Posted by
onurpalm
12 yrs ago
Here is the thing. I am stepping into twenty nine years old and I am quite serious about settling down. I’ve been with this guy who is two years younger for one and half year. And I met his parents just last month. They were quite happy to see me. (This is quite important because we are both Chinese. And he is the typical Chinese man, if his parents don’t approve us, there is no way we can get married, same condition applies to my family as well) I’ve talked to him several times about marriage. And this guy just tells me that we will get married next year. The thing is that if I don’t mention it, he will never talk about it, which makes me feel that he doesn’t want to get married at all. Otherwise he will take the initiative to talk about it and plan for it right? I don’t expect him to propose. (Just don’t think it is the Chinese thing.) But his attitude just annoys me. I feel that he promises marriage is just trying to comfort me as well. Should I still continue to stay with this guy? Is he just wasting my time? Sometimes I feel that he stays with me just for convenience. I cooked and cleaned for him, I helped him with his career. I treated his family and friends nice. I am pretty enough to be shown in front of friends and never make him lose face in front of anybody. And I’ve never asked him for money or anything. I have my career and I am independent.
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It really comes down to the reason you are with him. Are you one of these girls who are only looking for a guy to get married? Normally girls like that end up being not-so-great after they get married so the guy ends up cheating and you get divorced. Maybe he is testing your intentions first.
You aren't independent. If you were independent you would be worried about whether you love this guy or not, and whether he loves you or not. The fact you are more worried about being legally bound together means you are not independent. Also the fact that you would be willing to break up with him if your parents didn't like him isn't great, it's not a sign of independence, or of love for your partner. I wouldn't be commiting to marriage with someone like that either.
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Hi, Gaz-Hayes,
glad to see ur reply. I am not the one who purely needs someone to get married. Before I committed to him I did have a lot of choices. and I still do have many choices. My concern is if this guy is really into me and consider a serious and potential marriage with me. I felt I was happier before. This relationship made me exhausted. I am working full time and after work I will need to do chores as well as help him on his business. He is one of the millions guys who can say sweet words but never does any help on actual work. He did give up on me before while his parents disapprove us for no reason. By then we ceased to see each other for a month also. I just feel this relationship is very fragile. and I cann't talk to him abt everything. It seems I am lonelier with him.
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To me it looks rather simple, he can't make u happy and you are not content with the relationship (you are feeling exchausted), why are you even considering marriage and looking forward to spend the rest of your life with him is beyond me.
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To the OP, do you want to marry this guy just because your biological clock is ticking?
Some good questions are related to Amparo's post above. Why do you want to marry him anyway? Can you see yourself playing wife to him forever (or until divorce)? Do you think you're going to be happier just by being married to him (or any other guy for that matter)?
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well, one part is because my biological clock is ticking. I bear a lot of pressure from family and friends. The tough thing is not being single, the tough thing is that everybody besides you wants to make you not being single any more. I admit he probably is not the best, comparing to other nice guys I met before.But he is the one I can get when I feel like to settle down. And I don't know what will happen if I just walk away?
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I am with LGMV, Sell!
You dont sound too keen on this guy and more like you are "settling".
Not a good start to a marriage you want to last. In two words: It wont.
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onurpalm, that's is a REALLY BAD reason to want to get married.. just because people around you expect you to do so and so you just consider anyone who happens to be around (sucks even this No. 9th choice is not interested enough), If you are truly independent, you don’t need to mind what people are saying or telling you what to do, get control of your own happiness and life. Why are you even allowing other people to run your life?
Settled down only with that someone who you are truly happy with, or else, stay single, living a life in a loveless marriage is hell, trust me and divorce is a painful process… you don’t want that!!
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The only thing this relationship has going for it is inertia. Since you have a timetable to marry, and he does not, it would seem he is running out your clock.
Do you want to marry & have kids, or is it just cultural pressure ?
Assuming you really do, then You need to decide if you should try to marry this man (far from perfect), or start looking for someone better who shares your timetable.
I would recommend dumping him, and let him know it's because you don't think he's serious - he will either offer to marry, or you'll find out he has been stalling all along. Either way you know where you stand.
Good Luck
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This relationship is a recipe for disaster. You don't feel happy with him before marriage.. so, how do you think you are going to feel after it?
check out this link... it's your future if you persist with this
http://www.womensinfidelity.com/
Read down the page to where this author talks about why women push men into commitment and then lose interest once they are married... Apparently 70-80% of divorces are initiated by women...
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