Where can I meet a decent intelligent guy?

Having spent time in Europe last year I met oodles of guys who are interested in more than the stock market.. i.e. art, culture, music, literature, history. etc..


It seems to me guys in HK are interested in chasing skirt - or more to the point sitting back and waiting for the skirt to chase him.. failing that popping on down to wan chai.


Sorry to you guys who are offended by this, it is a generalisation. But I have to ask the question...Is it true that Hong Kong's consumerist, capitalist culture has gouged out any other values that might exist in our expat community? Is the world we have created really a babylonian culture of decadence and moral decay?


I guess that is the broader topic, but really.. back to the question I originally asked.. where do (if there are any) the people hang out that discuss politics, philosophy and value intellect as part of 'the good life'?

Being introduced to someone through a friend, or working with someone, probably works best. For the record there are plenty of us who don't fit the LKF stereotype. So don't despair.

Why do you expect Hong Kong to be like Europe? The dating demographics here are completely different.


In Europe and America, women have the upper-hand. The pool of pretty, single women is fairly limited and in addition to having looks like Brad Pitt, men have to work pretty hard to attract women: earn large incomes, drive the right cars, as well as being able to keep things interesting all the time by being creative or musical or having some other gimmick. My American girl friends tell me London is the best dating market in the world for them - lots of successful single men who tend to marry late.


Asia on the other hand is flooded with pretty young girls, so it is completely different dating market; a pure difference of supply and demand. Consequently, it is the girls here who have the burden of competing. So it is not surprising if men here get lazy. They are simply not called upon to try as hard. And unless a man is ready to settle down and start a family, why would he otherwise want to limit his possibilities?


With all due respect, you may have to temper your expectations of Hong Kong. If you want to be the chased and not the chaser, and meet beautiful guys who will shower you with attention and be endlessly facinating, you may well conclude that you will have to return to Europe.

Perhaps you are right.. I was thinking that same thing... I was hoping that someone would pull back the curtain and instead of seeing a guy peddling a bike there would be this society of people men, and women who are interested in vibrant conversation.


I don't expect it to be like Europe and I'm not complaining about the scene you are talking about.. I'm just wondering where the alternatives are and/ or if they even exist.

you probably are looking for them at the wrong places...i would suggest going to litrary circles.. on facebook there would be communities of like-minded guys... join toastmasters go the website www.toastmasters.org and search for clubs in ur area... search for communities of people interested in arts music and culture...finding artistic kind of guys in bars.. would be like trying to find medical doctors in an IT company... so look for the kangaroos in the country downunder..to increase the chances...

There are those who have married after meeting here http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/personals/

Hi ''that one'',

you sound like a very sensible, intelligent woman, I really think you should stop looking and expecting and simply enjoy other things in life and well look after yourself....trust me then, ''he'' will come along naturally, an intelligent men (the type you are looking for) can ''smell'' a confident and beautiful woman even from far away....have fun and enjoy....

Hi "that one",


If you're looking for an expat guy, it will be hard to find one NOT interested in making money because they are usually here for that reason - banking. If they are here to be a teacher, perhaps they came to Asia for a short time to try something new and different = not you. It seems men in HK (local and expat) do care about culture, but material things are easy topics of conversation here... then they will discuss more depth later once they know you.


Perhaps you can also consider dating a local HK man who has traveled and is open-minded. So many great locals guys here!! A lot of short-term expat guys want to taste the local flavour and have fun while they are here... then they will marry someone once they are back home. If you're going to be here for awhile, try to meet a local man with great taste - and you'll see a whole new wonderful world.


Many nice guys go to fine restaurants and lounges in hotels ... not LKF, Wan Chai, etc. Pure and RED at IFC have a lot of very handsome fit guys. If you like dogs, hiking, outdoor things - go to places on weekends and there are actually lots of guys with their dogs. (Sai Kung beach front). Go to a concert with a girl-friend and show up 1 hr early because there are tables for pre-show drinks and there are lots of guys. You can try the race-track at Happy Valley, or take a class for fun such as chinese language, cooking, dance, or wine appreciation.


