Hello All
I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months and thought everything was going really well. We got on and he was always telling me how lovely I was and would stare at me and say how he just liked looking at me. We just seemed to fit so well with each other and it was so nice.
So out of the blue he said he needed to talk to me..
He then went on to tell me that he doesn't know how long he's going to be here and that his dad is sick and he doesn't want emotional commitment. He told me he thought I was really lovely and it would be wrong to keep going on because he respected me.
In his last relationship his girlfriend really took advantage of him and really hurt him.
So I tried to understand him.. His dad is sick and he might have to go back to the UK.. Why then would he come on so strong to just pull back? Did he get scared that he had feelings for me and that it might be a bit too much?
We emailed for a while and then I stopped contact with him as I needed to try to get over him.
So he emailed me the other day to see how I was going. He asked me about things in my life and then told me about what he was doing.
Am I stupid to think that maybe he's scared of getting hurt and has commitment issues beause of his ex? Or doesn't want to get too attached to then have to leave? Was he just being nice emailing me or does he miss me?
Hmm I know this is long but I would love some advice. Especially from a guys view or someone who has had it happened to them.
Thanks
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Once again, read the writing on the wall.
What he said, "Sick Dad, You're nice, Don't wanna hurt you, Not looking for commitment" Is what he said.
Now if you are stupid enough to think that means "I have commitment issues, I am actually totally dying for you to come running to my arms regardless of the fact I will totally dump you and break your heart when I definitely (not maybe) go back to England without you" then...well, in the end when he breaks up with you and you are all "But I thought you loved me!" he will be all "But I told you from the start that this wouldn't last!!!"
Gf...do yourself a favor, end it now, stick to your guns, and give up the ghost of what you had. I would recommend only one thing:
Don't bother replying to any more messages from him. He is an idiot who is not willing to go the distance but seems to still want to ensure you are pining over him and missing him and not moving on. Boredom makes him contact you, you would be better off cutting ties when the feelings are less invested.
Good luck.
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Cut your lose and move on, the guy makes himself very clear, he doesn't want any emotional commitment, and he doesn't take you seriously enough to invite you to go to UK together and visit his sick Dad... human nature tends to want to make ourself feel better, by making up all sort of excuses. Fact is, he decided to go back and move on without you and you should do the same. I know it hurts but such is life, take it as one of life's learning experience.
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And he might not even have a sick dad. Just sayin. Its a great one for the sympathy card.
Did anyone watch that movie with JGLevitt about how he tries to pull women with the "I have cancer" thing? *SMH* Good movie though. But yeah, what I am trying to say is, I wouldn't fall for that.
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maybe he misses you, maybe he still has feelings for you. but that doesn't matter, because he's not going to get serious with you. It doesn't matter why he's like that, you cannot cure it and the eventual result will be the same.
Do not get emotionally entangled with him. Let him know what you are looking for a serious relationship, and you don't want to connect with him again. If he suddenly discovers he has feelings for you, and wants to commit, be sure to play hard to get.
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You're all right. I just hate when guys/girls come on all strong and get you to let your guard down and then pull away.
I should have gone with my guy instinct which said things were moving along way to quickly.
His dad is really sick. I've spoken to his brother before who was talking about it.
Big lesson learnt.. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve for some smuck to squash it..
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You gotta protect your heart a bit more Sarahkowloon. He got what he wanted, a bit of action for a few months and is now using his dad's illness as an excuse to pull away. Next time he contacts you just say you met someone new and he is the best thing ever in bed.
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In future take your time to get to know someone better. Let them know you're attracted so they don't lose interest but don't get physically involved so quickly. Also, it pays to get a guy to agree that you're boyfriend/girlfriend and exclusive with each other before moving to the next stage.
A lot of women think this will scare off a guy, but on the contrary, if a guy's looking to play this will get rid of him, if he truly likes you it won't be a problem at all, he'll be extremely happy.
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Okay you enjoyed a couple of months' great time with him, that's it and end here. Stop wondering why he chose to leave because knowing the truth doesn't help bring him back. Be nice to yourself by keeping nice memory of this relationship.
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Hey, don't say that Sarah. My ex dumped me out the blue and I was devastated. We'd been together for 3 years, we were talking about getting married and then suddenly one day, he wanted out - to 'find himslf' he said. Tw*t.
I jumped right into the sack with the next guy, had loads of fun, got over that loser and met my husband. It can happen, you don't need to let one guy ruin it for the rest.
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Women hate being dumped out of the blue, but they also hate being cheated on. It's pretty simply with most guys. Normally when you get dumped out of the blue it's because he realises you are not 'good' or 'right' enough for him to *not* cheat, and instead of cheating on you he dumped you. You would be unhappy either way. Keep in mind that monogomy is completely unnatural, it's almost as hard for a guy to be truley monogomous as it is for the girl to stop her period just by thinking about it. I.e. you are asking for a LOT of they guy just to stay with you without cheating, and he doesn't think you are worth it.
That doesn't mean the guy isn't a complete douche anyway for other reasons, but when he dumps you for seemingly no reason, there IS a reason, and he WOULD have cheated on you if he didn't dump you (would you prefer he explain this to you and give you a choice??).
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That one above was mainly for Mrs Wong...
Sarah, the guy could be telling the truth but probably not, and even if he does have a sick dad, that's not a reason to end the relationship like that. He should have just come straight out and said he doesn't want to be with you anymore, and why. It would have hurt but you'd get over it. No point in beating around the bush, he simply didn't like you enough to stick around, if he did, he would have, regardless of his dad etc. But the thing is his level of "sticking around" is probably a douchbagly low level, this happens with immature guys which this guy definitely sounds like he is. Someone better than this will come along, don't worry.
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My ex wasn't the cheating type. I think it's wrong to tarnish all men with the same brush. My ex and I got together when we were 17, he just didn't want to end up with the first girl he ever shagged. Incidentally he ended up with the second girl.
My husband isn't the cheating type either. You'll all say that's not true and I don't know what he gets up to when I'm there blar blar blar but seriously, he's not the cheating type. Not all men are. He was living in Hong Kong for 9 months before I came over, he was utterly faithful. It is possible. Even when his goo-mar's suggested he should cheat!! lol
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