Hi All
So I've been single for quite some time.
My friend suggested I try internet dating to get me out there in the dating game.
Sooo I met a guy online who I really hit it off with. We'd speak for hours on the phone and there seemed to be such a connection between us. We met and it carried over and started seeing each other.. He starts to tell me he is falling for me and that he misses me when I'm not there etc etc.. I
I guess I got caught up in everything he starts telling me and start to say similar things to him. Then he goes quiet... I mean I don't hear from him for a week...
So then I notice that he has a few new female friends on his MSN account... SO I go back onto the site where we met (dating site) and discover he's been online that day... And then the next etc..
I ask him straight out and he says he's stopped being a member and is only on trial now and only speaks to these girls.. They all supposedly know he's into me and that he's concentrating on me.
Hmmm am I being played?
Am I being too insecure... This is wrong right? He shouldn't be using this site if he's sooo into me?
Thanks for any advise.. Feel a bit loopy about it all
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Men are basically looking for the best (in our minds) and are never satisfied. I've been married 26 years, and a man, so take my advice, get yourself someone else who won't take advantage of you.
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Sounds like he is keeping his options open!
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Good advice from Stefano and yvette, you may be better off with someone who doesn't need to keep his options open.
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I am afraid I have to agree with the others - he is definitely keeping his options open, so I would suggest moving on and forgetting him. If he was that into you then he would cancel his internet dating account for sure, why would he need to keep it open otherwise? Sorry about the bad news, but a good opportunity for you to find someone better. I am single and male by the way, so I would say I am in a good position to comment :-)
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True true... I think you may all be right
Don't know why he wouldn't just say he was still seeing other people. I don't think he would have liked me to say "well I'm actually chatting to a few other men myself".. Funny that. Why go through the bullshit of saying they are falling for you and that they miss you blah blah blah...
Looks like my options are open again. Oh well...
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Sounds like a case of good riddance, to me.
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let's hope his two birds in the bush take flight and he learns a lesson
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let's hope his two birds in the bush take flight and he learns a lesson
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Sarah, very few people say "Actually I am currently seeing a few other people" and assume that they won't be ditched then and there...so in general folks don't fess up to that, makes sense if you ask me.
The decent thing would be to date monogamously but internet dating makes that harder because you could essentially set yourself up on a date every day of the week if you liked, with different contenders and then check your cards at the end of the week to see how each tallied up.
So yeah, hmm...if he was still seeing more AFTER his date with you, then thats not a good sign, coz he's the kind to assume something is better round the corner instead of seeing the good in front of him.
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One more thing I like to add is to focus on what is done and not what is said. It's irrefutable.
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Hmmm he is living in China ATM.. Moving to HK in a month..
He rang me yesterday chatting away as if we were going to start this new relationship when he gets here..
Hot and cold... I hate games... Wonder if he's telling these other women the same thing.. Do people actually do that??? Just be bloody honest about what you want!! Ahhhhh
I'm thinking maybe he's getting as much as he can before he comes here? Or he's just a player.. Hmmm probably both.
That's the first and last time I get suckered into internet dating.. You're right it's to easy for these kind of people to see as many people as possible at the one time..
Thanks for the comments.. I just had to chat about it somehow and make sure I wasn't being silly for thinking it's a bitsh*tty to be whispering sweet nothings in my ear and some other womans .
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Try not to think about it anymore, coz it doesn't deserve your time. :)
Don't give up on internet dating, there are good guys out there...just be smarter and more eyes wide open about it next time.
Good luck!
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btw where is Mr Internet from? I recalled a conversation I had with 2 British girls who had lived in California I think. They said the dating culture was completely different. Apparently you are morally free to date as many others as you like until you have "the talk" about becoming exclusive.
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selda
14 yrs ago
i agree with tinyteddy. Unless you have talked about your relationship, he is free to date as many people he wants.
Dating doesn't mean sleeping with them.
Rather than ditch him, i would discuss the nature of your relationship.
He said he is coming to HK and wants to see more of you here. This is a very good start, in my opinion. If you are uncomfortable about his Internet dating thing, tell him so. If he really cares about you, he will explain why he hasn't erased his profile.
Some guys need to be sure about their feelings before committing to one girl, especially if they are popular and confident. It doesn't mean that they are unable to.
I am in one of such relationships now..but at the beginning, 5 years ago, we were both keeping our feelers out. We had both been hurt before, so i guess it was for self-protection more than anything else. When we finally trusted each other and our feelings, we erased our Internet profiles on the dating site.
Good luck
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I thought the OP mentioned:
"I ask him straight out and he says he's stopped being a member and is only on trial now and only speaks to these girls.. They all supposedly know he's into me and that he's concentrating on me."
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It all depends on what your expectations are. If you are only looking for a casual relationship then this could be the right person. But, if you are like most women I know, you are looking for someone who had the potential to commit to you, now and in the future. My advice is be honest with him, tell him that and then be on your way. If he is THAT into you, he won't want to see you walk away. Lay down the rules, you have nothing to lose....except a potential loser.
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Woah, stalker alert! My stalker-dar is pinging like mad! Lol. dreamerseven, really, what was your alias before this one? did I in some way piss in your coffee or something? Really, you seem to be following me around lately. Chill, kid! *SMH*
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As a self confessed internet dater not sure whats the problem from personal experience
Yes you first meet loads of girls and chat away on the net
Followed by chatting to them all, getting to know them without the whole hassle of dinner, long boring silences, nothing in common etc you gradually get down to a list of people you want to be more serious with vs who will just be friends vs who you just drop totally.
Not only that you also meet a whole bunch of people you would never get the chance to meet outside your normal social work / party circle and guess what folks - all the best people for relationships don’t go to LKF, Soho etc
I met my gf 1.5 yrs ago this way and we're great together but we still chat to people we met before online as friends only since we never dated them or had anything casual with them
So the point is regardless where you meet people you have to be mature enough and trusted enough by your partner to be just friends with people, however you me them and however attractive they are!
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oh btw...which website are we talking here, can I have a link :D
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CLIOV6 : Agreed with you, all the best people for relationships don’t go to LKF, Soho etc
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Internet dating is basically for fun loving people, you are most unlikely to get your life partner here, I am so sure of this, based on the statistics available on the net, 96 per cent can never find soul mates, but if you wish to enjoy your life and have a good time, yes, internet is the best way. Everyone plays with every one and i am no exception, but I always tell the truth that I can never be a soul mate for anyone. I have met many liars and also I dated many on the net but never actually fell in love with anyone nor did someone fall for me although i had intimate encounters with many. It is not all that happy news but this is life on the internet. we have to believe in reality than illusions here. Remember, I never cheated or lied to anyone but I told the truth as to what I always wanted and got from many, rejected by some, but you know, life goes on….Yesterday has gone and tomorrow may never come. Enjoy your life today without hurting others.
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Thanks for all your thoughts.. Has helped me.
I sort of told him I wasn't really interested anymore and that funny thing where he's super keen because he doesn't think he can get you.
Strange how that works.
Anywho told him straight I don't like games and people telling me they are falling for me when they are still out there chatting up other women..
Yes on the internet you meet heaps of people and make friends with them etc.. But to tell them that you are moving because of them or you are falling for them.. WTF is that..
He's made me promise that when he comes I will go out to dinner with him to talk face to face.
This should be interesting..
I'm thinking it might just be a casual thing between us now..
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