Posted by
lucylinda
14 yrs ago
Recently met a guy at a party, who gave me his number and suggested going for a drink.I texted him, but no reply.Should I text again?( Yes, I know, I probably shouldn't....!Rather foolishly, am wondering if he maybe didn't get it.)
I know I should just take this as a 'no', but why give someone your number and suggest a drink and then not even reply?Would have been so much happier if he had replied with ' oh I'm busy ...for the next 6 months'. Isn't not replying unneccesarily rude? Surely it's better to give a polite excuse, if not interested?
Think both men and women should give clearer signals one way or the other!:)
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Question: he gave you his number... just that or he took yours too?
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He just gave me his, he didn't have mine.Take your point, madtown...I totally see what you mean, but it just seemed like an easy thing to do...and how do you know you're not disturbing someone at work, etc? Then they can reply at their convenience.
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Some people feel bad about sms, I don't. Especially at the beginning likethis. I think I even prefer it, it allows me some distance to avoid sounding too emotional or lost for words and silly... :))
OK, so it's not like you could have waited for him to sms you.
I think you should assume that he got it, because it is the most likely.
Lots of people under the spell of the moment, especially if they've been drinking, get enthusiastic then lose the enthusiasm the following day...
I'd say, try not to wait for any sms back, expect that he won't and has had a change of heart, so that the situation is a win-win for you, whether he eventually sms back or never.
I would strongly advise against sending another sms or calling. Not much to gain from it.
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Thanks, ahacha, very sensible advice, and what I needed to hear.I agree about the use of sms, esp at the beginning( or not!) of a relationship!Interestingly, he hadn't been drinking at all, but expect he has had a change of heart.Yes, think it will be win-win for me- esp if I see him again.He may feel a little foolish for not havign extracated himself in a slightly more graceful way!
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There is a possability that the first Sms did not go thru, it happens, shoot one more off to say it was nice to meet you, if you want to follow up on that drink you mentioned, let me know and we can schedule it.
If no reply, no harm, no foul, move on I guess
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Thanks to ritiitt and expat guy- also good advice.Will think about it.Last thing I want to appear is desperate-I suppose I'd always reply to someone, whether to give a negative or positive reply, maybe not everyone thinks the same way.Anyway, it's a small trouble, in the scheme of things!
Am interested to see that so many people are against texting to ask someone out.Seems to me to be non intrusive, gives someone the opportunity to politely decline- and not do it to your face!Perhaps it's cultural? Where I'm from, people are texters, not phoners.
Yes, ex- pat guy, the aim is to treat it lightly and move on.A friend advised ignoring him when I saw him next, but would rather keep things polite and friendly!
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Lucylinda, bad advice from your friend!
Don't ignore him if your paths cross again, as they are almost bound to in HK. You don't want to go down in his eyes as rude (even if he seems to have been by not replying to your text). Just be your charming self and retain the moral high ground. Perhaps he got cold feet, is frenetically busy or, heaven forbid, his wife found the text!!
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Yes, spurtio, completely agree.Best to be bright and breezy- that would create the best impression.I laughed at the wife comment- that's the one thing I know he hasn't got, thank goodness!
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I don't think there's any mixed signal when someone gives you their phone number and says to go out for drinks! So let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say he didn't get your text. I'm personally not a fan of sms so I would phone, just to put yourself out of misery. Talk to the guy, see what his tone is, whether he received your text, and just get it over with. I personally think the guy is just a douche if he has second thoughts and is not worth moaning over. And I truly feel there's nothing to be embarassed about or feeling desperate in this situation. Just drinks, meeting new friends, maybe something more, maybe not.
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If it was me, and I was very likely to bump into him again (if I get it right), then I would definitely NOT call or sms again.
I would play it (be, in fact, if time had passed), pleasant and happy when next confronted to him, as if I'd never sent an sms in the first place.
And it would be up to him to make any move -or none.
That's for me.
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No No No No No! No need to text nor call him again, unless you are desperate for any man, which doesn't seem to be the case. The only exception is if he looks like Brad Pitt or Jude Law....;)
The usual situation I come across is a man would at least offer his card (not just a number), and then it's the girl to decide whether to keep contact. Some guys are more aggressive to fetch your number, but can be excused as it may mean he's greatly attracted to you.
Also stop finding a good excuse for his no response, it's his answer of NO. Not a loss at all because if he doesn't respect you from the start, he never will.
And more importantly it will also save your embarrassment if you happen to meet him again. Surely he will ask or give the number again if he's interested.
Remember it's not unusual to meet random guys, especially at a party occassion.
But if he 90% looks like Brad Pitt or Jude Law....do you mind sharing his number? LOL ;)
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It is interesting how some people are against and for texting. I say, in situations where you have never connected with someone before, that there isn't much harm in sending a second message to confirm that they received it.
Perhaps you entered the wrong number, perhaps he accidentally deleted it, any number of things. It to me is not that different that beeping the horn nicely twice. Just a quick reminder that you are still interested.
But as the others suggest, keep it short, sweet and light. A quick text or call even perhaps acting like you don't text often and weren't sure you did it right or something. After that, carry on with life. Ball is in his court.
