Posted by
blissful82
18 yrs ago
hi all,
i broke up with my ex bf of 2 years 2 months ago, and have not been able to get him off my mind ever since. I have moved to Hong kong now from Australia, and he's still there. Though we are located miles away , i still find it hard to get over him. Plus, i don't have many friends over here in HK as i just moved here 2 weeks ago. The loneliness always reminds me of our good memories together. Any tips and suggestions? please.. thanks
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Jane
18 yrs ago
how long have you been together? They say it takes twice as much time to get over someone.
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we have been together for 2 years and 2 months. but we still keep in touch and remains 'friends'.
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Jane
18 yrs ago
well, it will take at least 4 years then, and may I suggest to cut the friendship? Worked for me, I hated all of my exes. Makes it easier to forget. Out of sight out of mind.
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hmm.. 4 years is a long long time... hopefully i can recover much faster than that.. hah..
btw, thanks for your advice, Jane. :)
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Jane
18 yrs ago
welcome:), and if you moved to hk just to be far away from ex. thinking this way might not be the best option. You should think: Imove to hk to realize my goal, etc. I mean look at your relocation at the different angle, have a different purpose to it, and vou la - your ex is erased.
They also advise to try the technique: imagine the photoportrait of your ex as vividly as you can. Then every day erase his features one by one: first his hair, his eyebrows, eyes. You may laugh, but it is working.
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ha ha ha.. yeah i think what you said is absolutely true. So, are you living in Guangzhou by yourself? working? you seem to be a very sincere person. would love to get to know u better if u dont mind :)
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Welcome to Hong Kong blissful82.
The only way to forget a man is to cut off all communication. I know it's not easy, but baby, you have to do it.
I am trying hard to delete my "ex" (if i can call him an "ex" )from my life. I have been trying for months, but he keeps talking to me everyday, oh god! From the online chat, i can smell he is seeing someone else. I really don't know man, if he doesn't like me, what's the point of chatting to me everyday. What's the deal? I really have no clue.
It's hard to erase all his trace if he is still in your life, so please kick him off entirely, don't talk to him, at least not before your wound is healed.
Hope you will feel better. Remember, you are not alone. At least you can talk to me early in the morning on weekend.
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hi fugutive,
i have been keeping in touch with him by chatting online as well. It's as if he's the one who wanna talk to me. At the same time, deep down , i wanna know how he's doing as well. I find it real hard to erase him completely off my life since we shared a very special relationship.
Well, at least i'm glad that i have u to talk to at 4 am on sunday morning. ha ha. i should tell u that i have not much friends here in HK. Maybe i should mix more with new crowds so that i can forget him.
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So i really don't know why men wanna talk to us even they are not /no longer interested in being with us. What's wrong with their gene? What do they want?
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blissful>
I understand you feel lonely after relocation, and it may makes you miss your ex more and more!
You will feel better if you build your association in Hong Kong. It helps you will get rid of your ex-bf more easily!!
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any suggestions on how to build new friendships? i have joined a gym , but nobody is friendly enough to be my friend.
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You can start building your freindships in the your office, or join some Austrilian assoications in Hong Kong (you can browse the such info at Google, I believe)
Or here! I will be the one there!!
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Which gym you have joined? I am a member of Pure Fitness. See if i will see you around there.
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I joined california fitness , the one in causeway bay. Where's pure fitness?
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Hi Girls :)
At least your ex bfs still want to keep contact with you. Mine (American bf) deoesn't :( He has moved to Macau for about 20 months ago and after 3 months there he broke off with me. He told me he has been dating in Hong Kong and having sex with some of them. Last Dec. on his birthday he told me he went to Chingmai, Thailand and was having a great time with 2 prostitues. I know I should and must forget him but it's so hard.
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hi daffodil,
seems like your ex bf is a jerk, he's just not worth your times and thoughts. He's a jerk because he told you all those silly stuffs that he does which i'm sure you do not wanna know and he knows that.The only reason that he tells you is just to make u feel more upset.Throw him outta your life girl.. Be independent and forget him and move on. I know its hard, but one has gotta try. :)
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Hi tulip daffodil,
You don't deserve that jerk. How come that jerk has to hurt you like this? He is totally insane! Just "delete" him.
Hey girls, i think it would be good for us to meet up for food and drinks and help each other to move on. my email address is ladyfugitive@hotmail.com. Drop me a line if you need help.
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yeah i think it's a great idea, fugutive.. do u have any msn messenger?