There is definitely a lovely man out there wondering where you are, too!


Good luck

Thanks guys for your response. My Hong Kong - I would move to Europe in a second if I did not have business commitments in HK. trust me.. in a split second. I am here for the next few years so this is why I ask the question. And I like HK so I want to make the most of it and not live a superficial life of bars and cocktail chatter.


JHP - Don't worry about the banking thing.. I def want someone who matches or preferably out earns me. I am not some left wing anti-capitalist.. I love the good life and am very happy to take the material along with the intellectual gains as part of it. And thank you especially for the tips re: wine appreciation etc. I will def look into it. As for the local guy.. I have never been approached by a local guy – except a photographer telling me I was every chinese guys fantasy and wanting to take pics of me. Irony is like oxygen isn’t it?


Lotalife – yes. I completely agree with your theory. I do love my life and embrace everything that comes my way no doubt about it.. I am not desperately looking for a guy however, I seem to meet these creatures in HK who offer as little mental stimulation as they do respect (Not much). I do socialize a lot and I’m beginning to think it is the wrong places. When I take JHP’s advice and sign up for a wine course and meet a woman to bring into my social circle then great. If I meet a guy that I can discuss the world at large with but no romantic connection then great too. Stimulating conversation means stimulating life in my books! Thanks for the intelligent and sensible comment.. I will take the former but the latter, no way! I am far too romantic to be sensible.


Ed – thanks for the tip. I met someone on the internet once and it was the weirdest most strained and unnatural dinner I have every had.. not sure I’m up for another round.


Veneria – I’m not up for the whole ‘competition’ thing. I only need one guy. The guys that are looking for 'hot chicks' or parade young 20 year olds to their friends are not what I am about. As for model looks, a guy last week described me as ‘one of the hottest girls in HK’ well, clearly he could have been drunk, deluded or on drugs.. maybe all three but I am very far from ugly.

I am not nigel sit a home with no dates... I just want to meet a 'certain' type of guy.


I’m not looking for generalizations about HK social and dating dynamics, I know them already. as we all do. And I’m not looking to take easy lays away from people (thanks klausmathes). What I am looking for is posts like Peck’s and JHPs (thanks peck) about where the kangaroos are. Toastmasters, wine appreciation. Etc.


Is there a literary society in HK? Is there an art circle? If so where and how do I find them. Can someone offer a good wine appreciation course. I want to broaden my horizons for my own interests and happiness as well as improving the probability of meeting a like minded guy. If that happens great, if not, my life is expanded, enriched with many good memories.

In other countries these things would be obvious but they don’t seem to be here to me..or am I just blinkered?

So you are not looking for an intelligent man.


You are looking for an intelligent/wealthy one.


That completely changes the dynamic of your question.

OMG Flashback.. You are amazing. thank you. This looks like exactly my type of thing. Your posts are always so insightful and interesting. thank you.

there used to be a philosophy cafe run by a prof from baptist university a few yrs ago. they met one tuesday a month i think. They were definitely a break from the usual HK kind of thing.

also there was a poetry reading event organised once a month that was also fun.


good places to meet interesting people.


Is the HK magazine still around? I think thsse events werelisted on them.

thanks goddess kali... I will check it out. An aquaintance of mine in HK does this 'philosophy talk' but it is not in English.. I would love to join but would have to learn german first.. :(


If anyone knows of this philosophy cafe I would love to hear about it.

There are butterflies in the meadow. If you chase a particular one, they will all scatter. Perhaps you will eventually capture your prize, but at what cost? Rather, if you still yourself, centered with peace and calm, then butterflies will eventually light upon you.

not sure if it's still going, but try this: http://www.hkbu.edu.hk/~ppp/HKPC/index.html

or how about: http://hkmensa.org/about.htm (if you're not a member, or don't fancy doing the test, just hang around where they meet. I think, from what others say about you, you will no doubt turn many a head!)

you could go to Asia Society events.

