Posted by
deepinpain
18 yrs ago
I have this close friend here from my home country. I travel back home a lot while she doesn't. Every time I go home she would ask me do small purchases for what she can't get here, cosmetics, spices, magazines etc. Never was the amount really big. She had paid for 2, 3 times out of over 7,8 times . and for the rest sometimes its because she didn't have small notes, sometimes she wanted to pay me in Euro to spare me the hassle of calculating exchange rate, but happened to not have any with her, sometimes its when we were out with a bunch of friends that I gave her the stuff and she would say I'll pay you later, and theres no later. And sometimes just Thank you.
I never asked for the money as I didn't want to look like a stingy loser, and honestly I was perfectly OK with buying those stuff for her for free, what bugs me is not the money. I feel like she's making a habit out of it and is taking me for granted. What do you guys think?
(again, not in pain, old alias)
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Also try arranging a separate time to exchange rather than passing the items to her at social occasions.
The special time allows her time to get the cash (tell her how much when you arrange the meeting so no excuses about not having small notes) and allows you to hand over the items and tell her exactly how much she owes you. Then you wait for her to "exchange" what you gave her for the money. If she doesn't cough up, look hurt. And tell her you bought the items and arranged the time to exchange but you don't understand why, when she knew you were meeting, she didn't bring the money. If she makes a big deal about it, do as Chang suggests, 'forget' to buy. A friend who is grateful for a favour will repay it.
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Ask her to buy a few things for you that she is more able to get, near her work etc - upon delivery, tell her you'll pay her later...with a big smile!
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Thanks for all your replies. I usually attach the receipts to the items so I didn't keep them with me. And I did try the i-will-bring-it-when-we-meet-on-xxx-and-btw-it-costs-xxx way before meeting up but didn't work. Maybe I have to play dumb and 'forget' to buy next time.
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trix
18 yrs ago
Next time when you go out with her, whether alone or in a group, pretend you forgot to bring your wallet dinner when you have to split the bill for dinner and drinks. Then ask if she can pay for you in advance since she hasn't paid for the items you got her. Problem solved- she's paid you back for at least some of the items and she gets a taste of her own medicine.
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Next time she asks you to buy her something again, ask her for money, otherwise you are not buying.
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tig
18 yrs ago
If she doesnt have small notes, you can bring change along for her next time.
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well- you have the options laid out above.
The best is to be polite and ask for money upfront. If she says she'll pay when she gets it, just simply 'forget' to buy it.(with a smile +apologetic look)
Sometimes we do have the options to choose NOT to be a victim in a given situation.No point in doing 'revenge' games like forgetting to bring wallet and asking her to pay for your drinks. She will use it against you in the future.
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