Should I leave Hong Kong?

I came to Hong Kong at 39 and am now 48. I have a good well paid job and a good set of friends here. Hong Kong has been good to me.


Before Hong Kong, I never had any problems finding men. Like buses, there was always one along shortly but for the past 9 years, there has been practically nothing. I know that this is a function of being older generally but surely it could be better than this?


My question is this. Should I go back to Europe and start again there or stay in HK knowing that this is probably it for me romantically unless I get incredibly lucky.

i guess you are caucasian.

It all depends on what you want exactly. If you want to have a male partner, then your chance is very low here so move but with no guaranty you could get one in Europe but definitely it would be easier there many of your age find partner through internet dating service. But if you want a decent standard of living like what you have been enjoying so far, then stay.

meanwhile you could always find someone through internet dating and if it gets serious, then one of you could move either Europe or HKG. But based on my experience, at the end, what is most important is the standard of living that you enjoy, even alone, it is much better than having someone and live in misery for example.

Also at your age, i don't think you would want to start a family, only someone for companionship and not start a life together, so then it's not a difficult decision, live where you can live the most comfortably

In the past few years, I've had a few single collegues in the same situation ... good job, lots of friends and a comfortable lifestyle. The only thing they thought was lacking was a relationship, and they didn't seem to have any prospect of finding a suitable partner here in Hong Kong, who was looking for a long-term relationship. Consequently, 3 women I knew decided to return to UK/Europe, as they felt that they didn't want to remain single forever ... two are now very happily married, one has a child, and the other is in a long-term relationship.


At the end of the day, it depends what's more important to you in life ... A well paid job which provides for a comfortable lifestyle, and lots of friends ... or the companionship of a good man, possibly leading to a long-term relationship/marriage

(assuming you are successful in finding the right one!).


Do you want a long-term relationship/marriage? Do you like the idea of having your own 'family' (even if that's without children). Do you like the idea of companionship and growing old with someone you love? Or do you enjoy your life as it is ... being able to do what you want to, whenever you want to, without having to take a partner into consideration? At 48, are you set in your ways/selfish at all, and would find being in a relationship a little suffocating?


Only you can decide which would be the right course for you. Good luck with whatever you dedide ...

Yup, HK is, unfortunately a bad place to look for a lifelong partner. Know too many friends who are in the same boat.

Dating sites are also a waste of time because you're talking about a small pool of men with lots of interests.

You're better off looking at dating sites/meeting men in Europe! At 48, not sure if I'd come back though once you leave HK.

I agree with Sapphire, it really depends on what you want. Are you contented being single with the thinking "great if soemone comes along, if not it doesn't matter" or are you the "I need a lifelong companion" type? I'm the latter.

This is painful, but I won’t lie to you and sugar coat it.


In Asia, most people settle down in their 20s…. The sad truth is that Men over 40 who are available (both Asian and Caucasian) are either divorced, players or bums. That’s why a lot of women who spent their early years building their careers find they have left it too late to find a good man.


The other aspect of Asia is the tendency for women to prefer older men. A 40 year old man is probably going to date a 20-something girl… which means a 50 year old lady needs to target a 60-something man.


Honestly, you should look for happiness elsewhere.


Good Luck.

Alexandra,


I will have to agree with most others in this thread. Its such a shame but most men that age are either married, divorced or players, very few are willing to look for someone to settle down with. its just the nature of the city.


Good luck!

Even a single 60 yr old man will target a young 30 something girl and I'm sure he won't have trouble finding someone too. Unfortunately that's just how it is in this world, not just in HK.

Thanks for all the advice. I've tendered my resignation today and have three months notice to give. Out of this man forsaken place by the summer and back to Europe. Hoping to snag myself a 60 year old that isn't too fussy

Must have been a hard decision, but good call on leaving. It's even a problem for the local HK "career" girls here and it would be even harder for you. You can see droves of 40+ single women in Causeway Bay on a Friday night hanging out together in those Japanese bars etc. The problem with them though is that there were "no guys up to their standard" or they were too demanding back when guys were actually interested in them. Ironically no guys will go near them now.

I've often thought marriage is like a game of musical chairs for a lot of people. When the music stops, you grab the first person standing near you. The music can stop suddenly or the volume can just fade out imperceptibly without you even noticing.


I think you might be right about some women being too demanding but I also think that a lot of women are waiting for love to hit them like an arrow straight through the heart. Something that takes their breath away and let's them know that this is the 'one'. So, they hold out thinking it wouldn't be fair to anyone to marry when your heart isn't in it. Maybe that's who you see in Causeway Bay on a Friday night.

more and more family unity won't mean much, we all become so selfinsh and only want money and pleasure. so the best is for women to be independent, make their own money and lots of them and don't pay too much attention to the old value of having family and children. just find someone who enjoy being with, as if there is no tomorrow, live for the present and not the future which in general will scare you off.

Gaz Hayes

>The problem with them though is that there were "no guys up to their standard"

>or they were too demanding back when guys were actually interested in them.


Yes... That's SOOO true...