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Hi tulip daffodil...
Hate to say this but really feel angry after reading your message...
How can a guy (your ex) get so bastard than this??? THROW him out of your life... There can be nothing more hurting than this...
You would find a guy much better than this...
Take care.
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Hey fugutive & blissful82,
Both of you really sound nice people... Wish you were in Singapore... so that we can meet to share (experiences or thoughts)...
Hope to "see" you both often here...
Cheers...
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hi May_AM
i lived in singapore for 2.5 yrs before and loved it there.. loved the food..and my ex was a singaporean too. which part of sg are u living in?
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hi chat noir,
Yeah i know , am actually enjoying my single life as well, though the loneliness gets to me sometimes, mostly at nighttime. I just reached HK like 3 weeks ago and have been really busy settling down, so havent really got a chance to get into the social scene here in HK. Any recommendation where to hang out?
It's good that u and ur ex still remain friends. I am too , with my ex, though i do admit it does make it harder to get over him.
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Hello Girls,
Thanks for the encouragement. My ex bf was overall gentle and good to me when he was in S'pore. Things seemed to be fine when I went to visit him last May for the weekend and I did express to him a number of times that I want to move to Macau to be with him. Maybe he found it difficult to commit in a long term relationship again - he was a divorced man (married for ten years to a Thai girl - now in California; his reason to divorce her was they grew apart. I think maybe he is one of those Hedonistic Pleasure Seekers). When he sent me off at Macau, he promised not to fool around with other females and concentrate on his career.
Anyway, sorry girls I shouldn't be talking about him anymore. He is the past. But somehow I need to get it out of my system today. I'm trying hard to forget him but sometimes the memory of him just pop into my mind.
Hey Blissful, too bad we didn't have the opportunity of meeting each other while you were living in S'pore :)
May AM, since you are in S'pore, maybe we should meet up. I live in Yishun.
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Hi blissful82,
Nice to hear you enjoyed Singapore... Should you come back, perhaps we can meet up or something... Meanwhile, enjoy Hong Kong... :)
Hi tulip daffodil,
Ya, why not... We can perhaps share experiences and thoughts... I live in tomatoland (AMK)... :)
Had a bad experience with a man I met via this website... Somehow, felt very cheated after the whole affair... Don't deny I bear some blame but he is an absolute jerk... Thinking about it, I really regret having met this person...
Anyway, ya, would be nice to meet up... how can we do this?
Cheers,
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Hey blissful and girls,
My MSN is ladyfugitive@hotmail.com ; drop me a line and we can meet up for drinks somenights in Hong Kong or maybe in Singapore. I always want to spend weekend in S'pore. Well, you know the clubs there are awesome.
Sigh, i think it'd better for women to live without men. I found out today that a man who always ask me out for drinks and text messages me, indeed has a fiancee. Actually i don't have crush on him but it was nice for him to be around when i am getting over my "ex' but Gosh, it seems we can never trust men, my friends were shocked when we learnt that this decent gentle guy has hidden his finacee to us for year..........
anyway....
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and can anyone tell me how to fix the typo of my username? it's been bugging me.
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Hello, Fugutive, you are early bird!!
Please try to send your request to:
info@asiaxpat.com
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To Ally,
Yeah, i know... i am keeping myself busy, but i still have not many friends here in HK.. need to meet new people. I have joined a gym too.thanks 4 ur advice ally~
To fugitive,
Yeah,, meeting up will be so so great ... i will add u on my msn soon. see ya~~
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hi alk.
do u have any email or msn?
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Hi Blissful :)
Looks like you're gathering quite a number of new friends here.
Hi Fugutive,
Wouldn't be nice to have a get together in S'pore or in Hong Kong and have some fun and share our experiences :)
Hi May AM,
You could contact me at kiristatulip@yahoo.com
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Hey tulip daffodil...
Tried sending you an email but it wouldn't go through... incorrect email address???
Cheers,
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i usually pick out the negative points of an ex and also think on "why" i broke up with him at the first place...keep yourself busy with friends and family...just remember that you are beautiful and someone better will come along soon!...it's HIS loss, hun!
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Hi Mpl,
I absolutely agree with ur view on keeping the precious friendship with an ex. As a matter of fact, we were chatting yesterday and seems that our friendship has grown to a deeper level, which is great. The negative impact on that after chatting with him online, i tend to think of him even more. However, like what u mentioned, sadness is part of the healing process, i can totally accept that. Time will eventually heals my shattered heart. Thanks for the great advice, Mpl.. cheers ;p
Hi Kissy Missy,
Yes , i used to do that too with my previous ex. However in my recent break up, it was kinda a peaceful break up so i didn't really think all the negative attributes that he posseses. Thanks for ur input, i am trying to widen my social circle and have more fun!
