Financial arrangement in a marriage

Just curious to know how working couples (both with income) deal with finances - do you share all expenses equally or one pays more?

If you truly trust each other, this wouldn't be much of an issue unless you've got kids. I for one is living with my gf and I don't like the idea of financial matters getting in our way. Sometimes she settle the bills and I pay the rent and on some days its the other way around. It's about balance..what's his is yours and yours is his

every couple are different depending on who earns more. u need to find an arrangement that is equitable (not necessarily equal)...

my wife and i have separate accounts. i pay for nearly all expenses as i earn much more, and when i get a bonus or pay rise i tend to transfer large amounts of cash to her account to keep our savings approx equal.


i like the freedom of having my own account still...

xpatwilier, you sould incredibly generous, basically you are paying for everything even though your wife is working. Granted that her income is less but you do not demand that she pays her proportionate share (as I have heard some husband demands). My understanding is that in Chinese marriage if the husband can afford it he pays for all regardless of whehther the wife works.

at cecim,


my wife is traditionally chinese in the sense that she pays to look after her own parents from her own salary.


when i have had liquidity problems, my wife will give me money i need. It's never been an issue. we went into the marriage believing that we would share everything. she provides far more to me and to our kid than can be measured in monetary terms.

expatwilier, your wife is very fortunate. I know someone whose husband sends her excel spreadsheet every month detailing who has paid for what and who has oustanding (having paid more expenses) in the monthly account. Needless to say it all seems very mechanical and business like which has affected the marriage.

your friend's husband must be an actuary or an accountant... ;)


i think that financial discipline is important, and we maintain a spreadsheet of savings and investments, but nothing too granular... its important not to take it to extremes!!!

Would appreciate feedback on whether a monthly excel spreadsheet setting out who has paid what and who has paid more etc is wise way of handling finances by the husband ? As a female it just sound so business like and clinical.

i think such detail is pretty destructive in a relationship. unless money is so tight that you need very detailed budgeting, i don't think it adds anything positive to the relationship to go into minute details about who spent what, etc.


if you plan on making investments though, it does help to know how much you as a couple collectively have, as its not uncommon to have multiple bank accounts, etc.


your friend's husband sounds miserly though.... (to a male or female)

mbbcat,

i have to agree with cara that being a housewife is no easy job at all, and in many ways is harder than going to work. imagine having to spend nearly all of your time with kids... if you actually put in the commitment to teach them properly and keep them stimulated, it's a full-time job and a half. It can also become extremely tiring and tough when as a housewife you are starved of adult company for most of the day. despite my kid being extremely good fun to be around, the thought of spending EVERY hour of the day with my kid every day, is pretty unappealing. Housewives very often make sacrifices to their personal careers to make sure that they nurture their children, and it's hardly like they are getting off lightly!!!


That's why to me, my money is as much mine as it is my wife's, regardless of who is working at the office or working as a housewife at home.

Team Cara!


My husband and I both have great jobs. However, I am challenged in the savings department - I have an immediate self gratification gene. This meant that when we met, even though we had been earning the same amount of money, he had a nice big fat deposit for a house in the bank and I had a wardrobe full of shoes, some pretty clothes and had visited virtually every spa in Asia.

When we got engaged we started a joint account and he showed me how to track my money, how to work out how much I could spend each day and thanks to him I had enough money in the bank to renovate the house (that he or is it we... think that latter as we have a his is mine and mine is his (pathetic in comparison mine is to his) bought with his savings).

He pays the mortgage, the rates and utilities, roughly 50% of the grocery bill. I pay for the amahs, the scholling and 50% of the grocery bill, I take a 3rd of my salary for moi and the rest goes into savings. Er...I think I know who got the better deal.


I am still remedial when it comes to saving - seriously I am like homer 'dóh, spend, dóh, spend, dóh'. So we started a spreadsheet a couple of years ago - this is not to point the finger at each other when one does not pay as much as the other, more so to look at my habits. Thanks to his patience I can now follow a plan we have both agreed on. Although I did see a nice pair of Chanel glasses the other day.... my hand was quivering as I had to put them down...buy now - No! buy now - NO!!!!!!! :) Alas, I must wait until next pay to buy them as I have a BUDGET (big word for me)...see that is compromise!


In a marriage or serious relationship money does cause arguments - overspending by one partner is a problem, but so does staying in silo financial arrangements. The resentment will build either way. I agree with deciding on something as a 'team' that works for both of you. Talk to your partner rather than sitting on your pot of gold and digging your heels in because you think that that is the only way. A compromise, a bit of patience e.g. someonelike me needed a lot of patience, or understanding that some of the things your partner does e.g. a housewife may not have an immediate dollar value but their time, commitment and support are worth far more than money.



On that note, I did not realise how hard housewives worked until I was made redundant and spent 6 months unemployed. I loved spending (note the word 'spending :) the time with my children, but it was hard work. To claim that a housewife doesn't earn her keep when it truely is a 365 / 24 hour a day job shows a lack of understanding of what that 'job' entails. Cara is right if you worked out how much a housewife does - cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to school, washing the clothes etc. I don't thiink there are many men who could afford one.

I accept true housewives are undervalued and deserve more recognition and applause. However there are many housewives who have helpers doing all the work and they are just remote controlling everything. These housewives have lunch, tennis etc when the kids are at school. I am afraid I do not see what hard work they are doing (as opposed to those who are hands on and doing everything themselves).

Hi,


I have been married just over a year but we have been together for over 7 years, i earn more than my wife but the money is ours, i pay all the bills and rent and if my wife is short of money give her what she needs, although we have seperate bank accounts there is no concept of mine or hers money.

I guess this is something each couple has to arrive at their own solution.

We have been married almost 10 years. And here is how we manage our finances and it has been working for us.

My husband earns roughly 5 times more than I do. So he is responsible for big items like rent, mortgages, insurance, taxes and saving. I am responsible for the rest such as groceries, all utilities, maid's salary, and general household related expenses. We have separate checking/savings accounts and own joint savings/investment accounts both here and in our country of origin. Although we have separate accounts, we have access to each other's accounts and share one credit card together. We do not have any other credit cards and have not needed one as of yet. This works for us because we both are used to having some degree of financial freedom but understand that in a marriage, there has to be a common goal as well as a check/balance system in terms of spending. I am more of a spender than my husband who is extremely disciplined about saving and spending which I am eternally thankful for. So far, we never really had to fight over money because we have a similar views on money and work towards what we consider viable financial future together.

Hi Chim,


You should phone 'Poor Brad, Rich Brad' who runs seminars for women on money, and gives personal assistance to couples on finance. My hubbie and I saw him (it's only $880 per hour) and he was fab and sorted us out! Basically he says that we all have different financial blueprints and he takes each couple and works with them to find a happy balance. It's worth doing if you have a few issues! Phone the guy on 3100 01010.