want is a booty call, you ONLY contact that person when it suits you, and in the meantime feed the ilusion by using something as simple as MSN.
I can clearly see him talking to you...and 5 others. I can even see him copy and pasting the exact same words in each screen. I am sure he probably steer the conversation in each screen so he can use the same words to all of you, and then see which one is going to be the lucky one that is coming to his doorstep, domino's pizza style (hot delivery in 30 minutes or less).
By the way, you can do the exact same thing with SMS messaging.
So dear, you go ahead and call him and ask him where this is going, and he will most likely tell you that "he is exploring with you" or that "maybe I can build something with you" or "let's take it slow for the moment". Anything goes as long as you are kept around, just in case he wants to order another one of your menus.
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Hahaha I have to agree with TXcowboy on every point.
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I was expecting something when reading cookie09's comment.
But when i when scrolled down to TXcowboy, i am totally hit. You just speak out what i've been worried, yet i've been refused to admit.
I tried finding diffrent excuses for him for not calling me, but either one could ever convince myself
I think i wont bother suggesting meeting him again. As you said, if a man cares someone, he will do something.
Again, thanks for your word, its hard but it helps.
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tpol
15 yrs ago
Women should really have some good close male friends to talk to. They will set you straight as the Cowboy has.
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romantic delusions, happen all the time
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just face it, the guy wanted an easy and free service and you were available... problem solved.
men don't like confrontation - even if you do confront him, either he'll avoid the issue or he'll tell you something you would like to hear... either way - he's just playing you so play along but not take him seriously or dump him
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i think i would play around with him too. Just wish i wont get hurt eventually. Hmm, woman can act like man sometimes i guess
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You couldn't play with him if your life depended on it. You can't simply switch the "player" switch on or off. You will lie to yourself and pretend you don't care, you will make sure to show him that you can play too...
...then, when you realize that the plan isn't working (what plan? Of course, the plan of pretending to play with him so he will feel he will lose you and run to you and take you in the white pony to ride to the sunset where the wedding ring and the house with white fences are waiting for your future kids, of course) BECAUSE he already showed he doesn't care, you will both be hurted AND feel cheap.
Then again, you will probably not believe a word I write, because, after all, you are the special one, you are the different one, you are the one who will end on top of the game because you have been hurted and is but right for you to seek restitution.
You are in for a great ride, kid.
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Oh Cowboy,
I never thought of prentending to 'play' to make him come over to me. No. I am not that silly.
I've been through a lot of things, so i could switch the player switch on till the next one comes around.
Dont judge me if you are going to, i know i am bad or crazy sometimes. :)
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BTW, all of sudden, i am relieved. I m over the question where it is going.
Thanks guys, special thanks to Cowboy!
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I was wondering if somehow we got involved with the same guy, I had the same experience though the second time; I didn't show up at his doorstep, he sent me sms asking where am I, I told him to try the next girl on his list, maybe shell come. Never heard from him again. Goodthing "tx cowboy" is around here.
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Well, he keeps MSN/SMS me this week, which i would take it much easier and stop upset.
Crissa, i not sure whether we bumped into the same guy, but the answer is that this kind of man is everywhere, at least one in shanghai and one in hongkong.
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my take;
if he doesnt call when he says he will: i wont waste my time.. end of
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TXCowboy- what you are saying in different threads are very cruel to be a fact to women... however they are very true but we just want to deny it is the reality...
I am in TX now... hope I won't bump into a man like how you always describe in the threads! ;)
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Come to think of it, why some guys can act like a king in the dating/relationship scene in Asia, I am afraid the behaviors of women nowadays have someting to do with it. Sometimes I cannot help but wondered and disappointed with how these women behave.. Yes, there are a lot of women around, local HK girls, mainland girls, Filipinas, Indonesian and etc and etc, a lot to choose from (from the perspective of a guy) and a lot of competition (from the perspective of a gal), maybe it is because of this fierce competition that some girls are willing to be played, fooled and whatever… what I am trying to say is, ppl can treat you like s**t only if you allow them, some women, I just don’t understand, don’t mind to become a mistress, a standby girlfriend, a once in a week sex partner, or one of the girls… I mean, how can guys not act like a king when all these are available to them easily, what cowboy said in different threads is not pleasant, but somehow I found his views to be generally true.
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Amparo Kia, nice comments, specially the last one, so I would like to reply to it.
Firstly, I do agree that, in Asia, a white face attracts women because is associated with money and mistery. That is not always the case, but in the vast majority of cases you don't get an expat package for no reason. In fact, if you are poor you couldn't even afford the plane ticket to move here. For that reason, and with the well know "I am an English teacher" exception, you can make a safe bet that if we are here is because we are well educated and have money.
The mistery component needs no explanation. As exciting is an Asian chick to me just because she is Asian as I, as a white guy, are to an Asian chick. We all love what is new and different.
But the core of your question applies to Asia, Europe and the USA. Trust me when I tell you that the way I treat women has always been the same. The core question, again, is why "women agreed to be treated like s**t".
Firstly, let's define what "be treated like s**t" is. To me, is more of a "get what you can" concept. Maybe I wish to have a top-of-the-line Ferrari but I can only afford a BMW. Would I not even get that because my priority is the Ferrari? Probably not. Same goes with jobs. You get the best job you can get, and if something better comes along you move on.
