Insecurity - infidelity

I caught my BF sleeping with another woman 2 weeks ago. I haven't confronted him yet. He doesn't know what I know...


Now he's going away on a biz trip for a week. I don't know how can i trust him.


I don't want to break up with him, should I just swallow it until he does it again? or confront him with preparation that I might lose him?

fear to be alone. I am in my mid 30. Work takes up 80% of my time, I am losing my look and frakly I am just happy to have someone to cuddle with.


yes, he used condoms with HER, because he asked her to bring some in his SMS.

hi justin , i think you have answered my question..but i still need some advice...thanks

You got mail btw.

You're going into his phone and reading his SMS?

He can't buy his own condoms?

Are the two of you engaged?

Did you have some understanding that you wouldn't see other people? Was it only your understanding, or on both sides?

OK, i admit that i shouldn't read his SMS.



We are not engaged, but when we entered our relationship, the condom issue was specifically brought up by HIM. He asked me if we can "NOT" use condom, since we are only seeing each other and just got results back from our body check (visa).


I guess I misunderstood him, he probably means "no condom" sex with only me, but can still have sex with all the women he wants

Well, briefly, I agree with JC: move on. Sounds very unlikely you're going to get any kind of commitment. Aim for a slightly older man.

I know I am in a mental prison of my own now. I just need some advise on how to bring it up with him or not.


YES, I want to try and give him another chance. I know I am spinless. but I really want to try...

Just drop the guy now that you still have some selfrespect left. The longer this lasts the lower you will feel....

45828s, mid-thirties is very young age to have your type of worries. You are at your prime age for sex, look and career. If you think you've been neglecting your look a bit, visit a beauty saloon and lift up your self esteem. You need to love yourself first before you want any love from others. With regards to your man, bin him TODAY!

A cheater will always be a cheater and if he finds out ur so into him, he might make use of u as a backup. Do wat the others said, dump him. He doesn't respect u at all, that's why he cheated on u.

Pls allow me to share my experience which happened fairly recently -


My boyfriend (ex now) treated me as his 'official' girlfriend while sleeping with many others. An important point in our relationship was that I always felt he's constantly accelarating and deccelarating in terms of the progress of our relationship. Just on Chinese New Year's eve, I found out the evidence proving that he slept with other girls during the 7 months we were together.


Well, I left him at the time. But after a month or so, I started thinking 'well, maybe he's just not into monogamy which is nothing wrong really as animals are not supposed to be monogamous'. So I felt prepared to negotiate with him on a term that as long as he's not taking girls to his place, we could still be together. To my surprise, he agreed on that.


But in the 2 days we were 'back together', I felt something was very wrong. First, he would not be intimate with me in front of his close friends even if we were sitting on the same couch (unlike the 'old times'). Two, he used to call me pretty much soon after he landed back in HK from business but during the time we were supposed to be "back together" he didn't. There were other strange little things that made me doubt when he meant by being 'back together'.


So I confronted him, and he tried to talk me into not having a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, but instead, just keeping it as a 'friendship' so to speak since the gf/bf relationship makes him lose his 100% freedom. Now maybe I didn't make it clear from the start, but what I wanted was exactly a gf/bf relationship since it means a certain extent of commitment. But I guess he knows what he wants and now that's pretty much the end of our 'relationship'.


So the moral of the story is that the urge of sleeping around might just be a symptom to a much bigger issue, i.e., a guy just doesn't want to commit and, in my ex's case, to lose his much treasured freedom in a commitment. So even if you've forgiven him, like I sort of did, and perhaps even let him sleep around while you two were still together, his fundamental psychological issue would still be there, i.e., the yearn for freedom.


Of course, it's a difficult decision to make since there are emotions involved. But pls ask yourself if you're back with him, would you have to constantly worry about whether he'd ever commit to the relationship, not to mention sleeping around?


A very close friend of mine once said this to me after a breakup and it really woke me up from my sorrows and depression. He said,


"Give him a break, give YOURSELF a break..."


Hope that it helps and that you'll make a decision that's most comfortable for you.

Wake up Call sweety it's the year 2007, women no longer need men to live a good life! If he sleeps around he obviously doesn't love nor does he respect you. He will keep doing it and he'll eventually dump you. Ditch him & get yourself a new man- get a make over, work out, and get yourself some self-respect & self-confidence woman!