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The following plan has worked for me on numerous occassions. Note the caution at the bottom. The ultimate goal here is that you do enough things so that you can talk to other people (and future dates) about topics other then your grief. You can talk about him in time, but commit to not mentioning the name for a pre-determined period.
Next, choose 30-minutes a day where you will allow yourself to think about him and grieve. If he comes into your mind at other times in the day, remind yourself that you can think about it later. When you DO think about him, hold a pen in your hand so that your thoughts stay clear and don't spiral.
5 AM - go for a run, stretch, and lift weights. While exercising, think, "What would my best possible life look like without him?" Make some additional personal goals in life and begin planning them.
6 AM - 10 AM Focus on career. Take on some extra projects that will impress your boss and get you promoted.
10 AM break - search HK magazine or asiaxpat for evening/weekend activities that will keep you away from any temptation to spend evenings/weekends alone with sappy/romantic chick flicks. I recommend hiking groups, running groups, book clubs, Australian/American chamber events, dance classes, volunteer opportunities (SPCA, Mother's Choice), etc. I find that focusing on others helps put my own problems into perspective.
10:30-end of work day: repeat cycle above as necessary.
After work: find something social. Who can resist an offer for you to buy them beer? After a few weeks of morning workouts, your figure will be stunning. Wear a fun dress and work it, babe. No phone number exchanges beyond business networking (and certainly no hanky-panky beyond the occasional snog). Just fun. Remember your grief time is later.
Make sure you go home tired enough (not drunk) that you crash and don't have the energy to think about the ex beyond the half-hour scheduled time.
Caution: At some point, this plan needs to be abandoned. I can't tell you when that will be. But, this plan worked so well for me I ended up single and a bit cold after awhile. That's equally bad. It's a matter of knowing whether your rebuilding your life or whether you're in the habit of hiding.
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hi travelinteacher,
Sounds like a great plan.. thats more or less what i plan to do as i'm joining a gym right now. i must say that even i want to, i will not have enough motivation to do the 5 AM run.. ha ha.. need the extra sleeps. I made a mistake by staying at home for the last 2 weekends and yesss... i was watching chickflicks.. i shouldnt do that anymore.. :) glad to know that you have recovered now.. yayy.. GIRL POWER!!! :)
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Hi May AM :)
My apology - there was a typing error :o
It should be kristatulip@yahoo.com
You should be able to get throught this time.
Looking forward to hearing from you again.
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Hi Mpl,
thanks, i will try to get over him ,this forum is so great, it helps me lift the weight off my shoulders.
Hi Chat Noir,
wow, ur love for him/ her must be so deep that u're trying to get over him/her even though u both were never together. Care to share? believe me, you'll feel much better after sharing ur thoughts and problems. cheers :)
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Hi blissful82, I under similar situation with
you. I broke with my ex over 2years now and
we been together for 1year only. We do keep in
touch and seeing each other sometime. I do
miss him and our memory. However, we have to
move on and we have to accepted he is 'PAST
TENSE'. I mean is we dont have to forget about
our ex, just need accept he is gone in our
life. I really understand how you feel, but
you're not alone. If you get bored or lonely
or just want someone to listen, you can e-mail
me to bon_bonp@yahoo.com.hk
take care
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Blissful, I am highly confident in your success. I don't sense you will pick up the phone and call.
Some great girl-power moview (when you find yourself at home):
Mona Lisa Smiles
Thelma and Louise
Steel Magnolias
28 Days
Erin Brockavich
Calendar Girls
If overcome with lust, The Full Monty gets me over it :).
Good luck, girlfriend.
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hmmmm
18 yrs ago
Hi, I was in the same situation. I was with my ex for 8 yrs, really hope it doesn't take twice as much time to get over him. I would cut off ALL contacts with him. I know it's the most difficult thing to do, but it's for the best.
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how do you people plan to forget your ex if you keep talking about them... this will make it much more tough for you girls... if you talk more the more pleasant moments will come to your mind and the more unpleasant you will feel.. so get going... make new friends... probably you might find someone better!!! so just get going!!!
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Good point, Goosebum. I've actually asked my friends to stop bringing someone up. He became my version of "He who must not be named."