Don't worry, there is hope.

I am no spring chicken, and have lived in places like NY and London before moving to HK 10 years ago.

If anything i found it easier to meet men in HK, because Hk is less spread out than those two cities, and you end up bumping into the same people all the time.


I have a lot of European girlfriends who met their husbands in HK. I am not interested in marriage, and i have not been out of a relationship for longer than 3 months. The men i dated were intelligent, cultured, good-looking, and of different nationalities, locals included.


Where did i meet them? Never in a bar.

I found it easier on the Internet (i could select someone based on common interests, literary pursuits etc) , at parties, gigs, and even met one in a supermarket, and one stopped me in a bookshop and asked for my phone number.


It helps if you live in a small community, where you can meet new people and broaden your circle of friends. Places like DB where there are few meeting points, Lamma, Mui Wo, where you see the same people on the ferry every day.


Don't believe those who say that HK is hell for expat women. HK is just as good as any other place, in my opinion even better.

I know plenty of men who are attracted to western women, or women from their country, because they have more in common, in terms of cultural references, values, background etc.

Of course there are men who prefer Asian women, but that happens anywhere, if you were in London or NY you might find men who only date black women, Japanese women, Rubenesque women, blonde women, or Jewish women. Nothing wrong with that. You might prefer tall guys, or skinny ones, or those who have a weird sense of humour. Sooner or later you will come across the guy you have always dreamed of, or maybe fall head over heels for someone totally different. It happened to me and to countless other women.




We all have our preferences.

try politically correct events with decent cause - such as GREEN

for example: tonight's seminar at British Consulate on "

also the present Civic Party's Green New Deal series......in conjuction with the Professional Commons.....

but then most of them are married.....but still ..decent and intelligent.....

jester.. To answer your question, I would have said 'a sense of humor'.. but I see you already have one.. you're in!


Do I need to be invited to these british consulate events???

Wow, rozza. That wins the Oscar for "Most Constructive Comment". Are you trying to get into her pants using classic schoolboy reverse psychology or something?


I was just about to suggest the RGS talks but SugarNSpice got there before me. There's a great one on tonight in fact with Paul Pritchard, disabled rock-climbing genius, but they usually have one every couple of weeks. Suggest you bring a friend, unless you're comfortable working a room of unknowns.


I had a similar complaint a number of years ago. I'm a guy, not even remotely attracted to Asian women (yet for some reason ended up in HK, go figure), and for some time had wondered where were all the delicious, intelligent, independent and sporty expat women were. I can tell you from MUCH trial and error that they're not in frickin' Lan Kwai Fong.


Then I was given some of the sagest advice ever from a female friend - "Kat", she said, "look for the life you want in Hong Kong and your smizmar will find you there." So I did, she did, and now we're married and expecting what looks from the scans to be the world's cutest baby.


So maybe you should start by asking yourself what sort of life you want in HK...

Hi everyone,


I'm new to this community and am looking to relocate to GZ in next few weeks.


"That One" - Don’t know if this matters at all or makes a difference, but I’m interested in decent global discussions, a good laugh and of course a great meal.


This will be my first time to China since I was a child and though I’m Chinese, I am brought up very N. American. So much so, I don’t think Asian women find me attractive for some reason, and I’ve dated 95% Caucasian women whom seem to give me far more attention than my Asian peers.


What is dating life for someone like me? Are the local women only attracted to local guys? What about the expats?


In any case, I’m uprooting my life and hope that the expat community is full of vibrant, kind people that I can get along with :)

I agree with you Lotalife, stop looking.

I have the same question as "that one" only in reverse and past experience tells me that that beautiful, intelligent and confident woman always comes along when you're least expecting it. We all get impatient at times and the harder I look the more elusive she becomes.


Where and it what kind of place she will come is anyone's guess but I know she will and so will he for you...

Just don't settle for second best, that one with the looks, the intelligence and the confidence will be worth the wait...