Posted by
Ed
14 yrs ago
The playwright Peadar de Burca asked men about their motivations, and was amazed by the answers:
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/why-do-men-cheat-2036130.html
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interesting read. thanks for the post
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Like listening to Richard's monotone in The Seven Year Itch before he invited The Girl to his apartment.
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Fantastic read! Quite funny too, this just goes to show that men are as insecure as the next person.
Women cheat to feel wanted, needed and loved. Men cheat so they can make themselves feel they are a man, that they are God's greatest gift to women, as long as they don't have to dish out the 4 letter L word.
Very Interesting.
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By the 4 letter L word...do you mean 'love'? Trust me, men always say 'I love you' to women they are having sex with, no matter if they really mean it or not.....unless the partners happen to be 'paid' prostitutes.
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i think madtown pretty much got the point..
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I read the conclusions & I’ve never seen such rubbish in all my life. Typical of UK attitudes.
Any police detective will tell you it’s Motive & Opportunity.
As for the motive, Men cheat when they are unsatisfied with the sex in their existing relationship - i.e. their current partner is not doing the job. A smart wife knows how to keep the excitement going.
No shortage of Opportunity in Asia - a girl in a bar, the girl in the office, etc.
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'A smart wife knows how to keep the excitement going' has been the advice given to women, no matter from what culture background and I find it rather sad that it's always the women who are to be blame when their husbands cheat. Doesn't the marriage vow means anything?
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Ed.
Thanks for digging this one up. It is nice to see an informed opinion on the matter, rather than the usual uniformed stuff that gets posted on the subject.
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kcmac
14 yrs ago
GAllen = interesting facts. I wonder what the statistics are on women cheaters. I'd love to know. The statistics on how much women think of sex would be interesting too.
Homely = If vows meant something to cheating spouses, there would be peace on earth.
Nhoj_71 = women nag because men promise too much, deliver too little and forget ash*t load, blame it on us, then try to argue it out as if they are the calm rational one but really can't admit they made a boo boo.
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kcmac - too right! women nag not just out of boredom, but because the men they're with have become boring, they get too comfortable that there's a place to go 'home' too.
homely - I think you need to get your head re-examined because you are somewhere in fanstasy-lala land. If the 'smart woman' looked like a friggin porn star with double D's, held a 6 figure salary, popped out 2-3 kids, kept a fantastic house and the sex earth shatteringly mind blowingly good - it wouldn't stop a man from cheating on their wife.
madtown - men cheat because they think its easy to get away with, and they think their wife won't find out. maybe married women should cheat because they want something new and exciting.
Nhoj_71 : its not the women who are bored but the men - that's why they need something "NEW and EXCITING"
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TheIndianPrincess
You are entitled to your opinions and you seemed to be the authority there but isn't your imagination running a bit wild & crazy yourself in describing the 'smart woman' like that? I don't think my head needs to be re-examined when I wrote that spouses should honour their vows....it's a marriage committment although I know less and less couples are practising on it. What a shame!
Now the answer to why men cheat? Any reason available when they find a willing partner!
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Homely - you are right, I am entitled to my opinion but I'm no authority. I just want to clarify and, pardon my bluntness, but there are plenty of women out there that have the 2+ kids, white picket fence, a good job, a smoking hot body, knows how to deliver a great h&bj as well as ride her man like a stallion, even then there are those men out there who would find all that boring and those are the men that do not honor their vows or their wives.
Again, my opinion
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its very sad when men cheat and the women are helpless.
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well beat this been with a guy six years have two kids and moved to hong kong with him last year, he is married to someone else. has a child a year YOUNGER than our daughter in the uk. which he *visit* ei still sleeping with the mother, has had numerious women in the uk oz sinapore etc, just found out has been seeing someone in singapore for a year promised to marry her, and she lost his baby in march, and for some reason i cant seem to walk away, he says his gonna get help, counciling etc but will that work, why do men cheat because it built into them,
any women who thinks her man wont cheat, need s to wake up because that will be your biggest down fall
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TheIndianPrincess. Looking great and being able to offer delightful 'ahem', services, will not stop a man from cheating. I would say at least 60% would do so if they thought they could get away with it (and I mean immediately without any kind of reflection or guilt) - and most of the others would probably go, 'No! No! Oh alright then'. Men like sleeping with women, it's what they're designed to do. This is why they cheat. The only disincentive is the threat of trouble and nagging - which men really hate.