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there is the point... the difference is ex or ex's... when you have had many ex's then how many did you actually loved is the question... cause if you have satyed with someone for like 2 years then its tough to forget... n mind it it is tough and not impossible!!!
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this is being a pasimist... one should not start looking out for someone else and compare with the ex... if you compare then most of the times you will find your ex to be better than the new one... so the best way is to let go the ex and just be receptive to new things... the new person might have something special for you...
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i say-stop looking!!...you never get your ideal bloke when you are in desperate search..i normally get blokes (not that ideal) on me when i'm not looking and i haven't been looking for "him" for nearly two years now...since i moved to hk..pants!! lol
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very true alk...but i wouldn't try finding a decent man in hk for 1000000 reasons....time to move out of hk! *yay*
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I have to respectfully disagree with you, mpl. You said "To deny someone exists is to trivialise somewhat the time you spent together." That is an implication of motives.
One may decide it is necessary to force some space so that new memories and relationships can be sown. Grief takes time. I'd hate to lose opportunities to find new friends because I'm crying over my beer about an ex. I'd rather spend time asking questions about the people around me so that they know they are as important to me as a lost relationship. I can think about exs when I am alone with my journal or when someone else's grief might be helped by sharing memories of my own.
Not speaking about someone does not deny their existence. It may simply give you time to work through what actually happened from your perspective, remember the beautiful moments, and hash through what can be learned from the situation. It leaves me in a better mindset for the time in which I actually do meet again - or run into their friends or friends of family...
From my perspective, not talking about exs or to them may be sparing them. For one, I won't be calling them at my weak and lonely moments - times that they might interpret as "wanting to get back together." That saves them from having to say, "Darling, I care but it's over" or having them worry that my phone call will be the beginning of numerous cryptic texts about missing them or what might have been. In other situations, I remember allowing myself to talk with exs, only to find them waiting on my door with some hope that I'd change my mind.
I worked hard at not contacting someone for over a year. I then signed up for an event where I knew his mother would be present. I sent her a little note to let her know that I was looking forward to the event, that I still cared about her and her family and hoped that the situation wouldn't be awkward. I was greeted with a big hug from her. I'm sure my ex got the message that I cared. I WILL always care. I'll think about him when I hear certain songs, and I'll smile when I smell his cologne on someone else. I just won't call or text him about it.
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TT - great post. I'm almost in tears.. Helps me to fight back the urge to call/text my ex..
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dont get stuck to things... there r better n much things to do... life is sweet n short.... njoy it...
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Deepinpain, I'm so sorry you're in that place. It really is the WORST. My mom used to say that when you are in the midst of a pit, all you can see it "up." When you've had a chance to climb up even a little bit, you have a greater angle of perspective - you might be able to see a treetop or two in the distance.
Hang in there, babe.
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To Mpl and travelinteacher,
thanks for the great advices, it does help me a lot these few days. Had a great night out with my girls, and havent been thinking of my ex as much, which is great.
To Deepinpain,
try to move on and go out more with your friends, i did, and i never feels this good ever since my ex and me broke up. Trust me. cheers.
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That's great to hear, blissful. It's nice to have some days of "oasis" to let you know that this, too, shall pass. It's funny how people tell you it will pass - and you just can't honestly believe them.
It sounds like you're over the first major hump, girlfriend!
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To Travelinteacher,
Thanks , yes, i can say that i'm already over the first major hump, and thanks to u guys. :)
Though occassional thoughts of him still cross my mind lately, but it has declined by almost 90 % compared to last week.
And i feel that i can survive without Men, which boost my self confidence too. feels great.
GIRL POWERS ROCK!!! :)
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You rock, blissful. I'll be anxious to hear how you feel about it all in 6-months and 1-year.
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Hi all! I am new to this and would really like to share my experience with you. Is it really possible to be genuinely happy on your own? My ex and I broke up about a year ago but we kept in touch and saw each other regularly until recently. I think we agreed to do that cos we both felt lonely etc but he had always reminded me that we were only friends. I don't know why I thought the arrangement was ok. I found out recently that he's dating someone and I was devastated! It's like a breakup all over again - but shouldn't have been like this. I know I shouldn't feel like this but can't help it, I am heartbroken!
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To Mpl - thanks so much for your thoughts. I think it's important for me to know how a guy sees this. To be honest, I am pretty messed up right now and I blame myself for getting into this mess. Some friends of mine have told me that I should have expected this to happen one day. Yes, but the impact was a lot harder than I had imagined. It's also that he has moved on while I am still here...hurting! I feel like a fool! It is so hard to get through this...all over again!