I am not sure it is because women here in HK are too picky


I think it is more like they were raised to beleive that every man is evil and only after one thing, so they go through their most important years of womanhood afraid to get intimatley involved with any man


As a consequence, as they approach their 40's and become more open to intimacy and more willing to give it a go they then find that men are no longer attracted to them


It is not easy being a woman, having to find that delicate balance between being a lady or a slut


Now before you all rush in and respond that men are indeed evil and only after one thing, let me be the first to agree, you're right, I do not deny that


But, therein lies one of God's cruel jokes


You see, God made men to think he is in charge when in fact he is not and he made woman to think that she is not in charge when in fact she is


Fail to suss this out early in life and, voila, you end up alone!

Raised to think every man is evil? Don't think you're even close to the truth with that one.


As a female, I don't know any woman who thinks this.

I think there is a big cultural difference in approach to marriage/relationship.

A HK Chinese friend with USA upbringing,i was suirised to learn as she is very western seeming, married her husband for his good position,good prospects. She now lives back in hong kong and is though has 2 children ,nice lifestyle, she is basically unhappy w her married life, there is not much love there.

Not saying it doesnt happen elsewhere, but in chinese culture i think marriage is more a business,family, arrangement.

Helpers have told me its quite common for couples in chinese family not to share a bedroom for example.

I also think as a westerner you will notice you getmych more general attention in a western environment.

Good luck to you and dont rush :))

Taught thinking all men are evil? Haha, don't think so. HK is a very westernised city and HK people have very westernised views/approaches on things.


I think it's a combination of women in HK more focussed on their career (thus working long hrs) and fiancial well being which comes from having the obligation to look after their parents financially as they age.


In addition, many women do have high expectations on the potential bf/husband, good looks, good career, apartment, car...In every culture, finding Mr Right is never easy, but I guess it's even harder when you are stuck at work for such long hours in HK, making it a lot more difficult to meet someone.

follow you heart . is hard to find true love in HK , too many temptation for expats, and the local women are " very Friendly" to them......

does it matter if you find a overseas educated local guy ? if not, I would say there must be some fine men who works so hard in their early age and now wanna to find a partner,. my friend he is pretty wealth off, old, like 50 ish , remarried recently and find his second wife, they are posting all these pic of their new born.


DO you like HK ? HK is a transit place, people come and go. if you meant to be with someone , u will able to meet him no matter where.... don't try hard to look for a BF/ Husband / love one... it will come along... take a long vacation back home, maybe u will meet him somewhere , and maybe he wanna to move to HK , who knows.. enjoy your life.

So since the single women were 'too demanding" when they were young...what does that make single young women now? By this logic, the girls who are now in their 20s will be rejecting the men in their 20s! And pursuing their dreams...only to be left alone and lonely later...right? have they all suddenly become less 'demanding'? Have they learned the 'moral of the tale'? Are they all quaking in their Louboutins at the thought that if they dont hurry, Captain Dave and his ilk might reject them?

According to some of the old-style chauvinists here, these girls are now going out with old men...who have 'no trouble' even at 60 finding a woman half their age. Strange, then, how the same posts, from wealthy Americans, keep appearing on Craigslist...strange how many older men are so very lonely....they keep asking for girls who are 'young, beautiful and subservient'. they actually use that term...

If women are 'too demanding" in their 20s, then they arent going to be enthralled with the aging body and the sexist attitudes of the aging male. No woman in her 20s wants to be around that kind of nasty smug man who is obviously getting a kick out of the idea that some women are going to be alone and unhappy. Its a very very nasty thing, to rejoice in the idea that some people are going to suffer a lonely old age. Plus, men like this usually have the "women shouldnt make more money than men" attitude. Add all this up and it isnt much of a package for the 20s girl...who after all...is meant to be more desirable.

So if you are scoring these younger girls, the answer is money. And ultimately, that's got to explain the nastiness. People who are wanted for their money are people who are still rejected, at bottom. Truly attractive people carry on being so. ...to be wanted for money, means. if the money goes away, so does she. She doesnt love you. End of story. And it has to sting. Worse, a young girl is going to be eyeing young men behind the older man's back. Dear God, if the older men just turned round a bit quicker they'd see it. The girls arent even all that careful about it. It makes for fascinating watching. And so do the faces they pull if they catch your eye. The ewww faces. I made that face once to a girl in Thailand with some wealthy over-built man of 50-odd...she made it back to me and then started to laugh so hard she had real trouble explaining it to the suspicious guy....

Furthermore, if you are triumphantly victoriously crowing over these supposed lonely women in your 40s 50s or 60s, it suggests that you were rejected in your salad days. Why were you? And why would you be any better now? men do not improve physically with age...dont bother to point to George Clooney. he's a one-off. Even Brad Pitt and DiCaprio arent exactly smoking hot anymore. We all age, and its never pretty. So has your personality improved? No, right...or you wouldnt be teaming up on this thread to be nasty towards women.

In fact, those women you see in CWB are far more likely to be MARRIED women, looking for a chance at a bit of fun. some are the ones termed 'cougars'...feeling that last big rush of hormones! Perfect for some much younger man who wants sex without being tied down with a woman who knows her own mind.

As far as I can see, the bars here are full of lonely men. Nobody ever listens to them. some are vile people who deserve to be lonely (subservient Asian babes, indeed). But most are carrying a heavy load and want to be heard. I think this lady was wrong to quit. Its just that, it seems to me, most of the older women who are actually looking, carry an air of desperation, dress too young, keep snatching glances at themselves...their whole air...its just so tense. ...they should relax and be open and sympathetic.