Since we are on the internet there is no need to lie. I am a great "catch". I am in my early 30s, I have a good job, I am well educated, and believe when I tell you I can rock your world. I am fun to the max, I love cooking homemade meals, and when I am with you I power off my phone and 100% of my attention is for you. Besides, I absolutely love kids. I am the kind of guy who calls you on Tuesday and says "how about going to a nice spa in Thailand"? and we are all set. I am the guy who can fix anything that is broken around the house. I don't smoke and I don't get drunk. For all intents and purposes, and leaving aside whether I may or not physically attractive to you, I am a poster boy for "the guy you want to introduce your family to".
The problem is: You are not going to be my girlfriend nor my wife. You can be my booty call, my mistress, my once a week sex partner, but that's all there is.
You might decided that this narcissistic, good-for-nothing, oh-so-full-of-himself a-hole is worthless to you and don't want to be anywhere close to me, and that is just fine. All I need to do is call/MSN/email someone else who will do it. And the good news (for me) is that for the last 10 years there was always someone else willing to do the "heavy lifting".
So you are in the following crossroads: You can "give a chance" to that nice guy who buys you flowers and is oh-so-predictable and lead a boring life in a little apartment that you co-mortgaged for 20 years, or you can be the booty call of guys like me, or, as in the majority of cases, be both. And this is what happens.
Many women are not young enough, or pretty enough, or simply good enough to make a "quality man" marry them, so they take the best next thing. Early on in my life I learned that we all have what we deserve. If you could do better, you would. If you could meet a single guy that was as exciting as you like him you would do so. The sad true is that nobody wants to look in the mirror and says (quoting Mr. Marlon Brando) "I couldn't be a contender".
To be honest, I could marry someone. If someone so good to miss comes along I could marry her. Like I said, I love babies too. So, again, trust me when I tell you that if you are my booty call is because, to me, you are "not that good".
I am not trying to pass of as "king" or anything. I have no interest in showing off because nobody knows me here. I am also NOT trying to be nice. I am just being 100% realistic which I believe is the best way maybe not to help, but at least to bring some reality to some women over here.
And as no good deed goes unpunished, I am sure someone will call Ed's attention on this very comment and try to find a way to ban me, as if silencing me would make it all dissapear. To be frank, I think I am a good pet to have around this site, because I doubt many men would have the interest or the balls to be as clear as I am.
By the way, again, I am not the voice of men. I don't speak for noone but myself. Remember, I am just a cowboy.
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A bit update:
He keeps SMS/MSN to me over the week, still no calls. Finally, i asked him what's happening. He said he needs to think about it and we should talk about this.
Is that a NO answer?
Cowboy, pls.....
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p.mason is right on the money, but there is more than that.
Simplest, don't you think is an amazing coincidence that he is unavailable now, with Christmas right around the corner? I can venture to guess that he will be pretty busy next Valentines...
He needs to spend his quality time with his quality woman because, unlike you, quality women would never be alone in Christmas. You are going to be alone waiting for him like a dog while he spends his days laughing with his real love. If I was you I would make damn sure I too have my fun. But then again, I don't let people step on me. How about you?
Got the picture?
Or, he wants to spend Christmas with you because he can not meet the quality girl. Either way, do you think he cares?
If I was you, I would block his calls.
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He wanted to go travel with me for x'mas, while i got plan for x'mas with my friends.
It would be much easier for me if he is unreachable for the following big important days.
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I requote my las comment:
"Or, he wants to spend Christmas with you because he can not meet the quality girl. Either way, do you think he cares?
If I was you, I would block his calls."
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Cowboy, u r my super hero. read all ur comment in all posts. u r an export on love.
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echosan...
are you sure Mr Cowboy is dealing with "Love"???
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You betcha baby, Mr. Cowboy is full of love!
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I have read an interesting book. Maybe it worth us to read.
The book is to analyse the difference between MAN and WOMEN physically and biologically. It is NOT men are from mars women are from venus.
It is very true and the brain cell determines why a men seldom speaks, less motional attached and have stronger sex drives.
Always, womem mostly do not understand why their partners cheating on them while they have a lovely family and lovely wife.
The fact is cruel but true is that men brain cell (more on sex), for women (more on landguage). Men do love but they also do love sex more. Remember what I said is generalisation (not all).
Do you remember man's role in the very basic aspect. The male part take an important role in REPRODUCTION while women take the role for nursery (pyhsically mother breast feed). male needs to have sex in a shorter time (protect themselves from danger) and more frequent (to ensure no extinction).
I know things have been changed a lot and human is now in more educated world, less dangers around, more moral input. From all these, we have one to one partnership (i totally support this). However, putting more eyes to understand the PHYSICAL differences between men and women. You will not be surprise there are tones of men sleeping around.
I am not supporting the cheating but somehow I need to understand why. If you understand why, you can be more careful and not easy to trust a man quickly. As they really tend to MAXIMIZE their sex partners as they can. I would stay away from these men, observe carefully rather than doubting with these guys. Or in fact is doubting about yourself? Once I have a boyfrd love the exciting sex lifestyle and we broke. I dont doubt about myself but uderstand that he has another life target that is different from me.
I believe TXcowboy is the typical man do love and do love sex more. Its true but cruel, this kind of man is all around us.
Just to WOMEN,if you want someone ture to you, we need to grow up and learn how to observe the man and stay away from the players
Of cos if you are players, you will not care whats in his mind.