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To bambihaha,
I know exactly how u feel about ur ex getting into another relationship. If i'm in your position, i will be devastated as well. From what you wrote earlier, i think that u and ur ex shared a precious friendship. On the other hand, u still have some feelings for him, which makes things harder for a pure friendship to work out. I think the best solution for u now is (like what mpl suggested), to make some arrangements with him. Like, try to maintain the friendship with less contacts (at least for the time being), and set up boundaries(the scope of conversations that u guys will share). Try to avoid talking about dating, love, etc. It will take time for ur pain to heal, but am sure you'll be fine. Try to go out more with ur friends and have fun... live life to the fullest! :)
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To blissful,
I'd like to think that we could still maintain our friendship but I can't even talk to him right now. It's too painful! I know I can't blame him cos we were only "friends". I guess reality is one can't really be "friends" with your ex if the other one has moved on. There's just too much feelings involved. And maybe it just happened too soon (a few days after we last met..). I am trying my best to fill up my time but can't help thinking about him/her, the situation, everything!
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it's really comforting to know that there are people out there who understand you. I am hanging by a thread these days....each day feels like a year!
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To Bambihaha,
I understand that it will be too painful to have a conversation with him now. Maybe u can have a heart to heart talk after u no longer has any feelings for him. In the meantime, try to make urself as busy as possible that u don't have time to even think about him for a minute.Join clubs, meet new friends. Who knows Mr right is just around the corner waiting for you :) cheers.
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cym
18 yrs ago
hi
i have been inactive here for a bit now.But I feel so connected to what you guys are writing .MY ex and me broke up in Jan .I dated other guys and it was all so futile.I kept thinking of my ex.Hes moved to new york,wad never in hk but in singapore.flying to sing and back wasnt bad but now hes in new york,we split up ..things got bad and he was non committal.I was ready to move for him ,but alas that was not his want.Hes seems happy there.I called him on his birthday and he was like "o you should come visit me etc.For me to fly to new york is not an issue but on his own he wont call.Now hes even stopped emailing me .I really miss him a lot and cant seem to move on at all.I keep thinking of him.We were so close and fun together,everyone thought we were made for each other.But he never has once contacted me on his own ever.It makes me sad!!
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girls, I can totally feel you. my ex and I broke up a month a ago. I was ready to relocate for him as well.(eventhough every gals in "LDR" thread say that I should not move for him..) well.. for some reason, he said this relationship is not working, becoz I am not around him in his daily life... I told him I am willing to move there, but I just need sometime. But seems that he can tolerate no more. I cannot imagine myself keep crying even until now. He keeps contact me almost everyday, and last week he asked me whether I am seeing other guys.(why? why?). Even though I made myself busy every day, but I just cannot get him out of my mind.
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To Jade butterfly and cym,
I know the first few months after break up is the hardest period ever, but try to think ahead and think as positively as possible. He (ur ex) is not worth the cries and sadness. You girls deserve a better gentleman who will appreciate and respect you.
GIRL POWER!!! Be independent!
cheers
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start a new so easy forget old
good luck
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blissful
thank you for your support... we chat online last night and he said he will fly over to HK sometime next week and he ask me whether i will meet him up.
Needless to say, my response was "yes"... i am such a silly woman..
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Hi Blissful82.
I have kept in touch with all of my ex BFs. It doesn't bother me at all. Reckon I've got a strong mind.
My philosophy is that if you've shared some good time together, at least you can be friends!!!
In my opinion, your feeling is more of reflection of your loneliness in HK than missing your ex. Sorry if am wrong :). By all mean, try to make some friends here.
Last Friday I went to a loosely organized party. It was fun and everybody was welcome. Check this out: http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/relationships/threads/88153.asp
You don't need to be a divorcee to join the party.
If you want some on-line chat, add me to your MSN contact: changmin_sun@hotmail.com
I am always here to listen and offer advice if appropriate.
Enjoy your unattached life and have some fun in HK.
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Break off all contact and cut this guy out of your life it's just prolonging the agony if you still have feelings....chatting online and meeting up with him is not good no matter how tempting because in your heart you want the relationship back and won't settle for 'just friends'.
You need to find new interests get out and meet new people and after a few months you will be indifferent and immune to him.Don'tlet him mess up with your mind now when all has passed you can get back on a friendly basis but it will take time.
