Really need help and your advice. Tks.

Soon I will be 30, but I have no boyfriend. Parents want me to take arranged marriage, which I cann't accept. Before I went through one unhappy relationship, and feel very sad.

So I just don't know where to find a good man, to be frank I have few friends here. All colleagues are married female, so nearly no common language.

Now tired to be lonely, and really need some company especially at weekends and holidays. But how should I start to change my life style? I feel embrassed to go to some strangers and say can we be friends...

Please help advise. Tks.

Oh yeah, don't do the "can we be friends" thing when walking up to strangers. Thats plain weird. I had someone do that to me when I was in Japan and I felt so sorry for the lass that I agreed. Turned out the more I knew her the less I knew about her and I began to fear that she was possibly a recruiter for some dodgy cult (afterall, who in the real world goes up to strangers and says "can I be your friend?")


If your parents want to arrange a marriage, does this mean you will get to meet the person first to see if you like them?


I say go for it if that is the case. But go into it with an open mind.


If its just a matter of them finding you a husband and you not knowing until the deed is done, hmm...thats very old school.


What can you do to change your lifestyle?


Be more proactive. Not desperate, but definitely proactive. Looks are important, so maybe don't go around dressed in slacks and comfortable shoes while letting the eyebrows remain unchecked or the mustache to be visible from outer space. Don't dress like a ho either, you don't want to attract the wrong type.


Take up an extra curricular activity like joining an indoor rock climbing group, a running hash or some other kind of social network.


And more than anything...don't be desperate! Desperation has a very specific odor and look, folks can smell it and see it from a mile away! It may be too late, coz you do sound a little frustrated, but hey, I still don't think the arranged marriage option is so bad...hard times call for drastic measures, right?

First at all, you need to understand that times have changed. You will never find a "forever love" the way your parents did (if your parents married for love, that is). You said you have only one relationship before. That is hardly any experience at all!


Secondly, we need to address your "I want to have a family and a baby" problem. Yes, I can read between lines and that "I am approaching 30" is all I needed to know. This attitude will put you in a marriage with a semi-stranger for the sake of having a baby. If that is what you like, go to people's square any saturday or sunday morning and, in the park, you can meet old women advertising their sons for marriage.


Thirdly, I fully agree with "Justin". When I heard the words "let's start as friends" I never call this person back, EVEN if I had a serious intention. Why do you want to start a relationship based on a lie? You want to be a wife right now, you might as well put this on the table from the first date.


But with all this said, I think you should first have some fun, enjoy life, and if is meant to happen you will find someone. If not, single life is good, too.

Like the others on here. If anybody comes up and wants to be my friend I am suspicious. If it is a Chinese person I assume they want free English lessons (me British), of it is a woman I would also make the first assumption that she is a prostitute.


If you want to meet people, get on the internet. Some people will tell you to be careful etc. But you shuld be careful meeting any stranger. Finding somebody to share your life with is a numbers game. The more people you meet the more likely you are to find somebody compatible, and find them sooner.

The internet dating sites increase the number of people you can meet, and many of these meetings will be 'virtual' meetings. You will look at many members profiles and think 'NO'. You will start to write to some and think 'NO'. Some you will meet, and eventually you will get lucky.


It works for thousands of people. I think there was somebody posted on here last year who met thier husband/wife online. I know people who have met thier partner on line as well.


Give it a go.

Pinkblue, 30 is not that "old", don't jump into a marriage for marriage sake, do not have the mentality of "ppl have it, I should have it"...something like that..


Personally i think arranged prospect is not that bad, this is just like what the marriage agency does, they arrange ppl to have dinner or lunch and meet ppl. difference is your parents arrange it, more better cause they must knew the guy is at least from a good family. One of my best friend got married thru this method, and they have 2 children now and have a very happy marriage, at least they don't have this in-law problem as their parents are friends.


Tiger's advise is good also, internet dating site can let you filter out a lot of undersirable ones, save you a lot of time and who knows you may get lucky, but of course, you need to be careful, cause there are a lot of players and scammers around.


Good luck

Pinkblue, if I were you I will do the follows:


1. I will first make my outlook feminine and decent if I am not. get fashion magazines to grab some ideas, then go shopping, change the wardrobe, wear make up (in the right way), have my hair done, do exercises. As what other guys stated in another coloum, at least make my own outlook "pleasant to look at". yea have to spend $, but it's a kind of investment so go ahead. you don't wait until you are 50 when you start to make yourself look pretty.


2. let every of my friend know that I am looking for a decent boyfriend and ask them to introduce guys to me if they know someone decent.


3. Join whatever friend's gathering available to meet new people. You don't go to a stranger and say "can we be friends" but you can always go to your friends' friends and be friends. Don't limit yourself to guys only and be friends with girls too! maintain the relation with anyone as they will have their own friends to introduce to you in the later stage too.


3. Find some courses or workshop or society that you are interested in to join and attend. Know someone who shares the same interest would be nice.


4. Join volunteer work, which can help the community, and, yourself.


5. Personally I love to attend arranged dates (by friends, by relatives, by parents) because you do not have to guess if the person is just playing around or serious. If i were you, I would love to attend the arranged dates by parents because that means at least my parents think he is qualified.


6. Go internet is an option but I seldom use this mean as there are too many liars on the internet and it took too much time for me to filter the players. Well if I have enough energy and time then I will go for internet after the above.


All in all, don't forget to be cheerful and confident about yourself. If you do not think yourself is good, how do you expect other people to think you are good and want you to be his gf? No matter how bad was the last experience, it was the past and shouldn't become the barrier for you to develop a BETTER one. At the same time, learn to enjoy the single life and make yourself happy even without a bf. having a bf doesn't guranteed you a happier life either.


Hope it helps :)