I support TXcowboy to share more, his insights on men, helps women to understand more about men and stay away from the MEN's lies. He can help those (not yeet experienced enough woman) to know man more deeply. I appreciate his honest opinions. Just after all these comments from us, you are the one who dealing with a real person, feel by your heart (with practical knowledge).
I once was naive about man, now I learn more and I have someone good to me now. It takes me ages but learning process is painful but useful.
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I actually do not, as you said:
"I know things have been changed a lot and human is now in more educated world, less dangers around, more moral input."
It is not just that. Although we might have instincts and natural needs we were still given choice, soul and consciousness. That differentiates us from animals.
That gave us the possibility to be unique and to choose our lifes path.
That is why we can divide by our own moralty between good and bad.
You surely can't excuse a man sleeping around by saying well he's a man and he was built like that by nature. I mean sure you can. I don't.
To me it means simply weakness. Or in some cases heartless if the people who do cheat do not care about the damage they caused.
I will maybe say yeah that person is controlled by their natural desires. But the fact they are controlled makes it a weakness. Most addictions are weaknesses. If you are addicted to sex so much it controls your life, hell yeah it is a weakness. And in this world where we were given loads of brains and heart to be controlled by what we used to be Mio years ago is just pathetic.
I do not condemn all men who cheat. As a matter of fact I know many. Some are actually good hearted just that they are being controlled by their sex drive. I believe everyone has something good in them. But those people are quite average.
And then sometimes you meet great in your life. Those are the people that are above average. People who chose to be more than what they are generalised as in a book.
Those people deserve my respect and my love.
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And by the way:
"I support TXcowboy to share more, his insights on men, helps women to understand more about men and stay away from the MEN's lies. He can help those (not yeet experienced enough woman) to know man more deeply. I appreciate his honest opinions. Just after all these comments from us, you are the one who dealing with a real person, feel by your heart (with practical knowledge)."
I don't know in what world you are living in but by all means TXCowboys attitude is not what I would call normal or general. It'd be a disaster to let him speak for generally men. Although I agree he is quite entertaining. Hardly instructive though.
I mean come on:
"You betcha baby, Mr. Cowboy is full of love!"
He's talking about himself in the third person.
And he treats and talks about women like he was superior to them. Do you really want to learn from that?
Go for average and not for extreme case.
@cowboy no offense you know you're special :)
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To Icethy,
Please re-read my message and you know what i mean.
I never say this kind of man is normal nor he speaks for general man.
I never agree on cheating and making excuses for man who cheated.
I hated it as well.
What i mean is listen to more people's opinion (of cos you need to analyse it yourself) and learn how to stay away from bad guys.
I do not agreed with his attitude towards woman. However, I dun want to fight ppl here as the ppl here is looking for help but not arguments.
If his insights of some men can help the woman (who is not sure whats happen), why not letting him share? support him to share it doesnt mean that I support his attitude.
You are clever enough to smell the insincerity of man, but this forum, women look for advice, true comments as sometimes they confused. Some woman is not as clever as you can know a man is good or not easily.
Remember the original post is ""Help me to figure out what he is thinking""
when a guy just interested in having sex with you at lunch time and even not taking you out for meal. I do think its good for someone to tell something practical to her.
Just want to have sharing to help out the women to understand who is good and who is bad and making the right move.
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To Littleponyo,
I am sorry if I made you feel that my post was anyhow against anything you said.
I didn't mean to do so. Please do not think I attacked any of your believes.
I just added my own belief.
"Please re-read my message and you know what i mean.
I never say this kind of man is normal nor he speaks for general man.
I never agree on cheating and making excuses for man who cheated.
I hated it as well."
I have read your message very carefully and have noted all of the above! We're on the same boat as we have similar ideas. So please don't feel offended by the things I said. I am not accusing you of anything.
You said though
"I believe TXcowboy is the typical man do love and do love sex more. Its true but cruel, this kind of man is all around us."
I guess I didn't like the word typical in that sentence and "all around us". I mean you're not surrounded by evil men are you? Well I am not. I have decent men around me, average guys, not so good guys and a very few horrible guys.
I agree that everybody on this forum has the right to contribute and leave their two cents. And every opinion can be helpful, sometimes just by telling you what you really do not want. Doesn't mean I have to like everything that everybody writes right? And I don't like sexist comments towards women. I also don't like insensitivity since I am very compassionate myself.
I believe I am clever enough to not fall for insincere guys but I am human and sometimes evil can be brilliant too. Nobody is immune.
And yes I am not a cheating guy but I am a woman that never had a guy cheating on her. That is why I share my thoughts. I am just helping in my own way. :)
And I don't think it takes a misogynistic or narcissistic or pessimistic person to tell the creator of this post the truth. Which is obvious. And she was seeking for an answer that was already in her. She just needed to hear it out loud and not from herself.
If I was her best friend I'd slap her face and tell her to take of the rose coloured glasses. I am just really scandalized by all the women that need bad boys to tell them that they're with bad boys.
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this guy sounds like a creep and you sound like you're too naïve and/or too nice to see it for what it is
you should have more respect for yourself
there are nice guys out there
tip: they are the ones that bother to call you when they say they will and the ones that bother to take you out for dinner before sleeping with you
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OK that is the sentence - "you should have more respect for yourself".. regardless of which gender you are, reepect for oneself is very important, I mean, how can ppl respect you and treat you right if you don't even respect and treat yourself right???!! like I said before, ppl treat you like s**t only if you let them.
