Posted by
beeMe
14 yrs ago
I known this guy for almost 6 months from now.
(I am 30yrs old and he is 42yrs old)
Eventually, when i got to know him, I already know that he is a single parent. What am not awared is that he is actually attached with 2gals at the same time. One which had been with him for 10 years and another one 2 years.
He had actually honest to me before he started the relationship with me, and i had accepted the fact that she already have this 2 gals in his life before me.
I thought i am able to accept his past. But recently found myself get so jealous whenever he received the call from either one of them.
What should i do? should i continue to be with him despite care about what he did with both of the gals?
I need help!!!
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Why is he getting calls from his 2 ex - is the relationship ended or not ?
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beeMe
14 yrs ago
Those relationship is not ended.. he said he needs time. he said he was not even prepared to start with me, it just happened. and it's hard for him to leave them when they did nothing wrong.. unless they know about all this and to leave him...
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you agreed to be mistress number 3, now you want 1:1. this is torture...you can find a better deal for sure, no need to wait and hope. if you want you can ask before you go, then you will have zero doubt in you head
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beeMe
14 yrs ago
i did asked, and almost everyday, he said, 'since we are so compatible, why not give each other a chance, seize the moment'.. he cant promise what will happened in near future, but assured me to stay with him..
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beeMe
14 yrs ago
he said that he dont have the feeling of love for them anymore. for the 10yrs - it just a normal old husband wife relationship, just some chat. and the 2nd one-cos it was his mistake and he needs to bare with it. i dont really understand. what makes it so difficult for him to even tell them that he no longer love them.
he said - if he can do tht to both of them.. in near future he would able to do tht to me as well.. i am confused!
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This man seems to have a history of poor relationships that don't work normally. Don't expect his relationship with you would be any better. You would be number 3.
You should not waste your time, it will only end in tears.
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I think you should just leave him. The fact that he can be with 2 guys at the same time just proves that he is not a decent guy. You deserve better.
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Oh dear. We are in the same shoes. leaving him- it's easier said than done, especially when you still have feelings for that person..
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Oh dear, ladies please have some self respect. Dump him and move on. If you are not prepared to believe you are worth more, than why will he? You don't love someone who is treating you badly, you are addicted to the pain of the relationship.
If you want a man to treat you respectfully, then insist on being the only person in the relationship. If he can't give you that then walk away. No excuses.
Posted by magnolia_khan (1 hr ago)
[ Message | Report Abuse ]
'Oh dear. We are in the same shoes. leaving him- it's easier said than done, especially when you still have feelings for that person..
(I am based in Hong Kong)'
What 'feelings' do you have Magnolia? Worry? Upset? Mistrust? The desire to have what is denied to you?
I'm sorry I am so harsh but if you allow someone to walk all over you then you are essentially paying for the shoes.
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Well, if she is number 3, she stands a chance of moving up the ladder to .... number 2. Unless she drops to number 4. ;)
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No 6: Who is number 1.
No 2: You are number 6.
No 6: I am not a number I am a free man.
Cue Prisoner theme tune.
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If you don't like the situation, then don't put up with it, just dump him. He doesn't love anyone but himself and he's just using all 3 of you for one purpose, and we all know what that is ... if you don't realise it, you are stupid. Any woman who puts up with this situation deserves everything she gets. Sorry to be so blunt, but some women are so gullible, it's laughable.
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Sounds like another guy in the Hong Kong candy store. Let me see; I'll have one of those; and one of these... Oh yes, I quite like the look of this. As a guy, I have to say he probably has feelings for all of you. However, these feelings could also quite easily extend to tens of others. Not joking.
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Ms. no. 3, I bet you don't want to read a post something like this from probably Ms. no. 4. three months later:
"I've known this guy for 3 months now. The problem is he already has 3 other gals apart from me at the same time. One which had been with him for 10 years and another one 2 years, the third one 9 months. He is such a HONEST person but I am jealous when either one of them calls in.
He said that he dont have the feeling of love for them anymore. for the 10yrs - it just a normal old husband wife relationship, just some chat. and the 2nd one-cos it was his mistake and he needs to bare with it. for the 9 months, she loves him so much that she still stubbornly stays even knowing there no. 1 and no. 2 exist.
He's such a LOVING person so and it's hard for him to leave them without wrong doings even he no longer loves them. He's such a WISE person and said, 'since we are so compatible, why not give each other a chance, seize the moment'.. he cant promise what will happened in near future, but assured me to stay with him.
What should i do? I need help!!!!!"
He's simply nothing but a JERK. Being an 30 y/o woman, how difficult for you to understand thing obvious and stupid like this?
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It's too easy to say "oh, silly woman leave the jerk! leave the jerk!!". If she gives up the little she has, there may be nothing at all. She's not leaving a bad deal for a better deal but no deal at all. my comment about no.2 no 3, no 4... was only intended to state that it's a deal which could get worse. OP has to consider that.
Never an easy solution. never.
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sicn
14 yrs ago
It is really hard to find a solution whenever I see people write: I thought i was... BUT later/lately....
The fact is you changed and expect your situation which involves others to change after you. It is too much to ask for, dont you think?
And if you want to go back to the origin situation but dont know how, I would suggest you read into stories of Mormon women's lives. See how they did it. Or talked to no1 and no2, see how they dealed with it.
And last, why people attack the male character in this story. I dont see he had done anything wrong.
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sicn, Technically he did nothing wrong. Just some kind of men never manage himself or handle love affairs properly and thinks it's alright to go around a few women at the same time as long as it's out of genuine love and care. They are not necessarily considered cheating in this sense; they may not mean to fool around. However equally blameful is the confusion or hurt inflicting to his beloved women by such selfish and inconsiderate "just a MAN" attitude and behaviour. Any woman running into this kind of men is doomed to long suffer from tolerance, if fails to withdraw.
