What Percentage of men in HK really can be faithful in marriage?

Curious to see 'good' marriages being wiped out left right and centre by cheating husbands/ males.


What % of men do you think can be trusted to do no harm?


Pls state if you are male or female.


Am especially curious from males in HK and the inner sanction, what they believe is the % of the population that can give home to us singles out there.


Or is it a lost cause?

There certainly are lost causes around, that's for sure.

wake up call, you know, after seeing all the responses in this forum, I really don't know. You get partners who cheat and you get people advising that the wives are to blame for not satisfying them in bed.


You also get those who say that women are living in "dreamland" if you believe that guys don't cheat.


I feel awful after reading all of these.


But maybe the men who are active on this forum are the more sociable ones who get to meet too many women and are more likely to cheat compared to the non active ones?


Only an opinion and I admit I am generalising.


I am female.

People seem to still be under the misconception that men are the only ones who cheat. Women are better at hiding it but they cheat just as much as men.

Hmmm....how about between 0-100%. Ah?! okay okay put your gun down first....


If you asked me, I would positively say 100% of men in HK really can be faithful in marriage, the same as women, if you choose to believe. Yes, HK could be an easy place and people are carried away, live examples all around....etc etc. But after all, life goes on, real problems cannot be denied but it's a curse to yourself by moaning all day how life (your partner) is treating you unfairly and badly.


All these lessons learned from others' and my own failures have only prepared me to wisely face whatever worst scenarios that might strike in future, but they never whatsoever deter me from putting trust in people, and hopes in relationship and marraige.


Apparently this treat just aims to instigate some hot discussions, it's all welcome but I would deeply appreciate an unbiased and more thought-provoking pick up line.


Cheers.

I agree with you Wob Lee. And have to add that when most women find out they were cheated on, they tell common friends/post their dilemma on a forum seeking advice/sympathy or simply to rant and very rarely will a man tell the world they were cheated on.


If anyone wants to lessen the chances of their partner (whether male/female) cheating on them, make sure they are happy and satisfied.

I am a guy who spends 60% of the time in HK. I also have numbers.


My company has a number of foreign employees. I personally know many of them for years. I can factually state that 100% of them cheated, whether they were married or single, young or old. Numerically, that would be about 50 guys, but we also have guys who come in business trips. These guys usually go for ONS.


One note: The majority of these guys are married to westernized women (i.e. western girls, ABCs, etc..)


The thing is, my company is a bit of a "gentlemen's club". From the top CEO to the last male employee we cover each other to the max. Due to the nature of our job we are suit-wearing, clean cut guys, and we have manners to match, so when I tell a wife on the phone that her husband is not yet home because he his on a conference call, she buys it. We have parties where wives are invited and you wouldn't believe how much these poor girls trust their husbands...


The CEO himself protected me once, so I know what I am talking about.


We did have the occasional crazy lover trying to destroy the reputation of an employee, which of course was faced with a "so what?" answer from our CEO plus difamation charges from our legal department.


We also had the occasional wife who wants a divorce (2 cases that I recall now), in which case we made sure the guys salary is properly "filtered" and he suddenly starts making minimum salary (on paper, that is).


My point is, I have been living in the US, EU and Asia all my life, and I have never seen anything like what I've found here. Me? I don't cheat no more, is not my game, but I will still do anything within my power to make sure my guys are protected.


Why help a cheater? Well...when you sit down with the guy, and he pulls a picture of his wife before marriage and after marriage, and you see her overweight with the "I am taking you to the cleaners" attitude...well, I can't help it, I love to be a friendly port in the middle of the storm.


And like Mike204 said, and I wrote in many occasions, keep thin and keep him satisfied and you will be fine.

One more note. I think it would help if we can all be FACTUAL, as oppose to WISHFUL thinking...

Agree with papa midnight.....

I am expat male, with a chinese girlfriend of nearly 2years.

I know of expat males who cheat, and they were cheaters back home - I choose not to associate with these people.

