Posted by
jen217
17 yrs ago
i just found out my bf cheated on me... and i dont know whether i shud give him a second chance or not. his excuse was that he got scard cuz we got so close so fast and i was leaving to shanghai for the whole summer (hes in the states). i still have feelings for him, but im also really hurt, and i dont know if i shud take him back...
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THE TRUST IS GONE...you can try all you want but at the end it comes back to the trust factor, you will never live in peace. I've seen it happen too many times to girlfriends, they all end up broken at the end. The girlfriends are never the same, they spend too much time worrying whether he'll repeat it so they don't live their lives to the fullest etc etc. I don't want to make you feel worse I'm just giving you the reality of it. It's so diffuclt to let go but I choose to spend the next week/month crying it out and getting over it then spending wasted years. Sorry dear.
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He did give u an extremely lame excuse, and yet u wanna keep him? A guy that gives tat sort of excuse is NEVER really that into u...to me its BS.
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how long were you dating for? are you in shanghai now and he's still in the US? not a great way to start a relationship, probably better to find someone you can trust from the start.
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all depends on whether he's really sorry for what he's done. If you think you can trust him again, then give him a 2nd chance (everyone deserves a 2nd chance), but if you feel you won't be able to trust him again, bin him cause in the end, you don't want him to use this petty excuse (like all men do) saying that 'you' don't trust him so therefore it's not worth us being together'.
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Lol he should read "Philandering for Dummies".Enjoy Shanghai and I wouldn't take him back for the reasons outlined by the other posters.
The trust is gone and you are left wondering what he's up to in the US and he's wondering what you're doing in Shanghai it will get very complicated before it will get any better.Don't do that to yourself.
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consider these : it take a saint not to cheat and it's boring to date a saint.
If you are thinking of finding a saint that dump him, otherwise you have to forgive him.
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two words： dump him。 i have seen many girls that have the same experience as yours。 well you could say that men are animal， most of whom they dont feel comfortable without having fun with other girls。 thats matter of having a new fresh。 thats it
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there is a very good gathering/course that is called RDS :
Recovering from Divorce & Separation
You will find there a lot of people in your situation and this course is very very helpful. (it changed my life)
This is a practical and supportive course, giving any separated or divorced person an opportunity to discuss the challenges they are facing and the tools to deal with these effectively. This course is conducted by people who understand the pain caused by divorce or separation, and is for any person who is currently going through this pain or has been separated or divorced in the past.
This six week course covers a variety of topics including Facing the Effects of Separation , The Importance of Good Communication, Resolving Conflict, Forgiveness, and other Issues, Parenting Issues, Moving Forward with Hope. This course offers an opportunity to learn how to deal with the pain of the past and look forward to rebuilding life. Based on Christian principles, this course is helpful for any person with or without a church background. .
let me know if you are interested
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cochonnecoquine ...do you have any sisters? All men should be so lucky to have a woman who let's them have their fun and not want to castrate them for it. I wonder if you are really fine with his filandering (is that how you spell it?) or if you are just trying to make the best out of a bad situation...
Anyway...to the original post I would consider how you came to know about the cheating? Did he tell you...or did you find out on your own? To me that makes a big difference. If he admitted it on his own I think that shows genuine remorse and would lead me to believe he is not a serial offendor. Of course...there are no guarantee's on this one though.
I don't know if you should take him back or not...obviously having someone cheat is very hurtful...but it happens...alot! Is what you have really something special? Could you forgive him? Is he a decent man who made a very stupid mistake (as most of us do from time to time) or is he a schlub who wants to have his cake and eat it too?
Now then...if you only found out about the cheating on your own I would definitely recommend getting rid of him. The self confession indicates remorse...being discovered shows a lack of regret.
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