Posted by
only cute
14 yrs ago
I supposed this might be another story of 'he is not that into you', but I am surprised that he is still in my mind for days so I probably need you to wake me up. Here is the whole story:
I met this guy in a bar. He came up and immediately offered my favorite drink to me and my female friend, while I already had a full drink at hand. We made some chat. When we were alone, he asked whether I like beer or champagne. I said I don't like beer, champagne is fine. Then he ordered a whole bottle of champagne. I was impressed by his generosity, since I was still holding two full drink at that time. I was a bit afraid that he would try to make me drunk, but no, we just drank a little bit, danced, talked, kissed eventually. It was nice, soft, gentle and passionate.
At the end, I wanted to leave. He said okay we will go together, but I declined that I would leave together with my girl friend, etc. He then gave me his full name and phone number and vice versa. He also left then. Afterward, he called me twice at that night, was checking if I was home safely, saying he had great time with me. He was also asking me could we meet the next day and what time, etc. I said well we will talk about this tomorrow after awake.
The next day after he awoke, he text me some really sweet messages, emphasized he had an amazing time with me last night, and how beautiful I am blah blah. But he just didn't ask me out like he mentioned the night before.
I was a bit disappointed and confused by his behavior so I didn't reply his SMS since. But I couldn't help wondering, if he's not that interested in me, why did he seem so passionate after we left, with those calls and SMS, and the generosity, etc. I thought he might just want to get laid and when he didn't get it, he moved on. But if he only wants ONS, why bothered to exchange a full name or so? Am I just simply being naive that he's just not that into me?
I like him, but I also don't want to be stupid and get stuck with a guy who isn't into me. I will be appreciated for your advice.
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Agree with mrsmith, you should have replied to his SMS the next morning even if he didn't specifically ask to meet you again. Maybe he was afraid of coming off as too pushy and thus scaring you away?
Bhklady, ONS = One Night Stand
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Only cute. The trouble is you can't really know what he is like until it is too late. That's life I'm afraid. Women get too choose but once they have chosen the shoe is usually on the other foot.
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Anyway, you probably did the right thing. He sounds way too flash. Maybe you should try to meet men in other places besides bars.
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mrsmith, Christelita, Loyd Grossman is Miss Venezuela, thanks for your input.
I was very happy to get his calls and sweet SMS, coz that's the sign that he was interested in me. Maybe I didn't describe clearly, the next morning after he awoke he sent me very sweet SMS and I did reply the first two, but until the third one he still didn't ask me out, I was a bit disappointed and figured maybe he wasn't going to do so. I thought if he did he would contact me straightly even though I didn't reply the last one.
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bhklady, I turned him down when he tried to send me home, so we haven't had sex. I know what is ONS, but I was also referring casual sex. Excuse me if I confused them two cuz they both seem the same for me and are beyond my principle.
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Text him and see if you can resume communication if you like.
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Well, I don't know, maybe I'm old-fashioned, but if I really liked and respected a lady, I wouldn't even mention going home together on the first date.
My guess is that you gave him hope that he might be able to get some the next day, which is why he still contacted you.
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"All girls in Shanghai see the wallets at the end. Causual sex are serious for many women here in HK what I believe but in Shanghai, it is nothing."
I wouldn't say ALL girls in shanghai. But I can say that it is the same with some women if not most in HK.
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This guy followed through, sent you an sms the next day so he is obviously interested in you. He probably did not ask you out because something came up. You should sms back, keep communication lines open and see where things lead.
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Milty
14 yrs ago
Only Cute - why didn't you suggest catching up???? Come on.....stop being such a whinger and do something about it if you want to see him again.
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bhklady,
yes i have been to shanghai numerous times. There are girls like you mentioned in every country and HK is no different and it isn't right to say that ALL girls in shanghai are this way.
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Thanks for the reply mike and Milty.
bhklady, why did I post a question in HK forum? Actually I choose the place Shanghai on the main page, and then it just goes to this one. I also found some very constructed and helpful comments from nice people here. Besides, this is a free forum, why do you care? Btw, I think it's not so intelligent of you to tell people that you are intelligent:-P
I am not from Shanghai, have been working here though. I know many girls make the bad reputation, but if I am that kind of girls, why did I turn him down that night and didn't ask him out myself? I always think women should be chased and shouldn't sleep with men too soon.
