I am with this guy for 3 years.We had so much good time together and even the day before he decided to break up I was still believing and feeling we were happy.
for the first two and half years,we had long distance relationship,I was in Shanghai and he was in Europe and Hongkong,but we managed to see each other almost every month and had a lot of sweet time together.
Last August,I got help from my boss and I came to HK to work(He was located in HK since end of 2010).I left my family and friends and the job i like in Shanghai and came to HK for him.He was very nice to me and took good care of me and was really really sweet.I do not have friends in HK and my job is not my passion but i felt it all worth it because I was so happy to live with him and see him every week.I thought this sweet life will just go on till the day we are married.But last weekend during Easter Holiday he told me he decided to end our relationship.All came of a sudden i did not know what to do.I required a reason from him, he just said he met someone else and he wanted to be with her.He was suddenly such a cold and cruel person like i've never known him before.But how come people change like that?
He was even planning holidays with me 2 weeks ago.
he was even making love to me the day before he wanted break up.
How did it happen and what can I do?I do not want to go back to Shanghai like this, and if I stay in Hk,I have to find a place to live and bear all the pain of memories in this city and the loneliness without having friends.
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This sounds too crazy to be true.
If it is true, you are better off without this bum. Pack your bags and go.
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He sounds like a coward. He was intimate with you because he could be, don't read any more into it than that, it could even have been guilt. If you waste time trying to find reasons then it will drive you crazy, just know that you tried and it didn't work. If you hadn't tried then you could have spent your whole life wondering what could have happened. Go home and you will find a good man who deserves you.
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Go home now as you have seen his real color. He's being a european doesnt guarantee that he is genuine. He's a fake, like all fake LV bags, Gucci, Prada and so on. Save your life, go home as fast as you can. Consider yourself lucky that he had not been successfully made you pregnant. Leave this bum that you can find a good man who knows how to genuinely love you. Next time dont judge a man by his color or his wallet. Good luck !!!
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I fourth that. Leave the bum and get back to what you know and where your family is there to support you emotionally.
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Hey guys,thanks for your advices.I know I should leave him without a tear.It is just so hard to get unused to what i have been used to for so long but I know now what i should do.
to songyu,I am not that kind of girl who goes for man's color and wallet. It just happened that he was a westerner.If he would had been a Chinese,my feelings would have had been no difference.So please don't judge.
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if it would make you better, i think it was so OK before is because you two are not seeing each other on a daily basis, he does not have to see you 24/7 and his private space is not being invaded, now that you have take the relationship a step closer/higher by giving up your job and came live with him (is it a mutual decision??), maybe the guy is scare of commitment (fear of marriage maybe?). You see live-in arrangement is good in the sense that it is like a trial marriage, each has to endure the other's bad habit and put up with the partner's likes and dislikes. You should feel lucky that you haven't got married yet when you two realised that it is not going to work...
Go back to Shanghai and maybe get that job back if you could, a rewarding and passionate job is a good substitute (short-term) for broken heart. Do not torture yourself by wanting to find the WHY cause you'll never have an answer..
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@Amparo
Thanks for your reply.
The thing is I do not see him 24/7 per week,he travels every week so we only see each other 3 or 4 days per week at most. And we never had any problem with each other's bad habits.i mean if he was not happy with it,he could have said it. But no,nothing,only sweetness. If I would have seen its coming,I could have changed some of my behavior.I know he is scared of marriage,I was just so believed in myself that I could change him.Going back to Shanghai seems to be the best choice I have now,but I am so scared of all the pressure from family I have when I am in SH.My mind is so not the same with theirs.that was probably partlywhy I left SH for him in the very beginning.
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"I know he is scared of marriage,I was just so believed in myself that I could change him."
This is the reason he acted the way he did. Commitmentphobes can have a huge fear of marriage or steady commitment and run away frm it. Usually though they'll let the other person know how they feel, and you have to listen to them. Also, never think you can change someone, accept who they really are, most people can't change themselves when it comes to bad habits, so why would they change for someone else?
However, the way this guy acted clearly shows that he is a total jerk, having sex the night before breaking up, treating everything as though it was great is really bad. Just leave him and learn from this mistake. Never date someone who says they don't want to get married.
You seem confused though as to where you want to live. You say you're lonely here, but at the same time you say you want freedom from pressure from your family, so which is more important?
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Oh dear - sounds like he wanted one last "go" before saying goodbye. One must surmise he is rather selfish.
The mismatch seems obvious in retrospect. He's enjoying the relationship, and doesn't want to change, you see it as a prelude to marriage. He sees you as one of a long line of girl friends; you see him as your potential husband. You hoped he would settle down, and he hoped he could keep on like this forever - you were both wrong.
Life Lesson : Don't assume your prospective partner wants the same things. Just because you want to get married and have kids is no guarantee that the person you are dating does also. A relationship needs shared values and life objectives.
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The last post was probably the most confusing and badly worded forum post I've ever read.
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I am confused as well.
So staring at you,how can I go to the positive future change scenario?
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I have not read the book and I think I should read it.
But by unchanging won't change anything.
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My ex was still sleeping with me the day before he wanted to break up with me. That's men for you.
I was still living with him too, but the best thing I could do was to leave him. The day I moved out was the day I started to heal. If it were me, I'd stay in hong kong. I think hong kong is one of the most amazing places in the world to live, especially if you're young.
I found Chinese people to be some of the friendliest people, I quickly made friends in hong kong. Don't worry, you will heal and move on.
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"I found Chinese people to be some of the friendliest people, I quickly made friends in hong kong."
that has to be a joke !!
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Well, I was friendly in return and I made an effort to speak Cantonese. It's strange how friendly people can be when they realise you can understand what they're saying....
"look how pale she is," quite often turned into, 'pale and besutiful' when I spoke Cantonese lol
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Mrs Wong, I like your attitude, whenever i visit a place, I'd always learn a bit of their language, a simple good morning, thank you and etc usually bring a smile on their face, knowing you take the effort to be friendly...
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It is very true if you are friendly to others, they will be friendly to you as well.Mrs Wong, how do you make new friends in Hongkong? I am always too shy to speak to others first, always waiting for others to start conversation.I've already sorted out my relationship, time to make some nice new friends.
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i think it is a good expample that shall not live together too long.or too early.esp the guy is afraid of commitment. if he's got all he wanted, why would he offer more. you have put all your cards on the table last a couple years, now the passion running out.
unless you both have great fun together. enjoy great comunication, you ar very attactive person always have tons of guys after you send flowers. etc, you can have a long carefree relationship like this, otherwise could be easily dumped when days turn to plain.
men are hunters, let him hunt you after you. when it was long distance it worked, when living together it did not work out so well. so clear and simple.
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if still confident hanging there, failure coule be treasure. when we lost everything when kind of nothing to lose, it is the time to restart have something new. dawn is so dark cause it is closest to light.
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I am certain that as we go will be able to meat new people.
I love too meat new people sooooo easy!!! You will meat a new person and it will be good. The best... :-) your brain won't know who this guys is.. Being strong and move on.
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better dont meat too many ppl .. just meat a few ppl.. but meat good ppl....
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What is the best way to meet people?good people?
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