My girlfriend's friend (also chinese) has a boyfriend in Canada with whom she hopes to marry, yet she cheats on him. Go figure. He is a nice guy, with no idea what is happening behind his back, and she "loves him" yet is quite happy to date and sleep with other guys while she is 'working' in Hong Kong

One of my best friends recently found out that after 6yrs with his girlfriend, she had been cheating on him.

My girlfriend even admitted (long after we got together) that she had cheated once in the past before in a previous relationship. Its a sickening thought believe me, I couldn't do it to someone.

The women are not always the victims...

I play a outdoor sports league in HK that sends teams to tourneys in other parts of Asia. 99.9% of the men that go are not from HK. I would guess that at least 1/3rd of those will pick up a whore at those tourneys. I've stopped going to those tourneys as it is hard to find others that are there for the outdoor sport and not for the indoor sport.

Right right right, I admit the fact that there are plenty of cheaters who betray as habitual as they fart, but well well well you also have to recognise the same fact that there are many of real gentlemen who don't as normal as they don't snore.


Yes, by meaningless number, I am afraid respectively the ratio is like 90:10, or even worse 99:1, but "so what"? I just hope, taking this chance, more good examples like Philly Cheese, Headfirst, or even Cowboy now would come out here in this thread to bring some positive force.

As an ex-cheater, I must admit that 99% of the times I was "caught" I simply let it happen by design.


Telling a girl that you are bored with her, or that you need a younger model, is hard. They will cry and nag and bother you for months. Now, let them caught you with someone else and they will make ONE scene ONE day, and then you are free.


The trick is to pretend to ask for forgiveness (which in the heat of the moment she will reject, but will make her cry and somehow calm herself and "want to be alone"), and then by the time she "wants to try again" you can pull the classic "you are too good for me" or "I haven't forgive myself"...or simply dissapear!


100% guarantee results or your money back.

Wow, I'm so glad I know other types of guys totally unlike those self-satisfied cheaters here, back in europe!


The bias about hk is that people here are usually successful, never had much to fight for, got everything they wanted when they wanted, and are not at all used to real life and its difficulties. So, if sex is so easily available and they feel like having sex (they are just comparable to mc donalds eaters, instead of being gastronomes and develop very high gustative discern, and for sex develop a rich creative and sensual sexual life, so easy for them to feel unsatisfied, he he, yes, easier to get bored about a bigmac than exquisite food; they stop developing their sexual imagination so quickly that they are bored and just need the same boring sex but with other women, instead of different sex with the same woman), it will never cross their short-sighted mind to wonder if it is really the wisest to obtain more enriching fascinating and fun sex life.


The serial cheaters (esp those who go for prostitutes) are in my view slightly hadicapped people in the brain department: they completely lack the capacity of putting themselves into others shoes. Their imagination doesn't stretch that far. It is some very powerful tool in life, though, but they have no clue. Life will teach them a lesson one day, in some area. Arrogance belongs to losers, not winners. It is always funny to see an arrogant loser fall over, like in cartoons, full of themselves and hop, feet in dog's crap, hahaha!


And they are definitely handicapped big time in the sexual department. Eat 4 mc donald a week (you may call it variety if you have one day a cheesburger one day a big mac one day a filet o fish, but it's still the same, just like prostitues, they might be different every time, but it's all the same sex *yawn*) and try to give lesson in gastronomy to a 5 star chef.... you get the comparison.

Yes, they are poor in bed.

or not...

;D

Ahacha - totally there with you, dude! Much prefer my meat tasty, rather than cardboard accompanied flacid lettace (yep - even 5 times a week!)...If you're crazy, I hope I'm never called sane.

:ox

Next time when I go to McDonalds, probably I would prolong standing and fall into deep thinking what's said above in front of the cashier without being able to decide what to order....Well in fact I rarely go eating there. LOL.