It never cease to amaze me what some women would do all in the name of the so call "love"???
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Hi Simplest
I would like to recommend watching the movie "He just ain't into you". This might give you a different perspective and better clarity as to what the other posters have been trying to tell you.
We ladies are always on the lookout for "The One" and therefore put every hope on any glimmer of what it might be. So unless you feel you are up for the playing game and take it for what it is, which is just sex, I suggest that you let go of him and stem the emotional energy draining he's causing you.
If he really is interested in you as a person, he will call you in person and ask you out to spend time getting to know you and not just the physical side of you. If he really thought that you are potentially his life partner, he will be making every effort to talk to you and spend time with you. Now this is not to say that you're not good enough for him. Both of you are just not each other's ideal match.
Keep putting yourself out there and remember that when you truly understand your self worth and be in love with yourself (not in a narcissist way of course), you will soon enough be the beacon lighting the way for the love of your life to come sailing in at the time when you least expect it.
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Its simple - he just not that into you, he doesn't want you - his loss. Ask yourself what you really like about this person. Do you really like being treated this way? If you do, then go on then, stick around. If you don't, do yourself a favour and move on. Its that simple. He is not the ideal man for you, ask yourself what you want your ideal man to do for you and if he isn't doing it... there u go, the same answer again - he's not the one for you.
The longer you drag this out, the harder you can get out. Wise up. You can do better and men like that only exists because women like you allow em to.
I know I sound harsh but believe me when i say i love you. Ive been through it before too. The harsh way is the best way.
See him for what he really is, not what you expect him to be and when you do, you realise that he is just simply RUBBISH!
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@ jumboshrimp, loved your tip.
@ honestasaphotobooth, I want to make a reflexion that is intended to help women. Your comment is too common and way too dangerous.
"he doesn't want you - his loss"
"See him for what he really is, not what you expect him to be and when you do, you realise that he is just simply RUBBISH!"
I have heard this so many times...just because a guy don't like someone means "he is rubbish", "he is not good enough for her" and "she deserves someone better".
The problem is, like you wrote, that he is NOT into her, and if he is not into her is simply because, in the purest sense of the word, she is not attractive enough to him.
When you make comments making her believe is his fault and not hers, you fail to help your friend by not pinpointing the real problem. Imagine if, instead of that AA-support nobody-loves-me crap you were more pragmatic:
- Honey, you are too fat, maybe losing a couple of pounds would get you retain the next one.
- Dear, you scared him away trying to force him into marriage.
- Baby, seriously, you are over 35, do you honestly believe he would stay with you for real?
These answers, while dry, would make your friends think the whole thing with a new light...sort of Prince without clothes finally figuring all out.
Whether we are bad boys or good guys, when we stop calling we do so for a reason and I believe women would benefit more if they were to take a pragmatic approach to it.
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To Simplest
You did nothing wrong. some man just simply lack MORALITY. ignore someone's ru**sh theory, once again he is telling other ppl what kind of woman he is with.
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Cowboy, you are a sexist; I remembered reading your different posts of this women over 35 theory. For you, men at 60 are proud to marry a 20 something (although we all know why a pretty young thing will be willing to marry a dirty old man, I am sure, it is not for love or good sex…), but for women over 35, in your dictionary, she is finish, she is definitely going to live the rest of her life alone and die a lonely dead. Of course you are entitled to your opinion but wouldn’t it be better if you use an objective approach to look at the subject rather than your conceited eyes, do not live like a frog living in a well.
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I don't think women over 35 will die alone or dead. Thankfullly, there are plenty of lose...I mean, other guys who are perfectly happy to collect the crumbs of the tables of others. In fact, some (few) women who become good wives and stay thin and all that should be able to make it up for their lack of attractiveness.
But then again, is all about what you can afford, and by "afford" I do not only mean money. If I can drive a brand new BMW, why would I drive one that has 100,000 miles in the odometer?
But like I say, there are plenty of other people who shop for second hand cars.
By the way, try to use the appropiate word; I am not a sexist because if I wasn't I wouldn't care about women, whether they are young or old. I love to be around and take care of a 22yo girl, is such fun! but then they get old, and the turkey neck kick in, and the menopausal moustache appears, and...well, time to go shopping for a new model!
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SL8
15 yrs ago
Wow you guys are so so shallow (TX in particular), no wonder I know so many great, successful single women. It's not that they are not good enough for you, the truth is they would not go anywhere near you!
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My Hong Kong, you are a good kid but I am sorry I have to disagree with you on this one. The last time I've asked a girl for a phone number was I believe 1999. What usually happens in your favorite Cowboy's case is that I struck a conversation anywhere (waiting for a taxi, queueing for a life, sharing a table at a popular coffee shop, etc). I talk to the girl and we have a good time, and then I leave.
Just like that, I have seen girls following me 15 minutes later to hand me a phone number. Others ask "so, won't you ask my number?" to which I reply "nope." There are all kind of comedy-like situations, but I never ever give a number.
I never pick a girl in a bar or a club. Some of them are professionals (I don't pay for something I can get for free), others are drunk/on drugs (I am not that low) and others smoke (which I don't like). I go to clubs/bars to be with my friends. If the usual girl approaches and is a sure shot I won't say no, but bars/clubs are not exactly my favorite place.