From what I mentioned about champagne, I thought guys would buy you a drink if they want to talk to you or more, but a bottle of champagne, in my opinion he is a generous person, or perhaps he would like to spend money is also a sign of being interested in.
Anyway, after my trip back, he contacted me again, was happy that he still does so. We are going out tomorrow, will see what will happen.
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This reply to your question might come too late, but, still, I have to at least respond.
1. No one you meet at a bar, either man or woman will end up serious with you in a relationship. What does every man, woman or child know for sure? - Ayone you met in the bar is just for sex. Men do that all the time - either they are married, desperate, lonely - anyone of you women want this as a boyfriend?
2. Men, if they want to bed a woman, it doesnt matter how much it would cost them. The biggies in America, they pay thousand of dollars to bed a prostitute whom they dont care to love anyways. One meetings and that was it, but they paid thousand of dollars on them in a single night!
3. Sweet msg and talks - come on lady, you are not a high school student, are you? Or this is the first time you met a guy? or perhaps never had a boyfriend?
use your brain so u dont end up bitter.
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"No one you meet at a bar, either man or woman will end up serious with you in a relationship. What does every man, woman or child know for sure? - Ayone you met in the bar is just for sex. "
complete b/s
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Cant agree with you more mrsmith & cookie09!
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sicn
14 yrs ago
I think City of Shanghai shall acknowledge the contributions from young and lovely local people like Only Cute. They are the reasons why Shanghai attracts so many male professionals from the west who are willing to take on local packages and spend money on local economy.
After reading this post, I understand why western ladies complain they receive less attention at the Shanghai bar scene. The guys are simply getting a higher return rate on their local investments. A few glasses of Champaign, dinner and some nice texts plus a little bit patience may very likely land him a long term stable exclusive sex life plus bonus of local tourist, house cleaning, home cook meals and even some flaterring dramas...
Man, I wish I were a Shanghai expat guy.
Ok,ok, seriously... question for Only Cute: Why would you even care he is into you or not since you only know this person for less than a week? Is it because you yourself are really into him? And... WHY?
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cookie, the only ppl you meet in the bar that turns out good is definitely desperate, stupid, doesnt have a normal social life. someone gotta admit it alright.
and if anyone of you wanted that persona to be a mate, go ahead and see how u regret later.
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"the only ppl you meet in the bar that turns out good is definitely desperate, stupid, doesnt have a normal social life. someone gotta admit it alright."
I'm guessing you either don't go to bars or do go to bars and consider yourself desperate, stupid and don't have a normal social life.
Veebabe/bhklady,
Are you aware that you both seem very bitter?
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only cute > A man buys champagne & sends you a few texts and you are besotted.... you seem rather superficial. Perhaps you should have made love to him that night.
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oppps, mike204.. i wasnt referring to you, dont get mad. i dont even know you. but if what i said hit u right to the bones, then i have to apologize..hehe
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All I'm going to say is, I went straight home with my fiancé the first night I met him and we're getting married 8 years later. (We got together quite young.) We have had a wonderful relationship filled with mutual respect and love.  A one night stand doesn't have to be one night if a woman can just take charge of her own sexuality!
We are not soft gentle repositories that men simply deposit into. We have our own desires, our own wants and needs.Â
It's ok to act on them.Â
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sicn
14 yrs ago
PupMonkey,
I am curious after that first night, did you ever wonder your fiance was into you or not? I agree with you that women should take charge of their own wants and needs. But do you think onlycute, like many young girls in general, is able to take charge of her own? I respect your point of view on ONS, but can you elaberate more about how to take charge of your own sexuality?
And on ONS, my view is not about the morality of it, but more on health and safety side. If a person is constantly exposed to unknown environment, he/she will have higher risk to STDs and other safety related incidents, especially when alchohal or other toxic substances are involved.
