Posted by
Vulvic
18 yrs ago
I would take her to one side and tell her in no uncertain terms to 'F' off. Sounds to me she knows exactly what she's doing and for some women the allure of a man that is taken is greater than one who is available.
Just out of interest, what do your other friends make of her?
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It’s easy to say don’t jump to conclusions although it does sound like she trying to initiate a closer relationship with your husband. Or she could just be one of those women who like to chase after attached males just to see if she can catch one. I have known a few like that, including one who specifically went after new fathers and another who went after fiances (she gave up interest once the engagement was broken).
Nothing you have said suggests this is a only harmless flirtation, at least on her part. The playing with the baby suggests she is trying to show that she is potential mate material. The excessive greetings suggest the desire to be intimate. Of course your husband could also be dealing with new father/family issues himself.
What your husband and she are doing is not good for your marriage. It seems he is lying about that is happening and so you are losing your trust in him.
The time that he spends talking to the other woman is time that he takes away from you and your child. If he wants a happy, long-lasting marriage, he has to prioritise you and your little one – and stop this other relationship.
I’m quite sure he is flattered by the attention from this women but let’s face it, men are not particularly aware of the subtle clues of interpersonal relationships as women are and may be oblivious to her intentions. It’s an old joke about what part of the body men use for their thinking so while he tries to rationalise the relationship and how she does mean anything to him, he is introducing a potentially destructive relationship to your marriage.
Absolutely avoid confrontation with both parties.
Can you ask him to limit contact with her to only when you are in a group?
Have you trying flirting with him in public / with the group of friends?
BTW, you are entitled to your feelings. If you feel upset with your husband’s behaviour, don’t stand for any put-downs. You are entitled to your feelings and let no one damage your self esteem.
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OK, the F-off may be a little harsh but I still think you should 'have a word'.
Chances are she is just having a bit of fun but it at the expense of your happiness and the peace of your marriage.
I have stated quite categorically to my partner that I will do whatever it takes to protect my family and he respects and understands that. Sometimes, men really aren't the sharpest tools in the box when it comes to women.
However, talking things through with hubby and explaining how you feel may help. Chances are he will back off when he realises that this is upsetting you.
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Fabio
18 yrs ago
You mentioned - casual aquaintance, and other mutual friends. Is she the ONLY one flirting etc?
You should speak to husband make it clear that upsets you so. You should also try be more assertive with the girl. Women are very territorial and us Men are so susceptible to flattery and attention from ALL women, and particularly so if attractive, younger etc, but sustainable relationship like the one you must have with husband should be able to endure inconveniences like this little insecure girl is causing. Good luck and keep up the Love and Affection with your husband and expect the same in return......
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OK, your suspicions have been confirmed. You called her on her flagrant flirting and she retaliated by pulling the 'poor me' routine. Classic playground behaviour. Just out of interest, how did the others in the group react?
The best thing you can do now is leave things be. She will get the message now and knows she is not welcome 'popping in' to see how the baby is doing etc.
As for hubby, don't brook any nonsense from him. The girl is trouble and he should not encourage her. That said, suggest to him that the two of you have some time alone together and show him exactly what he has at home.
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My sentiments exactly, she won't be messing with you and yours anymore.
As my mother always said, 'speak to the organ grinder not the monkey'. Not that I am suggesting that hubbie is a monkey but in this case, metaphorically speaking, he is. Lol!
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Fabio
18 yrs ago
Good to hear. You were assertive with her, and like a bully she backed down when you did so. Now just need to share more time and love & affection with husband. Emphasis on "share" and definitely not including "her". All the best.
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OOooooh the bare-faced cheek of it!
Ignore her and she'll soon leave you and your family alone.
Good to hear that the other friends in the group regarded her with suspicion and now have the measure of her. No doubt the blokes have all labelled her a bit of a bunny-boiler and will all back away.
Fabio is right, spend time with your man and remind him why he married you.