As for "not to get caught", I can offer a tip as well from my own experience once, long time back (still studying at university). That day, I was with a group of his close friends who were like Cowboy trying to protect him, whom at the same time was going out with another girl. But somehow I found out the truth so went straight off to confront him. Denial of course as Cowboy taught you so. But very very unlucky this poor guy did not notice there's a little red lipstick mark on his collar, okay then no more bulls**ts I gave him a big slap in his face and then immediately ran as fast as my legs could carry!!!


So you E-DID-AT-S, please be a little more smart, remember to have your body "security" checked all over before coming home!

This post was not an attack on men or a statement on the pureness on woman.


Just wanted to get a read of guys believe is the % of guys that can stay the course in an ok marriage. Not one obviously where they don't can't stand each other and shag whatever comes up. Thats no longer a marriage anyway.


But what % of guys have a wife they don't want to leave but still cheat? This site seems to suggest its so high.....

Guys, regarding your comments to Ahacha, you have no idea about how to debate an idea. She made a point, and replying with "you are crazy" is nothing but a reply from someone who doesn't have a brain.


Luckily for you guys, the Cowboy is here.


"here are usually successful, never had much to fight for, got everything they wanted when they wanted, and are not at all used to real life and its difficulties."


Generally speaking, success comes from working hard. Unless you are a so-called "English teacher" (ha!) if you have in HK on an expat package means you are a smart, hard working person. So is only preposterous that anyone can think that we (successful people) didn't have a hard life. I know what a hard life is, and that is why I made myself successful so I don't need to live that way again. No economy class for me no more.


"So, if sex is so easily available and they feel like having sex (they are just comparable to mc donalds eaters, instead of being gastronomes and develop very high gustative discern, and for sex develop a rich creative and sensual sexual life, so easy for them to feel unsatisfied, he he, yes, easier to get bored about a bigmac than exquisite food"


I totally agree with you, because I am going to twist your analogy. Many people cannot afford organic food or really good restaurants. Therefore, when they are poor and young all they do is eating in McDonalds. You won't see many expensive suits in there, would you? But then one day they made it. They got that big promotion, or that MBA, and they found themselves with the money or power to do better. So they never go to eat in McDonalds anymore.


McDonalds is a great place, mind you. The food is fatty, but is cheap and they get the job (getting you to eat) done. Same goes for many women. When guys are poor and losers, they can't do any better than the fat girl with the attitude (fast food. One day they get that promotion and come to Asia, and they start tasting the real healthy Asian food...who wants to eat a fat cow meat when you can have soft and tender meat with no fat in it?


"they stop developing their sexual imagination so quickly that they are bored and just need the same boring sex but with other women, instead of different sex with the same woman"


While your last analogy was spot on (ha!) here your logic falters. Let me help you with an analogy of my own: You buy a new phone. Is exciting and you use it all the time. In time problems come. It gets slow, some keys stop working, and you are not thrilled to see it every day...soon enough is an old phone. Then you see a new model on the street, and if you can afford it you will buy it. Trust me when I tell you that nobody will keep an old phone if they can afford a new one. Then again, I know many people (myself included) that keep both phones for a while.


People are creatures of habbit, dear. You are more likely to have different sex with different women than with the same. That's a fact. Plus, you can't compare an aging woman with a young one. A 22yo body...a 20yo body...oh my god! they beat the hell out of anyone over 35, no matter how much botox or gym they do.


"The serial cheaters (esp those who go for prostitutes) are in my view slightly hadicapped people in the brain department"


I agree. Why would you pay for something you can get for free?


"Arrogance belongs to losers, not winners. It is always funny to see an arrogant loser fall over, like in cartoons, full of themselves and hop, feet in dog's crap, hahaha!"


An arrogant loser is funny. But arrogance often comes with wealth and power. One becomes arrogant when one care less for what other people think. When I was a teenager I had a girlfriend, and if she was mad at me I would just apologize because I thought she was the only woman in the whole world. Today I know better. Today I can afford to change any defective product I have. In other words, if a woman I am with starts with stupid tantrums she is gone, and she is gone because there are oh so many women to choose.