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I didn't care if he was right for me or not. I didn't care if he asked for my number or not. I'm glad he did want to see me again because we fell in love after a few months.Â
I do come from a different culture to Hong Kong but I have many friends who don't have one night stands. As for the safety angle, I've only had 5 one nighters in my whole life. The art of being in charge of your own sexuality is choosing who you want to sleep with and how you want to sleep with them.Â
If you don't want to have a one nighter, it's not because it's immoral or your might catch something (because you would sleep with someone who was dirty anyway, would you??) it's because you just don't feel like it.Â
I'm saying, the way to be in charge of your sexuality is to make your own well informed decisions and not be swayed by other people's opinions. And always always ALWAYS use a condom!!
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MJ1
14 yrs ago
Pup, sounds like you got lucky on your 5th attempt! Congrats!
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"You know a man totally trusts a woman then he does not want to use a condom ?
Total bs. When a man does not want to use a condom (ONS/professionals) he is simply irresponsible and a gambler. It does not mean he trusts a woman. And when in a relationship, others still use a condom because a.) they both haven't gotten tested yet and prefer to be cautious ; b) to prevent unwanted pregnancies
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Mike is correct.
A man not using a condom (except in a long term monogomous relationship) is a gambler.
Girls - if he slept with you without using a condom on the first meeting, how many other women has he done this with ? What's the chance he has picked something up ? Get out of bed and run the other way.
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only cute, i see from your post that you are really impressed with his generosity - buying you a drink and a bottle of champagne, plus a few sweet SMS and now you are losing sleep over a guy who you just met and chat for a few hours. That is very easy to please, and like one poster said so, kind of superficial, but hey, I've never been to Shanghai so no idea about the dating/sexual scene in the city, but it seems he has you in his palm already, perhaps you could get lucky like PupMonkey. Good luck
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wowowo > is it possible for you to contribute to this without trolling every man in the world ? this is an advice forum, where people come asking for advice.
The things you write, such as :
* Monogomous relationship ? Do they know what does it mean ?
* You guys had have no ideas how men hurt women
* I found a lot of men who like to cheat; thats why I am still single. It is difficuit to have any women who totally trust men.
suggest you have been injured in the past. I am sorry for that, but you need to solve your emotional problems, not pour your bitterness all over this forum.
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I don't think dating sites represent an accurate picture of all men.
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guys, real games in China
http://familylaw.com.cn/cases/34.htm
.... Nowadays, lots of girls consider marrying to foreigners to be a honor and a way to change their living status. They may just seek a life with good house and cars and they shall ask for the end of their marriages if they couldn’t reach their goals.
Relevant Cases:
Mr. Liu worked in a German Company after his graduation from Fudan University and joined the nationality of Germany. In 2001, Mr. Liu met Ms. Wang in Shanghai and they got married in less than a month after their first meeting. Mr. Liu and Ms. Wang went to Germany after the Spring Festival in 2002. After their arrival in Germany, Ms. Wang found the situation was not the same as she has imagined before. In addition, Mr. Liu was busy with work and had no time traveling with Ms. Wang. In this sense, Ms. Wang went back to China and refused to return to Germany. And then she sued to the court to divorce with Mr. Liu.
(3) Marrying to foreigner on the purpose of going abroad and ending the marriage if they failing to go abroad.
Relevant Cases:
Many girls would like to get the Visas through their marriages with foreigners. The increase of agent concerning the marriage with foreigners in Shanghai may be an image of this tendency. Ms. Li got to know a Japanese man called Songjing and they got married in a short time. After their marriage, Ms. Li asked Songjing to get prepared for her visa to Japan. However, as Ms. Li has history of re-education through labor, she couldn’t get the visa. In this way, Ms. Li would like to get divorce with Songjing.
(4) Differences in cultures, habits, languages and so on
Actually, marrying to a foreigner is of high risk for both parties are lack of common traditions, religious beliefs and so on. And all these may lead to the break up of a marriage.
Relevant Cases:
Ms. Mei met an Australian called Belem during her working in Shanghai, and they fell in love for the first sight and married. After their marriage, Ms. Mei went to Australia with Belem. Although they lived a quite rich life in Australia, Mei still felt lonely for lack of friends and religious belief. After one year’s marriage, Mei went back to Shanghai and sued to the court for divorce.
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I think wowow is hklady.
I do agree that dating sites only really represent people who are desperate enough to use them.
Only cute, what did you decide to do about your chap?
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