On the other hand, and as I always say, I am open to marriage. I am also open to exclusive commitment. That is what makes me all the more "dangerous". You see, if a girl thinks she can make me don't want any pretty girl on the street I am willing to let her try. If a girl thinks I will not go with other girls after meeting her I welcome her with open arms. The problem is, of course, that eventually their true colors show, and "I just want to take it slow" becomes "what am I to you?", or after a while a new model steps in.
As for SL8, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE how people try to make an argument and drown in their own words, letting the truth shine. So, you know lots of wonderful women who are single. In a world so full of people don't you wonder why, despite their wonders, these women are still single? Aren't they so wonderful they can't find a "real" man? Aren't they so successful they can't turn around a player?
Whatever happen to men? Am I the only man in the world? Are all men little copies of this Cowboy?
The answer is: Nope. They are only wonderful in the eyes of other women. For us, you can be as great and as wonderful as you like, but if you are over 35 I kick you to the curb. Or, you must be oh-so-great that I don't see your physical flaws due to aging. Or, what the hell, I am horny and you were easy.
Last week I was talking to a friend who had a date with a woman in her late 30s. He told me that he could notice that "she probably was very hot a few years ago" and "she looked good for her age". Thanks but no thanks. If you were hot before you should meet me before. Like I mentioned before, I rather drive new models than "successful and great" old Mercedes with a few too many miles in the odometer and dents here and there.
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As much as it pains me to say this but I do think TX is right in this. Actually most of his comments in the past are quite spot on. It is not a question of such women not being good, but just think of the millions of young girls who will naturally have better looks than the more mature version and these young girls are willing to go out with a Caucasian old enough to be their dads. True though, they might not truly love them and the guy probably knows that he is "buying" a relationship. But sometimes relationships are like tradeoffs: you get some plus points from it (mind you, it, ie the relationship, not necessarily the person) and some minus points from it.
It is very often very much down to the question of whether you want to settle for someone you don't truly love or face a life of being on your own.
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It seems that someone is at wits end, and he even never realized that when he was pointing one finger out, the other four fingers were only towards himself.
Is he really so wonderful, so handsome, so successful that he even can't find a real woman?
Tip: dont talk with an ant what's the world is like, the ant's world can never be human's world.
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Sunshine, you've got the game wrong, but is good as it provides me with exhibit A of something else women need to understand when dealing with men.
When a woman use a woman point of view to estimate men's wants and needs, she always get them wrong. Let me be clear: When we date, you want to win a war, while I just want to maintain it.
By the way, is the ant who gets to enjoy his saved food in the winter, while the grasshopper, who has already passed her expiration date, doesn't get a second thought.
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Well said, My Hong Kong. Merry Christmas!!!
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"there would be no couples, no marriages, no love and no children who live with both parents"
My Hong Kong, let's talk about facts: In first world countries, population is only sustained because of immigration. Divorce rates in the US are already over 50%; in other words: when someone gets married there is a 1 in 2 chance s/he will get divorce. Why do you think there are now cohabitation laws that were inexistent 20 years ago? Simply because that [no marriages] is the trend.
I do not know how old you are, so I am going to use me as an example: I am in my early 30s, and when I was a teenager if a girl got pregnant and she wasn't married that was front news. Her parents will force her to abort or give the baby away, and in many cases she would be beaten, too!. Today, is getting increasingly hard to find people who stay married and have kids.
One thing is to be right, and another is to make everybody understand. I know I am right: No 40yo woman can compete body to body to a 22yo, provided they are both same height and weight. That is a fact. No 35yo woman can be a "ten", if you know what I mean. That is another fact. Any woman over 35 [saving the occasional exception] will "look good for her age" but is out of the major league.
"you can be a woman in your 30s and 40s and even 50s and establish the best relationship you have ever had in your entire life. No, you are not left with left overs. Nowadays, there are more single men and women than ever before!"
I agree. When a woman is stupid, she will be used by bad boys up until she is 30. It will be then when she will meet a man who meet her spiritual needs, I am sure of that...but wait a second, in order to meet her "spiritual needs" she will have to give up her idea that she can meet a handsome, smart, wealthy guy. She will have to settle for less, but she will tell herself that "this guys is the best because he really loves me" even though when she is in bed with him she will be thinking about the bad boy.
Regarding your comments about dressing, I am sorry to disagree on a fundamental point: Take a hot, young, thin girl and give her the oldest T-shirt in your drawer, no make-up, and she will look super-hot. Now, in the other hand, you will notice that fat women ALWAYS have their nails done perfectly.
"Some guys have no interest in young girls, no matter how good they look. A few wrinkles do not intimidate every man. Sexiness, the way you dress and a cool attitude go a longer way than prettiness."
Firstly, we need to define "interest". My interest in young girls is to have a good time. I don't want to discuss current politics nor talk about "War and Peace". Also, you take for granted that a young hot girl cannot be smart or have a good attitude. Why do you have to "trade"? Can't you have it all? I don't know about you, but the last woman who shared my bed is super cool, under 35yo, around 50kg and cooked my dinner.
The truth is: You CAN have it all. That whole "maybe she is young but she must also be stupid" is nothing but old women's way to make themselves feel better. I have met a plethora of smart, pretty and fun women under 35.
