Posted by
GRIFFIN
13 yrs ago
I'm a woman in my 40's, recently split from a long-term relationship now looking for a new partner. Which bars to go to in Hong Kong? Have beeen to ladies night in Wan Chai but that's not me. Want go some where where there are men in their 40's or 50's who are looking for a long term partner not just a fling. Any ideas?
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may i have a chat with you?i am now in SZ.and go to HK very conviently
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If you're looking for a long-term relationship my advice would be to stay away from bars. Try more cultural outlets to find someone more interested in a long-term commitment.
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Its not the competition, its just that people who normally goes to bars are not looking for a long term partner.
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ive been in HK for several years now and know many many single women in their early/mid 40's who've tried every cultural activity HK has to offer as well as the usual round of bars. Not a lot out there I'm afraid. Most friends who have left, do so for that reason.
I've been single for a few years and know I'll have to go home or at least move on, if I want to be part of a couple again.
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I am an English guy,professional,considerate,not wanting to meet a single HKG woman in a Bar,but looking for a long term relationship,preferably living in the UK,and vacating in HKG,please send me a message if you,re interested.
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Hi strikingsunset,
If you don't mind could you tell me your age, and what you are looking for in a long term partner. Thank you
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GRIFFIN, what are you looking for in a long trem partner?
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selda
13 yrs ago
GRIFFIN,
bars are not the ideal place to meet men if you are interested in a long-term relationship. It's easier on the Internet, and similar interests clubs. I don't know what you are interested in, but it's easier to shine when you do something you like, be it cycling, hiking, writing poetry, playing a musical instrument or fighting for causes you care about. Hong Kong is not a bad place to meet men, there is no shortage of men who are here alone, either because they recently relocated to HK or because of divorce. True, some are just looking for one-night stands, but i met a lot of men who are totally over the bar scene, and are looking for a life companion, not just sex.I have been in HK for 16 years and have never had any trouble meeting interesting men for long-term relationships. Of course, i have also had my share of players and tossers, but negative experiences didn't destroy my hope of meeting a nice guy. And i did :-)
Mind you, I am not a spring-chicken either, just a woman with a healthy attitude towards the opposite sex. I think the secret is to have no unreasonable expectations, be independent and genuinely interested in what a man has to offer, rather than demanding what he cannot. My partner is not perfect but, neither am i...but we learned to respect each other. We both have a good sense of humour, which really helped us to see the funny side of our idiosyncratic behaviours. I guess we are a pretty good match...i often tell him that nobody else would be able to put up with either mine or his self-absorption, which is why we are so grateful we found each other!
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First of all, selda, I loved reading about your partner and your compatible self-absorption and your sense of humor about it all :) Happy you are happy, its always good to know there is someone out there who is happy with the person they love and who loves them in return...too many sad stories on here sometimes.
>Alexandra = "I've been single for a few years and know I'll have to go home or at least move on, if I want to be part of a couple again."
The thing is, I have known friends in their 30's to leave HK for just such a reason as well. Women (more so than men) who are all down on their choices of good men, who even got to the point of sampling the local men and then gave up because the competition with chinese women was simply too much for them to keep up with. BUT...these same women, even when they moved to a western country didnt end up finding any more decent a match than what they found here in HK and, might I add, are STILL single where they are, long after leaving HK!
So is it REALLY the city, in this case HK, that is the reason for someones singledom? Or is there an unrealistic expectation that this city should have coupled someone up when they may not have that drawing factor in any city?
As selda said, she has lived in HK for 16 years and never had any problem finding a date or long-term relationships...so really, its all possible. I know a woman who I remember being one of those, creeping up on 40 types, and man, let me tell you, back then, she was hard work to keep company at dinner get togethers or BBQ's. She was always so bitter sounding about men, harsh, and judgemental...and she once asked me what she could do to find a decent man around her age who wasnt afflicted with yellow fever.
So I told her, go on AX personals and give it a go. Dont get too let down by the letdowns, but to be positive and to keep an open mind and manage her expectations.
Well, a year later, I bump into her and she is not the same bitter woman at all. She met a nice guy, a policeman, I think...and a year after that they were married with a kid! And this was by the time she was in her early 40's, a first kid at 41, I think. So its all doable. And when I look at her pictures on FB, she actually LOOKS happy and even prettier than I recall her looking back when I used to catch up with her in those days or "I hate HK and hate how hard it is to find a good LTR" stage of her life (which by the way, was very long!).
Defo try the internet, and know what you are looking for and also, if what you are looking for is Brad Pitt, you may be a bit screwed there!
