Posted by
ericah
14 yrs ago
If you made an arrangement with a friend to help each other out in that you give her job for two months to help her out financially, and for her to help out temporarily in your business, but then you discover that :
1) she can't actually work in an office because her hand is not functioning properly
but she didn't tell you that BEFORE she started, and you end up having to do all the stuff she was supposed to do.
2) you discover you need important surgery approaching $100,000 after she starts work, and this has thrown your whole business and finances in a mess.
Also,
you paid for her airfare and she has free accomodation.
In Asia, she was part-time working and earning $5,000 if she was lucky.(a newly qualified doctor earns $15,000 from where she comes from). She is being paid $25,000/month in hong kong.
Given that you have a 15+ year friendship, have helped her through two divorces, and paid for her holiday when she was in the dump, would it be unreasonable for you to ask her as a friend to help out and do one month only instead of two months since that one month's salary in HK is five times what she would be earning back home. Plus, she can always go back to her part-time work as well. Whilst being out here in HK, she also got to see her son, daughter and grandchild, and friends.
Supposing that is the situation, and
Her response to the office supervisor was :
" I deserve compensation"
"business is business"
She insists on working the second month. The office manager said that it was not possible but if she insisted, then YOU would have to delay the operation by two months.
Her reply was " PEOPLE TAKE OUT LOANS. SHE CAN TAKE OUT A LOAN"
"DOCTORS ARE THERE TO BE IN BUSINESS. SHE CAN WAIT TWO MONTHS FOR SURGERY".
"HER HUSBAND CAN SUPPORT HER"
and then proceeds to list all YOUR assets to justify why she should be paid (to do nothing since she can't use her hand)
In addition, whilst in your office,
she repeatedly asks people how much they earn, how much the company is making, how your husband's business is doing.
What if you had a friend like that. A friend who wants you to delay serious surgery for two months, take out a loan to pay her to do nothing, and who actually makes five times what she would make at home in one month. And without my knowledge, she asks staff to donate money to her church and talks about being "christian" a lot to staff
What would you do ?
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Address the situation very directly with her.Take her out for a coffee and explain clearly, and in a non confrontational way why you are upset.It's hard to say when you're not directly involved yourself, but it may be time for this particular relationship to end.
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Oh boy, sorry to hear about your predicament.
Golden rule: friends and money don't mix. Ever.
I'd attempt to appeal to her directly, explain the situation and see what her direct response is.
I'd suggest that whatever the outcome, your friendship will not ever be the same. Probably best to prepare yourself for that.
Good luck
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She is not your friend, but she can make you feel guilty.
For her conduct in the office, and the fact that it is only a two month offer, fire her.
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If the job offer is not bound by a legal employment contract, then you can do whatever you think reasonable in your favour, especially when it goes beyond your financial limit now. No compensation is entitled. Tell her business is business, otherwise you will resort to legal measures if she keeps being nasty.
Some questions though:
- If her husband can support her, why does she need your financial help?
- If a $100,000 surgery fee can already run your business into a mess, how come did you offer her as high rate as $25,000/month plus airfare and accommation for a 2-month term?
- And if you already knew how much she earned back home, why did you pay her much above for a position which even needs to be supervised?
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my reply to sexyboop questions:
No, you are mistaken in your reading. She is going through her second divorce and there isn't really any body to support her financially.
She is saying that "MY husband" should be able to support me because he works, therefore I should pay her.
To answer your question why did I offer $25,000 to her when she earnt so little back home ?
Well, she is / "was" my friend and I felt sorry that someone aged 52 should be in such circumstances. I thought it was not nice to make her come to HK and work for the same salary.
At the time, I could afford it and I wanted to be generous for her so that she earnt money and know that it will keep her going for a good few months. When she arrived on the first day, I even gave her $10,000 up front so that she would have money to spend.
She has a son and daughter-in-law in HK but she is not staying with them but at staff quarters offered by another friend. I thought I was being very generous, and now it seems the whole relationship was fake and one sided.
