Posted by
*-*
19 yrs ago
I’ve been going out with a man with kids for about 7weeks, and we have a problem now. It started last week. We had an appointment at 9:00pm but he asked me out in the morning and we spend time together until 7:00pm he had an appointment with his son. Since we just start going out so I totally accepted that he went alone but I was upset because he didn’t let me know his plan in advance. He was tired at night so our appointment was canceled and he said he would make a phone call the next morning and figure out how to make it up. He didn’t call the next morning so I texted him and no response until 13:30pm he called saying he was playing pool. I was mad so I told him I want to be alone that day but I send him an e-mail at night and let him know how I feel. He came to meet me in my place early the next morning. I took that as an apology even he didn’t really say it. He told me that he just has too many obligations and I’m trying to understand him since I’ve choose to go out with him. And then this time he asked me to go with him to meet his friend on Thursday so I canceled my plan on Thursday in advance (because I have to do it in advance) but right on Thursday he called me said he was going with his kids for a trip through the travel agency and because it’s not easy to get three positions so he had to start off at night on Thursday. I was so upset however he thought I should be more thoughtful since he’s been working so hard and really need a vocation.
I’m really wondering am I wasting my time keeping this relationship, or should I give him more time? I think I can really use some ideals from others.
Please support our advertisers:
Is he single now or still with someone?
Well, it totally depends on your expectation. If you are serious with this relationship, and you have to get used to the life with kids. As you are no long the apple in his eye. If you only want himself, I am afraid that he's not the right one. Move on and find someone else!
Please support our advertisers:
It obviously looks like he has several top priorities over you. If you can live with this, and accept that this will not be the first and second time that he will cancel on you, then wait it out.
It will take time for him to include you in his major agenda, so are you ready for this? Is he worth it?
Please support our advertisers:
*-*
19 yrs ago
Thank you for answering my post IWF and Annebin. He is single and with me and he told me he actually hadn’t really been out for a very long time, and I feel I can believe that. That’s why I feel he is serious about this relationship but today after I showed upset and….Criticized him for not letting me know his plan. He said to me that I was scaring him. Was I? He thought I was being selfish. But should people in relationship check their plan with each other? I feel that he doesn’t respect my time.
Please support our advertisers:
Maybe you should chill for a bit..
Your guy was scared because this early on in the relationship (7 weeks, right?), he saw and felt your potential to be overly-controlling..
But hey, you deserve to be respected, so next time he flakes out on you (and he doesn't have a valid reason), don't bend over to accommodate him. Continue doing your own thing, and seeing your friends the way you used to before you went out with him. The minute you start arranging your schedule to revolve around his and set a whole lot of expectations, you're in for some major disappointments.
Please support our advertisers:
guess he is not ready for a serious realtionship or he lies.. but you both just had a few dates only.... how come you take him so serious?..better take times to get to know this man...dont show him you expect him would be your long term bf / husband
Please support our advertisers:
You see it time and time again on this forum: girl with 'princess' tendancies trying to have a relationship with a man with obligations.
Please support our advertisers:
sabng
19 yrs ago
Tried that before, no matter how much sacrifice you are willing to make, how humble you make yourself and let your man meet with you only after he met with his son and finished his job. It won't work out. That man just does not love you enough, dump him now rather than struggling with the pain later. I struggled for 1.5 year and that man left me for another woman.
Please support our advertisers:
It sounds to me you find it hard to put up with his not letting you know what he's doing each day, I think chilling out is the right thing to do if you want to keep this relationship, just go about your own business and be cool. If you keep on pushing him, you will not only feel worse as time goes by, you will likely to drive him nuts and he will want to get out of this as he already said he was "scared"
Please support our advertisers:
*-*
19 yrs ago
Thank you everyone here. I’m feeling much better today. I think I need chill out for a while and I’m arranging a high school classmates gathering tomorrow. I’ll e-mail him instead of nagging in front of him. I can’t accept him doing that to me, but I will give him a chance to choose. He is coming back on Monday. I’ll let you know how things going after he come back.
To monsieur Justin credible, you said ”If you think you will get around to resenting the kids and be jealous of the precious QT they are enjoying with their dad...”
I was not being jealous of his kids. I was mad that he didn’t let me know his plan in advance. I think all this can be avoided if he knows how to respect my time.
To ms wing, I think I have to do as what you said, but do you believe that woman can train a man?
Please support our advertisers:
lulu
19 yrs ago
train a man? geez...
dun ever want to change your man, change yourself, if not, forget it.
Please support our advertisers:
Don’t get in to any thing called training a man,
why wasting time, cuz how much you try to change him, he will either come back to the place where he was or just runs away,
on the other hand, its not a big deal, its just 7weeks thing, though it might be upsetting u now, but its also good that you discovered it now before things go deep, so just chill out like others said, go out tonight, you don’t know what comes around till he comes from his vac.
tnx
Please support our advertisers:
When you talk to him make sure you use I statements rather than the you statements.
"I feel let down when you don't tell your plans before you change them"
"I understand your children are important to you, I need consideration too when you make arrangement with me then change them at the last minute"
This will help with the communication and also with his understanding of how you feel when he does these things to you. If you accuse him of things - he will get his back up and fights will ensue or at least bad feelings. You want him to do things to show you he cares about you rather becasue he will get in trouble.
Please support our advertisers:
*-*
19 yrs ago
It’s been three days since he left for a trip with his children. I’ve been out with my friends and feel like I’m back in my old life without any relationship. But it doesn’t feel very good. Part of myself feel like being in a relationship and feel tired of looking for new, while the other part of myself is still fighting for something and feel tired of dealing with the relationship I have now and tried to give up.
If my man doesn’t set his schedule revolves mine, does that mean that he doesn’t care about me? Is 7 weeks too short to build a real relationship if it is, then how long does it usually take to build one? I had one relationship before but I was young so I didn’t really think of leading to marriage. Well, I’m now but I find it’s much harder than the one that I was not expecting for anything.
Please support our advertisers:
nothing against single parents but maybe you should try to find someone who doesn't have baggage from a previous relationship - you jus got to go wit the flow . steps to sucsess:
1.don't be so desprate
2.get a back bone
3.stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on
4.today is the first day of the rest of your single life - so enjoy it
Please support our advertisers:
Have you seen the movie - how to lose a guy in 10 days...maybe you arte doing some of the things in that..and he is giving you the hint that he doesn't want to spend the time with you.
His kids are his priority - you are not. That is simple - play a bit harder to get and if he wants you then he will come back to you and sort his life out.
Please support our advertisers:
lulu
19 yrs ago
*-*, why you always say "me, me, me" ? He did have something to care about, his own son. Who are you? just a chick hang out with him for a little while! Grow up. I think you better train yourself a bit rather than thinking of training a man.
Please support our advertisers:
I think you already got your answer on training your man. the thing is, If he is a single dad who cannot care less about his children and just revolves his world around yours, would you consider him a good enough person to be with?
If you choose to accept the fact that he is a dad and he has other priorities before you, then you should stop pushing him to put you before his children (because he probably never will) and then just focus on showing him how cool you are, not letting him know that you think about him all the time. Men like to chase after the unknown, if you show that you are "his" without him trying, then he will more than likely lose his interests in you very quickly! So yes, just chill out and be cool!
Please support our advertisers:
You must be logged in to be able to reply.
Login now
Copy Link
Facebook
Gmail
Mail