"And they are definitely handicapped big time in the sexual department. Eat 4 mc donald a week (you may call it variety if you have one day a cheesburger one day a big mac one day a filet o fish, but it's still the same, just like prostitues, they might be different every time, but it's all the same sex *yawn*) and try to give lesson in gastronomy to a 5 star chef.... you get the comparison."


I agree. Anyone eating the same fast food day after day will get health complications. This is why you should dump your cow and start eating young and healthy food.


"Yes, they are poor in bed."


Oh, the classical attempt to hurt a guy...that is sad because your poor points were funny. I could tell you that I am great in bed and blah blah but how could I prove it? I mean, we don't know each other and I like to base my statements in facts. Here is a fact: It doesn't matter whether a successful guy is good in bed or not. It doesn't matter whether he is big or small (in any way you think), or fat or thin. A successful guy will get what he wants, and when the girl is unahppy, or angry, or wants the wedding ring, he will move to the next victim.


I am not a cheater but I used to be one for some 10 years, so I know what I am talking about. Today I don't cheat, but my personal time is spend only in happy moments. The second my girl doesn't make me 100% happy she is gone.

@sexyboop. Did that slap thing happen on a metro station? Because if so, chances are I am the guy you slapped. This exact thing happened to me years ago. Nobody was protecting me at that time, because I was dating 3 girls and it was time to replace them all. I had two new girls so what I did was let the other 3 catch me. One slapped me in the face when she found out, another cried and the left, and the last one never found me because I simply dissapeared.


Good memories :)

@cowboy. Let me check, give me a few minutes (opened a book and flipped through a few pages). Nope, not a previous record of cowboy or something on my list of "People to be slapped". Any likelihood that you used some other names few years ago, just like people on this forum who would for some unknown reasons sign up another new user account and continue commenting?


Do you want to make an appointment now by the way?


Yes, they were good memories, I missed the past wild days!!!

"replying with "you are crazy" is nothing but a reply from someone who doesn't have a brain."


My apologies. I remove my brain when coming here to 'debate'.

One is left with the distinct impression that Cowboy has something to prove in the sex department. When someone goes to this length to defend his inability to stick to one woman one does have to wonder if this is because he is somewhat afraid of them or if he has been seriously hurt by one in the past. Describing women as his "victims" certainly displays some degree of animosity and lack of enjoyment of the interaction with the fairer sex.


Be that as it may, but to address the question from the original poster, I, for one would have to say, of course you can find a faithful man in Hong Kong. I even have some examples amongst my friends here to illustrate the point. Several of my serial dating friends have found "the one". These were guys who in the past would date several girls at the same time and even solicit the occasional professional. Then, to my and other friends great surprise, they found the girl they wanted to settle down with and it suddenly became more important to avoid potential relationship threatening events than to have temporary enjoyment. It is not like either of them would try to lie to me about this since they know very well that I would never tell their significant others. No, it is as simple as finding someone too precious to loose.


Alas, I have not found the one myself and for some of us there may not even be one.


(c;

TXcowboy - I hope for your sake they serve beer in hell...


Seriously though, in 10+ years in Asia I have had only two friends divorce over infidelities. I suspect the rate of infidelity amongst expats mirrors that of the US--less than 15%.


If you are talking younger, dating-but-not-married types I think it may be much higher.


I am female

Claire and the rest of readers, 2 points:

1. My 100% number comes from people in my company at different levels. Like I said, this amounts for about 50 guys. Some are interns, some are managers, some are in commited relationships, some are married. They all cheat. Claire, the reason why you didn't find out is because these guys have been doing this for years, and we cover each other. In fact, many females in my company (although not all) also cover for us.


By the way, age wise my coworkers are from 25 to 60s.


And let me repeat myself: These are facts, I have seen the guys. In fact, I have the feeling I may even know some of the husbands of some of the females who post in here.