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sicn
14 yrs ago
sexyboop, from the beginning of this story, it was some sort of polygamy set-up. I would not assume how this man’s attitude is since he is not here to explain himself. But I can assume he is financially taking care of those women. And in turn, he is exchanging for all their companionships regardless which one is his favorite. But does that make him selfish and inconsiderate? You know nowadays, it is not easy to make ONE life comfortable and not to mention FOUR +children. If he has worked hard and made enough money to afford comfortable lives for a few willing women (I do notice she did not mind when going into the deal), and raise their children, is it still selfish and inconsiderate? But if he tricked those women into the deal and gave out false promise and hope, that is entirely another matter.
I think the problem is not him, it is beeMe. If she is not polygamy material, don’t play this game. Every game has its rules and you cant just change it in the middle of it and expect to win it all.
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Oh yes, the more a man can earn financially to provide comfortable lives, the more women he can have. Guys, work harder from now on in order to buy more "products".
And beeMe, sicn has also revealed a fact to you: your man is playing polygamy, just leave if you are after a one-to-one relationship, before no. nos 4, 5, 6, 7, 8........appear !
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this is slop and drivel, say you are willing to take the chance of being dumped, nothing in life is certain
>he said - if he can do tht to both of them.. in near future he would able to do tht to me as well.. i am confused!
spineless and stupid if true, what does he say about you to 1 and 2?
>.......and the 2nd one-cos it was his mistake and he needs to bare with it.
who is the child with? come to think of it, is that the mistake he has to bare?
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well silly ....... women are just women ...... they cant get away from the feelings attached .....
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The Man: He had been hurt in love and is not at all ready to fall inlove bec for him love hurts. he is having lots of female by his side bec he DONT want to fall in love with either one woman. He IS NOT in love with any one woman right now, bec if he is, then he had already taken a big bold step to eliminate those he dont want. The status of these women rigjt now is: To make him not in love with the rest of the 2 or 3 or 4, etc.
Woman: Agrreed to enter into the relationshiop bec is in need of love. emotions can be deadly sometimes, if ye woman dont know what u want in life. Well, he obviosuly knows this from the look in your eyes that u thirst for a man. come to think of it. you know he is still attached to his women, and you agreed to be with him. Just how can u say he is no longer given the right to these women? These women were there before u came in. and he must like them more tha he likes you.
sorry, there is no emotion of love here from the guy. thats a promise.
you girl, hit the road and find a man who can love you back.
if you cannot do that, then i can assure you now and even 10 years down the road, that he will never be truly in love with you.
why? bec he thinks you cannot respect urself. bec he thinks u r desperate. bec he thinks u have no self esteem. and yes, he didnt think wrong at all.
think, get more advice to prove i wasnt wrong here.
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veebabe, your analysis is eerie. I know a man with a harem and you described him well. He is very hurt from a past relationship, unwilling to commit, disrespectful of the girls that sleep with him, and deep down very lonely. Good job putting it in words.
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if he isnt sure either, dont waste time on him then... if he can have 2 gals at a time, he certainly can do more.. if he reli wants u, he'll definitely end the relationship with the two~
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leave this mess while you still can.
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Oh man, are there still women out there putting up with this kind of stuff? You get what you ask for in this life but you also get what you settle for.
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BeeMe: the guy has no interest in having an exclusive relationship with you. If he wanted it, he would have gotten rid of the other two women. Don't expect anything more from him.
For those people who defended the actions of the man, saying that at least he's being honest with her etc etc... IT'S NOT TRUE! He's a lying scumbag. He's stringing her along by saying, hey, we're compatible, let's see where this goes. He's being partly-honest by telling her about the other women, so that he doesn't have this pressure of being a complete liar. But he's lying to BeeMe by letting her believe that maybe one day, in the future, there could be something special with just the two of them.
And we all know that is a big, fat lie!
Stop all contact with this man. He's not even worth saying "goodbye" to. Just ignore him. Move on. One day - you'll realise that ignoring him was the best thing you ever did! :-)
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KoMo
14 yrs ago
If your willing to accept that he has other woman, then you need to accept that he is probably telling the other girls the same thing and your the other woman as well.
Please wake up - this guy is the type that just likes to play the field and will never settle down with one. Even if he does ditch the other two, how do you know he is not going to turn to others down the track. Once a cheater always a cheater. He just wants a selection of woman at his beck and call.
The fact is your jealous. Stand up to him, tell him how you feel and he has the choice of either you exclusively or you go. That is the way it must be. But frankly, I would leave. Who could trust a man like this anyway. And it sounds like he is trying to manipulate you anyway with his comments about you having such a connection and the other women have done nothing wrong. Who says that! Please stop being a door mat and leave this good for nothing sweet talking manipulative pig. Do it for yourself - have some self respect!
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but beemee doesnt sound like she is playing.. she sounds like she is serious abt the relationship..
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yup.. thats what i think so too..
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SICN makes an interesting point. Fact is, some women are quite happy in a polygamy situation. People lived this way for thousands of years, and still do in many cultures. "One teapot can fill many cups" is the Chinese proverb.
For a woman who lacks confidence, or wants a better man than she could otherwise catch, she may be happy to time share.
It was probably not clear at the outset, but it seems obvious now this is the kind of relationship on offer; BeeMee needs to decide if this is what she wants (seemingly not).
Before I get flamed - It's not the way I live, but I won't judge because it makes more sense than the lives lived by men and women who gave up and live bitter and lonely lives because they didn't get exactly what they wanted from a relationship.
Good Luck.
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i hope you have left him already. if he doesn't love you enough to choose you, he's not worht it.
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