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selda
13 yrs ago
Justin Credible! I hope you are well. You sound positive :-) I agree with you, HK is not exactly hell for Western women. I too have single friends who left HK because they blamed this city for their single status...and are still looking. But I know plenty of women who found their long-term partner or husband in HK. It's possible, even in a city with a skewed male/female ratio
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I think that for a 35+ foreign woman in Hong Kong, who wants to be in a relationship, it is quite challenging to find a man. It's not impossible, obviously, but it's a harder task than let's say...the UK. I've tested both places and there was a difference. It was easier in the UK.
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It can happen, Internet dating is scary, exciting, heart breaking, and the best way to date several men. Don't get attached too easily, don't chase, don't be desperate, don't trust, be strong. Best to have a robust self confidence! Dating means rejection, of you, and by you.
Find a girlfriend to support you, best if she is doing the same thing. There are liars, married men, confused chaps and genuine nice people all mixed up together. I found a wonderful chap after a year or so and a book's worth of experiences!
Signed, average western woman in her mid forties.
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Brava! Excellent post to boost ones optimism, runnyheron.
See? This is what I am talking about. An average western woman in her mid-forties can find a wonderful chap after a year and no doubt, experiences worth writing home about.
Proactivity always works better than reactivity...
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JC, of course a woman stands a chance to find a man anywhere! However, not to recognise that there are objective difficulties for an average, not-young, western woman to find a man in Hong Kong is misleading! My point is that her chance is smaller, not that she doesn't have a chance.
In your previous post you basically put the blame on the women. Well, in some cases this is true. It others, it's not.
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My Hong Kong, I apologize for appearing to put the blame on the women, I am just saying from my experience, even one of my dearest friends was in this catagory...and reality is that she may simply have a "type" and pick the wrong man and then end up single again...and this will have happened in HK and then anywhere else she went. This is the case with a lot of women, maybe they just have a type and cant settle for someone else.
I agree with you, if someone has made it all the way to her 40's single, thats telling, but if someone suddenly becomes single in her late 30's, I can understand why the dating scene would seem unfamiliar and almost hostile to have to face again. And yes, with most people swirling through the dating scene, its about dating someone younger, prettier, substance optional, and you are right, the chance of a 40 something woman finding her mate will definitely be smaller, even if I am stressing its not impossible.
I meant no offense, but of course, have offended. And for that, I apologize.
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im looking for a long term too. would like to meet a female in the macau area, been here for 2months myself. as for myself im 27 -.-
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As the competition is pretty intense I think you have to emphasize what you do have in comparison to the others. Promote your western sense of humour, good english language skills, financial independence, shared background, big boobs etc
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Are there some western men who are o.k. with dating western women? I have the impression they are few, but most are seeking Chinese women, no matter what age we are talking about. I am in the same (exact--40s, out of a long-term relationship recently but need to stay in HK for the longterm for work) situation as Griffin and am quite curious about what others think.
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I think there are a few, but I think the main attitude is 'when in china why not eat chinese'
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Some of my mates living in Hong Kong only go for western women, but they are the minority. Most western men looking for a partner end up with Asian women.
Don’t assume it’s because they all prefer Asian women; another factor is that there is a bigger pool of Asian women to come into contact with.
I will repeat some of the good advice others have made - You won’t find many decent men in Bars, emphasize your large boobs, good English & sense of humor.
Finally, most men have no interest in “Ball breakers” & ladies carrying a few extra pounds of any nationality. Back in jolly old England women might get away with it, but not in Asia where the competition is keener. If a western woman doesn't have these two "problems" she should have no difficulty finding a man.
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selda
13 yrs ago
Last night i went to a friend's leaving party, there were mostly couples in their 40s, who have been in HK for at least 10 years and i was quite surprised at the absence of mixed couples. I assumed that most of these couples had been formed in their country of origin (mostly UK, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand) and had survived HK stress and temptations. My assumption was wrong! Quite a few of them had met in HK, or on holiday in Asia. The common denominator for these people was engaging in outdoor activities, such as dragon boating, sailing, running and hiking. The women were fit, but definitely not super-models.
There you go. Join a club and meet like-minded people who share your background and interests. Men in their 40s look for substance over looks, and they value emotional compatibility. Or at least this is what they tell me:-)
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Selda - well said. This is a good way to meet compatible people.
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I want to add: in my experience, no one finds a 'long term partner'. They find an interesting person and it lasts. Going into it with long-term motives can cause a lot of problems, starting with denial about incompatibility.
Also, I should add that even though the odds are stacked in their favor, being male, single and older doesn't mean its easy on the guys. If a guy is in his 40s or 50s and single, it might be because he's never mastered the challenge of being forward enough to meet someone. Guys like that are just as unsure about where (and how) to meet women, so they can be found frequenting Wan Chai...looking a bit lost. Don't be afraid to break the ice...they will be grateful---maybe even for the long term.
Good luck. :-)
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