Posted by
ivywoo
18 yrs ago
I lived in Vancouver, he worked all over Asia. I just found out in April when I was in HK that he cheated on me with 7 other girls over our 3 year relationship. He travels to different countries as part of his work. I was located in Vancouver and he had a girl in HK, Sydney, NYC, Tibet, Japan and flight attendants. These were not 1 night stands but trysts or relationships that involved loved. He went chasing after a girl in Tibet while I was sick in the hospital in Vancouver. I was naive and believed him. I found out through scrap books these women put together for him and through his journals. He admitted to having these relationships and said that even if we continued our LD and even if I moved to HK (which I was suppose to do this summer) he would still have other women while we worked on our relationship towards building a marriage. I have over come the shock but can't get images of the other women out of my head as I now know how the look and know how he feels for them from reading his journals. I told him that I never knew it was an open relationship. I know time will heal but this case is different b/c I know who and how the others look.
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how do i heal from this??
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im not with him anymore. how can men like this always get away with this? the lies they tell you when they look you in the eyes. i just want advice as to how to get over this big nightmare.
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But if I never found the journals, to this day, I would have never found out. He told me he went for dinner with Sharon in nyc, she's doing her MBA etc but I never knew they slept together! How was I suppose to find out? Another example, we were meeting up after Christmas, on Dec 26 to go to Thailand b/c I wanted to spend Christmas with my folks. I asked him how he spent his Christmas, he said with his good friend Simon and his 2 sons b/c Simon's wife had to work. He even painted a picture with his words, the 2 sons' train tracks all over the living room etc. But from his journals, he actually had brunch with Vanessa, his HK gf. How was I suppose to find all of this when at that time I was in Vancouver? I am sure the others did not know about me either.
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How about starting by looking at all the opportunities you have LOST...
- The opportunity to get some exotic STD
- The opportunity to marry someone who might be off screwing a neighbour instead of playing with your children (of course this could also happen when you are giving birth)
- The opportunity to lose all sense of self worth
- The opportunity to get phone calls in middle of night from his latest "playmate of the month"
- The opportunity to spend many nights alone in your bed waiting for him to come home
- The opportunity to negotiate child support with one of his ex-paramours
Etc., etc., etc.
Now figure out the opportunities you will have gained. Just a few...
- The opportunity to find someone who loves you body and soul
- The opportunity to find someone who is prepared commit the rest of their lives only to you
- The opportunity to trust again
- The opportunity to laugh again
- The opportunity to feel truly loved
Etc., etc., etc.
The wonderful thing about nightmares is that we can choose to wake up from them. Just don't wait for Prince Charming to come along before you wake up - you might miss him because you are still thinking of, now what shall I call him..., the "jerk".
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Thanks Claire. I will keep your response close to my heart.
I want to tell the others about him.....
How do I prevent him from doing this to future girls? The thing that is sickening to my stomach is that, all the other girls were very similar to me.
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Go and see a counsellor. Unfortunately we just have to trust in the sincerity of others.. Go forth as a wiser woman.. he's everybody's man, but nobody's man if that makes sense.
Aijin, you go on about 'sharing' like a cracked record.. trying to prove something to yourself? Granted there are clever women who know how to use their feminine wiles to create 'whatever reality and result they desire, through mystery and intrigue.' I lived in Japan too. You talk and brag too much to be one of them. Then there was the Spanish woman, who set out to bed 1000 men and wrote a book about it. In neither case, would the word 'sharing' have any relevance.. But I guess you're closer to the second woman, just throw caution to the wind, huh? No need to recommend to heartbroken people your bottom of the barrel alternative. Raise your consciousness? Although I do admire a good femme fatale..perhaps you could morph into one of those..
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Ivy> It sounds like this guy can literally charm the pants off any woman. So no matter what you say to warn others about him, there will be any number of women who will not believe you because they know him better than you / you are just an ex-girlfriend with an axe to grind / he “troooly wuvs” them / etc.
He is no longer your problem and it is not your “job” to traipse after him to warn others.
Remember, you cannot heal if you continually pick at the wound...
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imagine the outcome is she had made 7 copies and distributed them in HK, Sydney, NYC, Tibet, Japan.
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I think she should put his journals/scrapbooks online for all the world to see. Then we could organise a rally 'Friends of Ivywoo' where all the wronged women could share their experiences and rail against the cruelty of men.
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ivywoo, I heart goes for you. I have been through that and time helps. Be strong and thankful that you are healthy. Love is blind but truth comes up at some point. Get over him and good luck. Please cehck your private messages.
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