EX lover from 14-15 yrs ago

to tell you the truth, i wouldn't know how to label this guy i was seeing about 14-15 yrs ago(1994)..we were young and casually dating (i was 19, he was 25) we met in the US and had a couple of dates after that. i don't think we even had a chance to flourish the relationship to the next level because firstly we had a long distance relationship (i lived 3 hours away from him) and we communicated through phone mostly and met up on the weekends. it was a short lived but simple innocent relationship. we sort of went our own separate ways because i had to return to HK, and without formally announcing or saying good bye, i flew back to HK. he wanted my HK home address so we kept in touch via letters a couple of times. then soon after we lost touch completely.

FAST FORWARD to JULY 2011, i received a message on facebook from him.

i wasn't sure if it was him for sure so i waited a few months until i was sure it was him. we started asking how each of us were doing and how things were. he's now 41 and i am 36, we're both not married and we don't have kids. he tells me he is currently single but would like to settle down sometime soon.

he is aware that i have a boyfriend, but what confuses me is he brought up the past and basically told me how he was sad i left the US and never really had the chance to tell me that, he wanted to see me again if i ever go back to visit. he still remembers every details of our dates, and what i wore the very first time we met..i was in awe of how he said he still kept my letters!?!

i have been very diplomatic with my response, but i am in a way flattered..then again, i'm not sure..

i am in a very secure relationship but my bf hasn't really mentioned the possibility of marriage or having kids. we have been together happily for almost 5 years now, the only thing that concerns me is, is it coz' my bf is way younger than me? he is very matured but i am not sure what he wants at this stage, we've talked but haven't really given me a straight answer of the future plans.

now that this person from the past showed up, i am even more confused?!? am i just falling into some stupid "high school" teenage love dilemma?? i can't be that naive i don't think...but i am getting confused..any advice?

More exploration is needed to be able to clear the confusion:


1. Taking into account your age, and the length of time you've been with your current boyfriend, perhaps you would like to check with him what his future plans are?


2. If your current boyfriend is not interested in marriage/children, and you are interested in building a family, then tell the guy from USA to come and meet you and see how it goes. You can be his ''tour guide'' for a week in Hong Kong. He has nothing to lose.


3. You might end up with one of them as a husband. You might end up with none of them.

Oooohhhh, this is a toughie.


You're 36, and well...if you want babies, now would not be the time to pussyfoot around and "hint" with your current bf. If you want to see where your "secure" relationship is going, maybe you should ask, and get a straightforward answer. Sometimes we don't ask the tough questions because we don't want to rock the boat but also because we are scared of what the answer will be.


Other guy being 41 and wishing on a bygone era also doesn't quite sound like the best option in the world and you may just be right about thinking "am I just having a bit of a teenage romance moment". But the thing is, he is more in the same boat with you than some younger guy who is happy to cruise with what he's got for 5 years with no mention of marriage whatsoever.


That said, I wouldn't just write him off as an option. I reckon, as with what My Hong Kong said, find out what the future plans are, from the horses mouth, from your current bf and then if there is no plans for marriage or kids in the next year or two, I reckon give a serious thought about looking into seeing your compatibility with Mr.41 year old from the bygone era.


Reality is that time keeps ticking by but your ovaries only keep getting older...But this all hinges on how much you would like a family and marriage, of course.

Yes, if you want babies, you have to tell your b/f SERIOUSLY and DIRECTLY. If you don't get a straightforward answer this time, you need to think throughly what to do next.

Apparently, you have feeling toward Mr 41, otherwise you didn't post this thread. But, you two lost connection for many years, I suggest you starting with him as friends in the first place, getting to know each other more...

Who knows what will happen, you never think of seeing him after such a long era.

Before jumping into a relationship, you need to understand the other persons values and relationship objectives.


We all know how it goes : Girl meets a guy, he treats her nice, and after a few dates she puts out. Now he's satisfied, and she tells herself she has a future, but the reality is she's in a holding pattern, with her biological clock ticking away.


The OP is with a younger guy now, who probably does not have anywhere near the sense of urgency she does. I doubt he has the same objective to settle down right now.


The 15 years-ago guy claims to have the same objectives - but are you compatible ? Sure both of you have grown a lot since then... are you still a good match ? His fascination with you is great, but is he hanging onto memories that might not match reality ?


This is a wake up call - not to get desperate or manipulative - but to be focused on finding Mr Right.

your story like a movie

Does this kinda stuff actually happen? If I was your current boyfriend and knew this kinda stuff was going through your mind - I'd be blowing a gasket!


You sound like you and your current bf and potentially this older guy have diff values - first figure out what you want before you end up hurting yourself and/or both of them