2. I love to write, and I love to debate. This is why I write here. I am not a cheater anymore, like I always said, but I stand by my rules because I have tested them over the years.

I could not help noticing a minor flaw in this argument. How can the number be 100% if you yourself is not a cheater anymore?

lol - that would explain it

Because I DID IT. That I don't do it today doesn't exclude me, don't you think? Oh wait, maybe you are one of these women who, after being cheated (stepped on top of, laughed at, etc...) you think the guy deserves a clean slack? Yes, I love these women too!

Curious to see 'good' marriages being wiped out left right and centre by cheating husbands/ males.


Unless the man was a serial cheater, I would have to say the marriage was already ruined before the man strayed.


There are a lot of faithful husbands just as there are a lot of cheaters. I have never cheated, have never had an interest in doing so, although only time will tell if I never will.


If a girl married a serial cheater and found out much later, then she married someone without really knowing who he was and what he was. There are signs that were ignored and taken for granted before marriage.


If the girl married a faithful man, then it is up to them both to keep the marriage going. Sex is a vital part of it but not everything. If your husband found you desirable because you were fit, then keep fit. Having children or being too busy is not an excuse,. While it is normal for people to gain a little padding as we grow older, it isn't fair to gain 100 lbs more and not do anything about it ( unless you were sick) and expect your husband to feel any desire towards you. He will eventually give in to the temptation of lean meat because a fat cow does nothing to him. Spice up your sex life and try different new things. Make sure that despite your busy and hectic schedules, you both will make time to do things together that you both enjoy even if its just for a weekend a month. And the important thing is communication. Often it is the lack of communication that builds resentment and wipes out good marriages.

If you are referring to me you've got it a bit wrong. I'm a man and not even one of the faithful ones. However, unless you are actually expecting to cheat on your partner, you fall into the category of men I mentioned above that have found someone worth being faithful to.


I will have to assume from your argument that you expect this to be a temporary state of affairs and that you can be trusted to cheat on your partner pretty soon.

Cowboy:

"Generally speaking, success comes from working hard"

yes, true.

but generally speaking expats here have done well at school, have gone to very good universities, everything was success from school. good for them, but they were never much used to difficulties and failures. that is what i meant.

also: when you have success most of the time it comes from hard work. however hard work is not the receipe for success. you can see that plenty of people work hard in their lives and are not necessarily successful. who doesn't work hard these days...?


"when they are poor and young all they do is eating in McDonalds"

well, how many exactly do you think eat at mc donalds because they have no choice for they have no money???... i don't' think it's the majority!!!

so, i disagree, people are not forced to eat there because they're too poor, and i also disagree, some rich and even very rich people do sometimes go for a bigmac.


"When guys are poor and losers, they can't do any better than the fat girl with the attitude"

god, where to start, here...

plain wrong. everything in this sentence is sooooo wrong... in so many ways... it exhausts me to think of having to go into details, i think most of the readers can see it is, so i won't bother.


"who wants to eat a fat cow meat when you can have soft and tender meat with no fat in it"

welcome to the big meat market!

a big up for all the female readers who resisted going into very derogatory comments about men.

anyway, that's wrong again. only people who are fed -by media/fashion diktats- what is supposed to be trendy, coming with success and money, have so little imagination that they all buy the same clothes (brands), listen to the same music (trendy), know where the hot holiday spots and hotels are, know the exact measurements of a female he's supposed to be seen dating, etc... Personally i value more someone who's capable of imagination and personality and capable of seeing the unusual, liking what doesn't seem obvious at first, etc... the predicatable tastes amongst the expat community can be.... dead boring.

so, in aniother world -the real one- some guys do prefer a lady with some meat on her (most guys in the real world, actually), some others fancy older women (i mean just read magazines, watch some tv shows with real life people). so, no, not every guy is like you cowboy. far from it.


