Posted by
ODS
13 yrs ago
it has nothing to do with looks- I know everyone says that, but I am a good looking lady who is independent and have a lot of hobbies, friendly - may be a bit shy, but I think I am ok.
Just it was weird I haven't meet anyone that I have feeling and wanted to fall in love with, in all these 6 years (am 28 now, my last relationship ended because of long distance (which would never work out), I was 22 going on 23).
My friends now are mostly married / even have kids or in a stable and long term relationship, and not because of "my friends have it so i want it". Keep read on.
It not that I don't want a relationship or family in future, but I just feel that I can live with my own and I don't actually feel like something missing most of the time - well sometime I feel that I should meet a guy and go out too, but not like I want it badly. Some friends goes, "what's wrong? This is too long!" < why? how long is long?
The thing is, DO I NEED to meet someone? Why do I have to force myself if I haven't or may be never meet that person? I think I am ok and I am enjoying my job/friends/hobbies, but then people around me giving me more and more pressure - I tend to ignore them as I think this is my life, however when everyone keep asking and keep reminding me that I am closer to 30 now, I feel that my mind is not free anymore, people's thoughts and the value from the society is polluting my mind. I am just wondering if there are many women out there like me? Do you want someone badly or are you just letting it happens? Thanks sisters.
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ODS, you don't need to meet someone. Not everyone has a desire to be in a relationship, although admittedly most females I know do.
Enjoying job/friends/hobbies have nothing to do with wanting to be in a relationship. All these things are good, but they are not a substitute, and are not meant to be a substitute, for love. I am guessing that either you haven't met someone you like or you don't have a need for a relationship/affection/sex/intimacy.
The reason that your friends are urging you to be in a relationship is:
1. They are in relationships and think that's the ''better'' way.
2. It gets a bit harder to meet a man and have children when you are older...so they want what (in their eyes) is the best for you.
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sicn
13 yrs ago
Ok, you dont NEED a man. That's good. But you also said you do WANT a relationship/family... So what is sotpping you getting a man you want?
You said you have not met him so far... Do you mean your soulmate has not shown up at your door step or you actually tried and did not have the luck???
If you have not tried, why not? Because you are shy or you believe that you are so special that he shall find his way to you? If it is because you are shy, there are many ways to overcome it. Sometimes being yourself even though you are shy infront of others are goodway to get to know each other...
I am not being critical, just trying to help you to sort out your issues. In my opinion, "NOT NEEDING A MAN" is only virtuous when you ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP, that you are reliable, independent, and not clingy and needy...
So why not TRY to find a man and let your inner self shine...
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Sorry to bring this up - but are you a westerner?
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ODS
13 yrs ago
Hey everyone thanks for opinions. I think I will just be the same - if I meet someone and I really want to be with him then I will give it a try, if not I will just do my usual things .... as usual O-)
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Maybe you're just really fussy, ODS. My friends have been single for ages, I've been in a relationship for ages.
My dating approach was: Say yes to every guy who I find vaguely attractive for a first date and just see where it goes from there.
Most didn't get past a first date but my fiance managed to stick around for 8 years. I was 21 when I met him. No man is perfect, he's still not perfect even after training him for 8 years! If you're too fussy, if you're looking for Mr Perfect, you're not going to find him.
I didn't REALLY want to be with my fiance when I first met him, I almost decided to stop seeing him because of a variety of reasons (we're VERY different people) but he makes me laugh and he's good in bed so we kept dating and then we fell in love.
It's not about meteing someone you REALLY really want to be with. It's about meeting someone who's kind, who makes you laugh and treats you with respect. If love blossoms from that then brilliant, if not, then you have a new friend.
Don't be too fussy!
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ODS
13 yrs ago
PupMonkey> "Say yes to every guy who I find vaguely attractive for a first date and just see where it goes from there."
You know I think this way too! Seriously I don't think I am fussy. ( you just don't get my point ... but I need not to explains. ) But I found I have no interest in any men for a long while. I am going to be (A) a Lesbian, or (B) a nun :)
joking.... I will just let it happens. thanks for all the advices.
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ODS
13 yrs ago
bhklady >I think I will marry the person I choose, if that happens. I don't need nonconstructive opinions that come from some random internet person.
If you are mad with the previous post and come back here, I feel sorry for you. And last comment to you on this thread, If you don't respect yourself, no one will respect you.
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Some people are just not that interested in relationships. They are content with job, career, like etc. I am a guy and have two male friends who have had relationships, not many but are still single at 50 and 63 respectivley. They are not ugly, and not bad. One of them is a very affable millioinaire (not flash, just potters around the farm). By contrast, I need to be in a relationship. I have been married twice.
I had another friend, a woman, who was in and out of bad relationships. She wanted her independance but was needy. She was an alcoholic who got into bad relationships and even she finally married at 55.
There is nothing wrong with being single. Getting married for the wrong reasons is a mistake. I meet lots of people who married in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and not all of these are re-marriages.
People who are in a relationship may or may not be happy. No matter what our circumstances we also hanker after something more. There is no 'perfect life'. The secret is to be happy where you are and be open to change.
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girl, i beat you. I have been single for almost 8 years.
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sometimes, it's better to be alone have fun than with somebody brings you problems
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i think the most important thing is just being happy. If you are happy it doesnt matter whether you are in a relationship or not.
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