On a semi-unrelated note, I understand your point because I used to think like you, and it takes a lot of mental reprogramming to understand what I am writing. With all due respect (you really remind me of myself years ago) I venture to say that you haven't experienced what is to be truly successful. I would say you are not yet in the 7-figure-income club, but I hope you will. There was a time I would say "I don't understand why people spend $100,000 on a car if my car also takes me where I want to go"...that is, until you OWN (not borrow) your first luxury car. Then you start seeing things my way.
The same goes for women. You wrote you like chunky women. This might be your fetish, in which case all power to you, but it might also be that you haven't been with enough 22yo super smart super pretty and super cool chicks. Chicks who know for a fact that the second they stop being cool you will kick them to the curb and get a new, fresh one. Only experience (lots of it) makes you see life with a different glass.
It is, however, unfortunate that not all men get to have such experiences. On the flip side, those men with mortgage payments and second hand cars are the ones who pick up the girls bad boys left next to the garbage bin.
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hey lets better not go too far, or the thread will be pulled out
In simplest's case, we (men or women) all have agreed that he is not into her, he is playing, simplest choose to keep away from that guy or continue the play with him, its her choice.
Even if cowboy's suppose is right that she is not good enough for him, can it be an excuse for man to justify their behavior of fooling around? ok if you are so great, why not like Beckham finding a great woman Victoria? why play with those girls not good enough for you? why creat romantic illusion to those girls, making them believe you are intersted in them? The behavior of playing with young girls, just for their beautiful body to satisfy man's physical desire, then dump them after they get old is the ..... (i want to use the ...languge, but if i use any , i maybe get banned)
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I don't think the point is in playing with young girls. What is going on is that Western guys can often find women that are much younger than them in Asia, so these young-enough-to-be-their-daughters (if not grand daughters) are marriage materials. But women belonging to the same age group as the men often end up being the "good-for-now until I meet someone young enough to be my daughter" sort of materials.
Some, if not most, men are more driven by their genitals and hence they cannot stand being on their own. So, they end up having a lot of these "good-for-now" women before they do find someone they want to settle down with. But a lot of these good-for-now women will not sleep with someone without a flicker of a hope that it may need to more (contrary to some who think Asian women are easy), so the men lie to a certain extent about their intentions. In some cases, men don't lie, not that they will tell the women they are only sleeping with them, but they themselves are not quite sure about whether they would settle down with that person. However, chances are, if a man is not sure about you initially, they will never be sure about you, ie. they subconsciously think you are not the one, but due to their fear of loneliness, they will not face up to the fact or simply do not want to disclose the fact and lie to get laid.
It is not a question about whether a woman is good or not, but whether she is good enough in the eyes of the man she is going out with. It is all rather subjective.
The saddest thing is that once you have come to realise this sad fact of dating in Asia, you won't even bother dating cos it is such a waste of time. ;OP
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Really very sad fact.
First I never seen any young girls around me (in my life circle) dating with old caucation guys. so I will not make comments about young girls date with old caucation guys.
Since I were old enough to be at school, I was told what is right, what is wrong, what is good, what is bad, what is beautiful, what is ugly. We all know thief is bad, coz the thief did something harmful to other ppl. Can thieves justify his behavior as correct just because other ppl have something he does not have? we condemn the drugs, because it will damage the ppl who use it, we condem the war, because it will kill so many ppl. We condem robbery, rape, cheating, fooling around , all because it did harm to other ppl to some extent. If moving from one girl to another is regarded as a rightful, justifed and even a kind of behavior to be proud of, I really dont know what the hell of a world we are living in.
I am strongly against this behaviour, because i also know so many men who does not like this. When my brother dated with his gf, one of his friend asked him:" I knew a girl who is good-looking, well educated, secure job, parents also have great job, no financial burden, do you like to meet her?" My brother just simply said "no, I wont date two at same time". In our whole life we will be facing so many temptations, we can always find or meet someone who is younger, more beautiful, sexy, wealthy than our current partners. Can we just throw the old ones and say to them:" honey I am sorry you are out, you are as perfect as Marilyn Monroe in my eyes before, but now I met someone like Elizabeth Tayler who has the most beautiful eyes in the world ."
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@ Sunshine, this time you are very right, and I mean that honestly. NOBODY, man or woman, have the right to play with other's feelings. I know is crazy for me to say so, but I am intelligent enough to know what is right and what is wrong.
So the fundamental question is: Why, if is wrong, they do it?
The "terrible" answer: Because THEY CAN.
We have stopped being "human" long time ago. We have stopped caring for others because, by doing so, we are stepped on, spitted on, laughed at, hurt, and throw away. I know far to well where the road of the pure leads, and as someone who has been there I rather turn the reigns of my horse and ride in the opposite direction as far as I can.
Exclusing exceptions, every time someone says things like "I care about what is inside" is because s/he can't "afford" better (again, by "afford" I don't mean financially). A 35yo woman can't compete with a 22yo girl for the handsome, smart, wealthy guy. A 40yo guy with an average job will never even come to Asia because he can't afford it. He will settle for that 35yo single mother with a few extra pounds because he can't do better.
@Tutorjoanna. Your "genitals" asumption is right for mediocre men. In Asia this might be truth for the English teacher kind of guy or someone with little to none experience with women. However, there is a shred of truth in your statement.
Is true that all men need sex, and that has been used for women to keep us "under control". This worked fine when the supply was shorter than the demand, but today the supply have driven down the bargaining power of women. On top of that, an added problem [for women] is that men are now used to have a "taste of the goods". In my case, if I don't get a taste on the second or third date (at most) you are gone and gone.