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It’s sad your generosity is being repaid this way. She is not a friend if she cares more about money than your operation. I think the label “Toxic” sums up the situation well.
Some people do use an abuse others - nothing personal - they are just sociopaths, and they do not consider others. They only way to deal with them is to cut them off.
She is not fit for the job, and she has not disclosed that to you. She is dishonest, and should be fired for non performance. You may want to get advice from the labour department first.
As a general comment - always beware of people who wear their religion / charity / good works on their sleeve - it’s sometimes (Not Always) a cloak for unseen bad behaviour.
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I spoke to her today. She stayed calm thank goodness.
However, I was annoyed that she said
"Are you sure you can't delay ? maybe the doctor's are wrong"
"You have been working for over 10 years. What about all your assets?"
When I said she was getting $25,000 ( 5 x more than she was getting at home) I was shocked that she said "The cost of living in hong kong is SO expensive. Plus, I want to give some money to my other friend for housekeeping etc"
Anyway, I will try and survive the one month but I am shocked.
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A real friend wouldn't do what you've just described. You should ask her about her hand and if she's sure she can't do actual work, rather than sitting around and getting paid for it! Plus, if she's not doing the job you hired her to do, surely you can fire her?! Don't be a doormat
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Really u don't need this kind of friend in your life. Sounds like a very selfish person to me.
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I just realized that when I had the talk with her, she never did say "Thank you " to me at all.
Today she came in and started complaining to staff about her eyes being strained. Is she trying to say I am working her too hard by just sitting down and writing down words on a stack of flashcards?
She then had the gall to complain that she has to spend $100 a day to live in HK!!! Again,hinting that I should give more ???
I have been a complete mug to be fooled so many years by a manipulative scheming cold blooded person.
Thanks for all your comments everyone.
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Dump her! You can use the excuse that she doesn't have a HK visa (or does she??). We all do favours for friends but if the relationship is like yours then LET IT GO.
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This FIEND is obviously very jealous of your financial status and success in life. For her, she's got nothing, as in zero, while u have a family to speak of, a business etc. She is very highly jealous.. and thereby became virulent.
Fire her away; you wont be needing this kind of friend in your life. Understand that people come and go. and soemtimes, its high time to end a relationship.
if there is no legal contract for her employment, fire her now, today, this very moment.
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Just a thought. If she is like this with you, how is she with the other staff. I am sure a few of them are already fed up with her, but they will say nothing because they think she is your friend. If she stays for too long it may damage some relationships with your existing staff.
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Things came to head last week. She was unhappy that I was not giving her instructions directly, and that she was being supervised by someone else. I asked her why it took so long to type some words and she let rip and asked me to "be merciful " non-stop. Wasn't I merciful to begin with by giving her $10,000 up front on her first day before she had done any work?
Any way, today I have had enough and suggested she work 3 more days and I will pay her the remainder. Effectively, she works 2.5 weeks and gets paid $25K. I thought she would be grateful but she starts moaning about the cost of living and how it is expensive etc. and asking for lunch money! I left the room. I have had enough.
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Did you go through the pain of getting her an employment visa (or does she have PR) and she is as ungrateful as this.
You really have done the right thing by letting her go. As tigerbay says, the problem is that this will reflect on you with the other staff, as they will only see her as your friend.
Good luck
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I would be inclined to tell her not come in anymore. If she is vindictive, and she sounds like she could be, she may do some reputational damage at work.
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Finally got rid of her. She got paid $25000 for 13 days "work".
Then she complained that it cost her $100 a day in expenses and since she is staying until end of July, then she needs another $3000.!!! She could go back earlier but doesn't want to. Then she hinted that she should get another $5000 as well because she has put $5000 of her salary in a bank account and must keep a minimum of $5000 in the account to avoid the $100 surcharge if it falls below it. Therefore, she says it's not really money she can touch!!
My staff gave her the remainder of the $25,000 - not extra- and she left and did not say than k you
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She must have been some kind of friend!!
Sorry about your mishap
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