"analogy of my own: You buy a new phone. Is exciting and you use it all the time. In time problems come. It gets slow, some keys stop working, and you are not thrilled to see it every day...soon enough is an old phone. Then you see a new model on the street, and if you can afford it you will buy it. Trust me when I tell you that nobody will keep an old phone if they can afford a new one."

women, after being food and animals are objects to you.... dear dear dear. anyway, get bored with your phone, i doubt you'll ever have exhausted all its resources by the time you change it. and phones: limited resources. Ladies: endless resources (being a human being and not a machine), up to you to look for them or not (too much effort probably).


"You are more likely to have different sex with different women than with the same"

that's sad for you; everybody knows that a sexual realtionship is something with endless possibilities, that changes with time, that can get richer. For the serial consumers of prostitutes, there is no way they learn any of that, they just remain on the step one of the stair and just climb the first step of different stairs, not exactly as fulfilling in the long term as stepping up the ladder, onyl possible with the same partner. If you don't know that yet, it's time to find out!


"A 22yo body...a 20yo body...oh my god! they beat the hell out of anyone over 35, no matter how much botox or gym they do"


yes, nobody is going to debate that it's true, we were all once firmer, more tonic, etc. But more insecure, less sexually mature (check this one on the internet it must be easy to find: sexually, the best for a guy is in his early 20s, a woman in her 30s -or even more, need to check). So i conclude: best sexual combination: young guy and mid 30s woman! :))

so again, you are not the stereotype of men, far from it. Some make different choices. Anyway, your own muscles and skin and belly and stuff are going to get less fresh too, like everyone of us. If you don't like it in women, to me it sounds like you're not going to like it in you. Respect your own upcoming old age! ;)


"An arrogant loser is funny. But arrogance often comes with wealth and power"

yes. well, the way i look at it is, losers also often come with wealth and power (basically as soon as they become arrogant).


""Yes, they are poor in bed."


Oh, the classical attempt to hurt a guy..."


alright alright, that was a bit hasty.

especially because i haven't slept with enough of them. but i have enough experience in the matter to tell you that it is very true for some, very very true. and i wouldn't be surprised to find out it is largely the case. will never know for sure, no intention of trying to either! :D


"Today I don't cheat"


why why why cowboy, this seems the biggest contradiction of all, explain if you want.

and by the way, you are a very fascinating person (in the way that you would be delight for a passionate psychoanalyst, no offence meant).

wake up call, the majority men and women do not cheat, and most of these people do not come to this side.


and as a woman, i also want to say people do not cheat for nothing, both men and women ...

Bravo.

The OP simply asked what percentage of men cheat. But the discussion veered into the "why do men cheat" territory. I heard an interviewer ask Bill Clinton that question, his reply, paraphrased, "..for the worst possible reason, because I could."


But really, what is the point? I have made it clear to my husband, I think, that if he wants to be with other women that is his prerogative, he just can't remain married to me. It is really that simple, monogamy (boring monogamy) or nothing.


I don't mean to get judgmental, but what kind of person (man, usually) treats another so cavalierly? What does that say about your ethics in other matters if you can't be trusted to keep your word to the most important person in your life?

ok lets define cheating... is it any "activity" while married or in a relationship. personally picking up a bar girl for a one night paid event is quite different from having an all out affair. In my mind a affair is cheating the other is just a bit on the side. Ok now I am sure I will be blasted for this but its just my two cents worth. I am Male and living in Hong Kong.

arrigoa


It depends on what the definition of the word "is" is.

Hang on, the question was

Percentage of men who harm GOOD marriages by cheating


I suggest single digits, i.e. < 10%


Research shows both men & women cheat at 30-60% (no exact figures for obvious reasons)... but invariable they do so in BAD marriages... amazing consistent, and men don't like to face up to the fact that their woman might be banging around more than they are.

arrigoa--technically, any sex outside of marriage is adultery, hence cheating. However, if your spouse is comfortable with you getting something "on the side" as long as it remains a one-off event, eg. not a long-term, committed relationship with another person, than perhaps it is not cheating for the two of you.