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I can't agree more! It only works when neither of them has any feelings for the other. Otherwise, it doesn't work. And the situation will be so much worse and painful than before. It is not worth it.
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Well said momo8. good one! :)
To Csun09, i'll add u on my msn :)
To: Jade Butterfly,
The fact that you agreed to meet up with him is absolutely normal given your current situations with him. I'll do the same if i were you girl.However, keep in mind that its gonna be painful for u , make sure u're strong enough , which am sure u are.. don't let him break your heart over and over again. Be strong!
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Or you can try a different tactic.Be very indifferent to him about meeting up and say how much you love HK and how many friends you have made already and sure you'd love to see him but 'just friends' you are busy.
Did he plan to stay with you whilst in HK?Maybe he is looking for free room and board sorry to be harsh but your lonely situation now is making you make inpractical decisions amd your emotional wellbeing is at stake.Be very very careful on this.Send me a PM I'll add you to my MSN too.
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girls, i couldnt imagine there were so many replies when I read this thread this morning..thank you so much for the support and advice.
The purpose of his trip to HK is just for business and he will be staying in hotel arrange by his Company, I didnt ask him when or how long is he gonna stay here. I dont want to be too desperate. He just told me that it will be sometime next month.
I know it would be heartbreaking to see him again, I know it would prolong the agony... but I am prepared to take it. He is the only guy who give me a feeling that he is "the one" and I would take whatever it takes me to be with him.
I am not intending to get him back, as he had made himself pretty clear that we are not gonna work out at this point becoz of the geographic barrier. I just wanna see him again. just for once.
I promised you girls i would not do any silly things, and I will pretend to be strong in front of him. I hope I can withhold my tears!
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sorry mpl! my apology..my brian obviously couldnt function normally.
i mistaken that i am in the "women only" forum..
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Just want to jump in about "the conversation." I am a writer by nature and find that writing out what I want to say in advance helps me to focus the hard conversation in a positive direction (and get some of the tears out beforehand). I often write a letter that I have no intention of sending. What I find when I write the fake letter is that I don't know exactly how I want it to end.
Don't meet with him until you know how you want the conversation to end (what "rules" you want, whether you want to suggest another "go", how much time/distance you need, etc.). There are many directions the conversations can take, but I think it is best to be sure what YOU want before entering into the conversation. That way, you won't fall victim to going with whatever HE wants.
If what he wants conflicts with what YOU want, be prepared to end with, "Thank-you for sharing. You've given me some additional things to think about. Can I get back to you about them in x amount of time?"
I think he'll respect you more in the end if you come with your boundaries intact rather than waffling to meet his needs on demand. You'll respect yourself more too.
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Hello silly girls,
I was one of you as well, at different stage of my life :). The latest incident was back in June this year, I fell in love with an English guy and thought he was the ONE. Haha. Just when I was so involved with him, he told me that he had got a French girlfriend at some corner.
As sharing is not my cup-of-tea, I broke up with this guy immediately. It's painful but thinking hard afterwards, I'd done the right thing for myself. We've stayed loose contact until now --- emails only to say hi.
If you keep seeing somebody who has clearly showed his gesture, it'll run out of control. Getting into bed with him is inevitable if meeting in hotel. Don't fool ourselves, girls. I met one guy for a good-bye chat in the airport but we still managed to finish up in my bed -- we took a cab back to my apartment :)
To sum up, don't get yourself into a vicious cycle. More involved = more pain -> harder to break up. The next decent guy is waiting for you somewhere so don't waste your time with the one that has broken your heart :P
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Hi there Gals.
Read through some stuff here. Well, I got my story too. I'm still not clear if i hate this man that's why i'm thinking about him (thinking how much i hate him and he is a bastard) or i'm still thinking coz i still have a touch of love for this man.
Well, my story.. cut it short. 6 years together, came back to HK from Aust together to start a new career. THings went great at first, later, he proposed and i said yes, bought a house together and moved in together. Planned to get marry a yr or 2 later. Happy life, happy marriage. That's what i thought. The bastard did to me hurt so BAD!!! Even now when i talked, think about it, i still get tears. The bastard CHEATED on me, lied to me, and asked me to leave our house. That chick is from mainland china. I just hope she is with him coz she wants to live here in HK and Aust. I'm not saying all chicks from china r like that. BUt i just hope he gets hurt SO bad that i'll just laugh.
