Posted by
Ivy2009
14 yrs ago
I have been going out with a guy for 5 months. He is busy at work and is a single father. He can only spend a few hours with me every month.
In a dating mode, I supposed it should bring me happiness but I feel even depressed after seeing him.
The question is shall I just stop it now or just hang on and hope one day he will have more time for me?
I could be just another deparate woman looking for something unrealistic!
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how about having a chat with him about your feelings?
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Don't end it before you tell him what you want (for example: I want to meet up 2 times a week) and he tells you what he wants or can. Spending just a few hours every month is too little for most women and it could be that your relationship is coming to an end, but do check the situation with him first (a bit like a business talk) before calling it quits.
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Ivy
You are not being unrealistic.
Have a chat, as suggested.
He may simply have not thought about it.
Or what he wants is incompatible with what you want.
If he really likes you, after 5 months it is perhaps not to early to introduce you to the kids (I assume this hasn't happened yet). With that milestone out of the way, the calendar will open up a lot. You don't have to spend the night and play mummy to spend time together with him and his kids.
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Only a few hours each month?
I am sorry but I was a single parent and I definitely had more time in my life for someone I cared about. Even someone cheating on his wife would have more time for someone he cares about. How many kids does he have? Nine???
You are five months in. You want my advice? You have not invested too much of your life into this. If you are keen and he is not even meeting you have way. I say end it. You probably deserve someone who has time for you. You probably want someone that you don't have to compete with his kids in order to get attention.
Dating a single parent can be hard, but it doesn't have to be. I guess in your case, it is. So unless you want to be a martyr, why bother?
I mean...generally by the 4 month mark you know if you are in something good or in something bad. The smart person will do an assessment and go forward or throw in the towel before wasting more precious lifetime.
Talking to him would help. Say you want more than what he is offering and you need to know if there is more he can offer because if there isn't then this isn't enough.
Think about you and how you are hurting...not about him and how this may hurt him. Everyone has excuses galore, but if he only gives you a few months of his time, sounds like he may not be that in to you in the first place. *shrug* Just sayin...
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Ivy did you talk to him? What did he say? Keep us updated!
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I talked to him already. He said he cannot offer anything for me now or anytime sooner. He understand if I move on but he still want to spend time with me from time to time.
Do you think he is dreaming.. if he cannot offer anything to me, what can he expect to get in return??
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Do you think he is dreaming?
Nope. He hopes that you are dreaming though because if you are it will enable him to keep the status quo. He puts too little time in this sort-of-a-relationship. Not interesting if you ask me.
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My Hong Kong, I have never thought of what you had said. May be you are right. He probably wants to have a fling at his convenience. That's pathetic!
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mrsmith, I didn't give pressure to him at all... I am just expressing what I need..
actually the next window that he has available to meet is 2011... it could be tough in his life but I just couldn't take it as my problem.
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Well Ivy, 2011.
This leads me to one of two conclusions. Either he isn't really serious about relationships, or he isn't really serious about you.
In either case you have to decide if this is enough for you. And while you are deciding you can put yourself back on the market. Someone more available, and equally (or more) lovable and loving, may just come along.
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As well as the other possibilities, maybe he's totally clueless about how to sustain a relationship .... Anyway, whatever the reason, you can see his priorities, and where you fit in. You need to walk away now to protect yourself.
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I agree with Capt Dave. Walk away. While you wait for him you're unavailable to meet others...
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If there's a reason he can't bring you into his family life, there's something wrong.
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If the child has a mother, who the child also spends time with, then he has no excuses to keep it to a few hours a month.
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well... the mother left the kids with the father in HK and she returned to her home country. It's noble for the father to spend time with the kids over weekend but I need my portion of time too!
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