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momo>
"were at a bar on Saturday night so I told her to keep her claws off my hubby and p..ss off (felt very good}.So what's her reaction?Went crying straight to hubby,told him what I said,told everyone what I said,she said I was so mean etc.etc.etc "
Sorry to hear that, but it wasn't really an unexpected response. She's shown she can get your hubby (and others) on her side. You gave her the upper hand.
There is nothing you can really do to modify her behaviour. She's probably been doing this for some time.
I see you spoke to your husband about this, but what was your approach? The "I don't like" is not really effective, neither is the blame game.
One method which is usually effective is the "what you are doing is making me feel..." With this, there is no mention of bad behaviour.
"When you invite her over, I feel left out."
"When you hug her, I feel uncomfortable about the physical closeness."
"When you spend time chatting to her on the phone/Internet/etc., I feel lonely."
Let him know how much you value him, how much you value your relationship.
He may be trying to convince you (and himself) that there is nothing wrong with his behaviour because he is doing it more or less in the open, sometimes in your presence. But he is showing insensitivity to your feelings when he persists in this behavior in spite of your objections.
If he is prepared to disrespect your feelings, I would suggest counselling because one of your feelings is the love you have for him and your child. And in my opinion, he has no right to do that.
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Claire by the sounds of it this girl has not got the upper hand at all. Not only has she shown herself to be a bit of a nutter by 'crying' to the others, she has also been apologising profusely to Momo. The fact that she sent flowers to her hubby is creepy indeed.
In a nutshell, this girl is 2 sarnies short of a picnic and she has now exposed herself to the group as a bit of a loon.
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The post about the flowers went up just before my post so i didn't see it. This behaviour is very disturbing.
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Fabio
18 yrs ago
Touche Vulvic. This little wannabe enroached on momo8 territory (ie her husband and father of their child) using none-too-subtle tactics. Now that momo8 has put her in her place (and hence without the upper-hand) both momo8 & husband should be sharing more time etc together. I agree with Claire now might be good time to reinforce the issues about WHY momo8 needed to respond to the "bunny-boiler" (per Vulvic) the way she did. In a way its good that this other girl was so obvious as it could have been more insidious and hence difficult to defend. Now at least all the "mutual friends" know what a lost cause this other girl is. Good luck momo8......
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I love it when everyone agrees and gets along. So the general concensus is that this girl is a nutter.
Momo8 - well done for having the bottle to confront this woman. Happiness and health to you and your family.
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don't let this man-eater get to you! some women are just super duper thick-skinned.....well done for having the guts to stand up for your family and telling her to p*ss off! if this ever happened to me (hope not), i hope i'll be brave enough to do the same!
and the flower sending thing is just creepy...so don't let her come over to "play with the baby"...i don't think i would want such unstable people playing with my baby anyway!
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ok,
cutting you out of your wedding photos is just FREAKY. you must avoid this woman, sounds likes she's just one step away from bunny boiling.
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and get yourself into a potential scuffle by going to her house? don't step in! just make sure she stays away from you, hubby and baby.
this is "fatal attraction"!!!
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OMFG!!!!!! It just gets worse.
Stay away from this woman and more importantly, don't let her near your family.
Would ask the maid to confirm whether it's true about the pics though.
What do you actually know about this woman? Do you know her backgrund at all? Chances are she may have a bit of a history.
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I wonder how she got the pix in the first place. From her maid who was previously momo's?
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Don't get the poor maid in trouble. Goodness knows what this dellusion woman would do. She'll probably take them down to make space for her next victim.
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This has been the most interesting thread! Kind of like re-living those psycological thriller movies.
Momo8 - glad that things are set right for now. This woman creeps me out. Keep cool, spend time with family but keep alert should her obsession rise again. IF IT DOES (BIG IF) you may want to ask about "restraining orders" in China. Otherwise, get some Chinese mafia help.
I bet many ppl have experiences like this in Asia... "mean-eater" bitches. Wish we can post their names and faces up online so we know who to watch out for. Wouldn't that be nice?
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Isn't there a sense of civic duty to warn ppl about "bad people"?
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