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I think that as long as you gave the signals that you are interested, when he suggested you contact him...you should have said something like, "here is my number, how about you contact me if you have some free time". Then you don't have that problem and you will clearly know if he is interested or not as he will just not call. Show you are interested but let the men do the chasing. They like it if there are really interested and it also lets you as a woman know that he is really interested.
Just my 2 cents. :)
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Good point, runnergal, don't know why I didn't do that.It wasn't intentional, just ended up like that.Think you're right.And thanks to all the other respondents, it's been fun and instructive reading your advice.Let's see what happens.Also liked what slimboyinHK had to say- yes, if he really could't be bothered to text back- with any kind of message-he's not worth it and certainly not worth getting upset about.
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Oh, and 'sexyboop' if he had been a Jude Law / Bradd Pitt lookalike, I'd be passing the number right along.Not my type.They're what I call 'catalogue men' -too perfect!
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One day an egoistic man smell the desperation of the woman across the room, so he approached her and gave her his number.
Q: He likes her?
A: No, but he wants some ego boosting. Hey, we women do the same all the time, alright? we saw a geek across the room and looks like wanna hook up with any one lady and we approcahed him for the thrill of it.
If he is really interested, he will get ur number. so simple logic, yet very few women know. Sad.....
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sa1
14 yrs ago
If he is interested, he would have called/ texted/ emailed/ facebooked you and asked you out. It's not hard for him to get your contact right (unless you live in outer space)? So forget about him! He doesn't want to look like a jerk to you and not replying means he is not that keen to see you again. There are no mixed messages, this is the way how guys deal with a situation like this.
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Yeah, a guy that gives out his number but doesn't ask for yours...hmmm. I say this one can just get added to the "maybe we will bump into each other again, if its meant to be" pile. Don't sms him again, don't bother calling him. He didn't reply because he didn't remember who you were or worse still, he was busy on another date.
By giving your number out to 10 girls, there is a good chance that at least 2 might call you, maybe more. Why bother getting 10 girls numbers and having to call 10 when you could just wait for the fish to bite and then reel the one you want in and cut the one you don't lose.
Its a thought.
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What's the "dilemma" here? If he was really interested, he would have :
a) Gotten your number, not just give you his.
Because he wouldn't want to just leave it to chance for you to maybe call him or not, he would want to make sure he could get in touch with you to see you again.
b) Asked you out right there and then, with confirmed date and time for that drink
Even if he didn't know his schedule or didn't have a set time and date in mind, he wouldn't leave it open ended (esp if he didn't have your number) if he was really interested.
We all like to give ourselves excuses for why ppl don't reply to emails, texts or whatever. Fact is, 9 times out of 10, it's because they don't want to, not because they "didn't get it". Don't text him again and look desperate, there's plenty of fish in the sea.
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lucylinda...
Frankly I'm astounded at this entire thread. I hope that you have not given this guy another chance. The reality of this situation is that he's not interested. Period. He doesn't need or deserve another opportunity to prove otherwise. AND if you give it to him he may just take that opportunity to further take advantage of your interest. Trust me... cut your losses and be glad you got off as easily as you did. His behavior demonstrates that he will never treat you with respect. He will take you for granted. This is NOT a gender specific issue. Women do this same thing all the time. It's a question of respect and courtesy. One either has these qualities or they don't. I find more often than not now days that they don't, but the beauty of this situation is that he's told you this right up front. If you do break down and text him simply say "Thanks for letting me know that you're a douche bag." And if you happen to run into him again don't give him the time of day. All of this assumes that you're not just looking to just hook-up. If that's the case... well, dive right in... just remember if something develops... he's still inconsiderate, discourteous, and disrespectful... and eventually you'll feel that again. Good luck!
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Thanks cowboy digital, I can see that now.You'll be glad to hear I didn't contact him.I won't follow your advice to text him to say that he's a douche bag:)as I believe in keeping things civil.As there has been no physical or emotional involvement with this man, any grumpy behaviour on my part would only give the situation an importance that it actually doesn't have.When you've been with someone for , say, a year, and they start treating you badly, that's when you can legitimately get angry!:)
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there are other fish in the sea ...
do not waste your time over a time-waster ..
enjoy!
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you will meet someone else in no time!
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KoMo
14 yrs ago
Just out of interest, give us the scenario that occurred at the party, was it a brush of the shoulder type interaction (ie, you came upto the bar and he was just leaving and you both said hi to each other and he dropped "would love to catch up - call me") or where you having hours long conversation? It would help us get an understanding of what he is like (possibly??). Also, what did you text him?
Just might help with us providing advice, but frankly, I think you have nothing to lose by making contact again. But a phone call will give you more of an indication of his feelings for you (his tone, response etc) and be honest. If he said he got your text and didn't have a chance to reply, you can just add that you wasn't sure if it went through and thought you might try again. If he doesn't answer, leave a message with your name and number. That way you are sure he got it.
Be forward I say - sometimes a guy likes a girl with a bit of confidence! One more shot though and leave it, don't be a stalker.
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yes i agee. don't too persistent. do keep us updated
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