This mix of high supply and the need to provide "a taste" is killing women. Even if they are pretty, even if they are young, the can't "close the deal" because you are not offering anything that others are not. Is, pure and simple, not worth it.
Consider this, though: Maybe is not meant to be. Maybe there are no deals to close anymore. We live in an overpopulated world, so no more children are needed. Women have full access to the workforce, so no support from men is needed, either. And love, it can last forever, but there won't be a paper to sign for it.
I know, you won't have the power to keep your man around when you get older. If he can, he will fly away with a younger model, but...isn't this better than having a man who is with you just because a divorce would be too expensive for him? Wouldn't you prefer a man who loves you truly, instead of someone who is financially or socially kidnapped and forced to be with you?
Regarding your comment of men "not really lying", I agree with you 100%, and this is what I have been trying to explain for a while.
Finally, the topic has moved from the OP problem to "how men think" which is fine by me as long as is find for the moderator.
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There is always a balance of power in any relationships, be it a personal one or a business one. A western man going out with someone much younger can rest assured that the woman is not with him for love, but for his power or money. This coupled with the nature of men needing sex, means that a lot of such younger women may stop sleeping with their partners altogether once they have kids and know that should there be a divorce, their kids will assure them a hefty monthly payout, or they are just assured a certain level of living standard without having to sleep with someone they love as the hubby will be scared of a costly divorce. And that's why you get so many Western married men looking for affairs.
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I guess the woman is an Asian and the man westerner.
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@Tutorjoanna, your comment leads to several questions to ponder:
1. Western men don't like young women. ALL MEN like young women. What occurs is that, usually, only western men (with money) are sent to Asia, which creates the confusion/illusion of all western men having money. By the way, young is a base requirement, she also must be pretty, think, and fun to be with.
2. Did you read the thread "why women are attracted to older men"? I think there is a confusion between the stereotypical old fat western man with the asian prostitute. I do not have figures on that so I am only going to talk for myself, and let me tell you that I have always spent minimum amount of money with women. In fact, in many occasions they paid for dinner on the first date. I am very generous but ONLY after at least 6 months into the relationship. Obvously, I can tell you as well that very few make it into that "benchmark" (less than 10 women).
Women are not with us for the money, but for the promise of an exciting life. In many cases, they are with us because they have a dream in their head; a big house somewhere in Europe or US, and mixed babies (only by saying the word "mixed babies" they go crazy). However, they need someone to play the hubby part. If you LOOK the part you are in.
This is, again, one of those stereotypes that hurt women. They often think "because I love him and I don't want his money, means he is real to me". They think that because they care for us, or love us, means we will love them or care for them back. We do, of course...until we get tired of them.
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"We have stopped being "human" long time ago. We have stopped caring for others because, by doing so, we are stepped on, spitted on, laughed at, hurt, and throw away. I know far to well where the road of the pure leads, and as someone who has been there I rather turn the reigns of my horse and ride in the opposite direction as far as I can."
Do you know there is a trend that children of abuse become abusers? I don't think you got on that horse and rode away.
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Sorry Tinyteddy, I had a very happy childhood. What I meant in my comment was that we all have had our heart broken. Is part of our development as humans.
Some, however, are stupid enough to get hurt again and again for no apparent reason.
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I was not referring to your childhood. But as you brought it up, is your lifestyle one that makes your mother proud?
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TX, I sometimes think you are wise about men but naive about women. If you think women are fooled by western men dangling the hope of a real relationship, you and most probably a lot of men are also fooled by the hope of having a trophy wife. Not paying for first date does not make you wise, just a bit less of a gentleman. Afterall, how much can a dinner cost? If a woman is really after the big fish, she will not skim on the first dinner, provided that she knows that there is money at the end. On the other hand, a woman who is looking for true love will require some respect from the man and expects him to act like a gentleman. So, you will be stuck with the ones who only want a quickie or simply hoping to get the big money at the end.
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And btw, exciting life usually costs a fortune, so yes, it is another code name for money. rofl And if you think someone over 10 years younger than you, wanting an "exciting life" will sit around someone who is too old to have one such life when they hit over 60s and she is just in her 40s, you really have to rethink.
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@TutorJoanna, you still don't get it, do you? Women ARE fooled by us, since at the end of the day we usually get what we want and move to the next prey. Consider the results. Not paying for a first date simply means that I am not spending money on her, nothing else.
"Gentleman" was a term used when women and men were not equal. Gentlemen knew that women earned less, and thus complemented that imbalance. Today, we are equal, so if I pay for a dinner so should you. At the end of the day, I consider the person who invites to be the person who pays, and in the cases when a girl gives me her number, she is the one interested at me.
You are SO RIGHT in what you mentioned: "a woman is really after the big fish, she will not skim on the first dinner, provided that she knows that there is money at the end". I look the part, dear, so she will pay for dinner and say things like "oh my god, I never did [insert something really depraved] on a first date!". They think they will get a big payment. In fact, I very often dumb myself down to be more convincing. If you ever met me in person I am always "just arriving for the first time" in China or HK, even though I have been in and out of here for some 10 years. At the end of the day, what is really important is that I get what I came for.
