Posted by
woods99
15 yrs ago
The problem is, there are different kinds of love, but only one word.
In western society, typically we talk about "falling in love", meaning the initial - sometimes strong even over-powering - set of emotions we experience at the beginning of a relationship. Some lucky couples retain that wonderful feeling throughout their whole married lives. Most of us don't - the initial infatuation is gradually replaced by a more mature, deeper, love that lasts forever.
Unfortunately, for some couples, when the "falling in love" disappears, so does the relationship.
In some cultures, of course there is no such thing as "falling in love" - marriage is based on a more mature and deeper set of beliefs and principles. Arranged marriages usually work because they are in this category - the couple accepts that their marriage has been put together by people who know them well, and want the best out of life for them, and so they work hard to make it happen.
I would prefer to be married to someone who understands that love can change over time - what is DEEP today might really be shallow in the long run.
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Simple answer.
Yes it happens. Many expats marry and stay in China.
However. Define love.
What I thought was love when I was 16 years old is not the same as my view of love at 25, 35, 45 years old.
Cultural values about love differ from Asia and Europe or USA.
Also, some people become struck by love with somebody 'exotic'. And so Europeans may find Chinese girls exotic (yellow fever) and Chinese might find westerners exotic. This may be more of a lust thing. But love and lust are close to each other. Lust can lead to love.
Also expats on a short term contract are likely to have a different view to those who have been in China for a while. There is another case. I met my wife in Europe and came back with her.
We are all different. I am not the same as by brother. My wife is not the same as his. My wants and needs for the future are not the same as his.
But as I have got older and more stable/boring, I have a better idea of what I want.
I am an expat. I got married to a wonderful Chinese woman. She was 39, I was 45. We had both been married before and had a clearer idea of what we wanted and didn't want in a relationship. There are just so many variables.
But the simple answer is that an expat can deeply love a Chinese girl.
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An expat CAN deeply in love with a Chinese girl, 100% sure !!
But forever ? expat and expat maybe not be forever; chines boy and chinese girl maybe not be forever too. agree with "rititt" its "maybe+maybe"
I think what you really want to know is how to make the "maybe+maybe" become certain.
Let's be a little bit realistic, What effective to a loving relationship ( An expat already deeply in love with a Chinese girl ) is the situation of both side. Since he is expat, your guys need to figure out where will you live in the future. If in China, can he well setteled in China? If you go to his country, same questions goes to your side. Only if you have answer for above, can you think of a long term.
Why some expat play around? simply because they know they will not stay here for long term, so they just enjoy present life. also there are many naives that are available for them. Do not think your expat will change just because of YOU, if their situation can not be changed...
Tips for chinese girl:
Unless your guys are planing to settle down in China, or he has started to arrange visa for you to go to his country for marry. don't expact long term with him. Love can not conquer everything sometimes.
Btw, long term doesn't mean Forever... Better forget the word "forever", your life will be more easier.
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Posted by rainbow1980 (1 hr ago)
An expat CAN deeply in love with a Chinese girl, 100% sure !!
But forever ? expat and expat maybe not be forever; chines boy and chinese girl maybe not be forever too. agree with "rititt" its "maybe+maybe"
That is why I used the word 'can'. And not the OP's word 'will'.
There is never certainty. Will he love you? has little to do with race. More about the two of you, and your own personal circumstances as two individuals (maybe + maybe).
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I also agree with you " tigerbay" :)
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Thanks for the responses.
My question is: Do you think an expat will deeply in love with a Chinese girl forever??
In this case, forever is SO important.
yes of course it's possible lah
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sicn
15 yrs ago
Em Chan,
I hope what I am going to write won't pop your bubbles...
An expat friend of mine is a player. He has many gf at different countries. One day he texted one of his Chinese GF: "I love you forever." And in fact he knew he was least wanting to keep her.
You might ask why he would do that. His answer is: Because that Chinese girl likes to hear things like that (to make up the lack of security to date an expat guy who won't stop traveling).
But anything is possible, right?
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Hey look ... none of us can promise forever... You are too demanding. Love isn't something you put in the safe and keep forever. It is something that goes through all sorts of manifestations.
If people can love each other to begin with, they can make it last forever if they are attentive. Can you really promise that you will love your expat (or whoever girl's he is) forever? Come on? Be truthful! No you can't... None of us can, but people who make a commitment to try sometimes succeed.
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merm
15 yrs ago
I'm curious what your answer to this would be:
'Do you think a CHINESE will deeply in love with a Chinese girl forever??'
I know my ex still loves me and always will even though we're not together anymore. So love doesn't mean being together either.
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A Chinese man and an expat man have something in common. They are both men. I'd work on that basis if I were you and not get muddled about race and culture.
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No one can say forever, just try & test it out.
May be some other expat man can love his Chinese woman FOREVER, just not your one...
I thought the fairy tale of "living happily ever after" would be burst since people grow up...
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When you meet an expat, you ask him, what i should do in order to let you deeply love me forever, then do accordingly what he told you ...
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sicn
15 yrs ago
<<>>
Like who?
So if your expat lover said he would be for ever deeply in love with you, do you believe in him?
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In a year from now, half of the NEW expat men you now know will be out of your life?
You sound really young. And not like someone who is concerned about whether expats are interested in true love.
And why only expats? In answer to your question, can expats fall in love? Sure. Some expats, and men from every nationality, fall in love. Some fall in love again and again and again..
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Whilst perhaps the fates decree someone's fidelity or it happens that some people are wired to remain with one partner, others will end up with many. How can we tell which bracket your expat quarry/ies fall into (or any other non-expat male for that matter) unless we know them well? Whether they stay with one person or continue/start to be serial philanderers is to do with their individual personalities and circumstances and pretty much regardless of race. Partnerships are evolving things and so it also helps if the Chinese girl (or girl of any nationality) continues to make the expat (or guy of any nationality) happy for the rest of his life, and vice versa of course.
But I don't think anyone - male or female - will stay deeply in love with someone who over-analyses their relationship, be it real or potential, and unless they've got their own self-esteem issues people don't tend to be attracted to needy partners who constantly seek reassurance that they will be loved for all eternity. Why waste a minute of your time and youth seeking the promise of commitment if it is impossible to guarantee that the promise will be kept? In other words, enjoy the moment.
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em chan
with you, i doubt it...
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Without any information is hard to say. Em Chan, maybe you can tell us more about your case so we can form a better oppinion.
Now, in general, I'd say that if the expat is handome and relatively young AND if you guys live in China, chances are he will end up cheating (been there, done that)...
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tpol
15 yrs ago
It says she's based in Bahrain
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Em Chan, next time you ask people for advice don't forget to add the following disclaimer:
"PS: Please don't tell me the truth but only what I want to hear."
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Answer = Probably not
My mother is Nihonjin, my father may still be in love with her but she detests the ground he walks on. Does this mean she is not still the sole beneficiary on his will? Nope. She is totally taking the whole kitankaboodle to her mofograve!
That said...
Most expat guys who star eyed and stanky drawered, hook up with an "Asian hottie" (lets insert "Chinese gal" for your benefit) and then wake up 2 years later funding life insurance plans they never nightmared about or going to CNY banquets they never even fantasized about in their weirdest acid flashbacks....erm...the one complaint they all have is "I have nothing to talk about"
I dunno...gf, if you and the gaijin factor are yapping away till kingdom come before you close your peepers every night...then you may have something going for you, BUT, if not?
Your outright, plain as daylight answer is: NO.
Bon Voyage~
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