Advice on walking out on him

We are both Permanent Residents, married 4 years, a 3 year old daughter. After marriage I sadly learned he has some issues mostly related to alcohol. Many times, at least one per week out all night coming back 9 or 10 in morning or up to 3 days later in some cases. A few drunken incidents in which police were called. Has a vicious temper when drunk, when not drunk is either sleeping, or watching TV. Has a reasonable job but sometimes isn't able to get to work because hung over or drunk.


I have bought it up with him many times and always similar reply "it won't happen again, no need to discuss further", and of course it inevitably does. The love died years ago, I am now worried about the effect this is having on our daughter. I am fed up. I want to leave. Can I just leave and take our daughter, remaining in HK but in another residence. I don't need a lot of money but also don't want walking out to adversely jeopardize my position when it comes to the inevitable divorce or custody of our daughter.


Any advice appreciated.

seriously do consult a lawyer or get some free legal advice through some support groups.


my gut feel tells me that you can move out immediately with your daughter though.

since you have told him about it and it inevitably continued, i would suggest that he goes for counselling because his habit will make him lose his family.

you have been married for 4 years and love died years ago ?

why did you have kids with him if love died years ago ?

didnt you see that he was alcoholic when you married him and had kids ?

did he suddenly became an alcoholic ? if yes did you try to find out why


@cookie09

very irresponsible advice, you dont walk out on people you are in a committed relationship with, you try to find out what is happening and you help them.

she wont be walking out on her husband only, but also her daughter's father.

Sorry to hear about this.


I would recommend you stage an intervention. Contact his employer, parents, and others who care about him. Arrange for all of you (including employer) to meet with him and give him an ultimatium to sober up, or he's out of a job, and you're out of his life.


Before the intervention you will need to agree what steps you and he are going to take to help him sober up - e.g. Join AA. Needless to say, he has a hole in his life, and alcohol is filling it ... you will need to think this thru.

A heart-to-heart converstaion needed. But be careful of the wording. 'We need to talk', 'Something's not right' will shut him out and put him in the hot seat. If you'd like him to open up (coz I have the feeling that you're reluctant to communicate with him), can possibly try the following:


Let's improve our situation ... so that we will have more quality time as a family ...


Choose a good timing too to get his full attention after doing things he likes to bond with him first for instance?