In the other hand, if we talk about love we set different grounds: You mentioned "respect" but respect must be earned. For instance, if she expect me to pay for every dinner she is misrespecting me. Weren't we equal? If a woman wants to "wait and see" and expect me to take her 5 times for dinner before going any further, I might just do that...of course, after kissing her goodbye I will call the ones who "respect themselves less" and get the job done. And nope, I don't mean professionals.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is to know what you are looking for and to find out whether the other person is going for the same thing. You also need to consider "the game". I am smart enough to differenciate who is looking for money and who is looking for love. They can look for whatever they want for I am going to get what I want.
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lol @ TX's reply. You are the one that doesn't get it. Women know who to avoid and who is a keeper. Well, at least some women do.
So, whilst you are stuck with the delusion that all girls are easy and will get what you want after one date without even paying for it, you actually ARE stuck with easy women or gold diggers who do not mind the initial small investment provided that there is more.
You are stuck with the other delusion that much younger women would really stick around with someone much older than them because they offer an exciting life. A lot of men actually DO know that this is but a delusion but will NOT admit to it, hence the copious amount of men lying about being in their 40s or even 30s, when they are actually in their 50s or even 60s. They KNOW deep down that much younger women would not even look at them if they are honest about their age from the start.
Wake up and smell the roses, my dear.
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@TutorJoanna, I remember years ago that someone told me: "Is not what is right. Is not what is wrong. What it really matters is what works".
You are right. Some women know and some don't. Thankfully for guys like me, there are plenty of the silly ones...or maybe those are the ones who think they can outsmart me. At the end of the day, is all a big game to me.
But I can feel you are getting emotional here. Consider your words: "whilst you are stuck with the delusion that all girls are easy and will get what you want after one date without even paying for it, you actually ARE stuck with easy women or gold diggers who do not mind the initial small investment provided that there is more"
I want to ask you and ask the readers: Didn't you realize already that all that we want is this kind of woman? Don't you realize that I pray before every date that the woman I am going to meet is a gold digger thinking that she will get me to sign the dotted line? These, together with the "hopeful" ones, together with the "I want a mixed baby" are my prime demographic. These are my main audience. These are my divas. These women are so easy to outsmart and get what you want from them that one feel stupid not doing so.
In the other hand, like I mentioned before, I am not even 35. I am not even in the "golden age" of 40, but I will get there. Since I never gave money to any of those hook-ups, I guess that, for the ones sticking with me for 6 months they were doing so for the excitement, because otherwise, if they were gold diggers they were really stupid ones, don't you think? (then again, everything is possible...).
Finally, I would appreciate if we keep this conversation within the realm of reality. I am sure there are many men lying about their age, but then again those are losers. Why would you lie about such a thing? I mean, one of my very best friends is in his 60s and his girlfriend is 25. They have being together for over a year and, believe me when I tell you, all he does for her is let her stay in his place. I have seen her buying him clothes and paying for dinners...but I also admit this might very well be an exception.
Consider this, too: If a 60yo guy needs to use his money to get what he wants, what's the problem? He is spending probably 0,001% of his income and getting what he wants. As Charlie Sheen said once, when he was caught with a prostitute: "I don't pay women to have sex with me, I pay women to leave".
At the end of the day, the important thing is to get what you want, and I doubt any 60yo guy who can afford a 22yo girl will ever choose a girl over 35.
TutorJoanna, I have notice that your comments have become bitter and this is causing you to lose the ability to argue properly. I understand my words probably hurt you at a personal level, which is not my intention. However, if you (and everyone, including me) want to get something out of this discussion is very important to keep being pragmatic.
The reason I so strongly believe in what I write is because I have been in both sides of the fence: I have been a good guy, both at work and in my personal life. Then I became a real player, and that provided me riches beyond my imagination. However, I was too bad, even for my ultralow standards. Today I am more balanced and I no longer do things like creating deceiving or lying or cheating.
However, I have enough sense to realize the truth about men and women. We all have a plan, we all play a game, and whoever is smarter wins. Women can make a hell of a lot during their 20s as long as they are pretty, but they better marry before the age of 30. Men are slower but, if they are smart, their power (emotional, financial, etc) increases over time, which means that he needs to exercise patience in order to ripe the best results.
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LOL @ TX Cowboy - atleast you are honest!
You genuinely see these women as little more than pieces of meat you can outsmart purely to amass ridiculous numbers of meaningless sexual encounters to boost your ego - We get it!
But you must realise that there is a huge difference between quality and quantity?
Your best mate in his 60s with the girl friend young enough to be his grand daughter must come in handy for inspiration if you ever begin to question your strategy!
I hate to state the obvious, but most normal people don’t look at him and think “what a cool guy!” They think “what a sicko! obviously couldn’t get a decent woman in his own country so is now resigned to being a creepy old man in Asia!”
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If you ever read "The Game", at the end of the book the guy tires of banging cheap hos (and thinking its clever) and turns to a 1:1. Quality and quantity issue.
And as far as outsmarting the girls - really, it is taking candy off babies stuff in Asia, esp if you use deception as you admitted a few days ago "create the illusion etc". Go play chess with a 2 year old for a bigger challenge.
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I agreed with most of joanna's comment.
"So, whilst you are stuck with the delusion that all girls are easy and will get what you want after one date without even paying for it, you actually ARE stuck with easy women or gold diggers who do not mind the initial small investment provided that there is more."...
Come to think of it, an easy woman definitely won't be exclusively easy just for one guy, she will scatter her net and catch that big fish while she can. afterall, there are plenty of "exciting" "fun" guys around, she can hop from one bed to another....
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