Girls. We gotta think more for ourselves, we gotta live a life we want. I was completly wrong when i thought about a man first. NEVER do that. I just hope u guys dun get hurt like i did. It really hurts. Now, after 2 mths, I am myself again. I have my own life again. Dun think the past, coz it'll just make u sad. I couldnt believe i got over a 6yr relationship in a mths time.
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To: Mpl, missP, Travelinteacher
Great and 'doable' advises. now its up to Jade to decide on which one to attempt.
To Bettinayan,
Im sorry to say this, but your ex was such a heartless Bastard!!! How the hell can he do that to u after a 6 yrs relationship, and the mainland chick is a biatch. sorry to say this but get a bit emotional after reading ur msg. Forget about him babe, a much better guy is just around the oorner, he's not worth it.
Its great to know that you got over him so fast. For me, ( i posted this thread), i have officially gotten over my ex, and we remain friends now. Thanks to these guys' advises.
Single life has never felt so good.so carefree.
Cheers
cheers
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hi blissful82 and all who posted a msg up here...its really great reading ur posts, gave me some hope in myself. I recently, like most of you here, just got out of a relationship. He broke up with me without an exact reason and basically, i didnt see that day coming at all. I am devastated by the loss... in front of my friends, i try to keep a strong front cos they are worried abt me and i hate to appear so weak and vulnerable in front of them. sigh. well..its been nearly a month now. he's still on my mind most the time...but reading ur posts, i really believe in the essense of time, that time can heal all pain. I hope anyone who's heartbroken now, and reading this...pls pick urself up...dont be sad....cos no one in this world is ever worth ur tears...definitely not men. i wish for the day where i'd truly be happy without him to come soon. for now, i just wish he'll stay away from me forever...
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To: blissful 82
I am so happy for you that you are completely over your ex and can still remain friends.
For me, it's now been weeks since our last contact and I am missing him incredibly, though I know I can't contact him at all. I have kept myself busy but he's still very much on my mind. I really hope I can get over him soon and be able to say that it feels good to be single.
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just let it be. we can't force ourself to forget somebody
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To Wisedup,
Sometimes its a good idea to let out all your sadness and emotions, i.e.: even cry in front of your friends. It will definitely make you feel better. There's nothing better than the loving supports of your friends and families.
To: Bambi,
I was exactly the same as you 1 month ago, feeling terribly sad and lost. However, i'm sure you will feel better soon, just hang around more with your friends and join some social groups. I guarantee that soon you'll be able to feel the goodness of singleness. ;) cheers.
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I guess..this is how life should be.. as what mpl said .. it may be a piece of crap that we all need to walk through.. and when we look back, it might just be a tiny piece of story that we have in our life. Even though, even at this stage.. my sorrow is still with me. but I am sure that you gals will be fine soon!!!
ok.. bk to myself, I have pretty hight self esteem, it has been built up ever since I was a teenager. I was a model, now a professional, friends around me or I should say no one belives me that I have been hurt so much becoz of a guy. So, I dont even get a chance to really talk about it. All my friends would say "you will be fine,,, so many are waiting for u.."so on
As such, I keep it to myself and share it with you all in this thread. After breaking up, my cofindent collapse.. everything seems to be so insignificant. Whenever I walk pass some rest. or shop where me and my ex used to go, I drop my tears for no reason.
But good news is, yesterday, a make-up designer was asking me whether I am interest in doing a photo shot in overseas. If I am interest, I need to give her my photos to the client. which, I had built up a bit confidence.. I dont know whether I should do it, becoz it will be sometimes next month, and my ex wont be able to reach me if he flies here... gosh..
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To: Jade Butterfly,
Yes, I think you should accept the offer. It's the best time and way to get your ex out off ur mind for a while or for better, forever! And also a good excuse to not be able to meet up with ur ex when he reach HK. Just do it gal! cheers. Start a new leaf of life and get out there and have fun.
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good luck to you jade butterfly!
bambi, we are on the same boat. i know how u feel exacly... its been a month for me too and it still hurts... im not sure i can ever love and trust anyone ever again. if its meant to hurt so much, i wish i had never met him.
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Hi blissful. NIce to hear you have forgotten the sadness. Also, nice to hear u can be friends with your ex. As for me, I dun think i can now, maybe later. At this moment, i'm still sorting the house etc and i can finally see the real him. Man. He is such a BASTARD and SELFISH PIG. I nearly got to see that mainland bitch. she was in MY house, hiding in the toilet.
