Time to leave him?



ORIGINAL POST
Posted by Cherub 14 yrs ago
I have been in a relationship for almost a year. We have very different personalities. He is a workaholic, doesn't like to talk much and is easily agitated. I am very affectionate, like to talk, like to spend time together and am much more relaxed about things. We've tried to compromise on many occasions, however he wins most of the time because a) i don't want to have any conflicts and b) he will likely not bend for me. Tonight I think was a wake up call for me. He likes to drink a bit of scotch every night. I had a small glass tonight as well. After I poured myself a second small glass, I tipped over the glass by accident when I lifted my lap top up off the coffee table. The whiskey splashed onto the couch and onto the floor, there was no broken glass. However, when my boyfriend saw what happened, he got really angry and started swearing. Then proceeded to the washroom to get a towel to clean up the mess. I was so remorseful, and apologized. I said "sorry". And his response was "you should be" (very angrily), and he started to wipe off the couch rigorously. The couch's fabric is pretreated in a way that stains are easily removeable. I was ready to clean up the mess. But he had nothing of it and just cleaned away angrily. Now at that moment I decided I've had it. I really think it's time to leave this relationship... just need some advice from you all out there... and support...

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COMMENTS
cookie09 14 yrs ago
"He is a workaholic, doesn't like to talk much and is easily agitated"


WTF of course leave him. he is an a**h***

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Tommyknocker 14 yrs ago
Don't cry over spilt whisky. Blimey, he sounds like a right tosser. You'll be his doormat forever if you stay.

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souffleQueen 14 yrs ago
Do you love him? Have you talked to him about how you felt? Have you, in anyway made a stand? Does he always reacts the way he did that night?

There must be a reason why the two of you are together, and how sure are you he won't bend over? Sometimes, people treat us the way they did because we ALLOW it to.


Be more assertive, suggest a cool off period, and don't let him talk you out of it. I know it's easy to just say dumb him, but I'm all about working things out., but at the end of the day, you deserve to be happy. If that means leaving him, then do.

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jon_99 14 yrs ago
little Cherub,


doesnt sound like much fun. R'ships r meant to be fun, and relaxing, and you are supposed to grow with each other. He sounds like a little kid...and he always wants his way. I think you know the answer already, no need to ask this forum.


Do it, do it. And you wont regret it. There's a large hole in your heart..and not sure, it can be damaged. I am just thankful he didnt hit you or was violent with you.


Smile



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RA 14 yrs ago
If you are not having fun, then leave him

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Cherub 14 yrs ago
His reaction to me over the couch was uncalled for... like really? seriously? over a soiled couch? I just couldn't belive it. I can't help but feel that this is a precursor what a future with him will be like...

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Tommyknocker 14 yrs ago
It's in his DNA. You can try talking to him about it - but I can see what his reaction is likely to be. He chose a couoch over you - what next? The toaster? It sounds like he is wound pretty tight and you are the outlet.

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tigerbay 14 yrs ago
Cherub

It sounds like the two of you are incompatible.


It is possbile for two good people to be a bad match.


His reaction to the spilled drink may also be a symptom of some other problem in the relationship. Even if you love him, it does not mean that he can love you back in the way that you need.


If you are already thinking of leaving, then you are half way gone.


Perhaps it is time to move on. That way you are both free to find hapiness with someone else.

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CaptDave 14 yrs ago
let’s summarize his faults:


(1) He has a temper and was unkind to you last night

(2) He does not make outward displays of affection,

(3) He is hardworking,

(4) He does not talk much.


Item 1 sound like a dealbreaker.


Items 2-4 sound like the behavior of a normal, well adjusted man. Don’t expect him to behave like a woman - he’s not going to - he’s a man.



The fact that items 2-4 bother you suggest you have a needy personality... otherwise why would you put up with his temper for the last year ? Please get yourself centered, and learn to love yourself more.... otherwise you’ll be in an endless cycle of relationships with bums.


good luck.


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PupMonkey 14 yrs ago
He doesn't sound like a very nice person.


If you want to leave him, you should leave him. You're under no obligation to stay with him.


If you don't want to leave him, perhaps you could have an adult conversation when you're both calm, and explain to him that his behaviour is unacceptable. My fiance has a bad temper and I've explained to him that I will not be spoken to like that. Show some back bone. No one likes confrontation but sometimes you need to make yourself heard.

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852 14 yrs ago
1) clearly this guy has no respect for you. but why? he doesnt love you enough?

2) do you think he can be more considerate to you when you make mistake next time? if not then are you going to suck it all up? (i will never allow ppl speak to me with that tone. and no one ever does so, not even my parents)

3) you know he is not compatible with you, so this is a good trigger/cause to break up with him?

4) if you BOTH love each other, then stay but make sure he knows how awful the way he speaks to you and he HAS TO freaking watch his mouth and tone, otherwise, one way feeling wont work in the case of disrespect.


if there is love and respect, things could be fixed, otherwise, you are not losing a relationship but gaining your dignity back.


all the best

:)



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Cherub 14 yrs ago
thank you everyone for your replies, they've been very helpful. i really need to re-evaluate the situation.

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jon_99 14 yrs ago
heyhi cherub,


whats there to re-evaluate? r u gng back to him?


I rlly think you shld buy him a new couch..as a parting gift. With a note that says: "love your couch. Goodbye".


good luck...pls do send us pictures of the couch



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candynoble 14 yrs ago
if you still love him, you won't leave.

If you are fed up, be brave and consider to go.


If a relationship came to an end, there will be some signal.

Remember things happened with a reason.

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liqueur31 14 yrs ago
Hey Cherub,

I actually have the same probem with you.

He is doing managerment in the company and very strictly and also everything need be played in his hand.

and I am a lady with a nice temple and dont like to fight and arguer, and I am always try to be peace but in the end he didnt see and didnt care about my feeling.

I think its just not match.

with the right ppl even you break a house, there still a solotion.

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sexyboop 14 yrs ago
Disparity in personality maybe an obstacle but never a good reason to lose. It's all about communications skills, and it applies not limited to love but all other relationships, business for example. Different strokes for different folk, there're always no single formula in interpersonal relationships. Losers just quit and keep searching the identicals/compatible, whereas some people will try to work things out from a mess.


Personally I don't mind getting along with strong characters or bad temper people who i think are comparatively simplier to get to know deep. Believe it or not fighting and arguing is mostly the fastest way to dig out what's hidden deep inside the minds to prevent the bomb from keeps rolling.


Gals, being submissive does not work in most cases, anyway is not balanced on the scale. Best to learn to be expressive, fight back in a gentle and open manner. Again, fight back to gain the respect that you think you deserve.


Be understanding and sensitive to surrounding situations that may disturb emotions. Most importantly don't expect that your partner obligates to care your own feeling before you paying good effort enough to understand that of his/her.



BTW what makes me laugh is people break up after a few years of relationship claiming due to incompatibility of personalities. Hello?! Does it need to take so long to figure a person out?

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bnhyoung 14 yrs ago
Hi Cherub,


Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished.


Love doesn't sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new


Good luck to both of us


(I am based in Hong Kong)

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