Posted by
onurpalm
12 yrs ago
Hi All,
Here is the thing. He was fired from his career and stayed at home doing his own business. However, his business depends on me getting customers for him. I have my own career which is totally irrelevant to this small business he is doing. I am quite busy and can only work occasionally for him to get customers. And he is not helping at all at home, which made my spare time less. The first time I went on my business trip, he was furious and threw my phone out from 23rd floor. This time I have to go to a business trip on his birthday, and I apologized and asked if we could celebrate a day earlier. He refused and mentioned I should quite my job again and blablabla...and he also mentioned I had no confidence in him, that's why I did not want to quit my job etc. And I fought back. I told him if he really wanted to do it, he would have done it without my help, not me pushing him everyday to write a plan. Also I complained that he always wanted a saver to help him out on his mess and why could not he be the guider? and he become furious. He said I looked down upon him etc.
Now I am really confused. We are supposed to get married by the end of the year. Is he dependable? I feel I am looking after a kid.
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outch, i think you should reconsider your marriage. he is a emotional abuser by the way you describe him
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It's not so much that he's asking you to give up your career as trying to force you to be responsible for his success or failure.
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I know my comment is going to be controversial but he sounds like a typical bloke to me. Especially a typical Chinese bloke.
I'm observing from the outside so please forgive my generalisations, but as a teacher and daughter-in-law, I don't find Chinese parents very supportive or encouraging. Consequencely I find Chinese men can lack faith in themselves, and can be very insecure in their own abilities.
This doesn't help much but it does mean you're not the only one.
I would think twice about marrying someone who feels so miserable about their own lives that they want to ruin yours too. I have to jiggy my husband along a bit sometimes but he would never ask me to quit my job. He knows I love it and it makes me happy. He'd never want me to give up anything that made me happy (and us lots of money).
Hope that helps.
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This guy is bad news, ditch him, ditch him NOW.
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damn some of you can be so harsh :P, But correct. He does not have confidence (you knew that already, which is sometimes fine because with a bit of stir they come around) but now asking you to quit your job and throwing your phone from 23rd floor?? Is he trying to be or is a spoiled brat?? Guess you need to give it more time and think again about marrying someone whose going to blame you for his life's outcome (and you will see for absolutely every little detail). He might be doing it a bit less right now, there is still some brain of him telling he might lose you. But once you are married, he is going to be secure (maybe not conciously but he will) and will take you for granted and it only gets worse ....
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Hi, guys,
thank your for your advice. After the fought though we sleep on the same bed we basically don't talk to each other at all. He would go out with his friends and throw the dirty dishes he made in the sink, he would came back home at 1-2am and made noise that kept me up till 3-4am. Anyway he did not have to get up in the early, he did not need to work anyway. I am considering seriously moving out. Maybe he did not notice at all. I even did not want to talk and solve anything. I am so disappointed. Talking with him I know in my heart will be a waste of time. So I just keep silent and do whatever I need to do. Is this normal?
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@onurpalm: has it occurred to you that he's been a jerk to you so you would hate him so much that you would not want to marry him? He may be just a coward w/o the courage to say that to you directly.
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@onurpalm thats completely normal, been through it. the guy did not even realise what the problem was so no point talking. We all deserve better :)
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i am with p mason on this - this one is not a "keeper"
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It's not as if there aren't any other men in world, is it?
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He is so immature and irresponsible. He wants to hold you responsible for his business and try to cast all blame on you! You should reconsider whether you want to be with this man for the rest of your life...
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