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That’s because it’s very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they’re biologically programmed to mate with many women.
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"Nhoj_71 (11 days ago)
It is also sad when the wife cheats and leaves the husband with a 18 month old baby."
Happened to me in Thailand. All u can do is move on. If she left once she then she will most likely do it again. Asking her back like i did will most likely be a futile exercise. The bottom line is that you need to move on and make a new start in your life by finding a woman that likes to be a family. It's never too late. You will always have your child and you will be close to him or her for the rest of your life. In my opinion this can only be a good thing. I found that some (actually a lot of) women in society will look down at you for being a single dad so it's best to stay clear of this kind of rubbish. There are decent women around so believe in yourself and keep looking. Forget the party chicks.
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ODS
14 yrs ago
no discussion here, only tonnes of lame excuses.
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Posted by viper342 (22 days ago)
" Trust me, men always say 'I love you' to women they are having sex with, no matter if they really mean it or not......"
So true.... 20,000 emails (am sure it's a record!!) and six years of that L word
... wife doesn't have a clue or wants to ignore or is he such a great actor that she cannot sense it, or actually he's living such a wonderful life with her that she has no reason to suspect?? Unbelievable. But then he's a MAN -- so predictable.
Yup, it's just for sex.
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Zonked. Well, what else are we supposed to say? I mean, really?
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"But then he's a MAN -- so predictable."
I see this so much...
If it's so damn obvious and predictable, why do 99.9% of women get deceived by it?
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Ringo, why are you getting defensive?
Anyway, to answer you, women seriously do fall in love with these men and expect them to be not so predictable.... to be exceptions to the rule!
One out of the 300 men surveyed in the article posted above did really fall in love and get married to his lover.
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Njoh, I nag because it's the only way I can get anything done! If I didn't nag, things wouldn't be done. Simple.
My man doesn't cheat, can't comment on that bit.
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Any relationship is a twoway thing. Cheating cannot be seen as separate from the relationship and if there is cheating happening then it carries some meaning within the context of the relationship. It therefore, most of the time, is just a symptom of something deeper happening. The one doing the cheating is just the one offering himself or herself up to be nailed to the cross. Doesn't mean the cheating partner is the only "guilty" one. Rather the one who was first to overtly do something about something "unright" in the relationship. Not that cheating is "right". But cheating happens, doesn't it?
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Men cheat because there are millions of grateful and willing young girls out there who will happily open their legs for a plate of food.
Cheating is a great experience for a guy as it brings them pleasure and most of the time, they can get away with this. Cheating gives a man the feeling of control and power. As with any habit inclusive of gambling and drugs, they only stop if the act has become painful or does not bring the pleasure as it use to.
If you can channel this real need for cheating to something useful, then it becomes what psychologist term as a "win win" situation.
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gzwife > not all men share the same motive for cheating.
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CaptDave, agree but this is a generalisation for serial cheating based on my own experience, that of my friends and their friends and my counselor.
It took me a long time to stop blaming myself for the failure of my marriage. I have come to terms with this now. Even though people do have problems in any relationship as each person is different, there is no excuse for using this for cheating.
If you really love this person and want to be with them, you will find a way to work it out without needing to add another problem to the equation. I have seen this with my own eyes. I have friends who cheat on their spouse and would not even think about working it out with them becuase then they will have to stop what they are doing. The feeling of just being important with this new person is just too exciting for the moment to leave than to go and have to work out something that has been going on for years now.
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gzwife. Cheating doesn't 'give a man a feeling of control and power'. It's just sex. Something they need and enjoy. It's just a more exciting version of going to the gym or taking an exercise class. Not as big a deal for the man as it is for the woman. That's why men aren't picky. Don't read so much into it.
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Males cheat because they can, and got away with it, because some women would rather be with a cheater than live life on their own; some stayed married because of the the children.
So many reasons, so many excuses, and we can't really judge the "whys" Sadly, once forgiven, it starts all over again that eventually could lead into a nasty cycle.
Lucky are those who learned their lessons.
I said males, because all men were born males, but not all males grew up into a Man. A Man knows how to stay above and beyond " I'm just human" excuse when face with temptation.
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