Anyway, Gals. It's so nice to be single again. I'm SINGLE AND FREE~
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bettinayan: Glad to know you that you enjoy your single life !~ cheers!~
wisedup: thank you for your blessing!~ :)
Blissful: Yes, I think i should at least give it a go and try, it might be fun!
mpl:just a random question, are you from OZ?
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yeah! bingo..
I am so happy now!
yes mpl,, its was actually quite obvious
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Bettinayan,
good to hear that you're happy to be single again, forget about that silly bastard(ur ex),and have fun again!
Jade butterfly,
Yes, give it a try and show him that you're an independent woman, and can definitely live without him.
Mpl,
Which part of oz ? i lived in melbourne for nearly 7 yrs, miss melb. :)
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Hey. Alot of Aussies here? I'm from Aust too. raise over Canberra, but i'm a natural Hongkie. I miss Aust. The relaxing atmosphere.
BTW. Gals, be strong and have faith in yourself.
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mpl - Are you an AA counselor? Your last posting sounded like the beginnings of a 12-step process ;). Hmmm...that might be an interesting thread - the 12-step process for getting over an ex...
1. We admitted we were powerless over hormones - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves or a boyfriend better than the last one could restore us to sanity. Alternately, we sought a higher power on the asiaxpat forum.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of xpat posters as we understood them.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves while making sure all understood the extent to which others scr**ed us over.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs including, but not limited to the number of dates upon which we ceded intellectual control to the carnal.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character as long as the ex might stay around and still love us.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove the shortcomings of ourselves after removing those of our partners.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all as long as it didn't include ever seeing or talking to them ever again.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others or end up costing us sh**loads of money.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it, knowing full well that our wrongs may have already been deleted by a higher forum power.
11. Sought through coffee breaks and evening hours to improve our conscious contact with xpat posters as we understood them, praying only for knowledge and the power to carry their advice.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to relationship-hopefulls and to practice these principles in all our discrete and indiscrete affairs.
(Please note that I have EXTREME respect for recovering addicts - this is not meant to disparage that jouney in any way and I encourage anyone struggling to see the actual website at http://www.serenityfound.org/steps.html . I refer here only to those who seem to be "addicted" to their bad relationships).
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Hiiiiiiii bettinayan ,,
i know that you miss aust ,,, because i feel that too,, i miss my country too ,,
and the weather here in china it's cold too :d
if u really feel lonely ,, you should to have friends and they will support you and you will be ok ,,
take care yourself , and have a nice time ,,
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travelinteacher.. interesting approach :)
cheers
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cym
18 yrs ago
HI Gals
I am still hung up and stuck up on my ex.Well i made th enistake of contacting him when i was visiting bak home .He said he would meet me and then didnt show up and called me to say its unhealthy and we shouldnt meet again and things could happen,etc.so he didnt meet and said he wont ever and wants to lose all contact.I was do devastated as he is my childhood sweetheart and friend and now he doesnt want to ever see me again .he is getting back with ex and said he loves her and realised it.i am a wreck and cant pick the pieces.tears keep running down.how can someone just forget me was i so worthless cause i feel it.its xmas time and im so depressed and sad.lost so much weight too ...sob sob.i will never love again ,im so hurrt and heart broken .dont know how what to do ?its been months ....
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It's all about how much you love him,...if the relationship is broken up peacefully, and neither you nor him did something very disgusting to make this happened,...then why have to "delete" him in your mind....a relationship no matter how it started or ended, is part of you life...it makes you grow up and be stronger to face the next one...so..don't try to erase it which make you feel uncomfortable...let go...
Sometime, you'll find it is quite warm to have an "old" friend to send you email / sms during big days,...so if you ex is not a jerk...why not having 1 more friend in your life..whom does care about you and you care about..
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blissful82
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind and indeed it is.
And to my ex girlfriend, thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime
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Hi,Jane
It's sad to see your post.It recall my so many memories come back in my head!I have tastes this feeling not long time ago.Have you ever lost yourself when you deep in love with him?Have you cried all night only for his leaving?I know this feeling and I know you can not do anything but missing him,right?But that's not the right way to enjoy your life.There are too many men in this amazing world,not only him.And if this guy make you want to broke with him and if he always make you feel unhappy.Could you any reason still be with him?I don't think so.You need to move on.You can attend some dancing club or go to pub to have a beer.That's almost my way to forget him.And it's quite workable.Be yourself.You will be happy if you want to I am sure~!!
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